Mrs Confused & Tired

[ss2008 0]

I met my hubby online and we got a baby. We met 2x and on the 2nd time we met i got pregnant since that we consulted a doctor too. He was married w/ his ex-wife for almost 15yrs and they nver hv there own child coz his ex is not capable of having a child thats y they adopted 2 children frm China. My hubby loves his 2 adopted children so much na nandun sa ex-wife nya ngaun. Ang hindi k lang matanggap ay hindi nya kayang ipagtanggol ang anak namin mismo laban sa ex-wife nya. Now, we got a baby and his ex-wife is so insecure and always confronting him if its really his child. He is still nice w/ his ex coz his ex is using his children against him. And he's scared that his ex wl take the children away from him not the distance but the feelings of the kids against him. The ex is brainwashing d kids mind. Sobrang sakit para sa akn kc hndi nya kmi kayang ipagtanggol laban sa ex nya pti mga ampon nya tanong din ng tanong sa knya. At parang mas mahal nya pa ang ang mga ampon nya compared to his own blood. I even had a fight w/ his ex by email few weeks ago kc hndi k na nakayanan ang sama ng loob ko. Laging ganun ang pinag-aawayan namin kc hndi nya kayang lumaban at ipagtanggol kmi sa ex nya. Iniiyak k na lang ang sama ng loob ko. Pati baby namin iyak ng iyak sa tuwing may argue kmi kht tahimik lang ang pag-aaway namin.

By the way i've been hr since last year and our baby is 5 months old and he was born here. My mother in law is good to me. He said he love me but he can't defend us from his ex. Its been few times too na sinabihan nya akong maghiwalay kami sa tuwing nag-aaway kami but i am not afraid of it. Nagkasala kc siya sa ex niya dati kaya sila naghiwalay. Ilang beses ko na rin syang kinausap kong bakit hindi nya kami kayang ipagtanggol, ang sagot nya sa akin ayaw lang daw nya ng gulo dahil pagod na siya sa kakapunta sa korte. Dahil ang ex niya attorney agad ang punta at dahil maraming pera kaya madali lang para sa kanya. Now i am so confused and tired of crying baka mamatay ako sa atake sa puso sa sobrang sama ng loob. My question is :

If ever we get divorce ma-deport ba ako since that i only have 2 yrs green card ? In that case, can i bring my son with me back to the Philippines ?

Thanks in advance..

Edited February 26, 2010 by ss2008

[skidivawannabe 2]

I met my hubby online and we got a baby. We met 2x and on the 2nd time we met i got pregnant since that we consulted a doctor too. He was married w/ his ex-wife for almost 15yrs and they nver hv there own child coz his ex is not capable of having a child thats y they adopted 2 children frm China. My hubby loves his 2 adopted children so much na nandun sa ex-wife nya ngaun. Ang hindi k lang matanggap ay hindi nya kayang ipagtanggol ang anak namin mismo laban sa ex-wife nya. Now, we got a baby and his ex-wife is so insecure and always confronting him if its really his child. He is still nice w/ his ex coz his ex is using his children against him. And he's scared that his ex wl take the children away from him not the distance but the feelings of the kids against him. The ex is brainwashing d kids mind. Sobrang sakit para sa akn kc hndi nya kmi kayang ipagtanggol laban sa ex nya pti mga ampon nya tanong din ng tanong sa knya. At parang mas mahal nya pa ang ang mga ampon nya compared to his own blood. I even had a fight w/ his ex by email few weeks ago kc hndi k na nakayanan ang sama ng loob ko. Laging ganun ang pinag-aawayan namin kc hndi nya kayang lumaban at ipagtanggol kmi sa ex nya. Iniiyak k na lang ang sama ng loob ko. Pati baby namin iyak ng iyak sa tuwing may argue kmi kht tahimik lang ang pag-aaway namin.

By the way i've been hr since last year and our baby is 5 months old and he was born here. My mother in law is good to me. He said he love me but he can't defend us from his ex. Its been few times too na sinabihan nya akong maghiwalay kami sa tuwing nag-aaway kami but i am not afraid of it. Nagkasala kc siya sa ex niya dati kaya sila naghiwalay. Ilang beses ko na rin syang kinausap kong bakit hindi nya kami kayang ipagtanggol, ang sagot nya sa akin ayaw lang daw nya ng gulo dahil pagod na siya sa kakapunta sa korte. Dahil ang ex niya attorney agad ang punta at dahil maraming pera kaya madali lang para sa kanya. Now i am so confused and tired of crying baka mamatay ako sa atake sa puso sa sobrang sama ng loob. My question is :

If ever we get divorce ma-deport ba ako since that i only have 2 yrs green card ? In that case, can i bring my son with me back to the Philippines ?

Thanks in advance..

If you can prove that you entered the marriage in good faith, then I think you file to remove the conditions of your GC alone. He says he loves you, then I guess, you can include an affidavit from him as part of your evidence that you really married him in good faith and not for immigration purposes....I don't know how the removal of conditions go, but as far as I know, divorce doesn't automatically mean "deportation".

[Darnell 8,478]

You have other issues that can be addressed with the 3 of you - the ex, the husband, and you - in a 'joint session' with a therapist.

IMO, if you do this - you'll be making a stronger marriage with yer husband, and helping your husband to be a stronger father for his other children.

IMO, if you don't do this - the ex is gonna run 'ruff-shod' over you two, because no one has blatantly told her that her behavior is unacceptable. The husband is scared to do it - so bring in a therapist or marriage counselor.

Really - it all boils down to 'what you want' - so if you want to build a STRONGER relationship with your husband - you need to bring in that professional with the 3 of you.

Now, you and yer husband can go see a counselor together, but, IMO, it won't make a bit of difference for the ex-wife - and it's the ex-wife's behavior that needs changing. Once it changes, yer husband will be able to relax, and won't be responding to her emotional blackmails, anymore - because SHE WON'T BE DOING IT.

Good Luck !

[charlie&pam 1]

wow....this is a touchy subject since it seems his exwife is exactly like mine !!!!!......I have 2 kids with her and she cant say anything nice about me to the kids or about Pam to others she has brain washed so many of my old friends with the whole "mail order bride" story and loves to lie to try to make herself look better !!!! She even went as far to say this week that she doesn't want Pam alone with the kids!!!!.......My advice is that, and please dont take this the wrong way, he has to get some balls and stand firm and talk to her about it......It is joint custody for a reason....he should start to keep a journal of all the things she says and does that is harmfull (emotionally) to him, you , and the children so when the time comes for a custody hearing (which unfortunatly it will) he has the dates and examples for the judge on what type of actions she was doing, so he can show what type of person she is ....It is unfortunate but most american girls after a divorce want to see there ex's misserable and not in love!!!...In your case it is worse since she couldn't have kids and you gave him the thing he always wanted....... him having his own child from his sperm!!!......I know what you are going through so if you want to talk pm me ok?

Edited February 26, 2010 by charlie&pam

[adiiann 163]

Bring your case to marriage counselor, so that just in case things didn't work, you have better proof when you lift your condition. You can lift your condition even though you get divorce, like what other said here, just make sure you have proof that you enter in good faith.

My two cents in your situation is that if your husband loves you, he will settle things fairly and protect you from getting hurt against her ex-wife. Fight for you and your child's right.

Base on your story... parang walang balls ang asawa mo kasi di nya kayo ma-defend as his new family. Tapos, hinahayaan nya yong past maapektuhan yong family nyo.

[Deputy Purple 1,294]

I've got to say I'd agree that the immigration stuff is secondary.

What you need to focus on is the marriage and building/strengthening it.

Honestly the hubby's ex cannot turn the kids against him unless he lets her. I divorced 10 years ago and while my situation is different in that my daughters remained with me there was a time when the ex's family tired their best to convince my kids that I wasn't a good man.

As long as your husband is confident in himself and doesn't let her sucker her into playing those stupid head games the kids will see who is doing the crazy stuff. I'd imagine that the ex is so upset because you provided something for him she was never able to. She may never get over that.

Trust me, children are more intelligent than most adults understand. They might buy the crazy thing she says for a hot minute but in the long term they will see that he is being consistent with them.

Your husband needs to have more confidence in himself so that he will call her on the craziness she wants to throw around in the lives of their children.

He needs to limit his interactions with the to only that required for their co-parenting and his visitation of the children.

Seek couples counseling, it will help a lot.

Edited February 26, 2010 by Bob 4 Anna

[ss2008 0]

I've got to say I'd agree that the immigration stuff is secondary.

What you need to focus on is the marriage and building/strengthening it.

Honestly the hubby's ex cannot turn the kids against him unless he lets her. I divorced 10 years ago and while my situation is different in that my daughters remained with me there was a time when the ex's family tired their best to convince my kids that I wasn't a good man.

As long as your husband is confident in himself and doesn't let her sucker her into playing those stupid head games the kids will see who is doing the crazy stuff. I'd imagine that the ex is so upset because you provided something for him she was never able to. She may never get over that.

Trust me, children are more intelligent than most adults understand. They might buy the crazy thing she says for a hot minute but in the long term they will see that he is being consistent with them.

Your husband needs to have more confidence in himself so that he will call her on the craziness she wants to throw around in the lives of their children.

He needs to limit his interactions with the to only that required for their co-parenting and his visitation of the children.

Seek couples counseling, it will help a lot.

[ss2008 0]

I met my hubby online and we got a baby. We met 2x and on the 2nd time we met i got pregnant since that we consulted a doctor too. He was married w/ his ex-wife for almost 15yrs and they nver hv there own child coz his ex is not capable of having a child thats y they adopted 2 children frm China. My hubby loves his 2 adopted children so much na nandun sa ex-wife nya ngaun. Ang hindi k lang matanggap ay hindi nya kayang ipagtanggol ang anak namin mismo laban sa ex-wife nya. Now, we got a baby and his ex-wife is so insecure and always confronting him if its really his child. He is still nice w/ his ex coz his ex is using his children against him. And he's scared that his ex wl take the children away from him not the distance but the feelings of the kids against him. The ex is brainwashing d kids mind. Sobrang sakit para sa akn kc hndi nya kmi kayang ipagtanggol laban sa ex nya pti mga ampon nya tanong din ng tanong sa knya. At parang mas mahal nya pa ang ang mga ampon nya compared to his own blood. I even had a fight w/ his ex by email few weeks ago kc hndi k na nakayanan ang sama ng loob ko. Laging ganun ang pinag-aawayan namin kc hndi nya kayang lumaban at ipagtanggol kmi sa ex nya. Iniiyak k na lang ang sama ng loob ko. Pati baby namin iyak ng iyak sa tuwing may argue kmi kht tahimik lang ang pag-aaway namin.

By the way i've been hr since last year and our baby is 5 months old and he was born here. My mother in law is good to me. He said he love me but he can't defend us from his ex. Its been few times too na sinabihan nya akong maghiwalay kami sa tuwing nag-aaway kami but i am not afraid of it. Nagkasala kc siya sa ex niya dati kaya sila naghiwalay. Ilang beses ko na rin syang kinausap kong bakit hindi nya kami kayang ipagtanggol, ang sagot nya sa akin ayaw lang daw nya ng gulo dahil pagod na siya sa kakapunta sa korte. Dahil ang ex niya attorney agad ang punta at dahil maraming pera kaya madali lang para sa kanya. Now i am so confused and tired of crying baka mamatay ako sa atake sa puso sa sobrang sama ng loob. My question is :

If ever we get divorce ma-deport ba ako since that i only have 2 yrs green card ? In that case, can i bring my son with me back to the Philippines ?

Thanks in advance..

Thank u all guys for the replies. Yes, i do love my husband so much. We've been together for a month when we first met and few weeks together again on our second met. Yes we're in a very good condition when we got married just recently that his ex is trying to break us. I prayed so hard to have a baby coz i know he wants to have his own child. I always understand him even if sometimes i felt like his mind is not w/ us coz he's always thinking his children to his ex coz its almost a year now that he didn't see them. They have an agreement that the ex should bring here 2x a year and vice versa also with my husband. But the ex did not follow whats on the divorce agreement coz lots of alibis always busy at work and etc. That's why my husband is the one who went to the other state to see them and the ex wl gv a share for the flight fare. My husband had just said 1 word but the ex has 20 words already. The ex always insulting him and kept reminding about his mistake.

That's what i always told my hubby to fight to his ex and don't be scared. His ex wants his life to be miserable. I get mad too coz he erased the ex emails, where we can used as evidence in the future. I have read the ex emails about there past. She always said that she did not stop loving him etc. She always told my husband that she haven't move on yet and etc.

We're going to visit his children next month with all our expenses. My husband wants his ex to pay also but i insist because i dont want to hear lots of words against him. The ex is willing to pay but i don't wan't to accept it coz i know whats on her mind. She had helped my husband b4 when he has no job. There matrimonial house is still on the market, although the ex got the house, his ex owe him a money which to be paid when the house sells. Before i came here my husband have lived in that house coz he is taking care of it until i arrived here. I also have stayed 3 weeks in that house when i arved here coz wr stl searching for a place to live. And now his ex thinks that i also owe from her coz she let me stayed in that house. But i fought her back with her words.

I talked to my hubby about this problem already but he's still not confident on fighting his ex. I am the only one who's fighting thats y i felt so bad too coz he just let me alone. I have an argue again w/ my husband the other day coz he told his mom that i emailed his ex a nasty email w/c is not true. I wrote a very nice email to his ex to stop confronting my husband about my child and told her that my husband is the 100 percent the father coz its about my dignity and my son's dignity esp when he go to school in the future. And she replies me nasty emails including insults that she let me stayed in the house etc. So i forwarded his ex emails to him and ask him who is the nasty one.

Regarding with the counseling, does anybody knows how much it cost ? I wanted to save this marriage as i can coz i love my husband and our son so much. Also that how much it cost if im going to consult a lawyer with this matter.

Thanks a lot ...

[sweetpink 1]

I met my hubby online and we got a baby. We met 2x and on the 2nd time we met i got pregnant since that we consulted a doctor too. He was married w/ his ex-wife for almost 15yrs and they nver hv there own child coz his ex is not capable of having a child thats y they adopted 2 children frm China. My hubby loves his 2 adopted children so much na nandun sa ex-wife nya ngaun. Ang hindi k lang matanggap ay hindi nya kayang ipagtanggol ang anak namin mismo laban sa ex-wife nya. Now, we got a baby and his ex-wife is so insecure and always confronting him if its really his child. He is still nice w/ his ex coz his ex is using his children against him. And he's scared that his ex wl take the children away from him not the distance but the feelings of the kids against him. The ex is brainwashing d kids mind. Sobrang sakit para sa akn kc hndi nya kmi kayang ipagtanggol laban sa ex nya pti mga ampon nya tanong din ng tanong sa knya. At parang mas mahal nya pa ang ang mga ampon nya compared to his own blood. I even had a fight w/ his ex by email few weeks ago kc hndi k na nakayanan ang sama ng loob ko. Laging ganun ang pinag-aawayan namin kc hndi nya kayang lumaban at ipagtanggol kmi sa ex nya. Iniiyak k na lang ang sama ng loob ko. Pati baby namin iyak ng iyak sa tuwing may argue kmi kht tahimik lang ang pag-aaway namin.

By the way i've been hr since last year and our baby is 5 months old and he was born here. My mother in law is good to me. He said he love me but he can't defend us from his ex. Its been few times too na sinabihan nya akong maghiwalay kami sa tuwing nag-aaway kami but i am not afraid of it. Nagkasala kc siya sa ex niya dati kaya sila naghiwalay. Ilang beses ko na rin syang kinausap kong bakit hindi nya kami kayang ipagtanggol, ang sagot nya sa akin ayaw lang daw nya ng gulo dahil pagod na siya sa kakapunta sa korte. Dahil ang ex niya attorney agad ang punta at dahil maraming pera kaya madali lang para sa kanya. Now i am so confused and tired of crying baka mamatay ako sa atake sa puso sa sobrang sama ng loob. My question is :

If ever we get divorce ma-deport ba ako since that i only have 2 yrs green card ? In that case, can i bring my son with me back to the Philippines ?

Thanks in advance..

go for a Paternity test at isampal mo sa pagmumukha nang ex nya...

and according to you that he said na "pagod na sya sa kakapunta sa korte"? Well, if he's not willing to fix the situation, history will repeat itself at talagang babalik sya sa korte for the divorce of your marriage...

Sorry you have to undergo this...you have my sympathy!

[marklovetina 52]

I met my hubby online and we got a baby. We met 2x and on the 2nd time we met i got pregnant since that we consulted a doctor too. He was married w/ his ex-wife for almost 15yrs and they nver hv there own child coz his ex is not capable of having a child thats y they adopted 2 children frm China. My hubby loves his 2 adopted children so much na nandun sa ex-wife nya ngaun. Ang hindi k lang matanggap ay hindi nya kayang ipagtanggol ang anak namin mismo laban sa ex-wife nya. Now, we got a baby and his ex-wife is so insecure and always confronting him if its really his child. He is still nice w/ his ex coz his ex is using his children against him. And he's scared that his ex wl take the children away from him not the distance but the feelings of the kids against him. The ex is brainwashing d kids mind. Sobrang sakit para sa akn kc hndi nya kmi kayang ipagtanggol laban sa ex nya pti mga ampon nya tanong din ng tanong sa knya. At parang mas mahal nya pa ang ang mga ampon nya compared to his own blood. I even had a fight w/ his ex by email few weeks ago kc hndi k na nakayanan ang sama ng loob ko. Laging ganun ang pinag-aawayan namin kc hndi nya kayang lumaban at ipagtanggol kmi sa ex nya. Iniiyak k na lang ang sama ng loob ko. Pati baby namin iyak ng iyak sa tuwing may argue kmi kht tahimik lang ang pag-aaway namin.

By the way i've been hr since last year and our baby is 5 months old and he was born here. My mother in law is good to me. He said he love me but he can't defend us from his ex. Its been few times too na sinabihan nya akong maghiwalay kami sa tuwing nag-aaway kami but i am not afraid of it. Nagkasala kc siya sa ex niya dati kaya sila naghiwalay. Ilang beses ko na rin syang kinausap kong bakit hindi nya kami kayang ipagtanggol, ang sagot nya sa akin ayaw lang daw nya ng gulo dahil pagod na siya sa kakapunta sa korte. Dahil ang ex niya attorney agad ang punta at dahil maraming pera kaya madali lang para sa kanya. Now i am so confused and tired of crying baka mamatay ako sa atake sa puso sa sobrang sama ng loob. My question is :

If ever we get divorce ma-deport ba ako since that i only have 2 yrs green card ? In that case, can i bring my son with me back to the Philippines ?

Thanks in advance..

uhmmm... sad to hear this na nagkakaprob. ka jan sa USA ngaun sa X nya... well just highlighted what u wrote here na hindi kau kayang ipagtanggol na mag-ina sa X nya..?, WHY? ano ba ginagawa nya sa inyo...? i mean sinasaktan ba kau ng X nya or pinupuntahn ka ba sa bhay nyo para awayin...?...

and maybe ur hubby is guilty for what he did to his X.. and of course love nya tlga un mga adopted babies nya, but for sure it doesnt mean na maslove nya un sa baby nyo... siguro alng eh kc hindi nya kc kasama un mga bata kya ganon at matagal rin nyang nakasama ang mga bata kaya ganon... what the best thing u do is to love the kids too... learn to love and take care of them too pag anjan sila sau... wla ba silang set up kung paano makikita ang mga bata...? kc sa part ko divorce din ang hon ko me 2 kids din pero me set up sila na every summer sa knya ang bata pagschool time andon sila sa mom nila... and there is one time happened na kinausap nya un X nya na kukunin nya ang mga bata kung di sya papakatino... uhmm i think inaayos na nong X nya kc wla na kong naririnig ke hon eh, pero anyways ganon din un X ng honey ko sa kin ayaw daw sa akin lol!!!, pero alam ko kung bakit?... at alam din ni hon why?, so its not a problem, and meron din isang incident na sinulatan ako ng X nya via e-mail of course the X didnt get any word from me.. HELLO!!??? hindi ko sya ka-level ano hehehe.... well, what i did i told it to hon and honey is the one who made the moved.... and hopefully that will be the end and the last... what i know honey had an argument with her... pero simula non wla na kong narinig from her and she didnt bother me na... ako sinabi ko rin ke honey na ano mang past asawa o gf eh ayaw kong maiinvolve sa buhay namin ngaun at bukas...

wag mo na lang munang pagkaabalahan un X nya, basta isipin mo eh ang baby mo at asawa mo.. at pag-anjan ang mga adopted kids nya ipakita mo at iparamdam mo sa kanila na love mo din sila... siguro namn pagnakikita ng asawa mo mga ginagwa mong effort eh sobrang mapapahiya sya ano at gagawa sya ng move about sa prob. mo...

good luck sau and God bless....