Please Help!! Confused and Don't Know Where to Begin...

[LovinLiberia 0]

Awwwww, darn....I was all hooked on the story at the end. Waiting for you to finish it.

[Ta Ta 1]

me too, why do I have the feeling it won't be a happy ending

[Zi Zi 0]

Awwwww, darn....I was all hooked on the story at the end. Waiting for you to finish it.

I know don't you hate it when work interferes with our life.

[LovinLiberia 0]

Yes, girl...he needs to tell his boss "Shoo, fly, don't bother me!"

I don't think the ending is gonna be very good, either. ...ya'll should've seen me reading it intently with my face resting on my fist, and so obviously not working...I was in major suspense mode, lol.

[K&A 0]

Imnop123...basically if you want to eliminate any doubts about your decision to go the K-1 route and about your man's true intentions, love and feelings about the relationship. Then I would say, either try to expand the two weeks visit or come and visit again another time if your job permits or instead of going the K-1 route right away, you can file for a visitor's visa and he can come and visit and stay for a longer time and then file for the K-1 if you are sure you want to marry at that time.

I write this because in your post the red flags that caught my attention is the fact that he originally tried to scam you, which from reading further that is no longer an issue and you and him have now a serious relationship. The other red flag is are you going through the K-1 route just to have him closer to you instead of different countries because you and him started dating this May 2008, and you will only visit for two weeks OR you and him are sure after this brief time that you are ready for the next step and taking the relationship to another level and READY want to get married.

If you picked the really wanting to get married and believe in your relationship, then since May 2008 is when you started dating and will be filing the K1 soon after your trip in near future... I would suggest having everything in your correspondence documented.

If possible do not use calling cards unless it is PINGO or your home or cell so you can show proof of communication, if there were letters or cards of any kind between the two of you keep them along with the envelope it came in to show date stamped, emails and any gifts exchanged etc. And lots of pics when you go for your visit.

I wish you good luck and a great outcome!

[bjejelola.isscamr 0]

I feel like I'm coming in late on this topic (I've been out of town for a few days), but I'll throw my opinion in anyways..........

First of all, when I went to Nigeria I was intending on marrying my SO there even though all my research before-hand had pointed in the direction of the K-1 being the quickest way. When I met with my SO and as the day got closer to when I had to leave ( I stayed 3 weeks ) I knew that I just wanted to be with him as soon as possible. I was so confused as to whether we should marry or not. I woke up one day and went to the US embassy in VI. It was kinda cool to enter the embassy as an American because I was able to by-pass the huge line outside. lol. I made an inquiry and even though most were reluctant to offer any advise concerning which was quicker....K-1 or K-3......I did find one man who offered up his opinion. He told me without a doubt, K-1 will be faster. We opted for that, and within a year, he was here. Only issue now, is that waiting for his greencard, work auth, etc...will be a wait....but we're ok with that.

As for him 'initially trying to scam you'.....well, I've talked about this with my husband. And he said that it is 100% possible that a man could start off with bad intentions, but have a change of heart by the end of it all. He said, "afterall, if a woman could love him, wait for him, go thru this Visa struggle with him, and if she has the love that he is looking for...then what else would he want". It sounds like you met your SO sort-of like I met mine. I was also looking at a Nigerian site. I had a friend over one day, a Nigerian man, and he was online on a site he visits to keep in touch with friends still in Nigeria. So when he left, I went back on that site and saw a profile of my husband. I wrote him an email, he responded back several days later.......and now here we are.

As for evidence, each case is different. As for us, we didn't have a joint account. We had many pics, many emails, and letters/cards that we had addressed to each others homes. I am five years older than my husband and I don't think they questioned this at all.

One more issue I wanted to address was your budget for the trip....Have you ever looked at a site called 'make-it-nigeria.com'. It has some lovely villa's for rent for a great price. My budget to go was $5,000. give or take a few dollars. I thought I had everything planned out well, including saving a lot of money staying at his family's house. But one thing about Nigeria that you don't realize until you get there is that you spend a LOT of money giving it away...as in, giving the family something to thank them for all their hospitality, possibly getting stopped by police and having to settle them (it happened to me 3 times), tipping photographers, drivers, etc. Its just a lot more than you might expect, so keep that in mind when you're making your budget. Well, good luck with everything!!!

''

Edited July 28, 2008 by Akinstacey

[angelic 0]

continuation

when she got to U.S. i went thru hell, she called the cops on me twice, i was thrown out of my house by the cops for a month, court case after court case

all kind of stuffs that is absolutely appalling, due to ignorance deception, new culture. if i continue to write it will just be too much. The perfect testimony is we had a baby girl in between us and we are going through counselling at the moment to fix the marriage.

the principles i'm trying to pass across is use your intiuition very well, never compromise in issues that will jeopardise your future.

principles to use

make sure he can grow in himself without you. you can only influence him ( you can a horse to the stream, you cannot put the water in his or her mouth

if you notice anything that is essential to be a man, that is lacking let him know, what his he doing to fix it and how.(monitor)

keep this at the back of your mind, it is a different ball game when you are outside of U.S. to somebody living in U.S. Getting to U.S. is one thing, being able to live in U.S. is another

know for sure pple change as soon as their circumstances and situation change (good or Bad)

patience is important, persevere,paying the price, commitment are essential they may not approve his petition on time.

if for example he said " i need to improve my career during yr discussing, he said i will enrol in a computer school, the basis of your evalutation is to find out if he enrolled, going for lectures, grades. (you are checking for consistency between word of mouth and action they must corrolate) don't be tempted to do we ehat he should be able to do on his own, the reason his (in his mind he will think since you did this for me before, u obligated to do forever( THIS NIGERIAN MENTALITY, AS SOON AS I GET TO AMERICA ALL MY PROBLEM WILL BE OVER! BUT YOU KNOW AMERICA IS JUST A LAND OF FEW OPPORTUNITIES, YOU NEED TO MAKE THE RIGHT CHOICES TO KNOW WHICH ONE IS TRUE AND WHICH ONE IS FALSE.

Try as much as possible to use your intuition and don't violate it if things are not consistent within the character structure of your friend. take care and God bless u

[LovinLiberia 0]

I havent' finished reading the story, but you totally threw me for a loop when you said you are still together. WOW!

Okay, finishing the story now..

[LovinLiberia 0]

Angelic, thanks for sharing...in the end, the moral of the story was good!

[Asante Maroon 0]

Imnop 123

All other things aside with the beginning of your situation, you seemed to have worked that out in your mind and seem very comfortable. My main concern would be the time frame of your visit. I think that is a major red flag, I think that a first visit of five days and then submission of documents based on the 5 days may pose an issue. I know travelling can be difficult, but, if possible please try and visit again or a few more times as the K1 works its way throuth the approval process. Beause the problem will not likely happen with NOA2 approval but solely at the Embassy.

Everyone seems stuck on e-mails, and they are a good source of evidence. But, phone calls are as well. My SO and I did not have 10 usable emails between the two of us (well I did but he was typing in a sort of pidgeon text message language) and some of them were Xrated and private, I submitted about 3 or 4 of his emails. But I had a years worth of Pingo call logs that showed we spoke on the phone atleast 3-5 times a day. My point is that PINGO or phone logs can help substantiate a relationship not just emails.

I mentioned this because you seem to want to give your man less reasons to go to the internet cafe and just wantedx to make sure you kenw that emails are not the only evidence to prove relationship.

I wish you happiness and success with the pursuit of your journey.

We_Destiny, you make an excellent point about the time frame of Imnop 123 visit

Imnop 123: If at all possible, I would spend at the very least 3 weeks with your SO. I know that may not be feasible to you with your career and all but I highly suggest this for a few reasons.

1. Only meeting your SO for the first time in 5 days will raise a red flag. Unless you have extreme hardships that would prevent u from staying longer (burden of proof will be on you), immigration would expect that you would either have longer stays in Nigeria of more frequent trips to see your SO.

I met my hubby during my first trip to GH. My second trip was 3 months...which brings me to #2

2. It was very important for me to stay a long time in GH in order to see if my hubby's intentions were really real. I did not doubt his intentions before, but I am a natural critic/Colombo and I just wanted to be sure. Staying 3 months allowed me the opportunity to read my hubby as well as his family and friends. 3 months with me up his a** 24/7 literally...he could not hide who he really was. I really got close to his fam and some of his friends and they were more than willing to tell me about his childhood to present...embarrassing stories and all.

I say this to tell you that you need to spend more time there to read people and to read him. You seem to have a great judge of character so you should be able to see people for who they really are. People can play the role in 5 days and even 3 weeks, but not for long so I really suggest that you maximize your time so that you know you are making the right decision. I'm not just saying this becuz your SO has been less than honest at one point...I'm saying this also out of pure compatibility. Are u guys meant for each other? My feelings for my SO was definitely solidified after a couple of months into me being in GH.

AS for the e-mails...

I sent all the intimate e-mails to USCIS. The more freaky the better Hey...I don't know them and they don't know me...I just know it made my case pretty strong. Girl, you should have seen my pics! I was so happy when the embassy called for my address to mail it back to me. And they actually did!

[reeses16 8]

I just wanted to revisit the e-mails phone card issue. You should have many forms of evidence and not rely too heavy on any one type. I had a ton of phone cards and a few bills which clearly showed my phone number placing a call to his cell phone. The CO refused to look at our phone records (I knew the cards themselves weren't that great, but thought that they would be okay given they were presented with bills where I did use my VoIP to call). She focused on our e-mails. I thought they weren't that and only wanted my hubby to take a few (at least 2 per month). Boy way I wrong. I'm glad he followed his intuition. He printed every single e-mail and brought with him to the interview. We had photos over time, different trips. Letters, cards, etc. But e-mails were her thing. She randomly went through the e-mails asking questions based on our communications. 5/6 question from his interview came from e-mails.

My recommendation is make sure you don't rely too heavily on any one form of evidence.

[We_Destiny 1]

Imnop 123

All other things aside with the beginning of your situation, you seemed to have worked that out in your mind and seem very comfortable. My main concern would be the time frame of your visit. I think that is a major red flag, I think that a first visit of five days and then submission of documents based on the 5 days may pose an issue. I know travelling can be difficult, but, if possible please try and visit again or a few more times as the K1 works its way throuth the approval process. Beause the problem will not likely happen with NOA2 approval but solely at the Embassy.

Everyone seems stuck on e-mails, and they are a good source of evidence. But, phone calls are as well. My SO and I did not have 10 usable emails between the two of us (well I did but he was typing in a sort of pidgeon text message language) and some of them were Xrated and private, I submitted about 3 or 4 of his emails. But I had a years worth of Pingo call logs that showed we spoke on the phone atleast 3-5 times a day. My point is that PINGO or phone logs can help substantiate a relationship not just emails.

I mentioned this because you seem to want to give your man less reasons to go to the internet cafe and just wantedx to make sure you kenw that emails are not the only evidence to prove relationship.

I wish you happiness and success with the pursuit of your journey.

We_Destiny, you make an excellent point about the time frame of Imnop 123 visit

Imnop 123: If at all possible, I would spend at the very least 3 weeks with your SO. I know that may not be feasible to you with your career and all but I highly suggest this for a few reasons.

1. Only meeting your SO for the first time in 5 days will raise a red flag. Unless you have extreme hardships that would prevent u from staying longer (burden of proof will be on you), immigration would expect that you would either have longer stays in Nigeria of more frequent trips to see your SO.

I met my hubby during my first trip to GH. My second trip was 3 months...which brings me to #2

2. It was very important for me to stay a long time in GH in order to see if my hubby's intentions were really real. I did not doubt his intentions before, but I am a natural critic/Colombo and I just wanted to be sure. Staying 3 months allowed me the opportunity to read my hubby as well as his family and friends. 3 months with me up his a** 24/7 literally...he could not hide who he really was. I really got close to his fam and some of his friends and they were more than willing to tell me about his childhood to present...embarrassing stories and all.

I say this to tell you that you need to spend more time there to read people and to read him. You seem to have a great judge of character so you should be able to see people for who they really are. People can play the role in 5 days and even 3 weeks, but not for long so I really suggest that you maximize your time so that you know you are making the right decision. I'm not just saying this becuz your SO has been less than honest at one point...I'm saying this also out of pure compatibility. Are u guys meant for each other? My feelings for my SO was definitely solidified after a couple of months into me being in GH.

AS for the e-mails...

I sent all the intimate e-mails to USCIS. The more freaky the better Hey...I don't know them and they don't know me...I just know it made my case pretty strong. Girl, you should have seen my pics! I was so happy when the embassy called for my address to mail it back to me. And they actually did!

.

AM your crazy "The more freaky the better"...

You showed them the real deal... probaby caused them to blush .

In that instance I was a bit of a prude , I did not give them any of the juicy details .

But I would have loved to see their reactions looking through your pics and emails.

[Asante Maroon 0]

AM your crazy "The more freaky the better"...

You showed them the real deal... probaby caused them to blush .

In that instance I was a bit of a prude , I did not give them any of the juicy details .

But I would have loved to see their reactions looking through your pics and emails.

:rofl: Girl! I was almost glad I couldn't make it to the interview The first woman at the embassy who handled our paperwork had a good old time teasing Kobby. She asked him if he went to church and where was it, cause she was gonna go there and tell his pastor what he does behind closed doors

Kobby is kind of private so I know he wanted to die from embarrassment!

We both had decided that if it meant submitting soft porn, we were gonna do it just to get him here so that we could be together.

I am sure our package was the talk of GH embassy

[totes 0]

AM your crazy "The more freaky the better"...

You showed them the real deal... probaby caused them to blush .

In that instance I was a bit of a prude , I did not give them any of the juicy details .

But I would have loved to see their reactions looking through your pics and emails.

:rofl: Girl! I was almost glad I couldn't make it to the interview The first woman at the embassy who handled our paperwork had a good old time teasing Kobby. She asked him if he went to church and where was it, cause she was gonna go there and tell his pastor what he does behind closed doors

Kobby is kind of private so I know he wanted to die from embarrassment!

We both had decided that if it meant submitting soft porn, we were gonna do it just to get him here so that we could be together.

I am sure our package was the talk of GH embassy

Too funny! Tony and I talked about giving it all to them, he said "if they want proof, let's give them proof". In the end, we didn't include those pages, in retrospect, maybe we should have

[Asante Maroon 0]

Too funny! Tony and I talked about giving it all to them, he said "if they want proof, let's give them proof". In the end, we didn't include those pages, in retrospect, maybe we should have

Tess you made a great choice...I like Tony! It really is pretty funny/crazy. Under no other circumstances would I have done that...but I guess thats why they you will do anything for love