Mithra

I read it as two seperate issues - one that they get into arguments and sometimes he's wrong but he doesn't apologize for being wrong AND that he's having adjustment issues. They may be having arguments due to the adjustment but they may be having other arguments not related to adjustment that he also doesn't apologize for. I've been through the adjustment phase (lasted over a year) and it sucked so bad for both my husband and I but I never felt it was a good excuse for either of us to behave badly. And we did behave badly at times. Adjustment does not give this guy the right to be mean to his wife. Now we don't know what the OP's idea of harsh is, like you said. But he should be in tune with what his wife's idea of harsh is and act accordingly and vice versa. It's very easy to run out of patience with someone who refuses to do anything but sit around and mope and act like a jackass especially when you've bent over backwards to get him here.

Generally speaking I am not one for playing games with people; however, I learned that my husband does not like if I do the silent treatment/ignoring the problem back at him. That is what he used to do to deal with problems that arose and once I started giving him back what he gave me, he realized it wasn't pleasant and he opened up more. If I acted like I didn't care he would approach me to talk it over. It's strange, I know. Not saying this would work for you but maybe if you backed off a bit after an argument or issue instead of trying to fix it right away, he may be more willing to open up? I have found that most men need some space after a problem before they are willing to discuss it and fix it.

I'm sorry but I refuse to believe you were forced into learning such language. If you knew these people were unsavory then you should've avoided them. You are a grown woman. You chose to be around people who behave badly. My children know better than to hang around the wrong crowd, you should know, too.

You paid $147 to ship a 2.2lb package?

I disagree. I see sense of entitlement and pissiness due to things not going as planned.

Whoa hold on there. I'm not being judgmental but based on your posts you really need to cool it. I DO remember being on AP and names checks. I waited 4 mos. in AP. I didn't come here and have a temper tantrum about it after 6 days. If I'd have done that I'd have never made it. I also didn't act indignant and think it was my right to have no AP because others in my same position waited less. You'll get no where with that attitude.

I disagree. I see sense of entitlement and pissiness due to things not going as planned.

Echoing others by saying that comparing cases will make you crazy.
It's possible that he got a name hit. You've only been on AP for 6 days. If you're getting irritated and angry after only 6 days how are you going to cope if it takes 6 weeks or 6 mos. or longer? Please try to calm down and do not compare your case with anyone else.

Whoa hold on there. I'm not being judgmental but based on your posts you really need to cool it. I DO remember being on AP and names checks. I waited 4 mos. in AP. I didn't come here and have a temper tantrum about it after 6 days. If I'd have done that I'd have never made it. I also didn't act indignant and think it was my right to have no AP because others in my same position waited less. You'll get no where with that attitude.

Whoa hold on there. I'm not being judgmental but based on your posts you really need to cool it. I DO remember being on AP and names checks. I waited 4 mos. in AP. I didn't come here and have a temper tantrum about it after 6 days. If I'd have done that I'd have never made it. I also didn't act indignant and think it was my right to have no AP because others in my same position waited less. You'll get no where with that attitude.

No offense but I really dislike when people assume that someone is unfriendly or moody or whatever because they need to get laid or have their period or whatever. She may act that way because she's seen and dealt with a lot in her job as far as fraud cases or shady characters. I have to admit that if I were a CO at a high fraud consulate I wouldn't be exactly pleasant all the time either esp. when I know that lots of people are lying to my face and trying to screw their wife/fiancee/husband/whatever over. Doesn't excuse the inappropriateness of her behavior, however.

No offense but I really dislike when people assume that someone is unfriendly or moody or whatever because they need to get laid or have their period or whatever. She may act that way because she's seen and dealt with a lot in her job as far as fraud cases or shady characters. I have to admit that if I were a CO at a high fraud consulate I wouldn't be exactly pleasant all the time either esp. when I know that lots of people are lying to my face and trying to screw their wife/fiancee/husband/whatever over. Doesn't excuse the inappropriateness of her behavior, however.

Sorry Kelly, I thought you knew this already. Adam became a Christian at the age of 19. We met online 2 years after that. I dont convert people. Adam didnt know me or of me when he became a christian. His own family knew of him as being a christian before he knew me. This has already been stated a number of times.
Also, he never abandoned his culture. Hes quite the Egyptian fella. His own christian religious views are more Coptic Orthodox where as mine are not quite so much.

I would say the Big 3 are;
1) a job
2) driver's license
3) friends outside of you and your family

My advice - prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Some people have an easy transition and others rough. Personally my husband's transition was very very hard for him and on our relationship. We've been married almost 5 years now and we are just at a place where we feel like equal partners moving forward in life in the US. There were lots of adjustments, understandings, and realizations he had to come to and there were sacrifices on both of our parts. Getting him here was the easiest part of the journey.

I sort of disagree, Cleo. While yes, the 14 year old is old enough to be left alone for a short time (a few hours) I would never suggest leaving the child alone for even an entire day. I would never leave a 10 year old alone at home for any period of time. I know that you're not suggesting a 10 and 14 yr old be left alone for 3 weeks but you did mention that two of her children were old enough to be left alone and that I disagree with. Also, just because other women on the board have left their children for several weeks, months or longer doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. I don't think 3 weeks is too bad but 3 months is definitely too long, in my opinion. I would never dream of leaving my children for 3 weeks or longer if they weren't in the care of a trusted family member. A sitter is certainly not appropriate for a three week jaunt in Egypt. Unless the sitter is a TRUSTED family member (grandmother, grandfather, aunt, etc.). That is simply too long for children to be left in the care of a friend or acquaintance. I know this is an unpopular opinion but leaving children behind for several weeks and months in order to appease a fiance or husband is selfish to me. As we all have seen in regards to Cairo, attending an interview with a fiance or husband is no guarantee of an approval. So the excuse of attending an interview is not valid to me.
I wanted to add that I don't necessarily disagree with the disapproval of Mandy's parents especially because of what she had revieled about her ex not too long ago. I understand her parents' concern not only for Mandy but for their grandchildren as well. Of course, their disapproval will not change anything but it does show that they will not go along with something they don't believe in and for that I can't blame them.

I agree with this as far as expecting such a reaction. I imagine it's quite a shock for a Christian family when one of their own converts to a religion that is viewed as intolerant, chauvenistic, and in some minds, has ties to terrorism. Not saying that I necessarily believe this (aside from the intolerant part as I view all organized religions as intolerant) but there are a lot of people who do so it's not surprising to get a negative reaction. What I don't understand is the forcing of food on someone who refuses it for whatever reason. As if that will make the person come back to Christ or whatever. I find that it does the opposite and it usually pushes the person to hold on to their new faith because obviously the adherents of their former faith are intolerant and aggressive. I'll never understand this sort of tactic (forcing food or other guilting).

First, unfortunately you can't control what people post on a public forum. Second, I don't see any "ugly" comments in Tamara's post. She's just being honest regaring a Christian family's point of view.

First, unfortunately you can't control what people post on a public forum. Second, I don't see any "ugly" comments in Tamara's post. She's just being honest regaring a Christian family's point of view.

I agree with this as far as expecting such a reaction. I imagine it's quite a shock for a Christian family when one of their own converts to a religion that is viewed as intolerant, chauvenistic, and in some minds, has ties to terrorism. Not saying that I necessarily believe this (aside from the intolerant part as I view all organized religions as intolerant) but there are a lot of people who do so it's not surprising to get a negative reaction. What I don't understand is the forcing of food on someone who refuses it for whatever reason. As if that will make the person come back to Christ or whatever. I find that it does the opposite and it usually pushes the person to hold on to their new faith because obviously the adherents of their former faith are intolerant and aggressive. I'll never understand this sort of tactic (forcing food or other guilting).

I sort of disagree, Cleo. While yes, the 14 year old is old enough to be left alone for a short time (a few hours) I would never suggest leaving the child alone for even an entire day. I would never leave a 10 year old alone at home for any period of time. I know that you're not suggesting a 10 and 14 yr old be left alone for 3 weeks but you did mention that two of her children were old enough to be left alone and that I disagree with. Also, just because other women on the board have left their children for several weeks, months or longer doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. I don't think 3 weeks is too bad but 3 months is definitely too long, in my opinion. I would never dream of leaving my children for 3 weeks or longer if they weren't in the care of a trusted family member. A sitter is certainly not appropriate for a three week jaunt in Egypt. Unless the sitter is a TRUSTED family member (grandmother, grandfather, aunt, etc.). That is simply too long for children to be left in the care of a friend or acquaintance. I know this is an unpopular opinion but leaving children behind for several weeks and months in order to appease a fiance or husband is selfish to me. As we all have seen in regards to Cairo, attending an interview with a fiance or husband is no guarantee of an approval. So the excuse of attending an interview is not valid to me.
I wanted to add that I don't necessarily disagree with the disapproval of Mandy's parents especially because of what she had revieled about her ex not too long ago. I understand her parents' concern not only for Mandy but for their grandchildren as well. Of course, their disapproval will not change anything but it does show that they will not go along with something they don't believe in and for that I can't blame them.

I sort of disagree, Cleo. While yes, the 14 year old is old enough to be left alone for a short time (a few hours) I would never suggest leaving the child alone for even an entire day. I would never leave a 10 year old alone at home for any period of time. I know that you're not suggesting a 10 and 14 yr old be left alone for 3 weeks but you did mention that two of her children were old enough to be left alone and that I disagree with. Also, just because other women on the board have left their children for several weeks, months or longer doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. I don't think 3 weeks is too bad but 3 months is definitely too long, in my opinion. I would never dream of leaving my children for 3 weeks or longer if they weren't in the care of a trusted family member. A sitter is certainly not appropriate for a three week jaunt in Egypt. Unless the sitter is a TRUSTED family member (grandmother, grandfather, aunt, etc.). That is simply too long for children to be left in the care of a friend or acquaintance. I know this is an unpopular opinion but leaving children behind for several weeks and months in order to appease a fiance or husband is selfish to me. As we all have seen in regards to Cairo, attending an interview with a fiance or husband is no guarantee of an approval. So the excuse of attending an interview is not valid to me.
I wanted to add that I don't necessarily disagree with the disapproval of Mandy's parents especially because of what she had revieled about her ex not too long ago. I understand her parents' concern not only for Mandy but for their grandchildren as well. Of course, their disapproval will not change anything but it does show that they will not go along with something they don't believe in and for that I can't blame them.

I sort of disagree, Cleo. While yes, the 14 year old is old enough to be left alone for a short time (a few hours) I would never suggest leaving the child alone for even an entire day. I would never leave a 10 year old alone at home for any period of time. I know that you're not suggesting a 10 and 14 yr old be left alone for 3 weeks but you did mention that two of her children were old enough to be left alone and that I disagree with. Also, just because other women on the board have left their children for several weeks, months or longer doesn't mean it's the right thing to do. I don't think 3 weeks is too bad but 3 months is definitely too long, in my opinion. I would never dream of leaving my children for 3 weeks or longer if they weren't in the care of a trusted family member. A sitter is certainly not appropriate for a three week jaunt in Egypt. Unless the sitter is a TRUSTED family member (grandmother, grandfather, aunt, etc.). That is simply too long for children to be left in the care of a friend or acquaintance. I know this is an unpopular opinion but leaving children behind for several weeks and months in order to appease a fiance or husband is selfish to me. As we all have seen in regards to Cairo, attending an interview with a fiance or husband is no guarantee of an approval. So the excuse of attending an interview is not valid to me.
I wanted to add that I don't necessarily disagree with the disapproval of Mandy's parents especially because of what she had revieled about her ex not too long ago. I understand her parents' concern not only for Mandy but for their grandchildren as well. Of course, their disapproval will not change anything but it does show that they will not go along with something they don't believe in and for that I can't blame them.

I fail to see how lying about education means marriage fraud.
Unless she has solid proof of actual fraud ie emails or letters stating that he married your friend just for immigration or something similar I don't think she has much of a case. She should probably cut her losses, divorce her husband (if she truly is unhappy and wants out)and let him remove conditions on his own. We're only hearing one side of the story and maybe the marriage just isn't working out. I understand the desire for seeking "revenge" because she feels scorned but it may end up hurting her more than if she just divorced the guy. If he is guilty of fraud he's awful stupid for messing things up when he's so close to the finish line.

^^^^^^I guess I didn't read that part closely (I skim way too much). If you want to know why the man lied about his education the bolded parts are a clue. The bolded parts are so telling about the dynamics of the relationship and could also be the reason why the man doesn't speak to his wife. Just a thought.
I'm also wondering why this woman would marry someone from a third world country who is possibly and most likely beneath her socioeconomically speaking. She sounds like a snob to be honest.