Almost Ready to Give Up

[Sharon 1]

I have been learning how to drive for well over 6 months now. Not Consistently but whenever hubby could go with me as I did get my learner's permit and my husband bought me an old mini-van to learn on. I was doing ok...or so I thought until today. I've been able to drive the 4 lane highway here near our house and the furthest I've driven was about 15 miles away and back. Never had to merge tho...ever.

Well today hubby tells me that we are going to go drive the route that they take people for the driver's test so I can get the feel for it. He takes the wheel and drives the route, explaining it to me while we do it blah blah blah. We get back to the DMV and I take over the wheel. Once we got on the highway forget it. There are 3 exits from the highway along the route...one after the other, so I have to merge into traffic 3 times within a 4 minute time frame. The first time I had to merge, I looked in my side mirror and saw one car coming in the lane I needed to get into so I let it pass, signaled and merged...fine. The second one 2 minutes later there were no cars coming at all so no prob there. The third time I had to do it I looked in my mirror and there were a DOZEN or more cars all coming at 55 miles an hour and I froze and panicked and just took the fn exit instead. Halfway thru the off ramp and I had to pull over to the shoulder to let hubby take over cuz I was bawling and shaking and I'd had it. What the hell is wrong with me that I just can't....get....it? All these months and I don't feel like I've accomplished too much. We signed Alli up last night for her next season of soccer and hubby made a point of saying "Well let's hope YOU will be getting her after her practices this year, eh?" And you know what? THAT I could do! No prob! But in order to do that I have to pass the test first and get my license. Hubby's starting to get tired of driving me everywhere and being the family chauffeur and I can't blame him. I feel like such a ditz that I can't do something that most freakin' 16 year olds do so easily!

Does anyone have ANY tips that might help me? My husband has been SO patient and he really is a good teacher, hell he is a commercial driver for a living, drives heavy machinery...but it's me. Maybe someone has some tips other than "It'll come" but it really ISN'T just coming at all. Maybe something that hubby hasn't thought of to make me just "get it" once and for all? I'm starting to feel like such a failure...

Sorry....pity party = Off. I'm just so freakin' frustrated and embarrassed over it all.

[Peggy 1]

Did you ever look into driving classes? That might be a good idea to help you learn and get over your fear. I took drivers education in high school when I was 16. They really helped me to learn how to drive.

Just have to have some faith in yourself that you can do it

Keep giving it your best

[aussiewench 9]

I know how you are feeling. I have been there. I didnt get my licence till I was 38. I was scared shitless to drive.....my legs would shake uncontrollably behind a wheel and I would be a nervous wreck. I still get jittery at times. There is no easy way to get passed it. Its only a matter of keep trying. You may find that if you get a lesson with an instructor instead of hubby that this may do the trick. As much as he is a good teacher.....you still have him there beside you and when you get jittery and all stressed it is all too easy to just pull over and give wheel to him. I really think that an instructor will make the difference as you will be forced to work through it....and once you do merge once in those circumstances you described you will be able to do it easier the next time and then the next. And no need to be embarrassed. I been there.....so what. Cant help nerves..you not stupid

Lorelle

[Fandango 1,439]

just keep it up! I'm sure you'll get the hang of it! You'll feel ####### if you quit!

I tried learning to drive in the UK...couldn't get the hang of the other side of the car thing, the other side of the road thing, and the manual thing.

My honey was teaching me until I completely destroyed the clutch & he had to buy a new car. shame I didn't keep it up

But if you want some encouraging words, just think to yourself....you could be me Perspective's great!

Edited February 4, 2006 by LisaD

[ChristinaM 0]

Don't panic! It took me as long as it has you to get confident and fail my test

Seriously - it's a heck of a step, and you're doing fine. Even if it doesn't feel like it.

Also remember - other people will avoid you when merging. They don't want to total their own car

(PS: I've totalled four cars in five years of driving - and I have a CLEAN licence! You'll do better than me!)

Edited February 4, 2006 by clmarsh

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Holy cow Christine..stayin out of YOUR way!!! j/k

awww Sharon..you'll get the hang of it..just keep trying. Just remember...you are supposed to come on the ramp as close to highway speed as possible, and they are supposed to move over and make way for you...try to have some confidence that they will do their part too...I know it's hard when you see em all comin' at ya!! Good luck girl, you'll be ok.. Mich

[Scott & Lai 12]

Holy cow Christine..stayin out of YOUR way!!! j/k

awww Sharon..you'll get the hang of it..just keep trying. Just remember...you are supposed to come on the ramp as close to highway speed as possible, and they are supposed to move over and make way for you...try to have some confidence that they will do their part too...I know it's hard when you see em all comin' at ya!! Good luck girl, you'll be ok.. Mich

Well, they are supposed to make way for you, but be prepared for the idiots who won't...

[RussianGirl 0]

This book has great reviews! I really want to get it, even though I already have a DL.

[aussiewench 9]

Holy cow Christine..stayin out of YOUR way!!! j/k

I'd stay out of her way.....and I'm not j/k hahahahaha

Christine, you totalled 4 cars

take a bow girl

[Scott & Lai 12]

Holy cow Christine..stayin out of YOUR way!!! j/k

I'd stay out of her way.....and I'm not j/k hahahahaha

Christine, you totalled 4 cars

take a bow girl

At least she has a talent

[daisy16 0]

christine you rock! You deserve a reward for that but I'm not driving near ya

Sharon, to me you did great! That was the first time after all. We all know the first time of anything can be rough, and practice helps.

Try going on the highway when it's not so busy. DON'T schedule your test during rush hour! I like the idea of getting driving lessons. Hubby's frustrations are messing you up and making you more anxious.

Remember, you are driving a van. You're bigger than all those pi$$ant little cars. Also, it's old, you don't care about scratches, but those in the shiny aluminum foil boxes sure as hell do! They'll get out of the way Um, transports won't though

You CAN do this, and you will for your daughter's sake so that she can go to her practices/games

[ladybird216 2]

Sharon....I can totally relate to the lack of confidence thing. I passed my test in the UK when I was 17 (I am now 51) and drove every day over there...my Ex was such a bad driver (which he admitted), that I ALWAYS drove wherever we went because his driving made me a nervous wreck! I towed trailers when we went touring, and was the general chauffeur for the kids...my last job in the UK involved me driving juvenille prisoners over 100 miles to Courts in the city of London...we had to get there on time and were issued high powered cars to take them in so that we could travel at high speeds....and we had to most of the time because they never allowed enough time from the pick-up at the detention centres...and I did all that without flinching...I was such a confident driver and never gave it a second thought!

But here....sheesh....I feel like a fish out of water! My confidence is zero and I can't seem to get it back. When we bought our truck from Idaho, we had to get 2 trucks home to Colorado (700 miles) so I had no option...I had to drive on my own, all that way, and I was terrifed at the thought...I had nightmares about it (although I wouldn't have thought twice about it in the UK). The interstates were very scary! Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would feel like this...ever!

Another thing that freaks me out is the fact that I don't know where the heck I am going...I am totally lost! We work all over the US, so we are always in a new Town...so by the time I get to know it a bit, we move on. We have been home for about 5 weeks since April 2005, so I don't even know my home town much When we were home at Christmas I needed to go get hubby a pressie, so I knew I would have to take the truck and go shopping on my own...omg!! There just seemed to be soooo many cars down Main Street...but I don't know why that should freak me, because there were three times as many in the UK!!! I have to think about everything I used to do automatically because it's all happening on the wrong side of the road

Sharon, believe me I have thought about giving up driving here...but I am soooooo NOT going to do it. I WILL get my confidence back, just as you will get yours for the first time....it all comes with experience because you need to be driving almost without thinking about it ...I know that sounds dangerous, but it needs to become second nature to you and it will OK! But it won't happen overnight and will take a lot of drivetime.

I would also recommend a driving instructor...not saying that Hubby doesn't do a good job, but I had a 2 hour lesson before my test here and I oooozed confidence...I could have driven all day with no probs...dunno the reason, but it sure felt good!!! Try and save for some lessons....they will pay off

Oh yeah, about the merging....I will tell you how I used to do it when I COULD drive lol....I would indicate in good time that I wanted to pull over into that lane, watch in my mirror, and usually (at least this is what should happen but can never allow for morons!) a car behind you will drop back a bit, so you know he has seen your signal...I keep looking to make sure he has left the gap and then I would move over...as Michelle says, they really should be allowing you to merge.

Keep up the good work Sharon...it will happen for you...look at all the drivers on the road - most of them where at the stage you are at now!! Good luck

Jen

[Sharon 1]

Thanks for all your replies and support everyone. Saturdays are our "groceries and shopping" day ans when I woke this morning I had this crazy thought that maybe I should drive the 30 35- miles rather than hubby who always does. Then the thought quickly left when I thought of yesterday.

Come on guys, I mean let's get real...I've been trying to drive for a total of 8 months altogether, I tallied it last night. I feel like if I haven't gotten it by now then I doubt I ever will. There isn't any way possible that I can get an instructor cuz the closest driving school is like 45 miles away and I can't drive there myself obviously. When I went on the highway trying that route yesterday it was like 10:30 on a Friday morning, Rick purposely chose that time because it wasn't busy then. And there were still lots of cars as I said in my intial post. And when I was trying to merge there wasn't ANYBODY slowing up to let me in or changing lanes so I could (it appears that I have now already encountered said idots, Scott) , they weren't afraid of my bad-### extended length van at all, the jerks. so if this is what I have to contend with here....I won't be able to do it. Rick also chose this particular DMV because it has a reputation of being fairly easy to pass because the test route is just 10 minutes long and one of the easiest! One of the easiest....damn I hate to see what the others are like.

I really would rather not total ANY car in my attempts thank you haha cuz most of the time I have my daughter in the van with me and that would not be a good thing. Alli's first practice is in less than a month....and I don't think I'm going to be able to do it by then, dammit. I also kinda feel like maybe Rick is embarrassed because I'm not catching on or something, you know? He hasn't said anything like that at all of course but there were a few "sighs" from his side of the van yesterday.

Times like these I miss my good old Montreal Transit Corporation....

Thanks again everyone. I honestly just don't know what I'm going to do about this. After yesterday, I'm all afraid again too, it'll almost be like starting from scratch.

Damn....looks like I could use some clues from JayJay, eh?

[ChristinaM 0]

In my defence, the last car I totalled wasn't actually my fault. Four-car "domino effect" pile up with mine in the middle

I'm still driving on my UK licence, having not had time to get my ME one yet (as soon as I got my SSN I was out to work), and I have concerns too - and I drive all over the state! I tend to panic when I don't know where I'm going, and then all my UK reflexes come back - like putting the wrong hand down to the gear stick, and hitting the windscreen wipers instead of the indicators. I can assure you you're not alone in panic, Sharon! I'm also a worse driver when hubby is in the car with me; I hate the way he"back-seat drives".

Maybe you could look into doing an intensive day course, rather than several two hour lessons or something. You might find that a whole day of doing nothing else builds a lot of confidence very quickly, and seeing other people doing the same thing wrong will make you feel less "dumb" for not catching on.

As for the merging thing, people WILL move. They might slam on the brakes, honk the horn and gesticulate, but it's not in their best interest to drive into your car - it really isn't! I find that giving them the finger and a well-placed "F&%$ YOU!" out of the window usually helps

I bemoan the lack of "L" plates in the US, I think they'd go a long way. Maybe you and Rick should make a sign to put in the back window which says "Learner Driver, please drive courteously". People tend to avoid learners like the plague in the UK because they're so unpredictable, and it might work the same here too.

You will get it, and when you do you'll feel so proud and wonder what all the fuss was about!

Christina

[ladyspotthedog 0]

Don't give up!!! It took my mum about 30 years (on and off of course ), a fair few driving schools (most of whom said she'd NEVER drive) and 6 driving tests!!! Now she steams about no probs

Get back on that horse and go for it!!!