Contemplating Divorce

[thetreble 19]

or anything that flashes...

or anything in colours that make your eyes hurt...

or font that takes up the whole page.....

common decency!!!

[Emancipation 2]

CAPLOCKS DON'T FORGET CAPLOCKS!!!

[thetreble 19]

Shite! I FORGOT!!!!

OR OR OR...

INTERNETS LANGUAGE THAT WE DONT UNDERSTANDZZZ

[kcoyclay1 98]

Friends don't let friends use glitter text.

Ooops sorry, then I am not a friend. So my apologies to CRH. I hope friends don't let friends send postcards either. Is that cheesy too? Cause my postcards were surely viewed by the IO and we had plenty. You should see the IO going through them and guess what they also helped in validating my marriage along with all the other evidence... I got my 10 yr GC (they should remove all these cheesy emoticons..darn)

Sometimes a glitter (postcard) helps. This one's for you. Be blessed

Edited May 13, 2009 by kcoyclay1

[Chica Yeyé 41]

[thetreble 19]

I like you kcoyclay1. You're sweet.

[kcoyclay1 98]

or anything that flashes...

or anything in colours that make your eyes hurt...

or font that takes up the whole page.....

common decency!!!

Why is it affecting you guys? Are you CRH's mouthpiece? I'm just saying... thetreble your signature seriously hurt my eyes. If you would just use another color and bold the lettering I think it would help.

Anyway just remember that this forum is all about CRH and not about anyone else. Its a waste of time for persons who want to follow the thread to see it going in a war of words over something that does not relate to the subject. So can we move on?

[kcoyclay1 98]

Another thing to consider is that he may be so protective of you , not being able to give you the support you need is very frustrating to him right now. He is probably more frustrated and angry at the situation than at you- it's just manifesting as angry/hurtful words towards you.

Now I'm not a counselor by any stretch of the imagination, but this was one of the first things I thought of! Men think sooooo differently from women..and sometimes, we tend to forget that. Perhaps he's feeling like he let you down. He didn't protect you back then. I'm just grasping at straws...I have NO idea what he's feeling or thinking, but most men that love their wives would do anything to protect them. He's dealing with it in his way, and that may not be how you would. I could be wrong about it, you won't know until you talk with him. Let him finish out his week. He needs time too.

That's what I was thinking of last night as well.. sometimes guys want something they can do... you say something and they want to fix it right now... if there is nothing that they can do to fix it (ie. he's away and unable to really comfort you in a tangible way) that could be frustrating as well, and something he's just not willing to talk about/deal with until he's back in town. He could be just frustrated he can't help you in this situation, in which case he's right, you need to find help outside your relationship and get a counselor to help you work through the experience and find a way to restore your peace. (which is another thing guys try to do - find solutions which can be irritating because sometimes I just want to be HEARD)

Sometimes I remind my hubby that I don't need him to find a solution or FIX anything.. I just want him to listen.. I tell him there's nothing to be DONE, just please hear me out and let me talk and hold me when I cry..

You are right emancipation

[Texanadian 10]

You can't just change trip plans half way through a trip. That costs a fortune to re-book them. Not to mention throws your timeline off. Trips back home are brief and the time seems to fly as is, never mind getting asked to cut it shorter.

Are you two doing well as a couple when you're both together?

Sometimes us guys just don't feel like saying much. There were times I would look at my phone bill and see hour long conversations 3-4 times a week. And other times where we would talk for 1 hour the entire week. Nothing against the other person. But just didn't feel like talking.

[thetreble 19]

or anything that flashes...

or anything in colours that make your eyes hurt...

or font that takes up the whole page.....

common decency!!!

Why is it affecting you guys? Are you CRH's mouthpiece? I'm just saying... thetreble your signature seriously hurt my eyes. If you would just use another color and bold the lettering I think it would help.

Anyway just remember that this forum is all about CRH and not about anyone else. Its a waste of time for persons who want to follow the thread to see it going in a war of words over something that does not relate to the subject. So can we move on?

Well no one else has a problem with my sig but you, but plenty of people had problems with the glitter pictures so...

Any way. Of course we can move on!

[Sprailenes 47]

like omgz amanda that pink is just too hot for vj.

[Brit Abroad 166]

CRH

What happened to you was horrible and it's made you view the world in a different way. Moving away from all he knew has made hubby view his world in a different way. Sadly, because you are both trying to cope with fear, loss and change at the same time you've come up against a wall of "I need this, please!" and "Sure, sure, but I need THIS instead" and while you're both expressing your honest feelings, neither of you are moving to fix the problems because you're focused on your own needs as individuals.

Allow me to be a little blunt (and please don't think I'm being cruel, I hope to help you!) and say that you need to take control of your sense of security again, for yourself, not simply focus that onto your husband. It's a burden that he can't really take on board on top of his own feelings. I know it's incredibly hard to get down to resolving it without someone you thought you could absolutely 100% rely on but ultimately you need to get past your fear or it's going to dictate your entire future. Nobody else can restore your sense of security (well, unless you have the entire military camped out in your front and back yards, right? ).

Have you had any counselling for anxiety and fear? Joined a self-defence class that will teach you how to be aware of your environment without viewing everyone as a potential threat and protect yourself should you be put in that situation again? Checked the internet to see if there are any women's support groups in your community? Checked out if there are any Neighborhood Watches that you could join? Anything that would help change your psychological "victim" approach to the break-in. If you can't get past it then you aren't going to build a happy and successful relationship with any man, not just your husband.

Although it's hard to deal with his sarcasm and his anger, it's a positive sign that the love is there as those emotions aren't part of being disinterested, so you have a reason to push to succeed if you can get past your disappointment, frustration and negativity.

Best of luck to you both!

[CaptainRubyHeart 1]

I just wanted to pop on by and give an update about things. I wish I could have better news. Three days ago, my husband called me up from Canada and said that he doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore. He then proceeded to go into massive detail about every single thing I’d done to hurt his feelings for the past 4 years. He told me he’d felt like leaving me for a long time, even since before we got married. In fact, he told me that the only reason he went through with our wedding is because, and I quote, “my family paid a lot of money for their plane tickets, and I didn’t want to disappoint them.” He said that he thinks I’m controlling and that I use my “knowledge of feelings” to manipulate him into agreeing with me all the time when we argue. I was previously unaware that he felt this way, as he’d never voiced his concerns prior to three days ago.

At the advice of his mom, he has agreed to come back to Houston on Saturday. I suggested that we go to marriage counseling to try to work things out. He agreed that counseling is a good idea, but said that he’d be going to “end things right” between us rather than to try to improve our marriage. I have gone through three days of bureaucratic hell to find out what kind of coverage my insurance offers for counseling and to see if it would bankrupt me (good news: it won’t). I put in a request to meet with a counselor I was referred to and am just waiting to hear back from her.

I believe that Sean sees me as an enemy—a controlling person who “took him away” from everything he knows and loves in Canada, and the only thing that stands between him and getting back is his relationship with me.

For now, I’m just sitting on my hands waiting for (a) the marriage counselor to get back to me, and (B) Sean to fly back to Houston on Saturday. I have no idea what will happen next.

[CaptainRubyHeart 1]

I just wanted to pop on by and give an update about things. I wish I could have better news. Three days ago, my husband called me up from Canada and said that he doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore. He then proceeded to go into massive detail about every single thing I’d done to hurt his feelings for the past 4 years. He told me he’d felt like leaving me for a long time, even since before we got married. In fact, he told me that the only reason he went through with our wedding is because, and I quote, “my family paid a lot of money for their plane tickets, and I didn’t want to disappoint them.” He said that he thinks I’m controlling and that I use my “knowledge of feelings” to manipulate him into agreeing with me all the time when we argue. I was previously unaware that he felt this way, as he’d never voiced his concerns prior to three days ago.

At the advice of his mom, he has agreed to come back to Houston on Saturday. I suggested that we go to marriage counseling to try to work things out. He agreed that counseling is a good idea, but said that he’d be going to “end things right” between us rather than to try to improve our marriage. I have gone through three days of bureaucratic hell to find out what kind of coverage my insurance offers for counseling and to see if it would bankrupt me (good news: it won’t). I put in a request to meet with a counselor I was referred to and am just waiting to hear back from her.

I believe that Sean sees me as an enemy—a controlling person who “took him away” from everything he knows and loves in Canada, and the only thing that stands between him and getting back is his relationship with me.

For now, I’m just sitting on my hands waiting for (a) the marriage counselor to get back to me, and (B) Sean to fly back to Houston on Saturday. I have no idea what will happen next.

I should have titled my previous thread in the Moving Here and Your New Life in America Forum, "How do you handle homesickness when it's wrecking your marriage?"

Edited May 14, 2009 by CaptainRubyHeart

[trailmix 77]

I'm sorry to hear that ruby. Good luck to you.