venusfire503

Hi everyone. I was just wondering what you all have decided to do for your Mena Man for Valentine's Day? I am having a hard time deciding. I am almost sure we will join the Arab Valentine Day Party in Atlanta but I still need a present. If you don't mind sharing I would love to know.

Sending ROSES to my wife. all the way to Morocco:)

How can you send flowers to Morocco? We've wanted to send some to his mom, but couldn't find a company that delivers there....

The problem that might come up, if I read the post correctly, is that she stayed married to the first guy until he got his greencard, but was having a relationship with the new guy. [i'm not judging her - I met my new husband during the divorce proceedings with my first husband.] The reason USCIS might care about the situation is this... she needs to say how and when she met the new guy, and show proof of a relationship. I don't know if they'll notice that during the time she was establishing a relationship with him, she had to show proof of a valid marriage for the first guy to get his greencard. It's going to be difficult to figure out a way to explain this one.

Good luck

Just want to add that I don't intend to sound mean. I'm just not able to phrase things the way I want right now. I hope you know what I'm trying to say though. USCIS might just say that you can't be in a bona fide marriage at the same time you're starting a bona fide relationship with someone else. Unless you two met and were just friends until after the greencard was issued to your husband, they might not accept the situation.

Does that make sense?

Or am I just digging myself in deeper here?

Sorry....

The problem that might come up, if I read the post correctly, is that she stayed married to the first guy until he got his greencard, but was having a relationship with the new guy. [i'm not judging her - I met my new husband during the divorce proceedings with my first husband.] The reason USCIS might care about the situation is this... she needs to say how and when she met the new guy, and show proof of a relationship. I don't know if they'll notice that during the time she was establishing a relationship with him, she had to show proof of a valid marriage for the first guy to get his greencard. It's going to be difficult to figure out a way to explain this one.

Good luck

My husband couldn't get a credit card (although, we did not try a secure card) when he first got here. Then I added him on my credit cards as a joint card holder. Now his credit history looks longer than it really should. The company didn't make any kind of notes, so it looks like he's had the card as long as I have. I think that really helped him out, and then he was able to easily get a card in his own name - without having to tie up any money on a secured card. Of course, this will only work if the USC has good credit - if it's bad, it will give the SO the same bad credit rating. Also, of course, it's important to be careful about how you use the cards and pay them off (and check your credit report at least annually) to make sure everything is good. If your SO doesn't know much about credit, make sure to tell him or her. I know some of this is obvious, but... it can't hurt to mention it.

Best of luck!

I remember being 18 and having a 17 yr old girlfriend. I am not entirely without sympathy to your plight. On the other hand if the AWA prevents one child from being molested then I am in favor. A few years ago a man in New Hampshire named Harold Baird petitioned for a woman and her five year old daughter in China. Unknown to the woman the man was a convicted child molester. A few months after she arrived in the US she caught her husband molesting her daughter. He is back in prison now. Her and her daughter had a very rough time of it, living in womens shelters and having to pull herself up by her own boot straps. From just this one case I can see a need to prevent this from happening again. One can say "I'm not putting this woman in danger, she doesn't even have children". The couple could have children of their own later on. Child molesters have a high recidivism rate and are unlikely to be cured of their mental illness. Perhaps the law needs some tweaking but I still think it is better than no laws at all.

I still say there is a BIG difference between two young people having consensual sex and someone doing things to an unwilling person (ESPECIALLY an unwilling child; especially the larger the age difference, when the abuser has a position of authority over the victim, etc). I really think there should be separate categories for the two separate types of situations.

Just in case anyone is thinking I'm trying to defend myself, I was never on either end of an underage relationship.

I am also 11 years older than my husband (we did K-1) - I'm 40, and he's 29. We also didn't know each other long (less than 7 months at the time of interview). Also, my ex-husband (American) was emotionally abusive. My second husband (Moroccan) is wonderful! He's been here almost 2 years now, and we're very happy. My kids love him, too.

He had no problem getting approved, although they did interview him for about 90 minutes. It was the woman, who I heard is a real hard-a$$ about interviewing and approving people. I think it might have helped that I visited twice before the interview, and was there for the third time during his interview. Make sure you have plenty of proof of the relationship, and tell him to remain calm no matter what they say. I honestly think it bothered her that she couldn't figure out a way to deny him or give him AP or 221g.

Best of luck!

I'm glad someone else had the courage to say that they hate when people try to use God to rationalize the death of a child and "make it better". I had a miscarriage years ago, and wanted to punch people (as horrible as it sounds, it's true) when they said things like "it's God's will" - what can that do, other than maybe make the grieving have bad feelings towards God? I heard the excuse that "maybe there was something wrong with the baby - it's for the best". Again, I wanted to punch the person. I told people I trusted that I didn't care if the kid had three heads - I just wanted my baby! Seriously, the best thing I heard was from a neighbor - a kind of awkward guy who was kind of shy. He said "I don't know what to say". I wish I could let him know how strangely comforting that was to hear. I couldn't verbalize it at the time, and we lost contact (he ended up moving).

Oh, and for the people who say "God never gives us more than we can handle", a woman I met had a good response to that. If that were true, why is there so much drug/alcohol abuse, suicides, etc? Sometimes it's hard to get help from friends, family, or even from God. Yes, it's possible to be so low that you have to pick yourself up enough to even reach out to God. It's a scary place to be.

I know people are (at least in most cases) just trying to be helpful and/or just have no clue what to say. But that doesn't make it easier for us to hear.

It's horrible what you've been through, and it doesn't completely end. I hope and pray that you find peace somehow. God and friends, and even prescriptions can help. It does get easier with time - but you'll still get 'caught' sometimes even years later (as I did, when reading your post) and cry. It's been 9-1/2 years for me. People are thinking about you and praying for you. It's good that you reach out to them. I wasn't able to do that for a long time. It was 2 weeks before I would even answer the door or the phone. And it doesn't help when the father is 'absent' in any way. My ex didn't even react - said it wasn't really 'real' to him.

It's also good that you don't let people tell you what's 'normal'. What's normal for one person isn't what's normal for another. Keep going through the motions when you can, crawl into bed and cry when you need to. Remember that people do care.

Best wishes.

Who cares if you 'shoot' a few innocents so long as you get the rapist bastards? Seriously, if you weren't all woosy about human rights, there would be no crime. Idiots!

You want to know who cares? Those who are wrongly accused, and the people who are related to the wrongly accused. Do the wrongly accused not have rights?

My husband was wrongly accused about something, and even though he was cleared, it cost us thousands of dollars, and we (including my children) have been affected emotionally in ways you can't fathom. How do we deserve that? If he hadn't been cleared (in this case, it's not that uncommon), he'd have been possibly jailed, deported and probably banned for life from re-entering the country. Since my children are here, and my ex won't even let me take them out of the country to VISIT, I'd have to go back to life before the visa - visiting him when I can afford to visit, and crying while I'm gone because I miss my kids. Although, in that case, there would be no end to it, short of forgetting about him, or waiting 13 years until my youngest is 18, and then moving there.

If there's no doubt someone is a rapist (or whatever the charge), that's one thing. But I hate this "who cares if we get a few innocent people in the process" mentality.

Think about if one of the innocents you don't care about getting 'shot' was your father, brother, boyfriend/husband, or SON.

Alot of the "you know your married to an arab" crack me up. Do some of your hubbys really take 3 showers a day?? lol...I guess after Sofyan being here now for 3 years he has become quite americanized.

Well I thought my man was taking showers 3 times a day. But when he'd come out of the bathroom after an hour with dry hair I realized he was showering only every other day but washing his ### with the toilet hose for 45 long friggin minutes each time he did his business.

Hey, if someone is only going to wash one part, that should be the one!

Yes, my husband sometimes has showered 3 times a day. Not as much now that he's here, but he definitely did while still in Morocco. He's becoming a little Americanized, too!

Platypus,you are correct about some things but it is kind of unkind to come on a board u arent involved in and be critical and voyeuristic.Why laugh at vulnerability? last time I checked, being in love with ANYONE can make you stupid

Why laugh at vulnerability? I'm sure there's some reason - just like the kids you knew in grade school who would tease others to make themselves feel better had their 'reasons'. Luckily, most of them (obviously not all) outgrow it once they finish puberty.

On a personal note, I know I haven't really talked to you, but I've read some of your posts. I want you to know that I think about you, and hope things get better for you soon. I can't imagine going through what you have/are and being able to still get up in the morning. I just wanted you to know that one more person out there cares, for what it's worth.

I knew from the second I saw the title of this thread it was going to turn into a disaster...

Plenty of those things Platy said are true of plenty of people (HEY a generalization! like the reason this whole thread was made in the first place... to list generalizations!).

I'm the one who started this thread, and I've already said the purpose of this was to make people laugh. I guess I didn't realize it was going to "turn into a disaster" because I hope for the best from people. Stupid me.

Have you done research to see how many people those 'generalizations' actually apply to? And even if some of them really DO apply (who gets to decide how many is "plenty"?), was there really a reason to be nasty and call the USCs in the MENA couples "stupid" for pronouncing something wrong - especially in such a hard to pronounce language like Arabic? No one is perfect when learning something new. I can't believe that especially someone married or engaged to someone from another country would criticize someone for their attempts at speaking a new language. Although, maybe Platy doesn't know any other languages other than English. Americans are called stupid because most only know English, but when they try to speak another language, they're still stupid?? I don't

think people who are trying to learn English are stupid or sound stupid. What's wrong with trying to learn a new language anyway?

Other than that one, none of those generalizations apply to me. And I don't care if they apply to others. Why should I?

Please stop the bickering, thanks.

This whole thread was created so that people could make generalizations. Not all generalizations are good.

YES, please stop the bickering. One thing that would be helpful is for everyone to just ignore those who are trying to piss people off. You're just encouraging them.

This thread was created so that we could make each other laugh - about the generalizations.

I'd really prefer only the 'good' generalizations, so that we CAN laugh. I'd be willing to bet that most, if not all, have had more #######/tears/irritation, etc. than we'd like.

I was hoping to spread a little joy.

P.S. nothing against hanging in there - I know she's been through alot

Thats why they call it Jail Bait..where do we draw the line??

If you mean "under the age of consent" when you say "jail bait", then the answer varies by state. I googled it, and according to a chart (http://teenadvice.about.com/library/weekly/qanda/blageofconsentchart.htm) dated 2001 (I believe near the time of the OP's offense) the ages ranged from 14 to 18 depending on where you live. To further complicate things, it sometimes depended on whether or not the parents consented. Oh, and also whether it was male/female, male/male, or female/female. What all of that means is, the line is drawn at different places for different people. The majority of states did not list 18 as the age of consent (only 15 did). If the OP had lived in any of the 28 states that listed age 16 or younger, he'd have been in the clear.

Also, my other point was, since Adam Walsh was not in effect at that time, the OP could not have known that his offense would, years later, possibly prevent him from petitioning for his fiancee to enter the country.

I know it's a little ridiculous as an example, but what if the laws changed so that anyone caught drinking underage would be prevented from petitioning for a fiance(e)/spouse? They could claim that underage drinkers are more likely to become violent drunks, and they want to protect people from that, too. (no, I was never caught, my love is already here, I don't drink now, and I'm not an alcoholic, in case anyone was thinking of asking)

I'm just saying that having laws change, but affecting people who broke them years before they were in effect, isn't really fair. I don't see a problem with USCIS making sure the fiancee is aware of the offense, so she can make her own informed decision (she's an adult). But keeping him from applying just like the rest of us is a different story.

I understand that this may not be the most popular take but i have to say this. As a victim of sexual assault, i say denial of immigration benefits is absolutely fair. Each case should be handled carefully though and treated on a case by case basis. This might be a minor case to the person convicted of this problem but you should wonder if it is indeed minor to the other person. A 19 year old having sex with a 16 year old seems wrong to me. IF you do not see it as wrong, then maybe you are not rehabilitated. This may seem harsh to you but that is how i feel as a victim of sexual assault.

Thank you.

I sympathize with those who have been sexually harassed, molested, or assaulted. Unfortunately, I've had some of that myself in the past. However, I don't think it's fair to group CONSENSUAL sex in with crimes that are FORCED upon others (and not JUST minors). I don't think it's unusual for a 19 year old to think it's ok (morally AND legally) to have sex with a willing 16 year old (especially during an ongoing relationship). The laws are different in each state (and change over time), and I'm not sure the OP even knew he was breaking the law back then. No one knows ALL of the laws, and many have incorrect information due to mistaken "common knowledge". I understand why he doesn't think what happened years ago should affect his life now. Honestly, I know I did things at 18 - 20 that I thank God don't affect me now. I'm sure most of the people here can say the same. At my age now, it's easy to look back and think how stupid I was to drink when I was under 21. But I also remember that AT THAT TIME, it didn't seem like there was really anything wrong with it. Most 19 year olds are still, in some ways, children (hence the drinking laws - no offense to any 19 year olds reading this). We all mature over time. Had I been caught when I was young, I would have 'paid the price', learned my lesson, and then moved on with my life. The OP is concerned he might not get that luxury.

Maybe a 19 year old having sex with a 16 year old seems wrong to you, but from what I'm hearing, it's only illegal in certain states (and during certain time periods in history).

Also, remember that the Adam Walsh law was not in effect at the time he was 19. So it seems like retroactive punishment in this case.

I thought it would be fun to do one of those "you know you're....when...." kind of things. I'll start with a few

You know you're in a MENA relationship when.....

...you have recipes you can't read

...your kids start saying bismillah

I guess I'm weird... I actually was relieved about the not-celebrating-holidays/birthdays thing. We're both very hit and miss about it, and I even worried at times it might 'bite us' if he gets called for a ROC interview (I heard they sometimes ask what gifts you bought each other). We went so far as to 'assign' certain gifts to certain occasions after the fact (um... ok, if they ask, the GPS we bought in November last year was really a Christmas present). Even that sort of went by the wayside. I think if he gets interviewed, we'll just tell them we decided not to do gifts for celebrations, we just buy each other what we want when we can (I've always liked that philosophy, even before I met him).

As far as buying things in general - we get more starry eyed over thoughtful gestures than things that cost money anyway. For example, my ex is trying to take full custody of my kids. When I got in the car to go to see my lawyer one morning, I found a note from my husband (who had worked overnight) on the steering wheel, encouraging me and reminding me just to say "bismillah" and things like that. It made me very teary eyed, and I was so happy about it. I made sure to mention it to him as soon as possible (after I was home and he woke up).

I was chillin' in the house with my mother in law who speaks no English I love my MIL and the rest of my new family sooooooo much but in all honesty, after about 3 days of nothing but arabic and having to ask what EVERYTHING meant if I wanted to be included in a conversation... I was about to lose my mind! I would have jumped at the chance to just have a chat with ANYBODY in English. I can't imagine not being able to see a light at the end of the tunnel and knowing that THIS was IT until I could get a job, make a living, provide for my family, AND be able to afford plane tickets home! It almost made reading the English dictionary look appealing

That makes sense. I do remember how much I relied on habibi for EVERYTHING when I was visiting him in Morocco. I didn't go anywhere without him, and couldn't do anything, really. While waiting outside for him during his visa interview, it was a challenge just to buy water and find a bathroom!

It makes sense now why, when we went to visit his family together after he got here, he did things like 'abandon' me in the kitchen when I wanted to cook with his family (in the past, he would hang out and translate). I don't think he was trying to be mean - more that he was following my lead about "pushing out of the nest". It must have been a relief for him in a way not to be the 'lost' one for a little while!

That trip definitely motivated me even more than before - I'm now learning the language at a much more serious pace (and he's more willing to teach me).

:D

My husband doesn't ask any questions... he just does things...

like taking the sofa apart, just to see how it's put together???

I laughed so hard when I read this... so, I'm not the only one who has experienced things like that? My husband's saying is "either I'll fix it, or break it for good"!!

Oh, he asks questions, too - not as many now. It's more the timing, though (like when I'm trying to study, watch TV, sleep....

I think there was some confusion about whether people were recommending not getting married the first trip for personal reasons, or for immigration reasons. Those are two totally different things. No one has a right to tell you what to do with your life. I think some people were just trying to warn you that it is more likely that your petition will be denied if you get married the first time you meet in person. Casa is a tough sell, even when you do things the way they prefer them to be done. It sounds to me from what I've been reading on these forums that more people get delayed or denied than get outright approvals. I know when we were going through the process, my sweetie met sooooooo many people who got the 221g. It made us a little nervous, to tell you the truth! Anyway, I'm kind of glad we knew so little when we applied for the K1, because there are so many reasons we might not have gotten approved. We considered getting married first, but the K1 seemed easier. And it was fast for us, too - he was here within three months of the day I mailed the petition! I've heard getting married in Morocco is a long, complicated process, too. If you want to do it, just make sure for your own convenience/sanity to find out as much as possible ahead of time, and do whatever paperwork you can right away. You don't want any problems whatever way you decide to proceed. If you decide to get married first, be prepared for possibly more of a battle. I wish you luck that it won't be (either way), and your journey is easy.

As many have said, no matter which way you decide to go, make sure to gather as much proof of a valid relationship as possible. Make sure to double check all of your paperwork. Lack of proof and lack of sufficient income are probably the two biggest reasons for delays and denials no matter which route you take or which country you're dealing with.

Good luck!

i dont know if i will be above the poverty guideline or not but i am making about 393 a week im not quite sure if i will be above poverty or not, if i have bank saving like 5,000 will that be good enough even though i am not above and have a minimum wage job, if it shows i have 5, 000 in savings will that be ok

Check this link for the guidelines: http://travel.state.gov/visa/immigrants/info/info_1327.html

It looks like you could be, depending on your family size. Just don't forget to add your fiance(e) when doing your calculations. Also, is the $393 per week before or after taxes? I'm not completely sure, but I think you get to use your before tax amount. Don't worry about the savings unless you're below the minimum.

Good luck!

There wasn't really a way to answer the second question. I was going to answer "kinda", but then it mentioned about both being from English-speaking countries. We spoke English to each other, but when we FIRST met, his English was REALLY shaky. We figured each other out, though. Sometime we used voila to translate, or google images to explain things to each other!

I'm learning his language now that he's here. We really wanted to focus on his English before because of the visa interview and to make it easier for him once he got here. Also, he knew SOME English, and I knew NO Moroccan Arabic, and only a few words in French. VERY few!

As far as the ice cream goes, my absolute favorite is Turkey Hill, especially the Chocolate Marshmallow.... (I'm happy there's no gelatin in it!)

The following link, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26980587 is about a phenomenon that many times occurs when a couple has been married for a very long time; when one spouse dies the other follows shortly thereafter.

From the article:

Dying beside the love of your life and passing into eternity together is the stuff of legends, but it’s also a documented phenomenon among longtime couples.

Studies around the world have shown that the rate of mortality spikes among bereaved spouses soon after their beloved has died.

Would you want that to happen with your SO/spouse if you were to pass away first?

No, unless he really wanted it and would be miserable without me.

When I read this the first time, I read it too quickly, and thought it was asking if I'd want that to happen to ME if HE went first. My answer is, if my children were all old enough to be on their own, then I probably would to some extent. But they're still young right now. Who knows how I'll feel in the future?

About the toothbrush concerns - if your SO has dental issues, those can be passed along through kissing and stuff anyway. What we did was just both get good dental care, and practice good dental hygiene (floss, peroxide, etc). We both have good teeth and gums now.

We share just about everything (that is tangible/visible). Clothes, personal care items, email accounts, food, whatever. He's worn everything of mine except bras, underwear, and some shoes (he can put on things like my sandals). I've worn everything of his, I think. Other than him stretching my socks and flattening the backs of my slippers, I love that we can share clothes and stuff.

We're not carbon copies of each other though - we still have our differences.

I guess I can stop worrying abt this issue for now and should start posting on other forums where there is advise for dads who are denied of the kids by their evil spouses :-)

Thanks guys, this forum is really helpful to a lot of people. keep up the good work.

Yankee

If you are being denied visitation, or you think the kids' mother is trying to turn them against you, you really DO want to do something about that right away. I just read a book called "Divorce Poison" by Dr. Richard A. Warshak. It's not very expensive to buy if you can't find a copy at your local library. There was very good information in there. Best of luck!

For my wife we used the Casino Health Plan....

No deductible, no premiums....

Simply roll the dice and wish like he!! nothing happens

I guess you could do that, but I remember reading about someone who did that and regretted it. Seems there was an accident involving a broken leg, and the petitioner was then responsible for some big medical bills.

You just never know. My husband ended up in the hospital for just one day last year for pneumonia, and the bill was over $10,000. SO happy he has insurance - we only had the $400 deductible!