Juliet and Steve

After a week of marriage all we seem to do is fight over jealousy issues and perceived wrongs.

Clearly there is no fault to throw out but clearly too, this will not work.

Any suggestions on the easiest and least painful method that is fair to both parties to end the relationship?

Thanks Hank as always...

A fellow VJ'r happened to ask me if I have gotten my SSN yet since I have been in the US for than 2 weeks now. And my responce to her is I'll get it after being married but she said that I should do it before marriage so that confuses me. I'm glad Hank is here

What is the advantage of getting SSN before marriage? Is it more difficult to get social security card after being married and before filing for AOS?

I've read few posts here in VJ that its better to get social security number on your maiden name then go back to SSA after being married and have your name change? How true is this?

How terrible!

I'm sorry to say the obvious but are you sure you went page by page?

When Juliet got her passport the visa was in the middle--and at first she thought there was no visa since she saw empty pages, but then, there it was.

Just in case your fiancee might have not gone page by page it might be worth another look. That would be an easy fix.

Good luck.

status says ready still but already here now in us

Well then, I'd say that you are "all-ready." Ready for anything! Enjoy.

Hello,

Does anyone have any insight into what days of the week are slowest to attend the Guidance and Counseling Session at the CFO?

Or anyone have any idea what days of the week are the busiest?

Thanks!

Joe

Hi! I plan to attend CFO Seminar in Cebu by Monday or Tuesday next week. Are you in Cebu too? Let me know when you plan to go there. Thanks

Thanks Hank!

Thanks Babeej! Good luck on your journey too and I hope you'll get your visa soon.

Is there any advisory for CFO Cebu Office to be close tomorrow (Thursday) due to the upcoming super typhoon? Please send me the link.

@JulietandSteve - thanks for the positive encouragement! Any idea what they did during that month you were waiting? I don't understand why some ppl get theirs immediately and others get put under AP. Seems like they have already done so many checks by this point.

They just kept on updating my case with "Ready" status for more than 3 weeks and every time I call them they would say that they are still processing my case and just wait for them to contact me.

Though,they never did, I just kept on checking my status everyday hoping it would change and it did.

Don't lose hope, it will happen to you.

I had the issue before, my interview was Sept. 25th, sent the requested document on the 1st of Oct. USEM updated my case status to issued on Oct.30th.

But I think it depends on your case, I've known some K1 applicants who also got a 221g but got their visa as early as 1 week from submission.

So,just keep your hopes high guys!

Actually the clock for his resident tuition started the day he starting living in the state. ( the day he arrived )

People need to be very careful about this one. You may be correct but almost all states have a "residency requirement" that states that you must be a resident for usually 1 year, but in some states it's 6 months.

I'm not aware of any state that simply allows for a person to move in on one day, state they are resident, and thus are immediately eligible for a major reduction in tuition under in-state resident status.

To become resident on day one really makes little sense because every out-of-state student would then immediately upon moving would say "I'm a resident," please charge me in-state/resident tuition instead of the much higher out-of-state rate.

See:

http://www.finaid.org/otheraid/stateresidency.phtml

U.S. Department of State

NONIMMIGRANT VISA APPLICATION

Issued

Application ID or Case Number: MNL2013xxxxxx 01 MNL

Case Creation Date: 08-Oct-2013

Status Updated Date: 30-Oct-2013

Your visa is in final processing. If you have not received your passport in more than 10 days after your interview, please contact the Embassy call center at (02) 982-5555 and (02) 902-8930, from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m., Monday through Friday, to track the delivery of your passport.

Just got the Issued status after all the waiting. Thanks God!

WooooHooooo! Our CEAC status just updated to ISSUED. So happy! Thanks God!

Consulate interview Aug 25th, everything looked good.

Then AP and a 221g request for proof of divorce. Sent and received Sept 2nd.

Switched from AP to "ready." Updated seven times!

Now it's back to AP.

Is this normal?

I really feel like we're getting jerked around. Two couples who had consulate interviews and then 221g requests (the same--proof of divorce) have long been approved and have their visas.

So very frustrating.

Thoughts anyone?

Steve

Ooops!

Steve just got the date wrong.

Interview on Sept. 25th and USEM received needed documents on Oct. 2nd.

Sorry...

Consulate interview Aug 25th, everything looked good.

Then AP and a 221g request for proof of divorce. Sent and received Sept 2nd.

Switched from AP to "ready." Updated seven times!

Now it's back to AP.

Is this normal?

I really feel like we're getting jerked around. Two couples who had consulate interviews and then 221g requests (the same--proof of divorce) have long been approved and have their visas.

So very frustrating.

Thoughts anyone?

Steve

Administrative Processing

Application ID or Case Number: MNL2013xxxxxxx 01 MNL

Case Creation Date: 08-Oct-2013

Status Updated Date: 30-Oct-2013

Your visa case is currently undergoing necessary administrative processing. This processing can take several weeks. Please follow any instructions provided by the Consular Officer at the time of your interview. If further information is needed, you will be contacted. If your visa application is approved after administrative processing, your passport will be delivered by our contracted courier to the address you specified when you booked your interview.

What does this AP means? I hope this is a good sign too. Or should we wait for several weeks in "Limbo" again?

As Boggy1974 said you can ask your Congressperson or Senator to query about the status.

Though our case went from A1 to N0A2 in a good amount of time it seemed to have gotten stuck at the NVC and that was frustrating. Eventually I asked my Congresswoman to simply make a query about the status and voila! It showed up in the system within 24 hours at NVC and was off to Manila in a few days.

You have good reason to be frustrated you're pushing 8 months--that's a long time. Check in your country forum to see what others have experienced and if it still seems oddly long try your Congressman first.

Snags can occur anyplace along the line, we submitted the wrong proof of divorce and got a 221g. It's now pushing a month since they received the proper documents. We know of two couples here who had been delayed for the same reason and both are in America now while ours sits who knows where. Once it hits a month I'll ask my Congresswoman to intercede, if that doesn't help I'll ask my Senator to intercede. Beyond that all that's left is to as God to intercede..

Good luck.

A_Saif, try calling embassy for updates JulietandSteve ready open case for 2 weeks? Call embassy why it took 2 weeks for ready open case the fact that it is stated below the status to check it in 2 days, right? Hopes up guys! I've been through all these waiting, hoping and praying and you will get your visas soon, too!

I called USEM but they said that at least my file has been looked at and just check the CEAC site every now and then for updates. Thanks Keane!

I've been having a lot of updates on my AP status. Is that a good sign?

Almost 2 weeks on AP...

My status has been READY for 2 weeks now. Last update was Oct.15th. Did you try to call USEM for any info why they keep updating it yet the status is still the same? Hope we'll get Issued status soon...

sorry i sound harsh , but why have children and send them off somewhere when you cant handle them.

What would you tell your kids when they get older. Why have kids at all if you cant afford them.??

i just get mad because i 'm my case i really really want kids but am waiting till we are financially set and one of us has a college degree.

Sounds like your wife has Postpartum Depression . She can get help and get medicine and will probaly end up feeling better.

Interesting post Pamala but harsh indeed!

Would you have this couple attempt to forcibly return the child somehow?

The children are here—it’s a done deal and the OP is caught in a bind that millions of other American’s (and other nationalities see):

http://au.ibtimes.com/articles/515323/20131021/japan-celibacy-syndrome-sex-relation-survey.htm

The above article is instructive and mentions how American’s such as you (Pamala) are putting off having children. It is a problem. I wonder too, that America is largely becoming populated by children whose parents don’t bother to even consider support, parents who are often on the dole, when another mouth to feed simply means a bigger TANIF check (TANIF) is a form of welfare.

But back to the OP’s issue.

I do agree with Pamela and others that postpartum depression is a real possibility here and suggest that the couple attempt to deal with the possibility medically.

OP says that she cannot find a job.

Frankly, I find this difficult to believe. I’ll assume (which might be wrong) that she has a fair amount of English ability. Well, there are so many jobs that so many will not do—CNA/LNA (Certified Nurse’s Assistant) (and many places will train in house), hospital laundry, grocery store late night shelf stocking, security guard. It may be that she is depressed and that is the real issue—or not.

As for sending the children back to RP, I’m not at all surprised to see Americanized responses for essentially what is a Filipino issue.

The idea of sending a child away from mom and dad in America is anathema. What horrid parents would ever do such a thing? Well, that is understandable for most but look at where the children will go.

They will go back to grandparents who will likely love to have them. They won’t have mom or dad but were we (Juliet and I) to do this someday, I realize that they’d have about four dads and multiple moms because that’s the way it works in RP. Juliet’s brothers and sisters would, even without thinking step in to these roles—that’s the way family life is in RP. It is not that way in America.

To an American such a scenario (sending the children to RP) seems horrible. Yet millions of Filipino parents work overseas (either one parent or both) and leave their children to be cared for by relatives. Research often indicates that this is a bad thing, but most of the research is that done by and about industrialized countries--not—about RP. The fact is that there is no substantial research that indicates that children in RP suffer if they have loving caretakers other than mom/dad.

And let us not consider the negative effects upon children of any age being raised by stressed out mom and dads—unable to even avail themselves of what everyone else in America can—and routinely does: WIC (Women/Infants/Children), SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (Food Stamps) (which considers M&M’s and potato chips nutritious)) and other social supports. An immigrant’s petitioner is forbidden to use such programs—or will be billed for them—another can of worms.

When in Bohol or in Cebu I am constantly amazed by children who have so little and yet who are always happy. Their schools may be impoverished—but many learn and do well.

In America I am constantly amazed by the foul language, the arrogance and rudeness, and surliness of the many children that pass my house. Not all mind you, but many. I worry too seeing children in America with so much in the way of toys (electric scooters, iPhones, iPads) and cringe to see them constantly glued to some electronic device. Many are fat—yet I do not remember seeing one child in Bohol who was fat.

Putting this all together I’ll say to OP that considering RP’s cultural norm where children being raised by relatives will likely be happy and may turn out much better being raised in RP than in America—go for it.

Consider too people—we have Skype and the new ability to maintain contact at a distance.

OP you are not alone—this issue is one that millions of Americans and others face. These are difficult times and please ignore the advice of those who don’t know or have made no effort to understand how RP’s culture differs from American culture.

Good luck

I haven't read all the posts but if this guy is 47 years old and living with mom--without some immense reason...

........immense reason: Recent bankruptcy; recent foreclosure of house, etc.

...he has a problem--and any woman who tries to have a relationship with him WILL have a problem.

This concept might be difficult for a Filipina to understand because family life in RP is so different. Guys living with mom are common there--they are not in America, not if a guy is 47.

But in America, if a guy is over age 30 and still living with mom he has a problem.

Had I been a friend of this women, or if Juliet had this woman as a friend, long ago I would have said: "No--no--no... it will not work.

Some say that such fellows have a problem but I don't think this is the case. I've seen co-dependet mom/son relationships and have NEVER seen one of these men have a healthy relationship with a woman. They usually date, but even then their dating relationships generally do not last.

Search google for "men who live with mom," and you will find many links such as:

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/men-that-live-with-their-mothers/

This excerpted from one:

"Most guys with a healthy relationship with their mother and a fairly decent level of connection to their emotions, definitely do not want to be living with their mother past their mid to late twenties; thirty at a push.

Unless he has been a victim of famine, and destruction, for instance, financial issues, no man who actually wants to have a relationship and do it in a healthy way is going to be literally living under his mothers apron strings."

My suggestion for this woman is simple. He wants to be a friend. Fine------then act like a friend. Have her ask him to help her out until she can stay in America with a decent job, then divorce. That's the least he should do for her. But will he? She's the "second woman" in his life and unfortunately such men are often so narcissistic they might simply not want to be bothered.

A sad situation.

The employer/employee situation is not likely going to count for much. It seems hard to imagine that you can’t leave for 10-14 days. An employee is not an indentured servant. This being said perhaps there is some reason why a temp agency could not find a person that has the unique skills that you have—if this is the case be sure to explain and carefully document that.

I also find it very difficult to see the impossibility of taking 10-14 days off from visiting your friend. Your friend is diabetic, has had several strokes of unknown effects and has end stage kidney disease. Your friend is undoubtedly in a skilled nursing facility. You do not appear to be a caregiver; much less a primary caregiver and I would presume that all her needs are met by the LNAs and RNs (+doctors) at the nursing home.

You offer her emotional as well as financial assistance/support but it will be difficult to understand how your friend who appears to still be verbal would have difficulty being without your visits for 10-14 days. I presume that she still has verbal capacity and it seems that you could have another person act as an intermediary and keep in touch via phone or internet each day in case something comes up. If she suffers from anxiety I’m sure a discussion with her doctor would lead to appropriate anxiolytic medication relieving her of anxiety.

You say she is at the end stages of kidney failure yet you do not mention that she’s on dialysis. Even if she were on dialysis, well, that’s fairly routine. Yes diabetics often have feet or partial leg amputation yet you make no mention of an impending operation. Were one pending you could delay travel until a week or two after to help your friend grieve her loss.

I do not understand at all the Court and some sort of debt that you discuss so I cannot comment on that.

A notarized letter from an RN would be inappropriate—I’m surprised that you can get one. Such a letter in effect acts as a form of diagnosis which is outside of the scope of practice allowed by any state board of nursing that I have ever heard of, a note from a doctor would me more appropriate and hold more weight.

Good luck.

Congrats!

I left home, on my bicycle at age 15 and never returned.

I never finished my Senior year of high school.

These are patterns of behavior.

It would seem, according to your rules of prediction that I would never graduate with a college degree.

Yet I did, not once, but three times, all Cum Laud.

Not what you would have predicted--I'm sure.