MikeandThea

3 hours ago, payxibka said:

A Vawa claim is more difficult to overcome than multiple filings 

How do you know this? VAWA cases are secret and the accuser is not even notified. There is no due process, no evidence, no rebuttal and no opportunity to clear my name. I can't even find out if my ex actually filed a VAWA claim but its the only way she can get her GC so I assume she did so. 

Hi,

I brought a Filipina to USA on a K-1 in 2008. She divorced me after 3.5 years due to hypergamy. In 2016, I met another Filipina whom I thought I knew very well and brought her to USA on a 2nd K-1 but she refused to consummate the marriage, claiming medical reasons but a physician, gynecologist and a psychological counselor said they could find no reason for a lack of libido. a, then the day after she received her work permit, she suddenly left after starting an argument with me. My own investigation revealed she had several men lined up that I knew nothing about. Phone records revealed she had been to the Police and then a women's shelter where I assume she was given a list of 'abuses' to use for a VAWA (Violence Against Women Act) waiver so she can get her GC without needing me. I immediately withdrew her I-864 and received notice from USCIS of same.

She has been gone 14 months and has not contacted me and refuses to reply to emails. I started divorce proceedings which will be final in a few weeks. Last month, a Filipina friend of mine I know and trust introduced me to her sister who is in the Philippines and I contacted her and will go see her in 2019. She seems to be a match for me. If she is, and we decide to marry on a K2 visa (she has a 7 y/o son), I will have to apply for a I-129 multiple visa waiver. 

However, I feel certain my about-to-be-ex-wife has filed a VAWA waiver claiming abuse, so will USCIS deny me because of that? This statement is made by USCIS in reference:  "If you have committed a violent offense against a person or persons, the USCIS may not grant such a waiver unless you can demonstrate that extraordinary circumstances exist."

I would assume they mean that if I was convicted of a violent crime, then this would apply but a VAWA waiver is done in secret without due process to the man, so even if they accept her story, I will have no record of being 'convicted' in a VAWA court but USCIS will. Also, the VAWA court defines abuse as emotional as well as physical so all she has to do is say I hurt her feelings, got angry and didn't buy her a new car or any number of things they call abuse but none of it is violence per se. 

Anyone have any information on this? If it looks like I will be denied due to a VAWA 'conviction', I won't even go meet this girl but it is a shame because she may be 'the one' for me. Please hold back your opinion about knowing a woman before I marry her. I'm 1/2 Filipino and I know nothing is guaranteed. 

Thanks,

Mike

1 minute ago, Dianalorena said:

 I'm sorry you're going through this, OP.  On top of her using you for immigration porpoises having your ex-wife involved? crazy.

People that pretend to love their spouses to deceive them are pure evil, it hurts you and makes the process harder for all of us. 

 

I know it's incredibly hard especially right now because you're feeling betrayed and used, but there's no point in exhausting yourself.

I've noticed that a lot of people that have been scammed crave justice, they want the immigrant to be sent back home, and I get it.

But it shouldn't be your main concern or priority, let immigration deal with the aftermath, she'll struggle and most likely fail anyway. 

If the annulment is impossible, divorce and move on, try to rebuild your life.

I wish you the best of lucks! 

 

 

Thanks so much to you...and everyone. Yes, it hurts and I can't help the feelings, as if revenge would help but I know you and the others are right. I just have to make sure I've done all I can and will do all I need to do to protect myself. Thanks again for your kind thoughts.

3 minutes ago, MeAlone said:

I think your ex is doing a good job for you deceiving her and given her wrong advice. It will all fall apart for your wife, same happened to me, I saw how somebody was giving the wrong advice and it saved me from future troubles

LOL! Yes, it appears that way. And, you know what? I was wondering...why would she do that? I think she is giving bad advice on purpose to ruin my marriage because she knows I'm stronger as a couple than alone. Here's the thing, up until June, my ex and I were NOT on good terms. Then suddenly, she became REAL nice, cooperating with me on everything in our custody of our son. I thought, 'hey, she respects that I've re-married and moved on'. NO. During the exchange of our child, she sent a 'gift' to my current wife..2 big bags of lotion, soap, female stuff...you know. My ex must have put a note in the bag in a way that only my wife would find it.....certainly in Tagalog. Probably saying something like, "call me at this number xxx-xxx-xxxx so I can tell you all his nasty violent secrets".  And so she lied to her, poisoned her on me and turned her against me with a promise of quick wealth from rich men just waiting for her.

5 minutes ago, Auds said:

and don't rely just on your lawyer on the annulment.  Do some research yourself.  I believe you should be able to get an annulment which will surely help for her not to get her 10 yr GC.  Any way I don't think she is getting her 2 year one either based on time line.  She tried to play it smart but failed.  

 

Chin up.  XX

Hey, thanks. Yeah, I'm going to do a bunch of research too. It does not appear that I will suffer too much if I can't get it but it seems fair to me since I was defrauded. Of course, its the proof that will be hard to present. So far, its all just circumstantial I think. I really have no proof. She did a good job of deceiving me. I never saw it until she blew up at me last Friday. Man, if I could somehow show how she's been since she got here and then show how she was on Friday when the subject of her texting my ex came up, any judge would know she is guilty! To me, her reaction was a sure sign of guilt. I should have called the Police on her! Hell, to be honest, she did kind of scare me she was so mad LOL. Anyway, thanks for the comment. I hope you're right.

32 minutes ago, MeAlone said:

I know the feeling, I recently went through annulment myself. Forget about revenge, she will get her hard part in life and you are lucky she is out of your life, the person like her could do more damage.

The sad thing is being so badly cheated and used hurt us so much and makes us unable to build another family. It take time to heal, just think it's all for better

Thanks for the reply. I still have to do a bunch of research on annulment. I know what it is and I think it will relieve me of alimony but I'm not sure, I've been so busy worrying about the I-864. I know that once the AOS is approved, I'm on the hook unless I pulled it in time. If I can't go that route, my attorney has given me two options for divorce and I just want to wait  until I know the status of her AOS before I decide which path to take. I'm sorry you went through a tough time too. It really sucks.

3 hours ago, Celeste & C said:

If she can't prove that she married you in good faith, she will be denied and put for removal proceedings. Again, based on what you are saying. She won't be able to prove anything... no commingled finances, nothing. 

 

Short marriage, no proof whatsoever that you were functioning as (what in the eyes of USCIS) is a marriage. Boom! Denied.

 

That's why you need to stay away from her and not be left alone. If she hasn't received her 2 year green card, she may claim abuse and go for a VAWA case. She will still have to submit proof of everything, but she will do anything in her power to say you abused her physically or mentally.  She already called the cops on you and that's a VERY red flag that she might be trying to build up an abuse claim.

 

 

Ok this is what I was looking for too! Thanks. I wasn't sure but now you are confirming what I thought....that even if she gets her AOS approved, she still may not get her 10 year GC because she won't be able to prove we have a bona fide marriage...because 1) We will not have been together from now til then, 2) no photos of us living together 3) no bills or other shared documents. Am I right? I really don't care what she does after our divorce but I just am worried about the I-864 financial obligations. If anyone is going to go on welfare, it's her. Maybe not soon, but before she completes 40 quarters, leaves or dies...that is for sure!

1 minute ago, Holt said:

Sorry to hear this. This is a lesson not to believe anyone but yourself. 

No matter how we want the other one be with us in US but sometimes, they betray us. 

I hope you could calm yourself down, I also know how much you want her to be sent back to her country but God will do what He gotta do.

Move on, and love yourself. 

Thanks, I'm calm. More hurt than angry. Its gonna take some time to heal.

5 minutes ago, June2017UK said:

If a marriage isn’t consummated then that is grounds for annulment (check your State’s law but I’m sure it’s common law).

List the medical professionals whom she went to and whom reported back nothing was physically wrong and the therapist whom she missed her appointment with.

 

Keep that text message saying she was coming back - objectively speaking, a reasonable person who was genuinely scared of you would never return to you and be alone with you. The authorities would scrutinise her on this.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide, but put your health first.

 

Thanks! Really good point about the "I'm coming back..." message.  My attorney said that if it was so bad, then she would have filed first thing Monday and as of now, she has not filed so it was all just a ploy to get the VAWA thing. My attorney is looking at the annulment on grounds of no consummation but he said he didn't think we can use that, I'll know more next week.

I just want to give my deepest heartfelt thanks so all of you who have replied and given me information and shared their experiences. It is truly amazing how kind you all are. Thanks so much!

1 hour ago, NuestraUnion said:

You have already gotten so very good advice on here. I just want to add something from my wife's and my experience. My wife's green card arrived in the mail exactly one week after her EAD/AP card arrived. So although it is unlikely that her GC is approved when she just received her EAD/AP, it is very possible that it could already be approved.

 

Since consummation never occurred, annulment is an option, although, discussing this option with your lawyer to see how difficult/time consuming it will be would be the best way to go for now.

 

Heed the advice from others to protect yourself and not be alone with her.

 

Thanks. I guess all I can do is wait, but I you know how USCIS is, there is really no way to tell when there are going to do anything. We all just have to wait on them to do their thing. Its just that I handled every single detail of this Visa Journey, she really couldn't do any of it without me telling her exactly what to do. IF she is scheming now, its with the help of someone. And yes, I have gotten much very valuable information here.

2 minutes ago, Highmystic said:

Sorry to hear of the troubles you are going through... twice..   I have been warned of the scams filipina's can pull, because in the Philippines, a common stereotype is if a Filipina is with an American,  he is either rich or the woman is the maid or the hooker.  Sad case actually.  I Met my fiancée here in the US (she was on a visitors visa. NOTE:  IF your future selection does not have a passport of a visitor Visa to visit the US, then she may not be the best choice, as the gov  may feel that if she has nothing to show for a reason to come back to the PH and deny a visa).  And in the interim of the K1 waiting,  I went to the Philippines and  had some wonderful feasts,  great beer (Red Horse) and ate some great foods, met some wonderful people.  I did not catch your age, but I personally am 65 and my fiancée is 53. (We are both dragons).    There are SO many Filipina women here in the US.  I might suggest if you do prefer Filipina women,  find one who is already carded and looking for a husband and she has a job or marketable skills or a degree in education.  There are many looking.  BUT, I can tell you now, those "dating sites",   10 percent are real, the rest are scammers.  So many women way out of my league and half my age saying "love knows no bounds, age has nothing to do with it" .  They have a business, successful, then, oops, all of a sudden they need $500 to cover some expense they did not see coming and you see their profile pic in another city. .. LOL. I have gotten to spot a scam in 24 hours or so after contacting...  seen it a lot of times my friend!   For me, I am FB friends with her best friend, I know her neighbours, two of her bothers are friends on FB and I met one of them (Over a couple liters of Red Horse!  Oh, did I already mention Red Horse?).. I've met in person several of her relatives in Las Vegas, and  and her Niece advised with the KI as she owns a visa center business.  Bottom line.. if it seems to good to be true, it probably is.  Lock down any CC cards are bank accounts before it's too late, if you have not done that yet.  and then, as suggested by others.  Move on and find your soul mate. 

 

You sound like an honest and caring person.   Peace and good luck to you!!

 

 

Thank you very much for your insight and thoughts. I know not all Filipina are like this but I sure failed to choose wisely. I did my research. She and I were Ox and Rat respectively....a perfect match, and we did get along so well. That's part of what is really killing me, we got along great! No problems, until last Friday. I guess Chinese Zodiac can't say what a person's moral virtues or priorities are. I do love the Philippines. My dad is from Bulacan, so that is my heritage, my blood. I just wanted to belong to a family as I have none to speak of here but you know, my first wife from Samar would not let me meet her family....and now that I look back, my current wife's family seemed to be cold. I guess I missed a vital clue. Regardless, I'm never going there again and I'm done with marriage. Better to live alone than with someone who does not love you. Thanks again.

Just now, mcdull said:

move on.

LOL! Yes, I will. Thanks

5 minutes ago, Prystine said:

Divorce and move on. Wishing ill on those who have hurt us or done us wrong only causes oneself grief. I know it's hard not to feel like they should pay for what they did but it's not worth holding onto that anger and hurt.

You are right, but its easier said than done. I can divorce her, that I know. But years down the road, I'm afraid I'll get a Federal Subpoena to Immigration Court telling me I owe tens of thousands of dollars to the US for all the welfare she was on. And, it just kills me to think I might see her all happy with her new boyfriend after all I've done for her, all the love and devotion I gave her, the money, all that time, all that effort, all that paperwork, etc.....all to be discarded as a used toilet paper and flushed down the toilet. It hurts a lot. But I know time will heal the wounds. 

1 hour ago, DrEllaNJ said:

If that's what the case status currently says, it's highly unlikely she already got the AOS approved. With you withdrawing the i-864, it becomes even harder. If there's an interview, she won't be approved if you're not there as bringing your spouse is a requirement. If I remember correctly, my status changed to 'your interview has been scheduled. A notice has been sent to you with the interview date' when the interview was actually scheduled. Once the green card was approved,  it changed to 'petition approved, card in production' / 'a card has been mailed to you through USPS -track it here'.

 

With K1, a lot of people don't have to do an interview, though. I didn't go through K1 so I don't know if your updates would be different?

Thank you for that. I was wondering what to look for as an indication. I put on my withdrawal letter that I wanted notification but it may take weeks to get it. Thanks again.

1 hour ago, MaleAlpha said:

Adding my 2 cents.

 

Everything you indicated seems to show she screwed you. Good thing is, she hasn't received her green card yet so you can pull the i-864 which you have done. That should kill the petition.

 

Regarding next steps, I will just reiterate what everyone has been saying and sum it up here :

1. File an annulment instead of a divorce as that will help you best as she could get nasty with a divorce and you will be in the hole if you have property etc. that she wants (Divorce court doesn't really care about your immigration issues). Annulment on the basis of fraud and non-consummation will serve your best interest BUT keep in mind that an annulment may not be smooth as there is no way for you to prove the marriage wasn't consummated - she could lie. She could also argue it wasn't fraudulent.

 

2. Do not let her trick you back into a relationship nor get close to you without a trusted third party present. If you have to stay in a hotel or with a friend until this episode ends, go for it. Trust me, that will save you a lot of headache later regarding VAWA and having trumped up abuse and assault criminal charges pinned on you.

 

3. Once this episode is over and you are no longer married to her and have successfully withdrawn your i-864, MOVE ON. Whether she chooses to stick around in the US, go back, get's deported, get's married to a new person etc.should no longer be your concern. Karma will take care of it.

 

I wish you a happy life and sorry about everything you're going through.

Thank you my friend.

18 minutes ago, Merrytooth said:

If she gets her 2 year conditional green card, she has to file for ROC I-751 with divorce waiver either immediately after divorce or 90 days before the green card expiration date.

1) She has to submit her divorce decree, evidence of bona fide marriages (e.g. financial co-mingled documents, joint ownerships.. etc)
2) If she can't provide any evidence, her ROC will most likely be denied and she will be placed in removal proceedings. 
 

** Note One can still file for ROC I-751 even if the marriage is annulled.

(As far as immigration is concerned, it's treated like a divorce; the foreign spouse just has to show good faith marriage).

 

Some people said to get divorce or annulment based on fraud, it will make it harder for to prove she married in good faith

Thanks very much for your input, I really appreciate it as it is helping to put my mind at ease. You see, with her medical condition, I can see her being on welfare for the rest of her life. She has done nothing since she got here except some minor house cleaning and cooking on my work days. She stayed locked in her room 18 hours a day, only coming out to eat and shower. Now I know she was in there texting up a plan to leave me. I just don't want to have to support her financially for the rest of my life, or hers. Again, thanks.

Just now, BuiQuang said:

why do u care what happen to her in 2 years?  what difference to you after u divorce?  other already told u that her problem not ur

Thanks for the reply. I'm hoping that there will be some reason for USCIS to deny her a 10 year GC and possibly put her into removal proceedings. I'm hoping that she will not have any proof of a bona fide marriage...or not enough proof, and that she cannot respond to any RFE on the subject. In short, I want her plan to fail. She used me and I'm hoping she be sent away. IF she gets her AOS approved and stays in this country, I don't want to be held financially responsible for her

3 minutes ago, Celeste & C said:

^^^This.

 

The burden to show bonafide marriage falls on the applicant. She will have to show anything they ask for and, based on what you shared with us, she will have a very hard time providing that information. Her problem, not yours.

Thanks very much for your input. So, if I divorce her, after 2 years, do you think she will be unable to prove a bona fide marriage? She has nothing here in her name. The house and car were mine before she got here and I couldn't put her on the bank account because her name is still in her maiden name on her SS card and we couldn't change that without a green card. I only have me on the credit card and the phones, utilities, etc are all in my name. And if she cannot prove a bona fide marriage in 2 years, what will USCIS do to her? She will just have it all waived on the I-751, right?

2 minutes ago, Celeste & C said:

Just like @Merrytooth said. Choose your steps wisely. Do not fall for any kind of reconciliation speech. 

 

You've already retained legal representation and that is good.

 

I'm sorry someone took advantage of you. She's been clearly coached. What she doesn't seem to know is that she was poorly coached.

Thanks. I'm trying to be as careful as I can.

Thanks to all for the input. Now I have another question: Just in case I was too late, and she DOES get her 2 year GC, should I divorce her and send USCIS the final divorce papers? Or wait 2 years, as she would then be out of status, right? In my state, all i have to prove is that she and I have not lived together for 6 months, (2 witnesses/friends) and I will be granted a divorce, so I know not to take her back in. I just wonder if there is anything I can do to upset her plans. I feel so violated and used, lied to and betrayed. I am trying not to hate her but dammit, this is so not right what she is doing.

15 minutes ago, Celeste & C said:

If the marriage has not been consummated at all,  you could get an annulment. You may be one the few people who can actually get it. Otherwise, divorce her.

 

When it comes to her. If she says she wants to come back, do not be alone with her to avoid any type of abuse claims. If she got her green card without an interview (very possible since it's a K1), she will have a REALLY hard time removing conditions. If she has an interview, she will need you to go with her... don't. She will get denied and will be subject to deportation.

 

You've already pulled the I-864, so she won't be able to get far.

 

Other than that, nothing else can be done.

Thanks for the reply,  no, its never been consummated but I asked my attorney about it and he said he'd check into it.

3 minutes ago, Merrytooth said:

Yep,  Do not ever be alone with her anymore, in case of any false domestic violence claim.

As you should know by now, she is probably staging a VAWA case against you by calling the cops on you (Oh she is so scared of you, might served you with restraining order as well).

 

Not sure if you can prevent her from coming back to your house since it is considered marital home. You should consult your divorce attorney for further advice.

 

Another thing, once she figures out she can't get her green card without you (K1 holder has to AOS with the original USC petitioner), she might have a 'change of heart' trying to reconcile with you.

Choose your steps wisely.

3 minutes ago, Merrytooth said:

 

Thanks for the reply. I will be careful.

3 minutes ago, Merrytooth said:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hi, I met a Filipina, dated her in the Philippines and finally brought her here on a K1 and we got married in February 2017. We waited until our wedding night to consummate but she has hyperthyroidism and asked to wait because she didn't feel like it, so I did, patiently. Months went by and she said she just had no libido anymore so she saw a doctor who could find nothing wrong. Then a gynecologist, who said all was normal, saying it is usually a mental/emotional thing with a woman that young (32). So, she went to a therapist and is supposed to try to get help there but she missed her appointment this week and I suspect it was all just a ruse anyway.

This woman is the 2nd Filipina I have sponsored. The first one I met and sponsored over 10 years ago she went all the way to Permanent Status and a baby before she secretely found a very rich man to leave me for. After it was all over, I thought, "They (Filipinas) can't ALL be bad, right? So I went over there and found another who seemed so compatible so I took another chance. I just love Filipina women and have a thing for them, but not anymore.

Last Thursday, my wife got her EAD and AP card. We have been waiting for the notice for her AOS interview but it has not come to our Po box yet. On Friday, she started a fight with me, which is very out of character for her.  Then, later that night, I found out she had been talking to my Filipina ex-wife and I confronted her about it and she got really mad, denying it but we argued hotly over it because she said she didn't even have my ex-wife's phone number.  While I was out, she packed a suitcase, and left and then the Police came asking what happened. I told them we had an argument and when I got back, she was gone.

The cops said my wife had gone to the Police Station (how? she has no car and can't drive. Who took her?) to say she was scared of me but that there was no physical abuse and since there were no threats or physical harm, there were no charges and nothing more would come of it. So, she has left with no forwarding address. On Saturday, she sent me a text saying she's coming back, but doesn't know when butthat she left because she is so scared of me but I know that's not the truth. I began to dig and found she has been in constant communications with my ex-wife since June 6th, sometimes, hundreds of texts a day to each other. In addition, she's been in phone contact with at least 4 different men. I google the numbers and found them all and they are all single. She is also texting numerous local people I don't know dozens of times a day that I never knew about. We are - or I thought we were - a private couple, just living together but now I see that while alone, she has been very busy texting and making phone calls.

I now believe she came here only to get a green card, she must have changed her address on the USCIS website and intercepted the notice of interview for AOS or they just granted it without an interview. She of course never said anything about these people, saying she knows no one here except me. I pay the phone bills and I have access to all the calls and texts made, the phone numbers, to and from, but no content. I never looked at her phone activity because I trusted her fully. Now, I wish I had been more vigilant. Let that be a lesson to all.

To me, it all adds up to a scam marriage ....no sex, secret men friends, secretly talking to my ex-wife and then suddenly disappearing right after getting her EAD and right about the time she was supposed to get her AOS interview or approval without an interview.  Her name is not on anything besides the marriage certificate.

On Monday, I wrote up a letter officially asking to withdraw my I-864 and hand delivered it to the nearest USCIS office and gave it to a USCIS Immigration Officer who said she'd enter it in the record but I don't really know if she did or not and I don't know if by then it was too late already, she didn't say. Before I went there, I sent the same withdrawal request via express overnight mail to the USCIS addresss we sent the I-131 package too and I sent a copy to the Benefits Center in Missouri. I'm hoping I got it in on time but it doesn't appear so. How can I check that? The current Status says USCIS that as of September 18, 2017, they were ready to schedule and interview and would send a notice with the date but as I said, its now October 6, and it has not arrived in the PO box we put on the I-131, so I rather think she anticipated doing this and changed the address to a place she could intercept it, go on the interview without me, tell them that everything was fine and perhaps USCIS granted the 2 year GC to her without me knowing it.

I know I should have not married this woman but I did enter the marriage in good faith but she didn't.  I think it was her plan from the beginning to scam me to get a GC. What should I do? I don't want to be on the hook for her after this. I have a divorce attorney standing by but divorce is the easy part. I want her deported or at least I want out of the I-864 but if I was too late, then I'm screwed. She can't work because of her illness, she has no skills, no job, no money, no car. What are my options? Thanks in advance.

1 hour ago, aleful said:

you aren't responsible for her until death, but until she becomes a USC or has worked for 40 quarters

 

since she probably hasn't, you must include them on your affidavit of support as part of your household

 

your new marriage may be scrutinized due to a previous marriage, but if you have enough bona fide evidence, there won't be a problem

 

  

Yeah, I know about the USC and 40 quarters, that's why it's until death for me because she will never be a USC and I'll be dead before she makes 40 quarters. Thanks for the comment