Cheating

[Ban Hammer 12,901]

Someone moved it but I intended it to be for the PI because not all PI posters look in the OT forum so I moved it back.

which is where i thought it belonged anyways, given the content of the thread.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I have a lot of friends married to Filipinas and so far about 75% of the Filipinas have cheated on their husbands. Is this a normal thing in the Philippines? One friend treated his wife like a queen and she still got a boyfriend on the side and was even renting an apartment for him using my friend's money. I just don't understand this cheating thing. I am going to have long discussions with my wife but wanted to get feedback here on this board too.

I am Filipina married to a USC. I have recently gotten my EAD & SS. I can work and earn my own money more than what my husband earns. In my opinion, those cheating women only married their husbands in the first place just to be able to get something from them like money or green card. I consider your friend's wife a liar and a thief and your friend has been deceived from the very start. I believe in a monogamous relationship and karma. If there will come a time that I or my husband is not happy anymore with our marriage and the possibility of working it out is not going to happen, I will let my husband know how I feel and ask for a divorce before starting any new relationship with someone else.

I used the 75% thingy because all my friends I know in the RP and their associates report that in the past year 15 Filipino/American couples living in the Philippines have broken up because the woman was cheating on her husband with a Filipino.

My friend doesnt' know when his wife started cheating but he really took good care of her. He gave her an ATM card so she could pull money from his bank here in the U.S. to pay bills and buy food and never questioned her for what she spent it on. He rented a huge compound out to the East of CDO that had a six bedroom house with two kitchens and a cloth washing area. He put in equipment that heated the water and even bought her a clothes washing machine. He had two maids for her, one for the house work and one for taking care of her son. He was so good to her so I was just totally shocked that she was cheating on him and even renting an apartment for her boyfriend. He got so discouraged that he just packed up and left so now she is half starving all the time. It is just a crazy action to do something like that and loose everything and makes no sense.

Jim, no offense to the friends you know have been cheated on, but perhaps they are just hooking up with the wrong kind of women? I think a huge gap in finances (USC vs. Filipina) makes it more common for marriage fraud to occur. For example, this friend's wife is now half starving once he left. If the two of them were on more equal footing in terms of finances, then money would not be so much a factor in their courtship, IMO. Even if a Filipina has modest means, if she is well educated and has a career, that would lesson the likelihood that a woman like that is looking for a man to rescue her financially.

[Jasman0717 8]

Jim, no offense to the friends you know have been cheated on, but perhaps they are just hooking up with the wrong kind of women? I think a huge gap in finances (USC vs. Filipina) makes it more common for marriage fraud to occur. For example, this friend's wife is now half starving once he left. If the two of them were on more equal footing in terms of finances, then money would not be so much a factor in their courtship, IMO. Even if a Filipina has modest means, if she is well educated and has a career, that would lesson the likelihood that a woman like that is looking for a man to rescue her financially.

I think she is starving now because that was his reaction, he left the PI. I just don't understand why she would jeoperdize what she had for her and her son. She gave up everything!

[envy_me 18]

He really seemed to attend to her every need but I didn't see what was happening behind closed doors so who knows. I just think it odd that several of my friends have achy breaky hearts now. Maybe there is a cheater bug going through the Philippines, at least on Mindanao

Jim, no offense to the friends you know have been cheated on, but perhaps they are just hooking up with the wrong kind of women? I think a huge gap in finances (USC vs. Filipina) makes it more common for marriage fraud to occur. For example, this friend's wife is now half starving once he left. If the two of them were on more equal footing in terms of finances, then money would not be so much a factor in their courtship, IMO. Even if a Filipina has modest means, if she is well educated and has a career, that would lesson the likelihood that a woman like that is looking for a man to rescue her financially.

agreed to jaber..

to jasman : how can u say "maybe there's a cheater bug going through the philippines, at least on mindanao"..

what if your friends are just meeting the "wrong women"..

why put the blame on women if from the start he dint choose the right one..

[envy_me 18]

Jim, no offense to the friends you know have been cheated on, but perhaps they are just hooking up with the wrong kind of women? I think a huge gap in finances (USC vs. Filipina) makes it more common for marriage fraud to occur. For example, this friend's wife is now half starving once he left. If the two of them were on more equal footing in terms of finances, then money would not be so much a factor in their courtship, IMO. Even if a Filipina has modest means, if she is well educated and has a career, that would lesson the likelihood that a woman like that is looking for a man to rescue her financially.

I think she is starving now because that was his reaction, he left the PI. I just don't understand why she would jeoperdize what she had for her and her son. She gave up everything!

sad to hear that..

but people got their own reasons..

that we can never fathom no matter how we try..

Edited September 24, 2008 by envy_me

[Jasman0717 8]

He really seemed to attend to her every need but I didn't see what was happening behind closed doors so who knows. I just think it odd that several of my friends have achy breaky hearts now. Maybe there is a cheater bug going through the Philippines, at least on Mindanao

Jim, no offense to the friends you know have been cheated on, but perhaps they are just hooking up with the wrong kind of women? I think a huge gap in finances (USC vs. Filipina) makes it more common for marriage fraud to occur. For example, this friend's wife is now half starving once he left. If the two of them were on more equal footing in terms of finances, then money would not be so much a factor in their courtship, IMO. Even if a Filipina has modest means, if she is well educated and has a career, that would lesson the likelihood that a woman like that is looking for a man to rescue her financially.

agreed to jaber..

to jasman : how can u say "maybe there's a cheater bug going through the philippines, at least on mindanao"..

what if your friends are just meeting the "wrong women"..

why put the blame on women if from the start he dint choose the right one..

Then maybe you can explain how to meet the "right women" then. These girls, the ones I know, are all from Mindanao and usually have stronger moral values than places like Manila. I have met most of them when I was there last and they all seems like very sweet individuals. This whole thing just seems to conflict with the culture

[Jasman0717 8]

I am going to have long discussions with my wife but wanted to get feedback here on this board too.

I would approach that subject carefully. Do you have some reason to believe your wife is in the 75% majority? Do you fear she could cheat on you in the future given the right circumstances? Otherwise it may just piss her off.

My wife is here with me, not in CDO. I want to try and understand the Filipino mentality on this. My past experience, at least with the rural envionment is that it would be shocking behavior. It won't piss her off and she really is helpful in giving me insight to the culture.

[Mrs.J06 4]

JMHO, but in the context of immigration, I would surmise that a large percentage of these cheaters did not enter the marriage with bona fide intentions.

None of my friends' wives/girlfriends who cheated are in the U.S. The husband/boyfriend is living in the Philippines. I can probably live with not understanding the cheating if they aren't married but once you are married why cheat?

I guess the only way to find the answer to that(I'm sure there are lots of different reasons), is to wait for ppl who actually cheated and will admit to it and give you their reason for doing it.

And even then, I don't think their reason for doing it is going to be ok with you. As I see it, your belief is that cheating is wrong after you marry. I don't believe in cheating either... if you want out, then get out of a relationship then find someone else, it just makes it more complicated when it involves 3 ppl.. unless.. it's something else.. ah.. not ganna go there..lol..

Ingats!!

---IMO, I think alot of it has to do with temptation and how they grew up percieving a relationship.

My friend who just found out said his wife told him she was bored. Bored He was always taking her all over the place. They would go to several other islands and spend several days each at various beach resorts. I am just dizzy because this seems to be a reoccuring thing. I have been having some very deep conversations with my wife about this and she, like me, doesn't understand it.

You know what? I believe that. I saw it happen quite a few times. My husband's ex was the same way, didn't have to work, didn't know what to do with herself except go shopping, got bored and started a relationship with a guy she met on the internet. She did it for the thrill and because she was bored, I'd be willing to bet my b**t on it.

All these things that your friend provided his wife with left her with too much time on her hands. I'm not saying we should enslave our spouses to stop them from cheating, but we all need something meaningful to keep busy with, even if we don't have to do it for the money.

[MariaMichael 0]

Everywhere got cheaters, be it men or women, husbands or wives, bfs/gfs,etc...

have u conducted a research or had a reliable survey that u can say it's 75%? IF yes, that could include your wife..who knows???? If you are just basing it only among your friends, I don't think so u have the right to judge 75% of 'FILIPINAS' as such.

Edited September 24, 2008 by MariaMichael

[Jasman0717 8]

Everywhere got cheaters, be it men or women, husbands or wives, bfs/gfs,etc...

have u conducted a research or had a reliable survey that u can say it's 75%? IF yes, then guard your wife 100%..who knows. If you are just basing it only among your friends, I don't think so u have the right to judge 'FILIPINAS' as such.

I am saying this is personal experience. These guys are my friends with some living in CDO and some from Idaho and Colorado. It was just weird that so many had been broken hearted. I don't think I am judging anyone, just presenting a question as to why this might happen. It doesn't seem normal to me.

Maybe my friends are just a bunch of loosers and the women were tired of them

[Freddy007 1]

I have a lot of friends married to Filipinas and so far about 75% of the Filipinas have cheated on their husbands. Is this a normal thing in the Philippines? One friend treated his wife like a queen and she still got a boyfriend on the side and was even renting an apartment for him using my friend's money. I just don't understand this cheating thing. I am going to have long discussions with my wife but wanted to get feedback here on this board too.

Well guess what he can go to court and deport her back to Phil. Also she may never enter USA some get a 10 year ban. It happened to some of my friends.

Everyone is different. But you are going to marry a very pretty(maganda) woman then you better be more careful because men here do check pinoy and agressivly too.

When you pick a woman you pick the one that truely love you not just lies(Bola) talk.

It's easy to spot on too just open your eyes.

[Jasman0717 8]

I have a lot of friends married to Filipinas and so far about 75% of the Filipinas have cheated on their husbands. Is this a normal thing in the Philippines? One friend treated his wife like a queen and she still got a boyfriend on the side and was even renting an apartment for him using my friend's money. I just don't understand this cheating thing. I am going to have long discussions with my wife but wanted to get feedback here on this board too.

Well guess what he can go to court and deport her back to Phil. Also she may never enter USA some get a 10 year ban. It happened to some of my friends.

Everyone is different. But you are going to marry a very pretty(maganda) woman then you better be more careful because men here do check pinoy and agressivly too.

When you pick a woman you pick the one that truely love you not just lies(Bola) talk.

It's easy to spot on too just open your eyes.

Actually, none of them are in the US, they are all in the Philippines. That is why I think it is unusual. I can understand it if they were here....they became "Americanized"

[cjthel 0]

age gap

length of relationship before marriage

economic status of wife (probably)

faith in God

just some factors to consider before marrying anyone... I've heard about cheating stories with LDR's... can't speak for the cheating party... for some temptation is the factor... BUT, if you've known your partner for a sufficient time (my husband and I communicated for 3 yrs and 5 visits), have had difficult times together (and survived), and of course lots of good quality times... AND both have deep rooted faith in God, then it is a good chance that one's relationship is going to last long... COMMITMENT and FAITHFULNESS plus GOOD COMMUNICATION!!!

[one...two...tree 2,762]

Everywhere got cheaters, be it men or women, husbands or wives, bfs/gfs,etc...

have u conducted a research or had a reliable survey that u can say it's 75%? IF yes, then guard your wife 100%..who knows. If you are just basing it only among your friends, I don't think so u have the right to judge 'FILIPINAS' as such.

I am saying this is personal experience. These guys are my friends with some living in CDO and some from Idaho and Colorado. It was just weird that so many had been broken hearted. I don't think I am judging anyone, just presenting a question as to why this might happen. It doesn't seem normal to me.

Maybe my friends are just a bunch of loosers and the women were tired of them

I think it really comes down to the choice of spouse and I'm not suggesting that you can ever be guaranteed of fidelity in a marriage, a spouses upbringing and value system as well as relationship history probably shapes how they will behave in a marriage.

[LoriLawless 0]

Hate cheaters!!!!

Not that I'm bitter. What?