Rudeness Factor

[evilmonkey 2]

Hi everyone,

I have an interesting read for you all. An email to my to be father in law. Can you guys read it through just for the heck of it and answer the poll above.

"

Ok so basically I was informed yesterday that my entire email was taken out of context and all of you misunderstood what I said.

According to what I was told, here are the misunderstandings that you have

MISCONCEPTION #1: I will come just for a day

Clarification: Totally Not True. See below relevant information from my first email

"I had a conversation with my manager today and he said its hard to guarantee anything except Wednesday(08/04), Thursday(08/05), Friday (08/06), Saturday (08/07) and Sunday (08/08). "

If you count the number of days above, I am coming up with a count of 5 not 1.

"He said the safest thing to do for me would be to fly out on either Tuesday evening or Wednesday morning and arrive in UK earliest by Tuesday night or latest by Wednesday evening. This way I can have at least 5 days guaranteed at the very minimum"

The expectation from a young employee in US is very different from what you all might be used to in the UK; hence, the utter confusion. Even experienced employees do not get more then 2 weeks off.

I have limited availability and as a responsible employee I cannot spend months in UK after the wedding.

Please do not take the last statement out of context, this in no way undermines the importance of this event in my life otherwise I would not be burning favors with my managers.

MISCONCEPTION #2: I want the ceremony to be held on Friday

Clarification: Totally Not True. I said previously in my last email "I apologize sincerely but it seems like the safest thing to do is have the event scheduled on Friday."

That does not mean I am against holding the event on Saturday. If Friday pose such great problems for you, schedule it on Saturday.

If you do it on Saturday, you will definitely be looking after the interests of your guests but not mine. If and i mean only if(that does not imply in any way that I will definitely have to work on Monday) I am scheduled to work on Monday, I will be leaving by Sunday afternoon, hence putting me in a very tight schedule.

But in any case, I am open to having it on Saturday, I guess according to you guys it seems like the commute from downtown London to Luton is more of pain then a commute from London to US. Hence, your guest schedule takes preference over my schedule.

Next time if you have a misunderstanding, I HIGHLY SUGGEST contacting me first through phone or email before going haywire.

"

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

extremely rude, in my opinion.

[Obama 2012 1,714]

If I were them, I would probably take it as rude, but you're just enforcing a point you were trying to make that they weren't getting.

[Ali G. 37]

Definitely rude.

This 'it is not the UK tone', is not going to go down well.

That needs to be reworded as it's coming off as I am a spoiled yank, used to getting my way.

[w¡n9Nµ7 §£@¥€r 123]

Definitely rude.

This 'it is not the UK tone', is not going to go down well.

That needs to be reworded as it's coming off as I am a spoiled yank, used to getting my way.

the 'message' here would be better conveyed verbally.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I would apologize to the father-in-law with a phone call and then try to sort it out over the phone. I'd also be less defensive and acknowledge how he might be feeling about the whole thing.

[Ali G. 37]

Yep, phone call is the way to go. Remember, this is your spouse's father.

Not sure how some folks are raised to treat other here but you wouldn't want that tone with your father in law.

[Calypso 465]

Give him a ring. As I often write, it's now what you say but how you say it.

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Eek.

It's very condescending. It's clear that you're frustrated with the misunderstanding, but the tone is highly confrontational and is only going to upset people further.

If you must send an e-mail, I suggest using simpler, more polite wording. An example:

Instead of:

"Next time if you have a misunderstanding, I HIGHLY SUGGEST contacting me first through phone or email before going haywire."

How about something like:

"It seems that there has been some confusion. It may be best if we talk on the phone."

I think it would be better to call, to be honest. First, it's more personal, and you can clearly explain what's happening. Also, you may not want evidence of your anger and frustration sitting in various e-mail inboxes. This is the kind of e-mail that gets forwarded to all and sundry ("Can you believe this?")--unless your father-in-law is particularly discreet.

Good luck!

[Peikko 1,575]

Eek.

It's very condescending. It's clear that you're frustrated with the misunderstanding, but the tone is highly confrontational and is only going to upset people further.

If you must send an e-mail, I suggest using simpler, more polite wording. An example:

Instead of:

"Next time if you have a misunderstanding, I HIGHLY SUGGEST contacting me first through phone or email before going haywire."

How about something like:

"It seems that there has been some confusion. It may be best if we talk on the phone."

I think it would be better to call, to be honest. First, it's more personal, and you can clearly explain what's happening. Also, you may not want evidence of your anger and frustration sitting in various e-mail inboxes. This is the kind of e-mail that gets forwarded to all and sundry ("Can you believe this?")--unless your father-in-law is particularly discreet.

Good luck!

Miss Groovy is right thinking

[Usui Takumi 1,562]

How do I put this...

Its like you are responding to a customer complaint. Its way too impersonal. Just soften it up and make it shorter!

[Jenn! 918]

Oh my! Were you attempting to *not* be rude?

[evilmonkey 2]

Oh my! Were you attempting to *not* be rude?

I apologize, I should have provided a little more background on myself. Lets just say I was employed in a profession previously where the code of conduct was extremely formal. My family also has criticized the lack of "personal touch" in my letters/email/communication time again and again.

Sometimes what I write seems much more "in your face stuff" when I certainly have the opposite intentions. I have understood the need and importance of how essential it can be to add that personal touch; I guess this has been my biggest weakness but I will work more diligently to improve my communication skills.

Thank you so much for all your feedback! I truly appreciate it! :_

Edited March 17, 2010 by evilmonkey

[Fandango 1,440]

'Professional/Formal' is a complete copout, this email is rude, condescending and actually quite aggressive. As well as snide* If you spoke that way in a business setting, you'd alienate your clients.

* 'I guess according to you guys it seems like the commute from downtown London to Luton is more of pain then a commute from London to US. Hence, your guest schedule takes preference over my schedule.' <-----omG!

I realize my response is quite curt, but I'm kinda gobsmacked that you actually were unsure of whether or not this was rude.

Edited March 17, 2010 by Happy Bunny

[sachinky 465]

Hahha. This made me crack up.