The pursuit of status can lead to aggressive and self-defeating behavior

[Peikko 1,575]

So, you agree that waking up in the morning and worrying about how you are perceived in relation to others in terms of wealth/popularity/status is a pretty pointless exercise then?

I don't think it is as simple as that. Personal conflicts do have a major impact on people's overall sense of happiness. However, as the article indicated, if there is no real social connection, then it less so. Imagine if your husband was so angry with you, he stopped talking to you and wouldn't explain to you why he is angry. Now go and try to have a good night's sleep with that unresolved conflict. It happens to lessor degrees with others who we are socially connected to.

How does that relate to status? To answer the hypothetical though, in terms of allowing it to change one's sense of self worth - I would not want my worth to be determined by the whim of someone else in that fashion and would not stay married to such a person very long if this was a typical behaviour.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

So, you agree that waking up in the morning and worrying about how you are perceived in relation to others in terms of wealth/popularity/status is a pretty pointless exercise then?

I don't think it is as simple as that. Personal conflicts do have a major impact on people's overall sense of happiness. However, as the article indicated, if there is no real social connection, then it less so. Imagine if your husband was so angry with you, he stopped talking to you and wouldn't explain to you why he is angry. Now go and try to have a good night's sleep with that unresolved conflict. It happens to lessor degrees with others who we are socially connected to.

How does that relate to status? To answer the hypothetical though, in terms of allowing it to change one's sense of self worth - I would not want my worth to be determined by the whim of someone else in that fashion and would not stay married to such a person very long if this was a typical behaviour.

Good points. I was trying to give an example of when you obviously would care if someone was harboring any negative feelings about you. I guess you'd have to define what self worth means to you. My dad just recently turned 82 and he doesn't drive anymore...hasn't in the last few years. He's becoming increasingly dependent on my mom to do things for him, and it is disconcerting for him, but he also understands that its just part of growing old. For the elderly especially, it is important for them to feel they contributing...that they are needed, in some way or another.

[Uncle Wally 2]

So I guess we mediocre losers have nothing to worry about then.

[HAL 9000 96]

So I guess we mediocre losers have nothing to worry about then.

<- Tears of joy at Uncle Wally's return to OT. Bienvenue!

[Peikko 1,575]

So, you agree that waking up in the morning and worrying about how you are perceived in relation to others in terms of wealth/popularity/status is a pretty pointless exercise then?

I don't think it is as simple as that. Personal conflicts do have a major impact on people's overall sense of happiness. However, as the article indicated, if there is no real social connection, then it less so. Imagine if your husband was so angry with you, he stopped talking to you and wouldn't explain to you why he is angry. Now go and try to have a good night's sleep with that unresolved conflict. It happens to lessor degrees with others who we are socially connected to.

How does that relate to status? To answer the hypothetical though, in terms of allowing it to change one's sense of self worth - I would not want my worth to be determined by the whim of someone else in that fashion and would not stay married to such a person very long if this was a typical behaviour.

Good points. I was trying to give an example of when you obviously would care if someone was harboring any negative feelings about you. I guess you'd have to define what self worth means to you. My dad just recently turned 82 and he doesn't drive anymore...hasn't in the last few years. He's becoming increasingly dependent on my mom to do things for him, and it is disconcerting for him, but he also understands that its just part of growing old. For the elderly especially, it is important for them to feel they contributing...that they are needed, in some way or another.

Of course, we can and should care about some people and how they react to us but only if this interaction is balanced and reciprocal. One should never be dependent on one person's view, and the closer one is in emotional terms to that person, the more dangerous and distorted a dependence on that one person's view can be.

In your example, the hypothetical husband would be deliberately distorting the wife's self worth if he continuously behaved in such an egregious fashion, therefore the worth that she extracted from him would not be worth anything outside of this unbalanced relationship and it is in fact very typical of abusive, bullying behaviour.

That said, I still don't see how that relates to status.

Edited December 9, 2009 by Madame Cleo

[Ban Hammer 14,665]

So I guess we mediocre losers have nothing to worry about then.

<- Tears of joy at Uncle Wally's return to OT. Bienvenue!