Talking about divorce... I have a 2 year conditional GC

[ziia 9]

Aside from that, you two are barely married for a bit over a year. Even if you dated 5 or even 10 beforehand, they say that once you get married the 1st year is the hardest. Think of that before you call it quits. I honestly believe that your difficulties are created by some frustrations that can be over passed in time without punishing 2 people(you and hubby) by divorcing. Think abt that if you will, in the end you know what is best for your soul. Good of luck to you.

[Cindy & Greg 0]

I agree, the first year of a marriage can be hard, add to that the stress of immigration and it could be a disaster. I have been married for 1 yr and 2 months now.

The last year has been great, but not without it's ups and down. First living apart, then my husband lost his job, then he came to live with me and since then I have

been supporting us. It's stressful, I worry about money, he left behind all his friends and family and is alone here, plus I have a daughter that he has taken as his own. Big adjustments in our family. Now I have my visa and a whole new stress appears - how fast can we save money to move back to the US and how do we find jobs there, when we are here......

All I can tell you is one day at a time. When you argue, don't say things in anger that you can't take back. Words are like weapons and the scars never heal. I don't know the complete details of your situation or how you truly feel - only you know this - but maybe give it some more time and yes, seek counseling and yes, live in the same place, otherwise, you are just as you were prior to your immigration - you may as well be back in France.

One thing I don't understand is why do people get married, go to the US and then, when the relationship goes bad, you want to stay? If you are no longer with the one you loved enough to move in the first place, wouldn't your first thought be to go back "home"? After all, you had many, many years in your home country, before you came to the US for less than two years ---- must be some great job!

Edited February 15, 2010 by Cindy & Greg

[Lili 3]

Faustine,

You already know that but marriage is tough. It certainly doesn't help that us, frenchies tend to pessimistic by nature. From what I can gather, you and your hubby are still in love but have some work to do. Like others mentioned, a therapist would help. What about a vacation together away from the daily stuff? With a little bit of help, you and your hubby will be fine. Marriage is a lot of work.

You may have to reconsider this living apart arrangement though. It certainly doesn't help with things. Talk it over with him but don't give up. Good luck!

[ziia 9]

It's stressful, I worry about money, he left behind all his friends and family and is alone here, plus I have a daughter that he has taken as his own. Big adjustments in our family. Now I have my visa and a whole new stress appears - how fast can we save money to move back to the US and how do we find jobs there, when we are here......

Money can put a hard burden on one person and even more on a relationship. Times are not good right now for anybody, no matter what country you find yourself living in. I know as i have been through some rough times. Still, miraculously things always find to work themselves out eventually. Most important thing i found that works for me is to be proactive without letting stress get to me. That is hard to do when you have bills cocking at the door but there is one thing i say to myself every time: "I make the money, money doesn't "make" me". After that I think of "what's the worst of the worst situation that can happen?". I ponder on that for a while and try to find a solution. What would i do if this or that happens? I am not the "oh, pls help me people" type, I guess i'm a bit of a proud person and would never in my life ask for someone to help me with money or housing. Listen, no one dies from being poor but a lot of people get sick from worrying too much. Keep the right attitude, try to find solution to the hardest problems and you shall see how much better you'll feel, as you know you're not "there" yet. The chance to get there, to the bottom of the barrel is still a stretched time away. If you focus on that and let it take over you, you won't even have to get "there" physically because you will already be there mentally. That impairs you to keep thinking in a positive way and when you look for a job, your aura will not be the same. Pls keep in mind you have to "work" together with your strength, not your weakness and good things will happen. In life everything passes and becomes a memory or glimpse of the past. What's important is who you have around you, through better or worse and what YOU do to preserve and improve that. I don't mean to be preachy here but just a couple of thoughts of mine i think might help others just as much as it helped me.

One thing I don't understand is why do people get married, go to the US and then, when the relationship goes bad, you want to stay? If you are no longer with the one you loved enough to move in the first place, wouldn't your first thought be to go back "home"? After all, you had many, many years in your home country, before you came to the US for less than two years ---- must be some great job!

Sure i agree with what you say but it is not quite that simple. I don't understand people who come here and 2 months later say "oh, how can i get a visa, divorce and stay cuz i built a life, i have friends and found another guy in 2 days i want to marry cuz im so in love", and all that bs that smells like something else. Once a year or so goes by it is more understandable why one would like to stay but i guess it all depends of circumstances of the relationships and people's personal lives we have no way of knowing in detail. perhaps it is embarrassing to go back home and explain to your loved ones what happened, perhaps some people feel that if they walk on one road they should keep walking ahead, who knows? Still, i somewhat agree with you that if you come here for a relationship and things don't work out with that person in a short period of time, it is the right thing to do to go back. But that would be asking of people to have integrity and be unselfish. Sometimes, that is asking to much...i mean, look around you...you will see right away what i'm talking about.

Keep strong,

z

Edited February 15, 2010 by ziia

[ahlm 0]

Hi,

Well, we talk about our problems all the time... It seems like it's all we have now... Hurting each other thinking about the past, about how much we loved and still love each other, but somehow we broke something and it will never be like before...

It's all my fault too. Instead of sharing with him my doubts and little things that bothered me, I kept it all... And overtime, it built up to a breaking point. He didn't do anything wrong, I just slowly distanced myself from him, and I am not in love like I used to be, and we try, I try and try to get over it, I need him, he needs me, but it's not the same... Sometimes everything is going well, the minute after it is drama again. All because of the immigration process... I could not work for sooo long, I was stressing about it all the time, I started to doubt about myself, and not be as happy as I used to be.. And he worked all the time, to provide for both of us, but instead of seeing that and being thankful, I felt so lonely and not useful and miserable that I blamed it on him, starting to be jealous he was the one doing all these cool things, working, meeting all kind of cool people. I was just so miserable, but I didn't want to worry him, so I never talked about it, because for me, something was wrong with me, I had everything to be happy, and so I should try harder to be happy and not hurt him. But that did more harm than good unfortunately... And eventually, I found a summer job, far away from where we live, and I loved it, and felt very independent, like I didn't need him anymore, I just wanted to stay there and be free... And at the end of that, I was broken to go back, he felt it right away... Since then, we cry a lot, we try, we get angry, etc. And in the meantime, I found an awesome permanent job, exactly what I've been looking for... Except that it is not located where we lived. Alaska is big, my husband lives in Anchorage, I live in Fairbanks... And he doesn't understand why I chose a job over our relationship, he doesn't get that I need that to feel myself again and be happier. It sucks really that I need a job to feel better, I hate myself for ruining everything... But, I just would have been more and more miserable overtime...

Anyway, sorry to share that, I have talked about it a few times, but it is always good to share more, I need to talk about it or write about to total strangers...

Thanks for reading...

Faustine

Please seek counseling before you get a divorce, by soaking yourself in friends, job..ect will never help you to relax and to feel better as long as there is someone who has not done anything wrong to you..

It takes months to fix a marriage a years to have a happily family, be that nice person and do your best to do not end something special something you will need in your life. Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day.

[Brother Hesekiel 2,235]

Faustine,

the procedure on how to remove conditions under all circumstances could turn into a long essay, so given your situation, I will focus and outline what matters to your specific case as I understand it.

If you cannot reconciliate with your husband, you'll need to remove the conditions of your residence before the second anniversary of your Green Card, which is the date on your GC stating "Resident Since."

If the couple files jointly, they are allowed to file 90 days before said date. Applicants filing alone, can file immediately after their divorce is final.

In order to remove conditions in your case, you need to be divorced.

You can file before you are divorced, but you will receive a RFE (a request for further evidence, namely the divorce decree). Therefore, WAIT as long as you can before filing, if necessary until the last day before your GC expires. Why? Because you need to buy time. Time until your divorce is final. So the longer you wait, the more time you have.

If there's something not clear with this, let me know.

Regards,

Bob

P.S.

Must be difficult for a French living in Alaska. We have 71 degrees and blue skies here. I wear a T-shirt. That's the USA you need to see, and it will bring your spirits up. It's like the Carmarque!