Please, give me some options.

[Tyler.C 0]

Thanks again for all the posts !!!!.

Well, I am going to see her this saturday, and I am going to stay until sunday of next week. I think this will help settle what we want. We have always dis-cussed all of this over the internet, but in person, we can really sit down and see what's the best idea. My reasoning is this.... and I don't expect everyone on the forum here to see my perspective, but here it goes. We would be looking to get married by the court system, very quick wedding, quick green card. At that point I can move down, work, and live with her. If everything goes well, which Im assuming it will, we have known each other about 8 years now, we will have a real wedding, with the family, and everything else when we feel it's ready, and a renewing of the vows.

To me, that sounds good. Marriage is different for everyone, and if we treat going to court to get married, I see that more as bond between us, letting us come together, but not quite marriage to me, just to the system. At first she talked about marriage, and I was against it, however when I finally thought of it in those terms, I was then open to the possibility. Marriage to me will be when my, and her family is present, as well as the whole celebration. I was thinking of trying to explain it to her that way. Neither of us are good with distance, as I personally tend to get frustrated. I don't want to push anyone into anything, but sometimes people do need a little push when they are afraid to go forward, even if it's for the best.

Thanks for all the idea's everyone. I'll be going over them with her next week in person, and I will keep you all updated on what we decide. Again, anymore answers, or contributions, even advice are always welcomed. !

Thank you,

Tyler

[baron555 934]

Tyler,

I understand what you are trying to say but please do understand that legal marriage is legally binding. I know that the big family ceremony has more emotional value to you, but being legally married is just that. Make sure you both understand what will be required if you two both decide you do not want to be married. That will mean a divorce. That in and of itself can be very traumatic.

And I understand that you two have been corresponding and friendly for many years but most of those years were when you, and especially her, were not even adults. I do not mean this as a knock against either of you but there is a big difference in the maturity level and capability from being a teenager to a young adult to a mature adult.

Laz's suggestions are really great and the best is if you two go off on your own side trip together. This will remove her from the comfort of being next to her family. Being alone together and working together on a "proejct" will reveal much about how you two will interact together when you eventually do get married. You and she can see how the other handles "crisises" and just the stress of being with someone alone for an extended length of time. I heartily concur you two ought to go off on your own getaway trip. It will be very revealing.

Good luck, Phil

[Shad and Dani 3]

Wow, thank you for all the replies thus far.

I know she does not want to move to Canada. She is too close to her family, and she hates the cold, as do I, hence an extra reason to move. I am not overly close with my family, so it wouldn't seem right t to take her away from her's. We should be thankful that we are as close as we are. It's only a $600 plane ticket away.... but finding time off work ( only 3 weeks a year ) is just not cutting it. I am assuming then that marriage is the only way, aside from the student idea. I looked into the student VISA as well, and discovered you must work ON campus, at minimum wage until you graduate. The costs for school, and the student fee's would be atrocious as well.

Again, it seems marriage is really our only ticket ?. There are no other loopholes in the system that I am un-aware of. I don't want to encourage it, however the only other thing would be under the table work.... but again, you can be banned from the states for such things, and that's not what Im aiming for.

Im still open for suggestions as well, or kind words :-), it's a tough time for both of us, and I hope we make it through it and not give up for the wrong reasons.

Thank you,

Tyler

Most college students can get a J1 Visa for work and travel, which is typically valid for 4 months. The J1 can also be used for paid internships which can last as long as a year and a half. However, you do have to be a full time student in Canada to qualify. The other option is a H work visa. Which is typically given to a worker with special skills. I would look in to both.

[Old Dominion 26]

There is virtually no difference in a civil and a church wedding. You two will be bound for life or until you get banged up in the divorce system. Also, a quick civil wedding does not result in a quick green card -- figure on waiting six months to a year to go through the entire process.

Can Apple transfer you to the US?

[reeses16 8]

If she's not ready to get married I would drop it for now. I think there is a difference in (1) being ready for marriage and then exploring compatibility/living with a partner and (2) living with someone to convince them that marriage is a good idea.

You said "neither of us is good with distance". No one wants to be separated but the two of you have known each other and been apart for 7 years, I'm sure you'll both make it through a separation if you are meant to be married.

If you haven't already, continue reading the guides beyond getting the visa the US. Getting authorized to work and getting your green card, take considerably longer than you described. It will take 3 months at best, and its not uncommon for it to take longer- can the two of you live on her income + your savings that long? Additionally, in order to get your green card, she would have to prove that she (or she + co-sponsor) can sponsor you based on income at 125% the poverty guidelines and 3 years of past tax returns. At 21 does she have that? If she doesn't she will have to ask someone else to co-sponsor you with her. My point is, you should get a more detailed understanding of the entire process beginning to end.

I hope you have a great visit with her this weekend. Best wishes.

[CaptainRubyHeart 1]

I knew my now-husband for six years before we got married. He is a Canadian citizen. We met online through a mutual real-life friend (long boring story there). Anyway, we were both really young when we met (19 years old), young when we met in person and started dating (20 years old), and young when we got engaged (21). When you're that young, you can't really think clearly about what you really want to do in your life. I knew I wanted to be with Sean, but I didn't want to move to Canada. Heck, I didn't even really want to get married after we got engaged--I wanted to be with Sean and knew that someday I'd be ready to marry him, but I wasn't ready at the time. It's hard to get a clear vision of your future with your lover when you don't see him that often, you live in a dorm room, and you are busy studying for midterms.

My husband and I did the back-and-forth distance visits between Texas and British Columbia for a grand total of five years before we got married. We'd see each other during Christmas and summer vacations. After I turned 23, something changed in me. I graduated from my university and started working full-time. It was only then that I finally felt like I was ready to get married. I stopped feeling so "unstable" (one of my favorite words when I was in school) and could now take ownership of my life. Sean and I started the immigration process (K-1 visa), and he was approved and moved down here in June of last year. We got married in August.

Anyway, that's my story. I'm 25 now (turning 26 in September), and I can totally relate and sympathize with the impatience of being old enough now, at 25, to want to move forward in my life and have some sort of relationship stability. But when I was 21, that was a totally different story. Do you remember what you were like when you were 21? Maybe trying to remember and put yourself in her shoes could help understand where she's coming from.

I don't know how helpful my little story has been, but I do wish you the best and hope that everything works out!!!

[Tyler.C 0]

Thanks for all the advice, however bad news. I left to see her this Saturday from Canada to San Fran. I am now back in Canada on Tuesday. Since marriage appears to be the only way.... it scared her off. She did not react to much I said when I was there, and simply said she doesn't feel it anymore. Although she was crying almost everyday. I then admitted that if that's how she feels, I might as well re-book a flight home, as emotionally, it was killing me having me try to be physical with her, and having her push me away. She was afraid of the heart break again when I leave. The distance killed us, because of the stupid worldly laws. How can someone have the right to tell another human being where he can go, and live on this Earth. Free speech, how about free motives in regards to where you live ?. We all live on Earth, and should be able to re-locate and work wherever we see fit, instead of needing a company to hire you, or a woman or man taking the ultimate vows of love.

Im sorry, I am just very bitter....., and I wish more could be done.

Thanks for trying everyone.