MTL Review

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Sweetie - I am so sorry to hear about this

I hope the @#$% of your ex will come to his senses and act in the child's best interest. hugs to you both.

[BH45 0]

Thank you all so very much for the support and advice. You'll never know how much it all means to me to have all of you helping.

First off, I won't see my ex cause he has moved to the other side of the country. He left in 2005. He didn't even leave a forwarding address or phone number for his daughter to call him, yet he got totally crazy cause she didn't touch base with him....d'oh!!! After 2 yrs and 4 months, he decided he wanted to see her and at Christmas. I never hesitated to give him the ok. He flew her from Timmins to Kingston so they could spend 10 days together. As far as I know, he hasn't spoke to her since just before her birthday in January (18th).

My daughter is 14. I spoke to a federal employee today and she informed me that even with sole custody anyone wanting to come to Canada with a child under the age of 16 must have permission from the other parent. I don't want to wait another 2 years.

After our engagement last April, I spoke briefly to him on the telephone. I mentioned to him that I had got engaged and we would be filing documents to move to Chicago. He had no issues with it at that point. So I don't know what changed since June of last year. I only know that when I asked in December it was a flat out No.

So what I think I need to do is send an email to him. I know my daughter has his email address. She even indicated that she was thinking about asking him to give us that letter of permission.

I have to use the right words. I don't want to be accusatory or angry. I know I need to point out all the good things. He, at one time, said he would get her dual citizenship as his grandmother was born in eastern US.

It's been 10 years since we parted ways. He is still very angry with me for taking his daughter away from him. I often wonder, as do many other people who know both of us, who is the child in this. He is forever saying that unless she contacts him, or she needs to make the first move regarding contact.

Now that I'm ready to move on with my life and hopefully expand the opportunites for our daughter, he decides that he isn't comfortable with any of it. Go figure!!!!

So that's our story. Once again, thank you all for your words of support and kindness. I can only pray that my ex will find it possible to give us the green light to proceed.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

Thank you all so very much for the support and advice. You'll never know how much it all means to me to have all of you helping.

First off, I won't see my ex cause he has moved to the other side of the country. He left in 2005. He didn't even leave a forwarding address or phone number for his daughter to call him, yet he got totally crazy cause she didn't touch base with him....d'oh!!! After 2 yrs and 4 months, he decided he wanted to see her and at Christmas. I never hesitated to give him the ok. He flew her from Timmins to Kingston so they could spend 10 days together. As far as I know, he hasn't spoke to her since just before her birthday in January (18th).

My daughter is 14. I spoke to a federal employee today and she informed me that even with sole custody anyone wanting to come to Canada with a child under the age of 16 must have permission from the other parent. I don't want to wait another 2 years.

After our engagement last April, I spoke briefly to him on the telephone. I mentioned to him that I had got engaged and we would be filing documents to move to Chicago. He had no issues with it at that point. So I don't know what changed since June of last year. I only know that when I asked in December it was a flat out No.

So what I think I need to do is send an email to him. I know my daughter has his email address. She even indicated that she was thinking about asking him to give us that letter of permission.

I have to use the right words. I don't want to be accusatory or angry. I know I need to point out all the good things. He, at one time, said he would get her dual citizenship as his grandmother was born in eastern US.

It's been 10 years since we parted ways. He is still very angry with me for taking his daughter away from him. I often wonder, as do many other people who know both of us, who is the child in this. He is forever saying that unless she contacts him, or she needs to make the first move regarding contact.

Now that I'm ready to move on with my life and hopefully expand the opportunites for our daughter, he decides that he isn't comfortable with any of it. Go figure!!!!

So that's our story. Once again, thank you all for your words of support and kindness. I can only pray that my ex will find it possible to give us the green light to proceed.

I'm very sorry for my belated post. I don't know what to say. Your daughter sounds like she wants to be with you in the US and I really get upset with the garbage that the consulate has been giving you. I can't say what caused ex-hubby to change his mind but I guess he did. Maybe he suddenly realized that he screwed up. I've seen this happen more often than you might think. What I don't understand is why the US Government is getting all legalistic with you; since when have they ever followed the rule of law? They won't recognize Canadian courts but they still have that moral turpitude #######. Doublespeak is just a word until some nice person like yourself gets reamed. This stinks and I pray that ex-hubby realizes that he's only alienating his daughter. If he really cared about your daughter then he'd relent and let her move. My heart goes out to you.

[SapphireDreams 71]

This is just a suggestions - but what is you daughter is the one to make the initial contact and outreach? Maybe she should just ask him wiithout you getting involved initally.

She's 14 and she's been with you her whole life - she can even tell him that she's willing to come back and visit as much as he wants. I mean Timmins to Kingston is pretty far!! Chicago isn't that much further away.

Good Luck

[BH45 0]

This is just a suggestions - but what is you daughter is the one to make the initial contact and outreach? Maybe she should just ask him wiithout you getting involved initally.

She's 14 and she's been with you her whole life - she can even tell him that she's willing to come back and visit as much as he wants. I mean Timmins to Kingston is pretty far!! Chicago isn't that much further away.

Good Luck

I'm thinking along the same lines. It's just to get her to actually ask him. She prograstinates and I know she would really like to stay here. She tells me she will only have to live in the US for 2 years then she can come back here. Not about to argue that point at this point.

Thanks Sapphire

[SapphireDreams 71]

^^ Oh I see, well I hope you can work something out. Could you reason with her? Maybe ask her if she will help out, she's free to move back at 16 if she pleases? Also let her know she's free to visit her Dad and friends whenever she wants.

I can imagine moving to a new country at 14 would be pretty scary - but I bet when she gets over the initial part of it she will love the US. The shopping is better and she gets to have a real prom!!

Edited February 8, 2008 by SapphireDreams

[Sprailenes 47]

Ugh.

My sons father is not involved at all in my sons life, and up until a week before the interview I couldn't get a hold of him to get a letter. I did though.

I hope you get that letter.

How old is your daughter by the way? You could get court papers instead you know.

[IR5FORMUMSIE 850]

This is just a suggestions - but what is you daughter is the one to make the initial contact and outreach? Maybe she should just ask him wiithout you getting involved initally.

She's 14 and she's been with you her whole life - she can even tell him that she's willing to come back and visit as much as he wants. I mean Timmins to Kingston is pretty far!! Chicago isn't that much further away.

Good Luck

I'm thinking along the same lines. It's just to get her to actually ask him. She prograstinates and I know she would really like to stay here. She tells me she will only have to live in the US for 2 years then she can come back here. Not about to argue that point at this point.

Thanks Sapphire

BH, I was under the impression that your daughter had already asked and he had refused. It is tough to move at 14 but I know she'll get used to it. Sapphire is right about one thing, shopping is MUCH better in Chi-town. Good Luck!!!

[Chris Parker 10]

I told him that it seemed totally useless to have sole custody if it isn't recognized. I basically said at that point it would be almost impossible if not impossible to get that letter and I may as well resign myself to remaining here. He claims to understand but continued to give me a letter indicating what is required.

I have one year to get the letter until our file will be closed. He informed me that should I get the letter all I have to do is send the letter and our passports to the office for approval.

If you can't get the letter from the other parent on your own, you might try applying for an Order from the court that gave you sole custody directing the other parent to execute the letter you need, or otherwise clarifying that the scope of its previous order which granted you sole custody gives the other parent has no visitation rights, and/or you have the right to take the child out of country permanently. I guess that is the issue the consular officers are concerned with (the other parent may have a right to custody or visitation now or in the future). The court's further Order would then be the equivilant of a letter from the other parent at that point, wouldn't it?

Edited February 28, 2008 by Chris Parker

[Chris Parker 10]

What I don't understand is why the US Government is getting all legalistic with you; since when have they ever followed the rule of law? They won't recognize Canadian courts but they still have that moral turpitude #######. Doublespeak is just a word until some nice person like yourself gets reamed. This stinks and I pray that ex-hubby realizes that he's only alienating his daughter. If he really cared about your daughter then he'd relent and let her move. My heart goes out to you.

The consulate is following the international child abduction treaties.

The treaty provisions include one parent taking a child to another country without the other parent's permission.