Modern office vocabulary

[cajunasian 0]

Assmosis

The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.

Blamestorming

Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

Seagull Manager

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.

Salmon day

The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

Chainsaw consultant

An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

CLM

Career Limiting Move — Used among microserfs to describe ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious CLM. (Also known as CLB — Career Limiting Behavior)

Adminisphere

The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

Dilberted

To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character. “I've been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week.”

Flight Risk

Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

404

Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found,” meaning that the requested document could not be located. “Don't bother asking him . . . he's 404, man.”

Ohnosecond

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Percussive Maintenance

The fine art of whacking the ####### out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

Prairie Dogging

When someone yells or drops something loudly in a “cube farm” (an office full of cubicles) and everyone's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

Edited June 17, 2006 by cajunasian

[Hilarious Clinton 452]

[iceyspots 0]

Flight Risk

Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

lol

I was this a couple of times!!

[Nessa 23]

Ohnosecond

That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

been there

[Scott & Lai 12]

I've heard of a number of these for some time. This is one of my favorites:

Seagull Manager

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.

[silvanski 1]

Flight Risk

Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

lol

I was this a couple of times!!

Thanks to some flight riskers actually doing it I managed to rise in my current job

I've heard of a number of these for some time. This is one of my favorites:

Seagull Manager

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.

That's our VP

[cajunasian 0]

Here are so more:

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation’s answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. It’s what yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace

WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously passing gas while passing through a Cube Farm.

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

I've heard of a number of these for some time. This is one of my favorites:

Seagull Manager

A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything and then leaves.

Oh yeah! That would be mine! She works from home 3 days a week, comes in for Thursday and slow Friday and gives the thumbs down on everything we've done all week!