My wife left me!

[slim 1,533]

Oh, and I forgot to add, not all lawyers are arrogant @$$holes.

We have other lawyers on the forum and on VJ and none of them seem to be as arrogant as Satellite. Ever stop to wonder why?

When you guys make the connection I don't think you'll be as pissed off.

[bakofoil 27]

I wouldn't say it's disrespect, it's more of an indifference. If you understood the complex nature of Mr. and Mrs. Satellite's relationship (and all relationships within the Russia forum) then you would more easily understand how they could post something like this and say it's not a big deal. Because in reality.... it's not a big deal. So you had shock and sympathy on reading this post. OK. Reply to it as you see fit. If you're angry or upset at being taken, then stick to visa information and leave the emotional garbage out of it. If you're on here to deal with emotional garbage, then you can't balk at getting wrapped up in an emotional thread.

Thank you, first of all, for writing such a considered response to many of the comments here. It is true that many of us who posted do not understand the dynamics within a Russian relationship or have sufficient experience to 'get' the Russian psyche.

I think if you had caught the thread early enough then your reply was adequately expressed. There isn't much any of us can do when relationships go wrong except to say we are sorry and we will support you all we can. But, as you say, life goes on.

However, my objection, was not to the original post so much. It wasn't such a big deal no. What became a big deal was the insulting language and transferring of blame later to those who had been gracious enough *to* care.

You might well say, why should you care and do you really care about some anonymous user on the internet? But the fact is, I really genuinely believe that many of Satellite's VJ compatriots actually DID care.

Many of us on VJ have actually met our fiance/fiancee's via the internet. We cared enough about someone to take a leap of faith and go out there and meet them in person. Satellite's dismissal of the emotional response displayed by these 'suckers' is dismissive of the foundation of many of our relationships. It is insulting at worst and naive at best.

I have no doubt that Satellite has offered many people constructive and well-informed advice and agree that this is no reason for him to leave the forums. That would be a ridiculous suggestion. But, let's just look at the motivation behind his wife posting this in the first place. She wanted to kick up a fuss, she doesn't want him to post so she upset his 'buddies'. It worked...except, she underestimated her own husband, because he doesn't actually care whether she upset any of his 'buddies' or not.

When you say it is not a big deal. Maybe it's not, not to me really. I don't know him. But, this was posted on the Russian forum. I don't think it's of any consolation to the people who regularly post here that this is a typically Russian thing and therefore no big deal. The language used by both the OP and his wife was insulting. Just a 'sorry, it was a joke!' would have made all the difference here.

The Russian psyche explanatory stuff doesn't cut it with me, sorry.

[Jason-Sasha 1]

I vote we close this thread and throw it away. Its really causing tension between members and that's just not good.

[irish44 0]

I vote we close this thread and throw it away. Its really causing tension between members and that's just not good.

I second the motion!!

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

I third that motion. This has caused a lot of upset for many here.

[visaveteran1 33]

Haha Exactly, Slim!! I am surprised you didn't write a book in reply to my post like last time! )

There was no need because by the time I read this topic it was already revealed what was going on. (That and I remembered last time there was a "huge, emotionally-moving" thread started by Satellite. (Or Mrs. Satellite to be more precise!)

Very AKDiverish...what's with the Russia forum? At least you came back to say it was a joke though!

See, this is where exprience comes in. AKDiver played the prank-to-end-all-pranks here on VJ about two years ago. He was crucified by some, adored by others, but either way, it was an amazing course of events.

I'm sure your explanation is going to make everyone feel a whole lot better. In my opinion, posting this and then considering people 'suckers' for believing it is not very smart at all.

Maybe not very smart, but very Russian in a "so what?" kind of way.

that is IF he passes the exam.... I have to honestly say that I had no idea who this guy was so he doesn't really need to make a major exit IMO. Just don't log on and post anymore - its simple. I doubt anyone will really miss him so its a win win for everyone.

Satellite will pass the bar. No question about that.

And if you don't know who he is, then you don't know jack about the Russia forum. I know he doesn't post outside the Russia forum very often, but for using his limited time inside the forum to provide very beneficial answers to those in need, saying that losing him wouldn't be a loss is a waste of keystrokes. Thanks for sharing your opinion about someone you know nothing about. Now go vote for President. There are plenty of people running whom you know nothing about, I'm sure you can pass judgement on at least one of them.

As for the later implication, I guess all of us low life non-attorneys that never took a bar exam need to get a life since we don't have better things to do. Jeez! There are a quite a few professionals on this forum that don't mind giving their time, wisdom and knowledge to support and assist a fellow VJer along the way.

We reached out to you, Mr. & Mrs. Satellite. We rushed in to offer aid and comfort. All we got for our efforts was a cold deceitful slap on the face.

See my end comments.

...to post something apropos to the possible pitfalls of the VJ...AND then come back to call those who offered comfort and sympathy SUCKERS,...it just reeks of arrogance and hauteur!

Have you ever met any Russians? They reek of arrogance and hauteur! Sure they can be nice and friendly and caring, but lash out against one and see if you're met with anything but arrogance. And try to get one to show some humility! HA!!!

Years and years and generation after generation of getting $#!T on has hardened the ex-Soviet persona to the point that unfortunate things (even in jest) are viewed, and taken with.... a grain of salt.

She didn't go anywhere. She is just having fun with my account. Suckers! For believing such a thing.

I think that was a really good one that your wife got over on you with her post!

The first thing that entered my mind when I read her post was that I remember getting some great advice from you in the past; and it was unfortunate that it happened. Then I read your post and laughed.

The first thing that entered my mind when I read of others getting pissed at you is that there must be a lot of folks here that are not too confident in their own relationship. Know what I mean....?

Great to have you back!

I don't know if I've been "hardened" to all the unfortunate stories posted on here, but it's important to remember that even though there are real people behind the screen names and avatars, YOU DON'T KNOW THEM!!! Sure we form an emotional bond to everyone we interact with, even virtually, but when it comes down to it, at the end of the day, VJ is just a website full of people spending time on the internet.

In your "real life" who cares what anyone thinks or says on here? Use what's beneficial for you and discard the rest. It's nice to get support and knowledge from others, but it's still only "virtual" support and knowledge. Keep that in mind.

That said, I know it's difficult to detatch the lifeline that is VJ while you're going through the process. There really is no support or understanding for what you're going through. None of your "real friends" out there in the away-from-VJ world know what's going on. Your parents, your family, no one understands. It's great to come over to VJ and be understood and amongst people who "get it." But, just because someone does something like this, and takes you through the emotional wringer, doesn't mean they're not a good and beneficial poster. Everyone is on here for their own reasons and if he chooses to bow out after passing the bar, more power to him. He's done more than his fair share.

Anyone that says less of him should step into his shoes and provide 100% accurate information with supporting links and instructions on how to complete the task. Oh, and they should also be fluent in Russian. And have a Soviet homeland that they fled from to seek asylum in the U.S. when they were a child. And then, they should be able to connect Israel with Russia and the FSU and the family history and knowledge that entails. Basically, you don't have to like the guy (or his wife) but a more valuable poster in the Russia forum I can't think of. And when you break it all down, did you come to VJ to get your loved one a visa or did you come to VJ to make internet buddies?

I don't think it's fair to accuse those who felt a mixture of shock and sympathy on reading the original post of having problems in their own relationship. This is not 'Off topic' where the jokes and humour are usually found, this is the Russian forum where a pretty tight knit supportive group of people hang out and seek advice and support. It is natural therefore that there would be some upset to find that this thread is just a game between the OP and his wife and seemingly at other people's expense.

It's easy to see, if you actually read the thread, that the OP and his wife have very little respect for anyone on these boards. And that disrespect probably extends to you too.

I wouldn't say it's disrespect, it's more of an indifference. If you understood the complex nature of Mr. and Mrs. Satellite's relationship (and all relationships within the Russia forum) then you would more easily understand how they could post something like this and say it's not a big deal. Because in reality.... it's not a big deal. So you had shock and sympathy on reading this post. OK. Reply to it as you see fit. If you're angry or upset at being taken, then stick to visa information and leave the emotional garbage out of it. If you're on here to deal with emotional garbage, then you can't balk at getting wrapped up in an emotional thread.

Those of you without your fiance(e)s, wives/husbands, etc. here already, I can understand why you're upset and how easy it is to get caught up with all the posts here on VJ. How you do get emotionally involved in this forum and how you genuinely do care for those that post here. When we read stuff like this thread, our hearts do go out to those people.

But.... wait until you're married to a Russian for a while. All that will change. Although I'm not saying you're going to stop caring for people and not hurt for them when you read something like this, all that Russian indifference is going to rub off on you and you're going to "get it" when someone posts stuff like this. I'm not going to waste too many keystrokes trying to explain it becuase it's not something that can really be explained. It's something that trully must be experienced.

And, before I knew the truth behind this thread (I entered late so my response changed somewhat) my original reply was going to be:

Satellite, sorry to hear about that. You're still a very valuable asset here and I'm going to hate to see you go. But, that's life and I get it. There are more important thigs to do now.

I know you guys have had a rough go. Working and going to school (and just being young) makes a marriage extremely hard. You guys have really tried, but once again, that's life.

And it's really not so bad, is it? There are 48,000 more waiting on the website if you choose to go that route again and if not, now you can concentrate on the bar and once you're a lawyer here, it's not like there's going to be a shortage of @$$ is it?

Once you're working, it's going to be @$$ soup. I'm talking boy-band @$$. Until then, study hard, pass that bar, and get back into the action! Good luck on your new Journey and hope you have a nice life.

Slim

Slim, I read your treatise on Satellite and I'd sum it up as playing "devil's advocate" mixed in with a little "rock star' adoration. I also get you have decided to be the contrarian here. I think you show a lot of common sense and you seem to have thick skin when it comes to insults and taunts...maybe because you give as good as you get. If you don't take offense at what's gone down, good for you and you're saving yourself a lot of grief.

I don't have your prospective or views or thick skin...but I do know something about honesty, integrity, and accountability. In my world nobody gets a pass on being civil and respectful.. This includes professional athletes and Hollywood stars and politicians...and it certainly includes posters on VJ. I don't care about useful data if I have to put up with unclean communication and immature games and blatant insults and taunts in order to gain info I can get elsewhere. That's a lousy trade-off for me. And nobody gets special treatment or the honorary title of Russia forum Czar just for providing the very information and assistance the VJ forums were designed for.

We all have our own problems, struggles and sob stories...but ultimately we have to act like adult men and women. There is a lot of tension and emotions on this forum...so some jokes or clean fun is welcome...but there are boundaries and there are limits.

I don't like sideways "F**K YOU" posts and I will cease to read any of Satellite's posts. I guess I'm retiring from being a "sucker."

[Satellite 1]

A few things to add to the recent responses:

(1) Unlike many of you here, I did not join VJ for emotional support. When I started going through the process I came here strictly to find: [a] what to file, where to file it, and [c] how long will it take. Because in 2004 when we decided to do the whole fiancee visa thing I was genuinely ignorant of how to do it. Once I filed my papers based on the guides here in early 2004 I would come visit maybe once every two weeks to make sure none of the rules have changed.

(2) I am surprised at how quickly everyone started to hate me the "anonymous poster" for honestly posting that I think everyone takes this whole internet thing way too seriously and at the same token how quickly they disregarded anything positive that has come from my posts in the past.

(3) After my wife arrived VJ has been just a hobby to me, a practice run at answering questions and making arguments about a topic I am genuinely interested in.

(4) Call me traditional but I cannot understand how someone can form "deep" attachments to a "virtual" community of people. For those that have, I feel sorry for you.

(5) "Arrogant, low class, and #######", just to name a few characteristics that have been described about me. I could never form any of those opinions about anyone until I spent at least a few hours interacting with them in person.

Anyway to finish off, in true Russian fashion, as Slim had suggested, here is a video clip of another "sucker" and hopefully an ending message to everyone else: "все будeт хорошо"

Edited February 24, 2008 by Satellite

[visaveteran1 33]

A few things to add to the recent responses:

(1) Unlike many of you here, I did not join VJ for emotional support. When I started going through the process I came here strictly to find: [a] what to file, where to file it, and [c] how long will it take. Because in 2004 when we decided to do the whole fiancee visa thing I was genuinely ignorant of how to do it. Once I filed my papers based on the guides here in early 2004 I would come visit maybe once every two weeks to make sure none of the rules have changed.

(2) I am surprised at how quickly everyone started to hate me the "anonymous poster" for honestly posting that I think everyone takes this whole internet thing way too seriously and at the same token how quickly they disregarded anything positive that has come from my posts in the past.

(3) After my wife arrived VJ has been just a hobby to me, a practice run at answering questions and making arguments about a topic I am genuinely interested in.

(4) Call me traditional but I cannot understand how someone can form "deep" attachments to a "virtual" community of people. For those that have, I feel sorry for you.

(5) "Arrogant, low class, and #######", just to name a few characteristics that have been described about me. I could never form any of those opinions about anyone until I spent at least a few hours interacting with them in person.

Anyway to finish off, in true Russian fashion, as Slim had suggested, here is a video clip of another "sucker" and hopefully an ending message to everyone else: "все будeт хорошо"m

I will respond one last time on this issue...and then honor my commitment not to read Satellite posts. Anyone living inside the USA who does not see that the internet is THE WAY for people to connect with each other and have true interpersonal relationships is blind. When I look around i see email, instant messaging, teleconferences,, chat rooms and common interest forums as a major way for people to communicate. Maybe this is not good...but it is the communication phenomena that is taking place in the 21st century.

Many of us met our fiancees and wives thanks to internet web sites and we used email, instant messaging, Skype and Yahoo Messenger or AIM to talk to them long distance.

So...I think Satellite's pity for those of us who use the internet to have real relationships reveals his ignorance of the world around him.

[KimandRuss 0]

Judge not lest ye be judged.

Many of these people have met their significant other in online communities. Telling them it's stupid to become close demeans their relatioinships. I have had an online forum for ten years that has been on Good Morning America, Discovery channel and several other shows, magazines ..etc. because it's helped so many people all over the world find life-changing support. We are a close group (who btw meets face to face at least once a year). I'm damn proud of that. So that is just what??? A joke to you??? No real support???

You sir, are a joke. If you don't like it here it's simple... don't come. You don't have the right to make fun or judge anyone else.

The fact that you can not interact with another human being if you are not face to face says quite a bit about you.

You don't want the recourse, you should not have been so stupid to try and defend this childish behavior.

You believe you are superior...which in itself makes you look arrogant, pathetic and weak.

You dare judge these other fine people for reaching out to you after the adolescent behavior of you and your spouse???

It must be so hard for you being so perfect and above everyone else. Not that you care, but I have nothing but pity for you.

To the rest of you caring souls... don't let one arrogant know-it-all take the good from you or make you question your own agenda. Having a caring heart is one of life's greatest blessings.

[JVKn'CVO 11]

Satellite, maybe next time you and your wife have an argument, you can use that intelligence of yours to find an alternative way to deal with it…you know, other than waste other people’s time with a lie.

Saludos,

Caro

[Satellite 1]

Many of us met our fiancees and wives thanks to internet web sites and we used email, instant messaging, Skype and Yahoo Messenger or AIM to talk to them long distance.

So...I think Satellite's pity for those of us who use the internet to have real relationships reveals his ignorance of the world around him.

When did I say the internet is not good for communicating? It is a great medium for communication and sharing information. I am all for it. Everyone on here did meet their fiancee in person, before he or she considered doing the visa process? At some point virtual did meet reality. In most cases the two happened to be the same, but you did still meet, right? And the end objective of the visa process is to be together, not to remain virtually apart and ultimately the internet in our cases helped facilitate that.

You don't have the right to make fun or judge anyone else.

The essensce of this country is free speech if you haven't forgotten. Since when did you become the moderator of that when even the government needs a compelling interest before they do.

I did not laugh at anyone's relationship or how it was formed. Not sure where that came from.

As to fellow people on this board, I don't recall the objective being to meet together. Nor do I recall meeting anyone on here. I see VJ as a virtual library of thoughts, ideas, and experiences of real people. And everyone can take whatever he or she wants from it.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Satellite, why not just apologize and admit the joke was in very poor taste. No need to defend anymore counselor. Maybe then ask Ewok to close this one on down. I think a lot of people would feel more at ease.

[Blues Fairy 0]

Sat you gotta admit that calling us "suckers" was rude and mauvais-ton, even though we're just virtual people to you. And since we're just a bunch of virtuals anyway, a simple "sorry for a bad joke" won't sap your emotional energy too much, will it? Consider it as fiiling an entry in a timeline and be done with it already.

And Slim I think you also owe an apology to those Russians here whom you so easily generalized as arrogant and indifferent by definition.

[~Laura and Nick~ 5]

(4) Call me traditional but I cannot understand how someone can form "deep" attachments to a "virtual" community of people. For those that have, I feel sorry for you.

If I went with your logic I wouldn't be marrying Nick. You can have real relationships with people you meet online.

In fact, there is a person on this board who I am very close to and would tell anything to and he IS my friend.

[Bobalouie 0]

Many of us met our fiancees and wives thanks to internet web sites and we used email, instant messaging, Skype and Yahoo Messenger or AIM to talk to them long distance.

So...I think Satellite's pity for those of us who use the internet to have real relationships reveals his ignorance of the world around him.

When did I say the internet is not good for communicating? It is a great medium for communication and sharing information. I am all for it. Everyone on here did meet their fiancee in person, before he or she considered doing the visa process? At some point virtual did meet reality. In most cases the two happened to be the same, but you did still meet, right? And the end objective of the visa process is to be together, not to remain virtually apart and ultimately the internet in our cases helped facilitate that.

You don't have the right to make fun or judge anyone else.

The essensce of this country is free speech if you haven't forgotten. Since when did you become the moderator of that when even the government needs a compelling interest before they do.

I did not laugh at anyone's relationship or how it was formed. Not sure where that came from.

As to fellow people on this board, I don't recall the objective being to meet together. Nor do I recall meeting anyone on here. I see VJ as a virtual library of thoughts, ideas, and experiences of real people. And everyone can take whatever he or she wants from it.

Yup, we have free speach in this country, but that still does not give you the right to say whatever you want, anytime you want. If you dont believe me, walk into a bank and scream "this is a robbery, everyone on the floor" or walk up to the security folks at the airport the next time you are there and scream "I have a bomb". Try your "it was all a joke, no one got hurt because I didnt have a gun or a bomb" defence. See how far you get with that arguement counsellor. For an aspiring lawyer, you sure seem to be deficient in the common sense and ethical behavior department.