Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 3)

[LovinJA 0]

Hey VJ Family!

I got in last night from Jamaica and felt a serious sense of sadness pulling up in my driveway without my honey! The trip was extremely successful, we got approved for the visa, I got to know his family a lot better, and my daughter was able to spend time with my honey to develop a relationship with him prior to him coming here. I was hoping that he would be able to come back with us, but our interview was on 3/27 and of course the visa didn't come in time.... based on all that I have read, and the experience Texas Bound is having, I don't expect him before the beginning of May.... which is probably for the best, because I have some preparations to make....

Ok... I've been gone for over a week, so I've read all of the posts to catch up.... so, I will first describe my experience with the interview, and then would like to comment on some topics discussed....

Our interview was very straight forward, no nastiness like what Ricardo faced! Section A she asked for all of the documents.... didn't specify which documents, and because of everyone else posting their experiences, I was prepared with all of my documents, from the 157, 157K, 230 Pt. 1 &2, Affidavit of support, all supporting financial documentation, Notarized letter of intent from me, his No-Impediment, Police Record, Birth Certificate, Passport Photos, Receipt from paymaster..... everything was in an envelope in a logical order. So when she asked for it, I pulled it out and handed it to her. She went through everything, checking off on her list as she looked at the paperwork. No Problem....

Then at the next window they took his fingerprints.... no problem. Third window.... interview. The lady asked him basic questions about me, asked him to write my name, and asked to see pictures.... no problem. It was nothing like what I had prepared myself for... I think it just boils down to who you get as the interviewer.... and being prepared for anything!After the interview, we were able to spend a wonderful week together.... no complaints, no problems... his family was so gracious and welcoming (we stayed with his mother). My daughter felt at home, I felt at home, and it was simply paradise!

Now, my issue now is very similar to other posts regarding family acceptance of our SO's. I have an 11 yr. old daughter, and my fiance is 24.... my family is flippin out! I just told them he is coming (they don't know about this process or that we are getting married). They say I don't really know him because I have only been around him in a vacation setting.... I am opening the door for tragedy to occur that could permanently ruin my daughter..... How can I make such an irresponsible decision to bring this young man into my home around my daughter! I am 11 years older than my fiance. To make matters worse, I have not had the best luck with relationships in the past.... I admit that I have rushed into relationships, been in two failed marriages that only lasted 7 months each ( I ended both of them)! I will say for certain however, that nothing has every kept me down, the marriages didn't work, but I kept it moving, and never found myself in a worse off situation. I am very responsible, maintain my own home, bills, and am a damn good mother! My daughter and I are very close and we discuss everything! I understand my family's concern, but am upset that they don't think that I've thought about any of this! All they want to do is focus on my bad decisions in the past. They don't consider that I am grown, responsible, and don't ask anyone for anything.... Not to mention, they don't seem to have any concern for me any other time... no one calls to see if I need anything... if I need any help around the house.... need my grass cut.... but now everyone wants to give input on my choice of a mate!!! I am pissed!

I know that they love me and my daughter and don't want to see us hurt, but they don't know how much they are hurting me right now. I don't want him to come here and on top of all the other issues we will be faced with, have to deal with the nastiness of my family! So, I have decided that he will get an apartment for 3 months when he gets here. That will give he and my daughter time to be totally comfortable with each other (they hit it off fine when they met), and it will give time for my family to get to know him. It will be an additional burden on us financially, but I belive it will be worth it in the long run. I have been searching today for rooms for rent, or apt's to share in my area and have come across a few. So, I am hopeful to have something lined up for him. Also, I will be inquiring about work for him working with a contractor, or Lawn care company so that he can have some income coming in right away (where he gets paid cash for each job he does... there are alot of those types of jobs around). This way he will be busy, and making some money until we get the AOS. I am hoping this plan makes things easier for us. I really understand my family, but I also understand that my fiance is leaving familiar territory, supportive family, and his homeland to be with me. I know that has to be scary and hard, and I want to help make the transition as stress free as possible.....

So thank you to everyone that has shared their experiences.... I wish us all success and happiness!

My take on this is that if you feel that having him stay in his own apartment is best for YOU and your DAUGHTER, then you are definitely doing the right thing.

If on the other hand, you are doing ir BECAUSE OF your family, I would definitely re-think.

Basically, you are a grown woman, YOU know what's best for YOU, do not allow anyone to DECIDE that on YOUR behalf.....

Would ask though, how does your finace feel about living seperately??

Ie, waking up the morning after he gets here in a strange house on his own??

I wish you the best in your journey, I hope the choice you make is the best one

Thanks.

I have thought about why I came to that decision to make sure it was for the right reasons. And, I talked to my daughter about it. I don't want her to feel that I am forcing my fiance on her. She is used to it just being her and I.... Although she likes him, she did express that she would feel more comfortable being around him a while longer and getting to know him better before he moves in the house with us. So that is the main reason I am doing this. The fact that it will give everyone time to get to know him, and ease the stress.... is a big plus.

I guess I should not have made it sound like it was my decision alone. I of course discussed this extensively with my fiance. He totally understood my reasoning, and agreed that this would be the best course of action for now. The plan is to find someplace within 5 min. of my house, and he will likely spend most of the time here at the house. He doesn't want me to be stressed, he doesn't want my daughter to be uncomfortable, so he totally supports this decision. He is truely wonderful!

I do agree with others that the 3 months is a critical time to get to know one another up close and personal. I believe I can still do that even though he will have a seperate place. We will still spend the majority of our time at our home, and will definitely see each other daily. It will also give him an opportunity to establish friendships. We are not looking for an apt. actually but more of a roommate situation. I found a few yesterday where STRAIGHT men were looking to rent rooms in their condo/house. I have an appt. on Saturday to check out one about 5 min. from me.

I personally think that is THE WORSE decision you could possibly make....living apart. As a parent of a 13 yr old (single mom from day one) and VERY VEEEERY close to my son.....this is YOUR decision, your CHILD needs to respect YOUR decision in bringing him into YOUR immediate family!!! You won't change the opinions of your parents, but your child is what matters the most, which is great she would want to be comfortable and you value her opinions, she's also 11.....but maybe that's when you could have taken more time in getting to know him together (in trips to Jamaica---which we veterans have stated NUMEROUS times is absolutely and completely different than living here) and not have gone through the process until SHE felt "more comfortable".

TRUST ME, you NEED to live together, especially that you have a child, because the situation is WAY different than it would be if it was JUST the 2 of you. What happens when you get married on the 90th day and you "move in", and you DO NOT get along????? and who is to say that after the 3 months he (or your daughter) says that "they aren't ready"????

You do know he still has up to 6 months (after the VISA is approved) to arrive into the states???

Also, I would assume with immigration, that would be a HUUUUUGE RED FLAG to them showing that he came here to "live on his own" and NOT live with YOU as stated on ALL of your paperwork????

My family doesn't know about Craig, don't need to because I am not living for them, I'm living for myself !!

Also, you are giving ANY (young) Jamaican THEIR LIFE DREAM, to come here to the states and have someone pay for their OWN place, food, lights, cable ...actually anything and to NOT HAVE to "live like the family" they KNEW they were coming here to do in the 1st place??????????????? Just sounds crazy to me !!!!

Just my honest opinion from someone who has been there and done that !!!!! Who are you marrying your family or your fiance??

I am sitting here totally bewildered.

So he comes to the US and he and your daughter do not get along intially. What happens after 3 months? Do you extend the lease and see how things go. I am going to put aside the whole fiance situation for a min and just deal with this from the perspective that I am not sure your jamaican fiance is trying you on for size so why are YOU trying him on for size?This is a life changing, give everything up and move scenario. We Americans have to understand that just because some Jamaicas are so keen to move here does not necessarily give us the right to encourage them to move from thier comfort zone while we try to work out these domestic situations. I am reading on here about people being afraid to face parents about thier decsions, or face family , or face children. There is a certain sequence of events that should take place before we get our foreign fiance's to make this major sacrifice and move to the United States. Getting the family, children , parents and the like on board is something that needs to be resolved BEFORE if they are that important. Cause if I am an Jamaican fiance and I move to the US and then have an American fiance tell me that either the kids, parents , friends, or the likes do not like me so I have to go back, I may not necessarily take it so nicely. Leave him in Jamaica until you are certain you are going to stick it out no matter what. When he moves here, it should be straight to your home, to your bed and whereever you are from the day he arrives.Besides the obvious problems with immigration, what kind of security are you providing him in this situation. If I was the Jamaican fiance and you came to me with a proposal like this............you will get a rather rude crash course in Jamaican patois and it would not sound good.

Because you are ignorant to me and the intricacies of my situation, I will let some of your comments slide. First off, I am not trying anyone on for size.... if your read my post thoroughly, you would have realized that I understand his sacrifice in coming over here, and his comfort and security is as important as my daughters. You truely sound like someone with no children and no true family ties, so I will take into consideration that ignorance as well. Because I love my fiance, my daughter and my family, I have a dilema.... and am attempting to find a way in which I can keep my family in tact (my entire family). I never said anything about sending him back if it doesn't work out.... and you know what assuming does.....He and I are committed to one another.... and I am not an "American" who stereotypes anyone so I won't even respond to that.

If whatever our chosen path to attempt to salvage my family ties does not work, I will happily walk away with my husband and daughter.... but I will at least be able to say I tried. The bottom line is this, my family has always been there for me, and they will eventually come around, but if we can make it easier in the beginning for EVERYONE, we are both eager to do that.... My fiance comes from a close knit, supportive family as well. Because he does love me, and he understands the importance of family (when you have a good one), he wants the bond to remain as well. So again, we will make the best decision for us. That is why HE is my fiance.... Everyone's situation is different. Maybe your sequence of events were the right way for you..... congratulations. But don't impose your way or pass judgement on anyone because they don't follow the same path.

[luvtravlin 0]

... and it is VILE!

One Love!

Definition of vile --

1. disgusting: causing disgust or abhorrence

vile smell

2. wicked: despicable or shameful

vile crimes

3. very unpleasant: extremely unpleasant to experience

vile weather

4. worthless: of little or no worth ( archaic )

[Captain Ewok 1,857]

Time to start part 4! Great thread! I am restarting the thread to help speed up the server (super big threads slow the server a bit!).