No wedding

[coria1988 0]

Hey,

my fiancé has acted so weird today.

We have already filed for K1 and everything should be ready soon. Waiting for Pkt. 4 to arrive.

And now my fiancé wants to wait to marry me. I dont understand anything no more.

He once told me that it would be harder for hm to get deployed when he has a wife.

And guess what...I found out later on that his 1st sgt told him that he gets deployed next year.

Now he doesnt wanna get married until in two years when he - hopefully - gets stationed in Germany again.

I do love him so much and I dont understand it no more right now....

I am so scared of what will happen.....

I dont find the words no more to write everything I wanted to...

Can anybody give me advice how to deal with it?????

[brokensmile 0]

Hey,

my fiancé has acted so weird today.

We have already filed for K1 and everything should be ready soon. Waiting for Pkt. 4 to arrive.

And now my fiancé wants to wait to marry me. I dont understand anything no more.

He once told me that it would be harder for hm to get deployed when he has a wife.

And guess what...I found out later on that his 1st sgt told him that he gets deployed next year.

Now he doesnt wanna get married until in two years when he - hopefully - gets stationed in Germany again.

I do love him so much and I dont understand it no more right now....

I am so scared of what will happen.....

I dont find the words no more to write everything I wanted to...

Can anybody give me advice how to deal with it?????

try to talk to him about what you felt today, about whats bothering you on that issue, communication is the best answer to all that questions. hope evrything will go fine with you and keep praying about it. good luck

[rootbeer 0]

The petition and visa have deadlines. He has to understand that the wedding cannot wait for 2 years. He will have to fle another petition at that point and probably also explain why he let the previous one expire. Try to keep calm and confront him objectively on whether the wedding can or cannot happen given the timelines. Do not waste money to apply for the visa if it cannot happen. I hope all will be well and this is just a sudden short term emotional bump.

[Cham 3]

I agree with both posters!

I am SO sorry he is doing this to you and it sounds like someone is scare of a full blown commitment. I would sit with him with an open mind and calm and find out IF this wedding is going to happen or not because he can't expect you to sit and wait forever to get married either.

The visa has a time limit on it and once it expires to be used he will have to start ALL over again.

Here you are SO close and he does this?? Like I said something is FUNNY and I do not think he is ready to be married if he is doing this. It is better to find out NOW then after you get here and he leaves you with no money stranded in a different country:(

I will be thinking of you and praying for you. I hope he realizes how he is hurting your heart by doing this and wakes up!!

HUGS!!

Meri and Kai

[coria1988 0]

Thank you for giving me advice.

When I receive Pkt. 4 can I postpone the interview appointment? If yes, for how long?

And when does it expire?

I mean he said that if he did not have to leave I should come and we would get married.

But I have no clue when he will know.

When I asked him he said that he didnt know it and that it would be for one year.

Does anybody know how long in advance they are told to get deployed for sure (on a hard copy)?

Thank you.

[Stinky Monkey 1]

You can go for the interview and not give them your passport, they will delay issueing but I am not sure for how long, you will have to check with your consulate.

So sorry for your situation, but if there are problems better to sort them out now before you go to the States to get married,than to have problems later on, when you have given up your life to move

[Krikit 1,163]

Coria, you can request another interview date once you receive your appointment letter. At the interview, you can request that the visa be issued at a later date (but not indefinitely). After that you have six months to use it.

It is not clear what your fiancé's concerns are from your post. It may be that he thinks if he's deployed it will impact the visa process and adjustment of status, as well as leave you on your own in a new country. You may find these threads useful:

US Military Spouses Thread

US Military Expedite Procedures

All the best.

[coria1988 0]

Okay, he told me that he did not know for sure if he will get deployed and when it would be.

So I/we thought about trying to postpone the interview appointment a bit so in case he would know in NOV whats going on I could go to the interview or we could cancel the whole process.

If he does not know in november if he gets deployed or if he knows that he gets deployed we will marry in Germany

So then if they told him that he did not have to leave in January and we have already married in Germany I can not just go and live in the States either.

What would I have to do? Apply for a K3 visa? Or anything else? And how long would the whole process take again...

Thank you so much.

[Stinky Monkey 1]

Sorry to say if you do get married in Germany then you cant enter the states you will have to go back to square one and apply for K3 and start the whole process again

I hope that you can sort it out and carry on with the K1

[rootbeer 0]

Ok let's try to understand his point of view. Does he have a choice on whether he gets deployed or not and when? Will he lose his job if he does not follow orders? Try to find out if he has YOU as his top prioritity. Sounds like he's trying to fit you and the wedding in accordance to what is convenient for him. I find it hard to believe that his superior / employer will not be considerate about making some timing adjustments to allow for this important phase in his/your life. It's the same concept as filing a vacation from work. Isn't he allowed that? The whole operation will not shut down without him. No one is indispensible. If you go through with the interview, you would be able to join him very soon and file an Advance Parole to follow him wherever he is assigned... in about 3 months. And he's asking you to hold on for years! As I advised above, do not go through with the visa application if you are not 100% sure he is treating you right. You will feel even worse if you went through the paperwork (and expense!) for nothing. From the NOA2 date, i heard that you are given 4 months to file the visa. You can schedule the interview near end of the 4 months. Then the visa is valid for 6 months by which time you need to have entered the US.

[WeAreTogetherNow 2]

Ok let's try to understand his point of view. Does he have a choice on whether he gets deployed or not and when? Will he lose his job if he does not follow orders? Try to find out if he has YOU as his top prioritity. Sounds like he's trying to fit you and the wedding in accordance to what is convenient for him. I find it hard to believe that his superior / employer will not be considerate about making some timing adjustments to allow for this important phase in his/your life. It's the same concept as filing a vacation from work. Isn't he allowed that? The whole operation will not shut down without him. No one is indispensible. If you go through with the interview, you would be able to join him very soon and file an Advance Parole to follow him wherever he is assigned... in about 3 months. And he's asking you to hold on for years! As I advised above, do not go through with the visa application if you are not 100% sure he is treating you right. You will feel even worse if you went through the paperwork (and expense!) for nothing. From the NOA2 date, i heard that you are given 4 months to file the visa. You can schedule the interview near end of the 4 months. Then the visa is valid for 6 months by which time you need to have entered the US.

sorry, but it's not that easy! If you have a relationship with a soldier then you have to understand, that the army comes first. always!! if he gets deployed then he has to go! no chance to get out of that!!!

I know a lot of people who married before the deployment and got divorced after, cause the wife cheated on her husband or the other way around.

[jle930sl 0]

Have you asked him what his reason is for not wanting to marry you before he's deployed?

My thought is maybe he doesn't want to marry you now because he think it will be too painful for you and/or him to be married while he is deployed... perhaps he thinks that it'd be okay to just have a fiancee in Germany but not okay to have a wife waiting for him. Does that make sense? Ich kann auch Deutsch... also, wenn du es auf deutsch haben will, sag einfach etwas.

Again, I'd talk to him about his exact reasonings. If it's because he's afraid of your heart if you are actually his wife or if something happens to him, reassure him. It it were me, I'd rather get married now and deal with the deployment... than wait longer. His deployment won't magically hurt less just because you're not officially married.

Just wanted to see if that was maybe his issue. Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck.

[coria1988 0]

Does he have a choice on whether he gets deployed or not and when? Try to find out if he has YOU as his top prioritity.

No, if the army tells him that he gets deployed he has to go. And he does not know when or if he has to go at all.

Well before he said that I was more important than the army to him, but he also needs the army as his career and as a source of income, but also because he likes it. But the day when he told me that he might have to leave he said that the army meant as much to him as I do (getting ready for deployment or sth like that he said...). And that day he also said weird things like "I am army all the way and you better get used to it" that was sooooooooo weird and later he said sth. that he can only survive deployment when his mind is up for it. Well then he asked me if I would wait for him....

Have you asked him what his reason is for not wanting to marry you before he's deployed?

My thought is maybe he doesn't want to marry you now because he think it will be too painful for you and/or him to be married while he is deployed... perhaps he thinks that it'd be okay to just have a fiancee in Germany but not okay to have a wife waiting for him. Does that make sense? Ich kann auch Deutsch... also, wenn du es auf deutsch haben will, sag einfach etwas.

Again, I'd talk to him about his exact reasonings. If it's because he's afraid of your heart if you are actually his wife or if something happens to him, reassure him. It it were me, I'd rather get married now and deal with the deployment... than wait longer. His deployment won't magically hurt less just because you're not officially married.

Just wanted to see if that was maybe his issue. Whatever happens, I wish you the best of luck.

Naja, d. h. er ja am Anfang auch gesagt, dass es ihm schwerer fallen würde wenn wir verheiratet sind. Aber ich verstehe den Grund dafür nicht. Ich habe ihm aber den Vorschlag gemacht hier in Dtl. dann im Dezember zu heiraten wenn er zu Besuch kommt wenn er das möchte und er fand das auch keine schlechte Idee. Auf jeden Fall möchte er nicht, dass wir in den USA heiraten, solange noch nicht feststeht, ob er gehen muss oder nicht. Er möchte nicht, dass ich alleine dann in den USA wäre und nicht sofort nach Dtl. gehen könnte wenn ich das möchte (ich kenne ja keinen dort ).

Btw...ist dein Freund auch in der Army?

[Brad and Vika 129]

Maybe I missed something here. As a veteran, I wonder if he wants to delay in case something happens to him on his deployment. A valid concern for any military man, and if so, he is delaying out of concern for the OP. Just my two cents. Sorry if I missed the deployment location (if it is safe).

[coria1988 0]

Maybe I missed something here. As a veteran, I wonder if he wants to delay in case something happens to him on his deployment. A valid concern for any military man, and if so, he is delaying out of concern for the OP. Just my two cents. Sorry if I missed the deployment location (if it is safe).

What is OP? And what do you mean with "Just my two cents. Sorry if I missed the deployment location.?

Can anybody tell me what would be best to file?

- K3-visa

- CR-1/IR-1 or

- Direct consular filing???