Surname question

[anka 1]

Hey guys...

So, this will be one of the dumber, perhaps less drastic questions on here but I have been wondering this forever and so now will finally ask for answers, erm, guidance!

When my fiance (a Russian male, obviously) and I marry, what do I do about the surname??? I mean, I am all about taking his name and making my father's name my maiden name. Woot! And no hyphentated, confusing things either! In Russia/n I would be Smirnova since he's Smirnov, but here in the USA those are two completely separate names, despite one extra letter. This would not be recognized as the same name, right? Somehow I think not...

I mean, Smirnov would be kinda bearable but when we go to Russia, it would be a little silly and I'd even giggle at myself for being legally named Anna Smirnova Smirnov in my passport/visa/ID.

So, for all you women who've married Russians/Belorussians/Etc., what did you do with you surname? If you took his name, is "-a"/feminine ending? Or without? What do you think is the best option (for me)? Complications? Any complication stories to add??? Of course, any advice is fantastic!!!!

Thanks so much!

Anna

[GiGii 4]

I kept my maiden name and never changed it. For one, I have degrees in my name, I dont want the mess of changing names with SS, ID's, passports, all that drama. He had no issue with it, so I left it.

Everytime I say I'm married, they think my husbands last name is mine... and they think something is wrong when its not. Annoying a bit, but got used to it. Most Russians when they hear my name differing from husbands, give me a dirty look, like something isnt legit. But it is, and I dont care of their old way of thinking.

My MIL has her maiden name, with a hyphen and husbands last name. I hate when people do this, so I didn't.

We didnt have a problem anywhere with USCIS due to me leaving it.

Now about your feminine version of the last name, I say do it. Let it be Smirnova, most will know its the same name. Other nationalities also have this variation. The only tiny problem I see with this is, that if people see your husbands name first, they may think your "a" at the end is a typo and leave it off future stuff. So be cautious to correct, or get used to seeing it both ways.

[eekee 182]

You can change your name to pretty much whatever you want. I mean, it may confuse some people, but it's your name, not theirs.

If you want to have kids, that's another question, too.

[amberdima 6]

i've asked my fiance about this before. i don't think you use the 'a' feminine ending. it'll be just 'smirnov.'

[Melissa&Vadim 0]

I decided to take my husband's name, without the feminine ending. Actually, it is pretty close to your future husband's last name, S***ov! I'm thinking people will have a lot easier time pronouncing your husband's surname, for obvious reasons, than my new surname!

We talked about this decision for awhile, too. My former surname was really simple, but I wanted to share everything with my husband, including his name. I also wanted to cut as many ties with the past (former surname included) as possible. That's a different story Of course, my son wants to change his name too, but I want to give him some time to make sure he doesn't change his mind before it's too late. We decided since we will live in the US (for the time being), that it wouldn't make sense to add a feminine ending, and if we ever live in Russia, that ending would probably change according to custom. Let us know what you decide!

[Satellite 1]

The solution is to find a Russian fiance whose name does not decline. Like mine, but that's because the origin of the last name is not Russian When you have a non-declining Russian name; both partners keep the same name by the way.

[eekee 182]

i've asked my fiance about this before. i don't think you use the 'a' feminine ending. it'll be just 'smirnov.'

Why not?

If it helps any, the girls I know who immigrated as children kept the feminine endings to their name, as did their mothers, despite the fact that their fathers/brothers would have a different name.

Edited February 21, 2009 by eekee

[chili74 0]

I know 2 women who took their Russian husband's surname and have an "a" on the end.

I have kept my maiden name as my husband begged me to, due to his perception of the the inconvenience to change documents (I honestly haven't any clue how one changes their surname!) and the sound of his own surname, which he thinks is hard for people here to say/spell. We are still mulling it all over though!

[amberdima 6]

i've asked my fiance about this before. i don't think you use the 'a' feminine ending. it'll be just 'smirnov.'

Why not?

If it helps any, the girls I know who immigrated as children kept the feminine endings to their name, as did their mothers, despite the fact that their fathers/brothers would have a different name.

idk- he said if we were in belarus it would end with an 'a.' here- it won't. apparently it's a personal choice of keeping russian traditions or accepting american norms.

[mox 298]

If you want to decline your name with his name, you might have to go through a name change in court, depending on your state's rules. For example, in Colorado you can change your name, or he can change his name, or you can hyphenate his or your name (or both), but you can't create a 'new' name. So in Colorado at least they won't let you take his name with an 'a' appended. To do that you'd have to file to have your name changed. Other states will have their own rules, but I'm guessing most states operate in roughly the same way.

[sashitaski 3]

It really depends on where you think you'll be spending most of your time. My husband and I plan to live in the U.S. (and possibly Europe someday in the future), so I decided to take his surname without the a. I could, of course, take the a, but for me it's not worth it to go through the hassle of explaining millions and millions of times why our last names are different but the same. If we planned to live in Russia, I would definitely take the a. However, I think that whenever we go to Russia to visit, I could add the a on for anything except official documents. For example, obviously my visa will not have my name spelled with an a, but if I open a discount card at a store or sign up for a class or something like that, I could always add the a on there.

[slim 1,514]

My wife came here and changed her name to mine. Now, she's wanting to change it back. She's said that since she took on my surname it doesn't suit her well and it's changed her luck in life. I asked her what would happen if we went to Russia and I had to change my name to a Russian name. Would I change it to hers? (Really to her father's?) I know I'd never change my surname but I have contemplated what we'd name the (hypothetical) kids if we were in Russia while they were born.

The nice thing about Russian/American is you can keep your own name and it's really not a big deal.

What I would suggest for the OP is to change your name to the "a" form of his name. If you were getting married to an American man, you'd take his name, right? Well, since your fiance is Russian, shouldn't you do it "Russian style" and change your name to the feminine form of his? If you're going to be traditional, do it all the way!

Who cares how many ignoramous-Americani ask you why your name is kind of like his but different.

[russ 1]

The solution is to find a Russian fiance whose name does not decline. Like mine, but that's because the origin of the last name is not Russian When you have a non-declining Russian name; both partners keep the same name by the

I agree - this is easiest... My wife has an in-declinable last name too. Further complicating things, I never know how to address letters (normally names delcine to the dative case).

I don't think it matters much at all, since Russians tend to use NAME + PATRYNOMIC in formal situations far more than a last/family name.

I would add the "a" to the name, as it would sound funny otherwise.

Best solution is probably have your husband change his name to something more "American," and then use that yourself too (or pick something Russian that doesn't decline for simplicity).

[eekee 182]

The solution is to find a Russian fiance whose name does not decline. Like mine, but that's because the origin of the last name is not Russian When you have a non-declining Russian name; both partners keep the same name by the

I agree - this is easiest... My wife has an in-declinable last name too. Further complicating things, I never know how to address letters (normally names delcine to the dative case).

I don't think it matters much at all, since Russians tend to use NAME + PATRYNOMIC in formal situations far more than a last/family name.

I would add the "a" to the name, as it would sound funny otherwise.

Best solution is probably have your husband change his name to something more "American," and then use that yourself too (or pick something Russian that doesn't decline for simplicity).

I think that it's really sad when names are Americanized, and it is very rarely done nowadays anyway. Are you suggesting that you take "Vladimir Igorevich Ivanov" and turn him into Walter George Johnson?

It was done when being from Eastern Europe was considered something to be ashamed of. I don't really think we should go back to that.

Edited February 25, 2009 by eekee

[slim 1,514]

Are you suggesting that you take "Vladimir Igorevich Ivanov" and turn him into Walter George Johnson?

It was done when being from Eastern Europe was considered something to be ashamed of. I don't really think we should go back to that.

Yeah, but taking the "a" form of a Russian name is, in effect, creating a whole new name here in the U.S. In Russia, everyone knows Smirnova is just like Smirnov but a woman. Here in the U.S., "it's weird that your name is different than your husband's."

What's a girl to do?