Jealousy

[mercuryroad 0]

OK people....

I'm not normally what you would consider a jealous guy but I just have to get this one off my chest and people that go through long distance relationships might be the only ones that can fully appreciate this.

I love my fiancee dearly and I do trust her, but there is a situation that has really been irritating me. At her place of work, a guy got transferred from another city a few months ago. He does not have any friends in his new place and quickly took to my fiancee. He had expressed to some of his friends how much he likes my fiancee. Well, the guy is not a bad guy and is pretty funny apparently. Lu feels kind of bad for him and gives out her number so they can chat or whatever. He was really curious about me but she said that he realizes he does not have a chance. They talk on the phone or whatever and she invites him out when she goes out with one of her girlfriends. Cool.....no problema. I'd feel bad for the guy too.

But the past couple of weeks it seems they have been spending more time together alone. Thursday night they went out and got coffee......a few nights before that they saw a movie together......a few days before that they had lunch and he told her that "foreigners take all of the best things from Peru, but your gringo is taking the best thing from Peru." She said it was one of the nicest things anyone has told her. Now today they spent the whole day together and are watching movies at her place with her sister and her sister's boyfriend.

I have been totally cool up until this point but it is starting to irritate me. I don't want to be the jealous, demanding jerk, but I also don't want to be a fool either. Part of the irritation for me is that I would not spend all day and night with some girl and have her watch movies here......I don't know, just me.

Somebody please tell me that I'm being a stupid, typical jealous guy and that I should just get over it hahahahaha.

I guess I will talk to her tomorrow about it, but I hate having that conversation. I feel like I should be a bigger man than this and just be able to trust her decision making.

[Sharon 1]

No, I think you are right in sayng that it just doesn't seem right. When Rick and I were apart, I would not have appreciated him doing that to me with another woman. It might be innocent but I still don't think it's appropriate for her to acting in a "single" way when she is supposed to be committed to you. I understand your point of not wanting to appear the jealous boyfriend etc etc but I think you have a right to mention it. Ask her how she might feel if the roles were reversed. Rick and I were in a long-distance relationship for 3 and a half years before we were married so I ran thru all the same emotions, trust me.

Good luck.

[phatmadame81 0]

OK people....

I'm not normally what you would consider a jealous guy but I just have to get this one off my chest and people that go through long distance relationships might be the only ones that can fully appreciate this.

I love my fiancee dearly and I do trust her, but there is a situation that has really been irritating me. At her place of work, a guy got transferred from another city a few months ago. He does not have any friends in his new place and quickly took to my fiancee. He had expressed to some of his friends how much he likes my fiancee. Well, the guy is not a bad guy and is pretty funny apparently. Lu feels kind of bad for him and gives out her number so they can chat or whatever. He was really curious about me but she said that he realizes he does not have a chance. They talk on the phone or whatever and she invites him out when she goes out with one of her girlfriends. Cool.....no problema. I'd feel bad for the guy too.

But the past couple of weeks it seems they have been spending more time together alone. Thursday night they went out and got coffee......a few nights before that they saw a movie together......a few days before that they had lunch and he told her that "foreigners take all of the best things from Peru, but your gringo is taking the best thing from Peru." She said it was one of the nicest things anyone has told her. Now today they spent the whole day together and are watching movies at her place with her sister and her sister's boyfriend.

I have been totally cool up until this point but it is starting to irritate me. I don't want to be the jealous, demanding jerk, but I also don't want to be a fool either. Part of the irritation for me is that I would not spend all day and night with some girl and have her watch movies here......I don't know, just me.

Somebody please tell me that I'm being a stupid, typical jealous guy and that I should just get over it hahahahaha.

I guess I will talk to her tomorrow about it, but I hate having that conversation. I feel like I should be a bigger man than this and just be able to trust her decision making.

I wont say you are stupid but I will say you have a right to have these feelings. I speak to my husband (Jamaica) everyday but I still freak out when there is a girl around or even his sister answer the phone (now that is crazy)

That is the best thing, speak to her about how you feel, there is nothing wrong with that, you are only human. So what, you are upset about the fact that she is spending her every wakening hour with this guy. Just inform her not tell her to give up her social life but what you are saying is that the 'one-on-one' time she is having with this coworker needs to stop. I told my husband it is ok to chill with his female friends but I do not feel comfortable knowing or not knowing that he is spending all his time with just one specific female, make me wonder "WHAT IS UP????????"

Edited January 29, 2006 by desperatewife

[TracyTN 237]

I dunno. I guess no one can tell you how you should feel. If this is making you uncomfortable, then you should tell her. When I read your post, I put myself in your shoes. If my fiance were going out to the movies with another woman (except his mom or sister ), I would be VERY bothered. Not to mention that its something I would NEVER do - not just because I love my fiance very much, but also because I know how it might make him feel.

I think you have to talk to her about it. Discuss it in the context of respect (meaning you wouldn't do that out of respect for her, and you would like the same in return). Maybe she's not thought about it in that way.

[lynn&al 1]

No, your not the typical jealous guy. Having a long distance relationship can be hard at times but I can say that I've never even thought about giving out my number to anyone else let alone spend time alone with anyone else. The conversation needs to be had, let her know how you feel and how she would feel if the roles were reversed. Obviously this guy is interested and she doesnt seem to be doing anything to put him off the idea. have you been together long?

[MichelleandCraig 1]

oooooooooooooooooooo. I would be *SO* ticked!!! But hey, that's just ME! Good luck talking to her tomorrow..I don't think it's acceptable at all; in groups maybe, but not alone. M.

PS to tell you the truth..color me jealous, whatever! but I wouldn't be too happy with the calls all the time either. She might not have bad intentions, but I wouldn't be sooooooooo sure of that on his side!!

Edited January 29, 2006 by MichelleandCraig

[mercuryroad 0]

Like I said, normally not jealous. In fact it was an issue I was concerned with going the other way around. Most of my friends are women......but I always hang out with them in groups. I never go out alone with any of these girls.

As it turned out, most of her friends are guys. I was actually a little relieved because I knew she would understand my point of view as well. She was concerned that I would get jealous or not like it that her friends were guys.....I told her it was cool and she can hang out. She did make a point to say it was always done in groups.

Maybe she has gotten a little too comfortable with how laid back I am.....not sure. I just know I would not do that to her out of respect as one of you had mentioned.

There is a fine line between being the bigger man and just being a fool hahahahaha.

but I wouldn't be sooooooooo sure of that on his side!!

Bear with me as I figure this new posting stuff out hahahahaha.

Oh yeah, he definately likes her. She can be a little naive sometimes though to be honest.......it's perfectly plausible that she might not realize this is inappropriate. I truly believe that she thinks this guy just wants to be friends and has given up on the possibility. She even says that he is my biggest fan.

Edited January 29, 2006 by mercuryroad

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Well... if he's your biggest fan, it's likely because you're on the other sideof the world right now!! I think it's def. right to talk to her.. M.

[SteveNanik 0]

Its such a tough position, no one wants to be a crazy jealous freak. You have the right to be upset now though. that guy sounds like such a creep

Edited January 29, 2006 by SteveT

[rebeccajo 14]

Oooooh....I smell bacon burnin'....

Sorry, mercury, but I don't sugar coat it.

I guess it's good she's telling you about it. But what's THAT about even?

Time for you to speak up.

[Fandango 1,440]

This topic interests me so much because something similar happened to me. I changed jobs & became friends with this guy who had just moved to town & he knew noone either. We became friends & hung out after work...turns out he lived like 3 minutes from me.

I think the guy had feelings for me, but he was a gentleman & never acted on it. Never said a word about it nor did he ever slag off my boyfriend. He knew all about him, and was respectful of it. So I never held it against him.

Anyways, after work one night, we went tanning together (we just went in the place together, we had seperate stalls), and then we went & grabbed summat to eat. I think we went to the mall too, but I can't remember. It was only the once btw.

Boy was my fiance pissed! We weren't engaged at the time, but very much committed. I was like 'what's the big dealio?' and he said that I had just gone on a date (which I still to this day disagree with)...anyways, he reckons men & women cannot be just platonic best friends & hang out one on one without someone inadvertantly having feelings for the other.

D has plenty of girl acquaintences, but he doesn't hang out one on one. And since he felt so strongly about it, and it was just a friend...I never did it again. We still hung out, but it was always in a group since it was too 'intimate' for my partner.

Mercuryroad, I hope this makes you feel a little better...I'm sure she would take your feelings into consideration if you let her know how you really feel without being worried about how you're going to look.

Good luck!

[mercuryroad 0]

But I still need to keep in mind that her intentions and his intentions are two totally different things. She knew that he liked her but must feel comfortable enough that he has gotten over that and just wants to be friends, and she probably sees nothing wrong with just being friends.

At least I know I'm not being irrational. I would have spoken with her about it tonight but I was too pissed and didn't really want to get into it.

To her credit, she always tells me everything.......that's how I know about all this stuff!!!!!

[TracyTN 237]

I bet you the moment she realizes that it bothers you, she'll cut off the one on one contact.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

well, it's good that she tells you. but IMHO that could just be so: well, he didn't say anything about it, so he must not have a problem with it. Then it can't come back to bite HER, ya know?(and I'm not trying to cast your fiance in a bad light here at all; I'm sure you're right and she doesn't have any bad intentions.) On the other hand, I know *I* wouldn't be comfortable having a boyfriend or fiance and hanging out with someone who at least USED to like me that way(or even now! and just hiding it well and hoping!) I just wouldn't be comfortable/couldn't be friends at least that hung out alone..knowing that. Good luck...I'm sure you'll get it resolved. M.

edited to say: likely Tracy's right..I'm sure once she knows how much it bothers you,it'll clear up. The only problems I see you having are if you tell her and it DOESN'T stop..but I bet that's not gonna be the case.

Edited January 29, 2006 by MichelleandCraig

[mercuryroad 0]

But that is an interesting question isn't it.......should I even be bothered by one on one contact? If it were a girl there would be no issue.

I think she will stop too by the way, but then I kind of feel stupid about that too hahahahhahahaha.....aye chica.

Yeah, I hope nobody sees her in a bad light. You'd have to know her......she's the sweetest person I've ever met and would do anything for anybody. She felt bad for this guy not having any friends.......she kind of takes people in as family.

She's made a point a couple of times too saying how happy she is that I am not the jealous type because she thinks that is very stupid hahahahaha.....yikes.