You're lucky to have him

[Tahoma 2,291]

I find it downright naive for the foreign spouse to pick out a "Pinay" wife from the poorest of municipalities and be utterly surprised that he has to support the poor family of his new wife. More so, I find it a but dumb for them to complain about it to their fellow "kanos", make generalizations about Filipina women in general and assume all Pinays are like that. Augh.

First of all, pick out a poor wife from another country, you also have a chance to encounter the same "problem" Duh. You also chose to marry a Pinay, therefor you should have the knowledge that it's part of their culture to help their families even after marriage.

I'm not saying it's RIGHT to ask money for remittances constantly. But that group large enough to become a "statistical" sampling will have to check the backgrounds of their spouses too.

Assuming they met in one of those dating sites. How many well-educated, independent working women will actually want to put their profiles in Filipinadatedotwhatever??? They judge from a very limited group of Filipinas...

My malambing Pinay is a well-educated and independent working woman, and I'm glad she put her profile on Filipinadatedotwhatever. Otherwise, we never would have met.

Try marrying someone from the bigger cities, educated in the best universities, working and earning their own money...Do you think they will still opt to ask money from you for remittances? I don't think so...

[loveaboo 0]

My husband is a loving, caring, responsible and appreciative man. When he wakes up in the morning, he would wrap his arms around, kiss me and whisper "i love you" to me. When he prepares sandwiches, he would make one for me 1st before he makes one for himself no matter how hungry he is. When he goes home for lunch, he always thank me for my effort to prepare a good lunch for him. When he goes home after a long day of work, he's happy to make dinner for us because he knows I don't know much to cook and I do run out of ideas to cook. Before we go to bed, he brings me a glass of water so I can take my monster vitamins and then refill it because he knows I wake up at night thirsty and I don't like getting up to get water. Before he sleeps, he would tuck me in, kiss me and tell me how much he loves me and how grateful he is that I am in his life.

Everyone who knows me always tell me how lucky I am to have him. Some even say either I must have done something really good or I must be a really good daughter to deserve such a wonderful husband.

Do I feel lucky to have him? ABSOLUTELY!!! We're not rich but with him, I feel like I won a billion dollar in lottery.

And to answer the OP's questions:

1. I always believe that we meet people by chance/luck or some say it's destiny. But being with your partner is by choice. To be happy with your choice, you have to use both your heart and your head.

2. Everyone wants to be lucky in love. Not only filipinas go online to find the man of their dreams. There's nothing wrong in looking for "the one" online. Online dating is very common already, even here in US. That's why there are match.com, chemistry.com, and other online dating sites. You'd be surprised that those people who are joining those online dating sites came from different walks of life.

3. How do you define bad Filipinos in US? My definition of bad is those people who harm others, steal from others, etc. Generally speaking, I don't consider illegal immigrants as bad people. Sometimes people do desperate measures to be able to support their families, that includes going to a different country to work a decent job even without legal documents. They risk being caught just to be able to provide for their families. Honestly, I feel sorry for them because our government can't provide them jobs with decent earnings to support their families so they won't have to try their luck somewhere else. They are in a bad spot. And to those Filipinos who marry just for the green card? That is such a shame but I won't be the one to judge them because they have their own reasons and there are always 2 sides in every story and most of the time, people only hear the story of the one claiming to be the victim.

Will I report them? If they are not causing any harm to anyone, I won't. Besides, it's not my job to go after them.

Will they affect my children? Maybe in a positive way. I want my children to be open-minded with what's going on in this world. People don't usually know what they have unless they see what others are missing. In other words, if they won't see the bad, they won't appreciate the good. I'm hoping that when the right time comes, my children would be aware how lucky they are because they don't have to do what those 'bad" people are doing just to survive.

About sending money back home? I don't see anything wrong with that as long as you can afford it. Even before my husband and I decided to get married, he knows that when I was working, I do share my money to my family, NOT because I needed to but because I wanted to. It's my way of saying thank you to them for all the help and support they gave me while I was studying in one of the best universities in the Philippines. It made me happy knowing that I can give something to them after all the sacrifices they've done to help me become the person that I am today. My husband knew also for a fact that I didn't mind giving my last cent to anyone who is in a bad spot and asking for help. Now that I'm here in US. we're married and I don't have a job yet, he enables me to still do those things especially if we have more extra money. He said my being altruistic is one of the many qualities that made him fell in love with me. I don't think he would want me any other way.

Edited March 8, 2010 by loveaboo

[kev_n_jena 89]

I asked my wife about this topic. Many of her co-workers are filipino. We go bowling with a lot of them and I'm usually the only kano. She's told me many times that her friends and co-workers tell her how lucky she is to have me. (I'm the lucky one!) I asked her why they say that and she says they think I'm handsome, kind, and look so young. I'll take her word on that one. Never look a gift horse in the mouth they say.

For those who don't know, that's one way to tell how old a horse is.

[adiiann 163]

My two cents for this....

Most Filipino think that when you get abroad or marry a foreigner means fortune, that is why their first comment when they learned about marrying a foreigner or moving abroad is "Lucky you".

But then, I must say that there's nothing really different from here and in the Philippines, except maybe if a politician caught for graft and corruption here, immediately sent to jail. LoL. Life here is as hard as in any other country but you can have better life if you have determination.

I am lucky to have my husband not because of that damn "fortune" I will find here or even a luxury life but because He is damn perfect for me. If I will be given an opportunity again and again, to choose whom I will marry, I will keep choosing him.

[adiiann 163]

I'm gonna step on a few toes here. Feel free to throw eggs at me...But here it goes...

I find it downright naive for the foreign spouse to pick out a "Pinay" wife from the poorest of municipalities and be utterly surprised that he has to support the poor family of his new wife. More so, I find it a but dumb for them to complain about it to their fellow "kanos", make generalizations about Filipina women in general and assume all Pinays are like that. Augh. First of all, pick out a poor wife from another country, you also have a chance to encounter the same "problem" Duh. You also chose to marry a Pinay, therefor you should have the knowledge that it's part of their culture to help their families even after marriage.

I'm not saying it's RIGHT to ask money for remittances constantly. But that group large enough to become a "statistical" sampling will have to check the backgrounds of their spouses too. Assuming they met in one of those dating sites. How many well-educated, independent working women will actually want to put their profiles in Filipinadatedotwhatever??? They judge from a very limited group of Filipinas...

Try marrying someone from the bigger cities, educated in the best universities, working and earning their own money...Do you think they will still opt to ask money from you for remittances? I don't think so...

I agree. First, I want to apologize if just in case I offend anyone here. What you said is right. Taking from own experience, it's just driving me nuts when people judge me for being a Filipina marrying an American for a good life.

I spent as much (coming out from my own savings) my husband spent whenever he visited me in the Philippines. I sent so much as much he sent me. My husband paid for our petition and I paid everything I needed for my visa process. I paid half of my airfare. I bought my own gown and all the accessories for our wedding because my husband already paid for reception and church. He only sent me some money if I got so much high cellphone bill.

I am sorry if I sound nagmamayabang. Nakakainis lang kasi yong mga comment ng mga tao esp. kapwa mo Pilipino na mag-aasawa ka ng foreigner para guminhawa ang buhay. How about love? How about a man perfect for you? Though, it's truthfully annoying, can't blame other Filipino to think that way because most Filipina who marry foreigner have that kind of reason, can't blame those Filipina neither because life in the province is tough. I know it's tough because I spent my teen in the province with my grandparents.

[JoBri 545]

My wife never wanted to marry an American. In fact, she never wanted to give up her great career in the Philippines either. She had no need for a husband either. Actually, she tried to leave me once, to go back to her old life, all confused.... but sorted it all out and realized how much she truly loves me. And I so love her.... Our baby is due July 28.

God bless you all

Brian in Tennessee

[marklovetina 52]

My husband is a loving, caring, responsible and appreciative man. When he wakes up in the morning, he would wrap his arms around, kiss me and whisper "i love you" to me. When he prepares sandwiches, he would make one for me 1st before he makes one for himself no matter how hungry he is. When he goes home for lunch, he always thank me for my effort to prepare a good lunch for him. When he goes home after a long day of work, he's happy to make dinner for us because he knows I don't know much to cook and I do run out of ideas to cook. Before we go to bed, he brings me a glass of water so I can take my monster vitamins and then refill it because he knows I wake up at night thirsty and I don't like getting up to get water. Before he sleeps, he would tuck me in, kiss me and tell me how much he loves me and how grateful he is that I am in his life.

Everyone who knows me always tell me how lucky I am to have him. Some even say either I must have done something really good or I must be a really good daughter to deserve such a wonderful husband.

Do I feel lucky to have him? ABSOLUTELY!!! We're not rich but with him, I feel like I won a billion dollar in lottery. -this one is very sweet...

And to answer the OP's questions:

1. I always believe that we meet people by chance/luck or some say it's destiny. But being with your partner is by choice. To be happy with your choice, you have to use both your heart and your head.

2. Everyone wants to be lucky in love. Not only filipinas go online to find the man of their dreams. There's nothing wrong in looking for "the one" online. Online dating is very common already, even here in US. That's why there are match.com, chemistry.com, and other online dating sites. You'd be surprised that those people who are joining those online dating sites came from different walks of life.

3. How do you define bad Filipinos in US? My definition of bad is those people who harm others, steal from others, etc. Generally speaking, I don't consider illegal immigrants as bad people. Sometimes people do desperate measures to be able to support their families, that includes going to a different country to work a decent job even without legal documents. They risk being caught just to be able to provide for their families. Honestly, I feel sorry for them because our government can't provide them jobs with decent earnings to support their families so they won't have to try their luck somewhere else. They are in a bad spot. And to those Filipinos who marry just for the green card? That is such a shame but I won't be the one to judge them because they have their own reasons and there are always 2 sides in every story and most of the time, people only hear the story of the one claiming to be the victim.

Will I report them? If they are not causing any harm to anyone, I won't. Besides, it's not my job to go after them.

Will they affect my children? Maybe in a positive way. I want my children to be open-minded with what's going on in this world. People don't usually know what they have unless they see what others are missing. In other words, if they won't see the bad, they won't appreciate the good. I'm hoping that when the right time comes, my children would be aware how lucky they are because they don't have to do what those 'bad" people are doing just to survive.

About sending money back home? I don't see anything wrong with that as long as you can afford it. Even before my husband and I decided to get married, he knows that when I was working, I do share my money to my family, NOT because I needed to but because I wanted to. It's my way of saying thank you to them for all the help and support they gave me while I was studying in one of the best universities in the Philippines. It made me happy knowing that I can give something to them after all the sacrifices they've done to help me become the person that I am today. My husband knew also for a fact that I didn't mind giving my last cent to anyone who is in a bad spot and asking for help. Now that I'm here in US. we're married and I don't have a job yet, he enables me to still do those things especially if we have more extra money. He said my being altruistic is one of the many qualities that made him fell in love with me. I don't think he would want me any other way.

i totally agree with what u've written above!! thank's for sharing your views...

[GuardianAngel 1]

I don't think its right to put up a demarcation line between good and bad Filipinos. I have heard lots of comments regarding those BAD people but as long as they are not messing up with my life, then I don't give a damn about them. Yes its part of the Philippine Culture to be very hospitable and friendly, but even in our hometowns, its but normal to have good friends at the start who will eventually become unexpected villains in the end... Although, I feel sad for these BAD people but lets face it.. they exist.

Btw, talking about luck? My fiance and I are in our 20s but I am 4 years older than him - one of the reasons why my friends consider me lucky. Besides, we met in a video game that we both participated in 2 years before he courted me. Back then I never imagined leaving my family and friends, doing all the visa processes and eventually spending the rest of my whole life in the US just to be with him.. It all happened in a heartbeat. My fiance knows in his heart what my intentions are, and by far, he knows how it broke my heart when I left.

Also, being in the US is NEVER A WALK IN THE PARK - finding a new job, meeting new friends, adjusting to the weather conditions, adjusting to the culture - exciting, scary, fun, all part of the experience. . It's like being born again. All of us go through the same thing, most of us left our families behind.. in my case, I sold everything I had - my car, gave up my job just to be with him. He should be the LUCKY one.

[eros_EX_Plumber 0]

I am pleasantly surprised how clean all answers have been on this topic....

WOW.... this forum has really changed over the years

Congratz

[Besame Mucho 1]

I am pleasantly surprised how clean all answers have been on this topic....

WOW.... this forum has really changed over the years

Congratz

Eros, that's the main reason why these discussion boards are now too boring. There are no more telenovelas such as "Hacer Amor con el Plumero"!

[rheanick 42]

Dont you love the VJ members EDUCATED, RESPONSIBLE and INTELLIGENT responses.