Why I don't want children

[Krikit 1,163]

Ohhhhhhhhhh. I was wondering why people were equating discipline with beatings. Interpretation.

I agree, Amy. My kids will tell you that I just had to look at them a certain way and they knew to stop. And there were no beatings involved. I think I was the one who took more of a "beating" than they did.

[Reeena 0]

I don't even know the "sister-in-law" story! I think I missed it in another thread. It seems this is about your sister-in-law not taking time away to spend with her sister, your wife? If not, forgive me.

Anyway, it just got me thinking that I too find it annoying, and I would really caution people who have kids about this. This is strictly just my opinion though!

I had two children, and it doesn't take away from who I am, or was. I had g/f's who once they had children spent EVERY AVAILABLE moment with their husbands and/or children. As a Mom...heck as a PERSON, I needed time away from my kids!! I needed ADULT time away. This in my opinion made me a better mother. There is a time and place for kids, and frankly, it's not always with adults. Hmm, I'm thinking I may have vented about this in another thread some time ago.

There is a time and place for ME as well. If I don't take care of ME, no one will. This includes time away with my friends and family without my children.

Again, if this is not what this sister-in-law story was about, or doesn't pertain to it, ignore me!

That's exactly what the "sister-in-law story" is about and I think you hit the nail on the head.

Nu-uh! That is not EXACTLY what you said, DPX. You went beyond the fact of just saying, "I wish my sister in law would spend a little one and one time with my wife..."

It was more like, "her kids are whiny, they scream, they are unruly, why doesn't she discipline them, etc."

I have 2 boy 1 1/2 and 7 years old. I love my boys and they may get on my nerves... but they are MY boys.

However if I am in the company of someones elses kids and they are whiny, scream, unruly and what not I have no desire to be there. I use to feel bad when shortly after I had my youngest friends had babies and I had no desire to hold them on talk baby talk to them... I have my own baby to hold and cuddle. Its weird because before the youngest was born the friends with babyies would stop into work and I'd be holding the baby >> not any more!!

[Sprailenes 47]

My inlaws do not agree with the way I choose to raise my son and that's caused a lot of conflict in the past. My MIL believes Ethan should be medicated, as she had both of her children medicated as they grew up.

The thing is, most people don't have a huge issue with my son, except them. So really its their own perception. I never had a huge issue with my son prior to them. They just seem to have such an issue with who Ethan is. As his mother, I do not. As his mother I will continue to raise him the way I have been raising him because it works for me and it works for him.

My point is, that they don't agree with the way I parent. That's fine. I am not asking for approval in the way I choose to raise my child. But parenting is not a straight line, just like kids are not a straight line... life is not a straight line. Discipline means something different for everyone.

[thetreble 19]

Amanda- I'm not in any way shape or form advocating hitting your children. I don't equate discipline with hitting or beating or anything like that. My definition of discipline is simply not allowing things to happen. I mean, in my opinion if you let your child know from a young age what is and isn't acceptable, they're pretty quick and catch on! My best friend has a 2 year old and a newborn and all she has to do is look at Lexi in a certain way and Lexi (the 2 year old) knows that she'd better cut it out. My best friend has never laid a hand on her.

In fact, I think that hitting a child and/or beating them has a completely adverse affect. It certainly did with me! It actually makes me kind of sad to see that discipline is automatically equated with hitting.

Again, it works for some children and it doesn't work for others. My dad had that look too...and I was scared to all hell of it. My little brother was scared to but he would do stuff any way.

I didn't think you were advocating hitting children or anything. And for the most part, I agree that children should be well behaved. I certainly was when I went over to someone's house because I knew if I wasn't, I'd be in trouble.

But again, not all kids were me or Lexi. I think we make generalizations that, "Well, if you let them know this is not acceptable it will be followed.."

Some kids are really high maintenance and they eventually grow out of it. My brother is 21 now and one of the most relaxed people I know. He's a super respectful kid.

[The_Dude 1,142]

Amanda- I'm not in any way shape or form advocating hitting your children. I don't equate discipline with hitting or beating or anything like that. My definition of discipline is simply not allowing things to happen. I mean, in my opinion if you let your child know from a young age what is and isn't acceptable, they're pretty quick and catch on! My best friend has a 2 year old and a newborn and all she has to do is look at Lexi in a certain way and Lexi (the 2 year old) knows that she'd better cut it out. My best friend has never laid a hand on her.

In fact, I think that hitting a child and/or beating them has a completely adverse affect. It certainly did with me! It actually makes me kind of sad to see that discipline is automatically equated with hitting.

Again, it works for some children and it doesn't work for others. My dad had that look too...and I was scared to all hell of it. My little brother was scared to but he would do stuff any way.

I didn't think you were advocating hitting children or anything. And for the most part, I agree that children should be well behaved. I certainly was when I went over to someone's house because I knew if I wasn't, I'd be in trouble.

But again, not all kids were me or Lexi. I think we make generalizations that, "Well, if you let them know this is not acceptable it will be followed.."

Some kids are really high maintenance and they eventually grow out of it. My brother is 21 now and one of the most relaxed people I know. He's a super respectful kid.

My parents had that look that would strike fear into me and my sister. But it was only effective after getting spanked several times. There is a definite line between disciplining your children and beating them. I think it is perfectly OK to spank your kids, but just dont' cross that line.....

Like you said, some kids react well to discipline (my sister) and some don't (me). My family had a nickname for me when I was a kid..... Robespierre. I was a terror as a child, and there was virtually no punishment that would stop me. Now take into context that this was the 1980's, so half of the stuff kids pull today wasn't even within the realm of possibilities then.

[Emancipation 2]

Like you said, some kids react well to discipline (my sister) and some don't (me). My family had a nickname for me when I was a kid..... Robespierre. I was a terror as a child, and there was virtually no punishment that would stop me. Now take into context that this was the 1980's, so half of the stuff kids pull today wasn't even within the realm of possibilities then.

You sound like my brother.. my parents could spank him all day and he wouldn't care.. he was wild and would run down to the highway and lay on the pavement because it was "warm" in the summer.. so they had to tie him to the back doorstep when he played outside.. sure wouldn't be "allowed" today

But if you took his lego away.. THEMS was fighting words

[The_Dude 1,142]

Like you said, some kids react well to discipline (my sister) and some don't (me). My family had a nickname for me when I was a kid..... Robespierre. I was a terror as a child, and there was virtually no punishment that would stop me. Now take into context that this was the 1980's, so half of the stuff kids pull today wasn't even within the realm of possibilities then.

You sound like my brother.. my parents could spank him all day and he wouldn't care.. he was wild and would run down to the highway and lay on the pavement because it was "warm" in the summer.. so they had to tie him to the back doorstep when he played outside.. sure wouldn't be "allowed" today

But if you took his lego away.. THEMS was fighting words

LoL, When I was 11 on a summer vacation at the Grand Canyon. My mom kept saying "Don't get too close to the rail", so of course, I got up and was sitting on the railing. My mom went absolutely nuts and was running over to drag me off, so I hopped over on the other side and was screaming "look mom, this is cool". In hindsight, hangong on the wrong side of a railing that is overlooking a 1200ft drop wasn't the best idea..... but at that age, there was no convincing me of that

[Krikit 1,163]

Ohmygod, that poor woman.

Just remember, Rob. Karma, baby.

[Sprailenes 47]

My mother did things parents would always threaten to do but she would actually follow through with them. Example:

I skipped 3 days of highschool school and got caught. She dealt with the situation by getting dressed up in furry kmart slippers, a shower cap and a house coat and she walked me to every single class.

I never... ever skipped class again.

[Emancipation 2]

I skipped 3 days of highschool school and got caught. She dealt with the situation by getting dressed up in furry kmart slippers, a shower cap and a house coat and she walked me to every single class.

I never... ever skipped class again.

Awesome.. yer mum rocks!!!

[Krikit 1,163]

My mother did things parents would always threaten to do but she would actually follow through with them. Example:

I skipped 3 days of highschool school and got caught. She dealt with the situation by getting dressed up in furry kmart slippers, a shower cap and a house coat and she walked me to every single class.

I never... ever skipped class again.

That reminds me of my sister-in-law. Her daughters kept forgetting their lunches and their homework and would be forever calling Sharon to bring them to the school for them. So Sharon told them that the next time they insisted she bring the missing items she would show up in the same type of attire.... curlers, housedress, etc.... and then followed through with it. They never called her again.

[Sprailenes 47]

Yea she was nutty.

I also ran away from home at 16 from North Bay to attend Lollapalooza in Barrie. I had saved up my own money for a ticket and she wouldn’t let me go alone. So the morning of the concert I told her I was running to the store and instead of the store I went to the highway and hitched a ride with a trucker to Barrie. I was 16 and Smashing Pumpkins were playing… no one was going to stand in the way.

Well she wasn’t stupid, she figured out what was going on and when I got home 28 hours later, she had completely emptied out my room minus my clothes and bed. My posters, my tapes, my stereo, EVERYTHING was gone.

I think it was then I decided to move out and that summer I left for Toronto.

[Reeena 0]

Wow!! I guess you don't have any family left here in the Bay??

[Sprailenes 47]

No not really my mom now lives in Midland.

I have a lot of 'friends' in North Bay but I don't really go back.

I say 'friends' because I haven't seen this people in years but they insist on updating me with their lives every now and then through fb or email.

[Emancipation 2]

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/montreal/story/20...s-dad-0407.html

have you guys seen this?