nycgirl

I feel so uncomfortable with all that god stuff around....

I rather stick with the facts, but anyway... when will be the hearing ?

How "you" feel about the "god stuff" on this post has nothing to do with the post. Perhaps for a topic of your own, you can suggest to drop the "god stuff" and just stick to the facts. On someone else's post, your comfort is of no concern really.

God is a very big part of some people's lives and your comment is an attempt to undermined what others value.

Once again (now lets all say it together..), this is an OPEN FORUM! ANYONE can comment on ANYTHING about the post that they have an opinion on. Threads or Posts do not belong to the OP. (This one clearly belongs to Dr Owens, who must have paid for the Adversising space).

Can we get some more information on Dr. Owens??

Oh, god. Please help her. Mods, feel free to cancel my membership to this "OPEN" forum.

Who's Patty?? That's all I'm asking, nut.

BTW, I'm very happy!! Gwan on vacation tomorrow!!

I didn't misquote anything, I just didn't bother writing the whole chapter. I only pulled out the verses that were dealing with that one situation. The principle of leaving father and mother did not apply to us, as that was initially a joint decision between both of us, and was primarily her idea. I wasn't lavishing on the money I spent on her. People asked me and challenged me, so I just broke it down for informative purposes. I don't care about that money, and if I did, I wouldn't have spent it. I trusted and believed that she would start a career once she got here--that was her goal--and that's why I took the financial risks. Perhaps silly on my part for someone I only knew a couple years, but love will cause you to do silly things.

As for my spending in the Philippines, she's the one who made our travel plans, hotel arrangements, and everything. I always kept her aware of my limitations. She had access to my bank accounts quite early on, and knew our budget and finances. I never hid anything from her financially.

As for the miscarriage and infertility, I see that as the primary problem altogether. Thankfully, with VJ members and their bright intuitivenesses, we've been able to uncover most of the mysteries underlying her thoughts and internal sufferings. I appreciate everyone's responses. I hope to report a happy ending to this cycle, and a new begining soon.

You thought she would start a career?? Using just her good looks? Ummmmmm, she didn't have her papers, remember?? Dude, your story is really getting unbelievable.

Honestly, as entertaining as it is, I think that this thread has run its course of usefulness for you. All you do is come on here and defend your crazy actions. There's not really any useful information coming your way. By why do you keep coming back? To defend your actions and prove that you are right. You are obsessive (goes hand in hand with your stalker-ish manipulative controlling personality). Or you LOVE the drama. Can this thread seriously be helping you?

I agree with Boo Boo,

A lot of nasty words are being said and judgements cast. She reached out for help and support, and that is what we should do. Please think of how you would feel in this situation. Be kind.

Just for the record, my comments were not specific to Sarah's situation. More general observations than anything.

I am just tired of seeing everyone (whose marriage doesn't work out) immediately claim Visa Fraud. Especially with Jamaican men.

All kinds of Jamaican men out there, but a lot are getting a bad rap because of a few bad apples, and because of Women who rush into marriage without fully getting to know their mate.

Sarah, I apologize if it seemed that I was singling you out. I realize that this is your thread. Sorry.

Patty i thought you were nepali..I dont think you will have any major probs, dont sweat it sis.

What to do now

Go back in and try again, learn live again, learn to give again, learn to love again....always with open heart.

Who's Patty? Lay off the vodka, Cindy.

himher, I get what you are saying, but sometimes people genuinely cannot afford to file AOS immediately. In our case, we couldn't for 5 months, so I was stuck at home, out of status and doing the housework. I couldn't get a DL until I'd been stuck at home for 9 months. Yes, it sucked. Does that mean my husband was abusing me? No, we just had no money, though circumstances entirely not the fault of my husband. Unfortunately some people don't have the luxury of being able to do it right away. If I had been offered a trade like clean at my stepkid's school to save money to pay for AOS, I would've jumped at it. From my impression of the OP, if he had had the money, they would've filed already and probably avoided many of their problems. There is a difference between being unwilling to pay and unable to pay.

Exactly!!!!! Hmmmmm, guess which one this is??

himher, I get what you are saying, but sometimes people genuinely cannot afford to file AOS immediately. In our case, we couldn't for 5 months, so I was stuck at home, out of status and doing the housework. I couldn't get a DL until I'd been stuck at home for 9 months. Yes, it sucked. Does that mean my husband was abusing me? No, we just had no money, though circumstances entirely not the fault of my husband. Unfortunately some people don't have the luxury of being able to do it right away. If I had been offered a trade like clean at my stepkid's school to save money to pay for AOS, I would've jumped at it. From my impression of the OP, if he had had the money, they would've filed already and probably avoided many of their problems. There is a difference between being unwilling to pay and unable to pay.

Maybe you would have "jumped at it" But its all a matter of how it was presented. I have a feeling that you are on EQUAL FOOTING with your husband in many ways. You would have probably had a two-sided, reasonable discussion with your husband. It seems that this woman was NEVER in that position (of equal footing). Notice how he presents his side of that situation then says: , "Now that you have seen the logical side of things" What??? As if her side could not possibly have been logical. He seems to me to want to be IN CONTROL of EVERYTHING. Very manipulative.

AOS is NOT BIG BUCKS! Pul-lease!!!!! You had $18,000 for trips to the Phillipines, but not $1500 to enable your wife to be a working, contributing part of Society? An equal, if you will? I suspect that you never wanted her to be an equal at all. What about a Home Equity line of Credit? What about a loan from your 401K? If I loved my spouse, and it meant that much to her (which of course it does), I would FIND A WAY! That whole part of the story is FISHY! You have 2 children and NO SAVINGS? And yet you spent almost $20,000 finding "love" in the Phillipines?? Hmmmmmmmm. A little irresponsible.

And you met some "Shelter Workers" by coincidence? Come on!!! Classis Stalker behaviour.

I just have a feeling that there's a WHOLE different story from her perspective. Sorry to be accusatory. I don't know you. Best of luck with the situation.

IslandWoman, you live in the Adirondacks?? Oh, I didn't know. Used to go up there all the time as a kid (and as an adult).

And one more thing........ALL KINDS of people look at these forums. You never know, someone could even direct your wife here for advice. Ever think about how much MORE creepy you're going to look, if she ever finds out that you've told her whole story to the world??

Does he want to stay married to her? Does she want to stay in the US?? Since he is the one who entered the marriage fraudulently, maybe he will stick it out until she gets her 10 year GC. In order to help her out. Can they get along? Or do they hate each other?

Justified or not by elequent words - repeatedly calling or using friends, acquaintences, or family to call / contact someone in a shelter who feels threatened and has asked to be left alone is the legal definition of stalking. How someone HERE would interpret it is far less important than how, say, someone working at a shelter would take those actions. Sorry I made the OP defensive with these comments. Often when we get defensive about something, usually the thing we feel defensive about triggers something in our conscience and a common defensive mechanism is then to go to justification mode. Speaking in general terms only....often in the heat of circumstance and especially if we have a problem empathising with other people we are unable to realize how an outside party would interpret our actions. The purpose of the comment was to caution the OP only to stop and consider those actions and possible consequences.

Ok, explain at what point I did that? I'm not being defensive at my actions. If I "defended" anything at all, it was only the truth of what actually happened. You just have a way of reading additional things into each situation. First of all, I did not know she was in a shelter when I first went to look for her and find out if she was alright--all I knew was that two strangers neither of us had ever met picked her up. I did not actually establish the "shelter fact" until a week after she left.

In addition, once I knew she was OK, and had an idea of where she was, my attorney is the one who advised me to possibly have my pastor call the shelter to see if she is willing to discuss anything with him. Shelters will generally communicate through a pastor figure--according to both police and my attorney. It is easy for you to come off with patronizing by explaining potentially faulty defensive tactics, conscience, and justification clauses as an outsider looking in, while not going through the problems yourself. Inexperienced advisors tend to just condescendingly point fingers because of biased opinions, but I think you're better than that, so I won't assume you're borderlining such methodoligy--although you already feel both God and the law should punish me. You made your point clear earlier when you stated that, "You don't care." Bottom line is that I am here to find help for myself, my wife, and save my marriage. Do you honestly know other men who would go to that extent in a similar situation? Thankfully, many people have gone above and beyond helping us, and if my wife gives me another chance, then I'll be able to post a happy ending to this thread for everyone.

There is a chance that if you send mail to her or even a Thanksgiving card, she'll freak out and move to a different shelter. Be careful. There is no reason for you to know where she is, according to her wishes. You have even crossed that far into her private world. Just be wise and let time do its job.

I was giving that some thought, actually, but what I would likely do is send it generically to all of the shelters, and only mention in the cover letter that I know she's in a shelter, but no idea which one, and I want her to have her Thanksgiving Card from me and the children. I would likely just ask them to forward it to her, wherever she might be. My wife is not scared of me, and I highly doubt she would freak out like that. Our pain has been emotional and psychological--not physical. She knows I would never harm her like that. Also, I got the idea from one of the lady officers at our local precinct.

Either way, I'm still a little hesitant about it.

You should be hesitant about it. Regardless of your bogus "I'm sending this to all the shelters" cover letter, you look like a creepy stalker, and you sure sound like a control freak. When someone is so desperately trying to GET AWAy, they don't want your creepy letters or cards. Your mother doesn't sound much better. She needs to stay out of the whole situation. I would recommend to spend LESS time on web forums, and more time working on your OWN problems. Leave the woman alone!!!! People who are not good communicators (like your wife) cannot be bullied into communicating. It has the opposite effect. And your hopes that she is "fully recovered" by Thanksgiving, oy...........trademark CONTROLLING behaviour.

Leaving for JA in two days!! woo hoo!! So much to do to get ready!!! Cant wait to see his mother's face!!!!!!

I am not blaming the USC OR the non-USC, nor am I lumping everyone into one category or the other. I know that every relationship is different. I'm just making the point that if the couple are getting married so quickly means that they BOTH rushed.

And with regards to a RED FLAG thread, I get it. Not a great idea.............. IF people were to follow it as gospel. But I don't think that they would......and certainly wouldn't end a marriage because of some comments on a web forum. Anyway, enough negative feedback. I get it. But I have to say......I've seen people on this website, as well as another, that were/are REALLLLLLLLLY naive.

Wow, active thread.

I agree that many here are quick to holler "I was duped" (and this next statement is in no way directed at SArah), but what if the relationship just didn't pan out like he expected? We all act a certain way in the beginning of a relationship, and that behaviour sets expectations for the future. Things inevitably change, especially if we rush into a marriage. The "honeymoon is over" as they say.

I think that SOMETIMES nonUSCs rush into relationships and marriage due to the desire to have a better life. Most are not purposely trying to dupe the USC. They DO want to be in love, and get to the US too. I'll bet you anything that Marlon wishes that SArah would have turned out to be the love of his life. As she wishes he would be the love of her life. But it would have been impossible to know that with the limited time together. If he rushed into things because perhaps his judgement was clouded, it doesn't make him the worst person in the world.

If immigrants rush into marriage and it doesn't work out, the USC was automatically duped. I guess my question is......why did the USC rush into marriage as well? That's why I'm interested to hear the progression of the relationship and subsequent deterioration. Is he really the greatest con man of all time, or were they both just caught up?

Doen't surprise me ONE bit!!! Inspector JG, at your service!!!!

Its not racist, goes back to know the age , culture and yada bs...dont get caught up in fantasy world...jeez take a look ...Jomo girl doing well . Im sure she researched and found suitable Jamacan mate.. Soo buzz off b4 assuming my intentions girly!!

Hey JG, how much research did you do on Andre??? Did you find him through a private investigator?? heheheh

I think that what sus is saying is that: yes, you were probably right. I'm sure Sarah now knows this. But now is not the time for "I told you so's"

I support anyone that is trying to protect Women from getting hurt. This Visa Journey is tricky and emotional stuff. Continue to look out for others, but no need to tell someone that their marriage (in your eyes) was never real. Unneccesary.

I really think that someone should start a "RED FLAG" thread. Not long personal stories, just lists of things to watch out for. Can be from personal experience, or something that you've heard. It could help SO many people avoid a similar situation. I'm not talking about Jamaican Men, it could be red flags from all over the world. I am sure the red flags have similarity regardless of region.

I met di youngster through my two best male friends. A bunch of us had a standing Sunday afternoon dinner at my house. I always made enough food for tons of leftovers. The guys would bring the leftovers to the job site all week. They started sharing their lunch with my future husband. He was intrigued! Who is making all this delicious food? They started talking to him about me, and telling me about him as well. I was intrigued too! I learned how to cook some Jamaican food, and "slipped" that into the leftovers, dedicating that food for him ONLY! This went on for about two weeks. Then out of the blue, he called me one day. One of the guys had given him my number. We began talking every night for HOURS. It was fun and romantic, but in a kind of like make believe way. I didn't want to meet, afraid that we would have no "in person" chemistry and the fantasy would be over. After three weeks of talking every night, he had HAD IT (we only lived 15 minutes apart), he wasn't going to wait any longer to meet me. I told him he would have to wait ONE MORE WEEK. That night, I booked a ticket to Mexico for a week in a spa, leaving the following day. Boy, did I try to turn back the clock..........gym every morning, swimming all day, tanning, hair highlights, teeth whitening, THE WORKS! Don't know of it worked, but when we met the day I got back, we've been inseperable ever since.

Guess you're right about the ignorance. But why post at all? To give SArah the sage advice to "pick a better husband next time"?? Gee, thanks Cindi you genius!!! Cruel and insulting.

Cool heads prevail (but not mine obviously!)

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...30&start=30

This is in the "NOTMRS: I never thought I'd post here" thread. I suggest all yardie wives and future wives get on there and give her ignoranamus butt some good old fashion verbal whoop-###. GROSS

I AM SO DISGUSTED BY THE ANTI-JAMAICAN COMMENTS FROM THIS CINDI-SHAH. Anyone what her story is? Nut case, anti-social, or what. I am about to vomit.

OMG, I don't even know how to reply. First of all, learn English!!! You write like a two year old.

"all the dances and religion and voodoo #######" NOOOOOO, that's not racist. What the hell kind of rock do you live under?

I am all for REALLY finding out whom you are marrying before bringing someone here, but fraud happens in all cultures. Don't put ISH down to "yada BS" whatever the hell that is. Your post was ignorant, offensive and extremely insensitive to the OP. And frankly, I couldn't care less what your intentions are. Don't know anything about your PAki ###. Don't care to know your story. I just call it like I see it. And you, my dear are disgusting and TRASh.