Should I take the offer?

[Amy&Xin 0]

Dear all, I have a decision I need to make soon. I want to hear the inputs from you all.

Currently, I have an opportunity to transfer to a top1 school to continue my graduate study, which requires me to move to a different state this coming fall. However, my wife is also in school, and she can't relocate with me. The program is a year long program. I will be done by the summer of 2010. Right now, I am waiting for my AOS interview notice, EAD, and AP. I sent my package on Jan 20th, and replied a RFE on Feb 18th. My expected interview date should be sometime this summer. If I do decide to take this opportunity, and the interview date comes in after I move, I understand that will create unnecessary trouble for the interview. If the interview date comes in before I move, I think I might need to take another interview after 2 years(possibly?)

Here are some cons and pros:

Stay: cons: Extremely unhappy with my current program, won't graduate in 2 years, lower ranked school. pros: can be with my wife, better for immigration purpose, no tuition.

Move: cons: Expensive tuition, apart from my wife, create trouble for immigration. Pros: Top ranked school, graduate in a year

I want to hear what you guys think on this matter.

P.S. I am going to do an internship this summer in another state, I will probably need to fly back if the interview comes in this time period.

[Jasman0717 8]

What is your conscience telling you?

[Amy&Xin 0]

I don't know. I am so confused at this point.

What is your conscience telling you?

[Craneman 2]

I don't know. I am so confused at this point.

What is your conscience telling you?

If you turely wanted to stay with your wife there would be no confusion.

[mkg265 2]

What is the best for your future?

I left my husband in Albania to return the to the US to find a job because it was better for us as a family but YOU need to decide what is the best for YOU and YOUR family. Sometimes separation is better, sometimes it just makes things worse.

Good Luck whatever you decide to do!

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I don't know. I am so confused at this point.

What is your conscience telling you?

If you turely wanted to stay with your wife there would be no confusion.

And if you truly want to be a serious and respected PhD graduate with more opportunities to teach and research in recognized universities and hence provide a much better life for yourself AND your wife, there would be no confusion either.

Sheesh craneman, how little is your brain?

[Craneman 2]

I don't know. I am so confused at this point.

What is your conscience telling you?

If you turely wanted to stay with your wife there would be no confusion.

And if you truly want to be a serious and respected PhD graduate with more opportunities to teach and research in recognized universities and hence provide a much better life for yourself AND your wife, there would be no confusion either.

Sheesh craneman, how little is your brain?

And you think he would be the only one with a PHD???

[Chica Yeyé 41]

I don't know. I am so confused at this point.

What is your conscience telling you?

If you turely wanted to stay with your wife there would be no confusion.

And if you truly want to be a serious and respected PhD graduate with more opportunities to teach and research in recognized universities and hence provide a much better life for yourself AND your wife, there would be no confusion either.

Sheesh craneman, how little is your brain?

And you think he would be the only one with a PHD???

Did I say that? Sorry if I cannot write down to your grade 5 reading comprehension level. Next.

[Amy&Xin 0]

Thanks Len. Just to be clear here, I am transferring from a Phd program to a master program. I will be 3 years in my phd program by the time I transfer. The reason I want to transfer is that I am having a lot of issues with my current advisor, doing research with him becomes such a pain. Another downside of transferring is I will be giving up my 3 years I studied my current school.

Currently, I am a little leaning to stay, since I will be with my wife, and less immigration hassle, but on the other side, I will probably keep being unhappy and struggling with my douche-bad advisor.

I don't know. I am so confused at this point.

What is your conscience telling you?

If you turely wanted to stay with your wife there would be no confusion.

And if you truly want to be a serious and respected PhD graduate with more opportunities to teach and research in recognized universities and hence provide a much better life for yourself AND your wife, there would be no confusion either.

Sheesh craneman, how little is your brain?

[Amy&Xin 0]

Hehe, guys, thanks for putting thoughts here, but no need to argue.

I don't know. I am so confused at this point.

What is your conscience telling you?

If you turely wanted to stay with your wife there would be no confusion.

And if you truly want to be a serious and respected PhD graduate with more opportunities to teach and research in recognized universities and hence provide a much better life for yourself AND your wife, there would be no confusion either.

Sheesh craneman, how little is your brain?

And you think he would be the only one with a PHD???

Did I say that? Sorry if I cannot write down to your grade 5 reading comprehension level. Next.

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Thanks Len. Just to be clear here, I am transferring from a Phd program to a master program. I will be 3 years in my phd program by the time I transfer. The reason I want to transfer is that I am having a lot of issues with my current advisor, doing research with him becomes such a pain. Another downside of transferring is I will be giving up my 3 years I studied my current school.

Currently, I am a little leaning to stay, since I will be with my wife, and less immigration hassle, but on the other side, I will probably keep being unhappy and struggling with my douche-bad advisor.

Ok, that changes things. Down-transferring degrees is not something I would recommend to any grad student. At all.

Go to your Assistant/Associate Dean for graduate affairs and ask that your advisor be replaced. Professors can be really mean azzzzholes and you need to work with someone that encourages you and sees you as a junior colleague.

If it gets nastier -and it can- switch departments if possible -- I have a couple of friends who did exactly that and are happy as clams.

If you manage that: finish the doctorate where you are and then post-doc elsewhere

[ikarus 1]

given the bad economy---which program offers you the biggest opportunity of finding a job? In more prosperous times I would have said, do what makes you the happiest, of course with family in mind; since you are asking the forum, I presume your wife is ok with either choice. Keep in mind that there is a possibility the economy is only going to get worst and jobs will most likely be harder to find---so which of the opportunities will give you a more secure future?

And another thing---given the economy, not sure how good school rankings are. There are well qualified individual competing with the average joe.

Good luck with your decision.

Edited March 5, 2009 by ikarus

[Chica Yeyé 41]

You got me curious so I checked something around that might help you. You might have the possibility of transferring credits to the Tier I university and fast-track to a PhD there, even if you start registered at the Master level. Some univs. allow this so it is worth checking out.

[Amy&Xin 0]

You know, I have thought about finding a new advisor. My school friends also strongly advised against it.

Their concern is most professors wouldn't want to piss off my current advisor by taking me; and his influence in the department might hinder my graduation.

He is the kind of advisors that treat you like 3 year old, yell at you all the time, make negative comments on your dress and hairstyle. And on top of that, I don't quite agree that way he does research. I feel like I am wasting my time with him. I also applied a few other different phd programs, and I haven't heard back from them yet. Getting to another phd program probably means another 5 years of student life for me, and I am now so sick of being a student(I think it has a lot of do with my advisor). I am not very sure how well I can finish it given my current situation.

Thanks Len. Just to be clear here, I am transferring from a Phd program to a master program. I will be 3 years in my phd program by the time I transfer. The reason I want to transfer is that I am having a lot of issues with my current advisor, doing research with him becomes such a pain. Another downside of transferring is I will be giving up my 3 years I studied my current school.

Currently, I am a little leaning to stay, since I will be with my wife, and less immigration hassle, but on the other side, I will probably keep being unhappy and struggling with my douche-bad advisor.

Ok, that changes things. Down-transferring degrees is not something I would recommend to any grad student. At all.

Go to your Assistant/Associate Dean for graduate affairs and ask that your advisor be replaced. Professors can be really mean azzzzholes and you need to work with someone that encourages you and sees you as a junior colleague.

If it gets nastier -and it can- switch departments if possible -- I have a couple of friends who did exactly that and are happy as clams.

If you manage that: finish the doctorate where you are and then post-doc elsewhere

[Amy&Xin 0]

I already checked it out. Most schools only allow transferring 2 courses. To me, its not good enough.

You got me curious so I checked something around that might help you. You might have the possibility of transferring credits to the Tier I university and fast-track to a PhD there, even if you start registered at the Master level. Some univs. allow this so it is worth checking out.