She Dumped Me!!

[eric&gen 0]

Charlie Brown doing what it does best loool.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

As I understand it too, he flew to Saint Pete, she flew there to join him on his nickel, they did have one meeting, but now she will not come to the States as he was dumped. The OP had very bad wording in this post.

As for the job situation, I'm not sure why he can't fly there, if he has plenty of money. Unless he is trying to say he has no allowed time off.

He said he went to St. Petersburg.

He said he went to St. Petersburg and paid for her flight and she won't come......

Sounded to me like they were to meet there.

I believe it was just poor wording on the OP's part. She *did* go to St. Pete, as I read it. He was directing his comment "She will not come" to Laura. He meant "She will not come to the United States." At least that's how I'm reading it.

Maybe. But he also speaks about not being able to fly to her town for fear of losing his job. So I was just wondering if they had even met yet.

Edited March 9, 2008 by Kazan' Tiger

[Jason-Sasha 1]

Very strange situation. if its true he's just being dumped as he claimed originally. Sounds like this "friend" might be more than a friend. my money says she's involved in another relationship. I'd also bet her daughter is healthy. Even if she begged him to forgive her and take her back, I'd suggest he leave this one alone. but I agree with everyone else here. Sounds just too fishy to me.

[apk 0]

For an hour, I talked with her. Some damn idiot which claims to be her friend has convinced her that I would abandon her and leave her stranded. She is convinced that her coming her would be a burden on her and me. She thinks she will be a burden on me financially on her. If I could get my hands on this friend,... How can I talk and convince her of how her thoughts of me and the burden issue is wrong when I can only talk with her on the phone and her friends can talk face to face. She thinks she will be better off living there. She makes $200 a month, has to buy her daughter medicine for leukemia, and food. Several days ago, she almost passed out due to not eating. I believe it is due to not having money. I have asked her to tell me when she needed money for her daughter's medicine but she rarely requested it. I believe it is a death sentence for her daughter. I make good money. I drive a Mercedes, 2006, Harley 2006, own my own home. I live 92 miles from work and am in the process of selling it. I was going to buy a home closer to work. I grew up in a family which doesn't get divorces. The average marriage lasts over 50 years. It is the rule, not the exception. I waited until I found someone which loved me very much. Unfortunately, I lose her due to bad advice from her friends. It is my loss!!

I am so very sorry!

[Jeraly 4]

Wow! You are starting to sound like your nemesis, tito!

LOL!!!!! Sorry, but I'm just so sick of all the sugar-coating I see in this thread!

*thread crashing*

Funny though sad to see how infamous tito is becoming...

[kd4uvc 0]

Update, she used the excuse of me not buying her a ring immediately for the excuse. And you are right, it is over. The money for the medicine over a year did not amount to one week's pay there. She got drunk with her biddies on woman's day and they concocted a scam to get me to do things. Didn't work. It hurts. But being slammed here didn't help either. I was looking for answers. I got them.

Posted for the one's who were sympathetic.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

Update, she used the excuse of me not buying her a ring immediately for the excuse. And you are right, it is over. The money for the medicine over a year did not amount to one week's pay there. She got drunk with her biddies on woman's day and they concocted a scam to get me to do things. Didn't work. It hurts. But being slammed here didn't help either. I was looking for answers. I got them.

Posted for the one's who were sympathetic.

I really am sorry that she did this to you...Best of luck for the future.

[eekee 182]

Sorry to hear this turn of events. But it's better to know now than later. Best of luck to you, and I hope you find true love again.

[russ 1]

Update, she used the excuse of me not buying her a ring immediately for the excuse.

Whatever, get away from this and put it behind you as soon as you can.

If a ring means that much to anyone (American, Russian, whatever) it is clearly more important to them than you are. Be glad you found out now.

My wife would love to have had a bigger engagement ring, but so would everyone. I am sorry this happened to you. It sucks for someone to waste a year of their life.

My usual advice stands - do not meet foreigners on websites. You are asking for trouble. If for some reason you want to marry someone from Russia, move there. You will find someone before too long. You won't have to worry about any of this scam BS. And you will probably get paid more in Russia than you make now in the US. (Depending on what you do, the market for Western Expats in Russia is very strong, since no one wants to go there, and no one speaks the language.) It also costs next to nothing to study Russian in a university there, which is also a good idea.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

I as well. Finding out now is far, far, better than finding out here later. I don't buy into her ring excuse for one moment. Engagement rings are not even custom (although it is slowly gaining favour) and wedding rings tend to be simple gold bands. Most of us here will tell you, rings are far less a value, to these ladies, than the man they wish to spend their life with.

Sorry to hear this turn of events. But it's better to know now than later. Best of luck to you, and I hope you find true love again.

[eekee 182]

I as well. Finding out now is far, far, better than finding out here later. I don't buy into her ring excuse for one moment. Engagement rings are not even custom (although it is slowly gaining favour) and wedding rings tend to be simple gold bands. Most of us here will tell you, rings are far less a value, to these ladies, than the man they wish to spend their life with.

It took me a lot of work for me to convince my guy to get me an engagement ring someday. it's definitely not russian custom at all, and a lot of the girls who insist on a big ring there are pretty much marrying for monetary reasons, which he sees about being glorified prostitution so he couldn't understand why i needed a diamond ring. It took a lot of back-and-forth to convince him that it wasn't about materialism but instead about american tradition and growing up a little girl in America who always dreamed of receiving an engagement ring. I am sure that all of your ladies appreciated receiving a nice ring, but it's definitely not par for the course in a normal russian marriage.

Edited March 9, 2008 by eekee

[Jason-Sasha 1]

Update, she used the excuse of me not buying her a ring immediately for the excuse.

Whatever, get away from this and put it behind you as soon as you can.

If a ring means that much to anyone (American, Russian, whatever) it is clearly more important to them than you are. Be glad you found out now.

My wife would love to have had a bigger engagement ring, but so would everyone. I am sorry this happened to you. It sucks for someone to waste a year of their life.

My usual advice stands - do not meet foreigners on websites. You are asking for trouble. If for some reason you want to marry someone from Russia, move there. You will find someone before too long. You won't have to worry about any of this scam BS. And you will probably get paid more in Russia than you make now in the US. (Depending on what you do, the market for Western Expats in Russia is very strong, since no one wants to go there, and no one speaks the language.) It also costs next to nothing to study Russian in a university there, which is also a good idea.

Well said. I agree 100%.

[Jason-Sasha 1]

I as well. Finding out now is far, far, better than finding out here later. I don't buy into her ring excuse for one moment. Engagement rings are not even custom (although it is slowly gaining favour) and wedding rings tend to be simple gold bands. Most of us here will tell you, rings are far less a value, to these ladies, than the man they wish to spend their life with.

It took me a lot of work for me to convince my guy to get me an engagement ring someday. it's definitely not russian custom at all, and a lot of the girls who insist on a big ring there are pretty much marrying for monetary reasons, which he sees about being glorified prostitution so he couldn't understand why i needed a diamond ring. It took a lot of back-and-forth to convince him that it wasn't about materialism but instead about american tradition and growing up a little girl in America who always dreamed of receiving an engagement ring. I am sure that all of your ladies appreciated receiving a nice ring, but it's definitely not par for the course in a normal russian marriage.

I never thought about it the other way around. Russian man/American woman. I can see where it would take a little convincing. They dont have this same tradition. And I can understand why you wanted one.

[Bobalouie 0]

She is an attorney there but she has a slight confidence problem with English.

She makes $200 a month

the daughter, she is 19 and will be 20 by the interview?

My fiancee's daughter has leukemia.

I drive a Mercedes, 2006, Harley 2006, own my own home.

I am a diabetic and no one will hire me now

It took me 44 years to find the one which stole my heart.

I made a promise to her and to God. I cannot break that promise. I promised to be faithful to her, and I shall

I met her on a website. I don't even remember the name of it. We have been talking on the phone for the last 1 1/2 years. I went to St. Petersburg and paid for her flight to join me there. She will not come.

Okay here is what I have summarized so far:

She is an attorney making only $200 a month, in the capital of Siberia, Novosibirsk, kind of low considering Russia's inflation. Store clerks make that much these days. You are well off, 44 years old, yet unhireable. You sound religious and she has been through a hard life. She must be closer to your age because she has a daughter age 19. She is suffering from Lukemia, which is very expensive to treat without insurance here in the US, and she will age out of your insurance in a few years time. You met on a website, spoke on the phone for 1.5 years, yet never met in person?

Maybe the best thing to say to all this: all goods things must come to end. Considering all the communication issues, lack of trust and confidence, and all the possible baggage this lady would bring to your situation, perhaps it was all for the best.

The $200 per month is not that far off. My fiancee is a lawyer as well and works as a government lawyer who deals in the leagalization of real estate deals. Her bottom line salary is $100/month, and the most she can make is $400/month. Basically she is guaranteed the $100 but if she does all the work they ask her to do (which means she works 14 hour days seven days a week) she gets the $400. Most of the time she averages $275-$325 per month. So, I dont think he is that far off with how much she makes.

[eekee 182]

Nobody, including myself, takes any glee in your situation. The directness in my post was the result of not only seeing yet another man taken in by a scam, but seeing yet another victim trying to justify her behavor in his own and other minds. I felt like you needed the verbal equivelant of a 2x2 to the head to pull you out of htat spiral. But you do have my sympathies, especially now that you're ready to accept the truth of your situation.

I don't agree with russ's advice not to meet on websites (I know several successful relationships here that started on websites), but I do agree that you simply have to be careful. You have to lead with your head, not your heart, because for every honest woman that's out there there are 2 dishonest ones and about 5 men pretending to be women. It's a minefield. And because he's not allowed to mention it for some stupid forum rules, I'll just say that if you're interested in a good Russian dating website, pm Kazan' Tiger. I'm sorry, I don't have the direct link to his website handy. Maybe someone else will post it. (Having said that, I'm not callous enough to think that you should just get over her right now and jump back into the international dating sea. I know it's gonna take some time to move on.)

Anyway, best of luck to you. I hope you'll stick around and let the water under the bridge float on by. There's a lot of experience and know-how in this group who could help you along when you decide to jump back up in the saddle again.

i think it's also worth noting that you can be scammed whether you meet in russia or over the internet. sure, it's harder to fake feelings in real life, but a good actor/con artist could do it easily.