Jump to content

soch

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    317

  • Joined

  • Last visited

 Content Type 

Posts posted by soch

    Is he ready for marriage?

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    I have open communication... but i think i am the only one doing the communicating so that does not work.

    Regarding Nanusia's comments... I am not thinking about myself.. if i was I would not have asked for help on VJ.. and considering letting him go.. read original post.

    and I have tried with his mom... In July I went to visit Germany with my sister and Niece and his mother said she did not want to see my face because it was too soon since what had happened in the US on her visit... Silly me, I understood she didnt want to see my face as saying she did not want me staying in her home... So I suggested we meet with her for coffee and she could meet my family but she said NO to his too.

    THerefore, it might be too soon to spend Christmas with her.. know what i mean?

    Is he ready for marriage?

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    It's possible he's being pulled in two different directions. His parents may not see the urgency of moving this year, when you could wait another month and allow them to have him stay for Xmas. He may want or need that too - a final, safe, comforting and 'known' experience before the uncertainty that lies beyond. But he also wants to be with you.

    As one that gave up my life in the UK to come here (two years ago to the day, actually!), I would say give him time and space. It may be better for his adjustment to have that family time and start afresh in the New Year. It may help with future family relationships if they see you as understanding their needs, rather than foster a feeling that you 'stole' him prematurely.

    I'd certainly agree with this... Christmas is a family event (even a cultural one) in Germany - not that it's not here in the US, it's just different.

    It would go a LONG way with everyone, to move in the new year. Even better would be for you to spend it with them - I spent all of December and into January with Karin and her family (OK, mostly with Karin) in Wuppertal...it went a long way to ease feelings with everyone in the family - even, in many ways, made me more a part of the family. (I know it is hard to justify being gone that long in the short term, but in the long term you would be glad you did it.. yes, it means taking all your vacation, maybe a leave of absence, or even quitting your job, but it's just a job, not your life... That's what I told myself...and I am glad beyond description that I did it.) :thumbs:

    Who knows, you might want to stay - I know I do and we will one day soon... :innocent:

    Thanks for your advice. And you are both right. However, because of the tense situation between his mom and I... well I will not be able to spend Christams with him. Its a long story but her trip to the US was very painful.

    Is he ready for marriage?

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    soch,

    Couple of questions about him.

    • Is he working right now?
    • Good job or so-so job?

    :)

    He is working in Germany right now. Good job... something like accounts receivable, property management.

    I have also put him in contact with a friend where I live who does the same works as he and owns his own company. He told him he would help him in the US once he arrives... to do the same thing he was going in Germany.

    Is he ready for marriage?

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    Has he ever had a chance to spend time in the US? Does he know what is awaiting him or do you think he's just scared of the "unknown"?

    Are you very young? Sounds like he was never away from his family/mother, and that's certainly a big deal for him.

    I understand that it's hard to leave everything for a new, unfamiliar place etc., but I think you are right, he needs to be certain that he at least wants to try making a new life in the US. I think everybody moving here at some point has doubts about whether this was a good decision and will work out, but eventually we all had to make a decision and give it a try! Sounds like he isn't at that point yet.

    He has been in the US. But you are soooo right! He moved from his moms home 2 years ago but lives 2 hours away therefore visits very often.

    He is 32... I am 34. He is afraid of the "unknown."

    Is he ready for marriage?

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    Thanks for your response.

    My biggest concern is in him "changing his word." Its hard to get excited about planning a wedding this year (and you think your fiancee is on the same page) but then you find out he is not.

    And not having family was NOT the only reason for him to come to me. I believe as newlyweds its best not to have family meddle. In the US i live 7 hours from my family and he wouls live about 8 hours from his.

    But don't you think that him having conflicting feelings is natural? Yes, in a perfect scenario...you love him, he loves you...but there is a downside too, because he needs to make an extreme sacrifice in order for you both to be together. All I'm saying is, don't discount that.

    If you believe that it's best newlyweds to not have meddling family...that's great. But not everyone may share your beliefs. Others (like myself) feel that the whole point to a happy life is living it around the people you love. Neither one of us is 'wrong'...we just have different perspectives. The point is....how does your fiance feel??? If he believes like me...then when you say things like 'hey it'll be great, you'll be away from your fam' will be a '#######?' moment.

    All I'm saying is the key to you knowing that everything is everything is to talk to your man....but from where I'm standing, I think you'll do yourself a favor to realize that this emigration stuff is a big deal...of course it's a scary, daunting task...imo, having conflicting emotions is natural.

    Of course I know his moving is a big deal. I totally understand that since my family moved far away and that was really really hard on me.

    I have been understanding of this. However his constant change of plans hurts me and make me doubt him beign ready for the move.

    Is he ready for marriage?

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    I think anyone who has or is gone/going through this has to experience a few bouts of fear....for one reason or another...and I don't think that has anything to do with how well you know/how much you love your partner....

    Emigrating is such a big deal....in the instances of a true love, non-fraudulent relationship....someone's emigrating even though they REALLY don't want to. I think it's natural to have mixed emotion about that. It's everything they know...it's who they are....and I'd begin to wonder if the non-USC had NO moments of panic.

    OP you need to figure out if you're just getting nervous or if your gut is really screaming at you here. Only you know what's what. While people can certainly relate to you, it's not a paint by numbers scenario where since it was good for Poster X, it'll be ok for you too. Try to figure out whether or not you're really worried about him flip flopping, or if you're upset by his personality....like if his mother is really overly controlling and he just gives her the reigns....or it's a normal situation where a mother is sad to see her son go, and he's sad for having to leave her.

    If he's close with his family...and it sounds like he is....I'd wonder if I were him why you keep stressing how being around 'no family' is a good thing. If he's tight with them...I think that would sound strange. I know if D gave that as a reason for me to move to him, I'd tell him to blow it out his backside.

    I think you need to have a real heart-to-heart with your fiance. But I also think you need to really understand the severity of what he's doing to come here....if you get your visa in late Nov....what is the actual hardship of letting him have one more Christmas with his family in his homeland? You will have the rest of his life with him....

    Good luck!

    Thanks for your response.

    My biggest concern is in him "changing his word." Its hard to get excited about planning a wedding this year (and you think your fiancee is on the same page) but then you find out he is not.

    And not having family was NOT the only reason for him to come to me. I believe as newlyweds its best not to have family meddle. In the US i live 7 hours from my family and he wouls live about 8 hours from his.

    Is he ready for marriage?

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    Your story is not the first one I've read on VJ with similiar circumstances. One thing I seem to notice in most of them, the future mother-in-law mentioned quite frequently. We don't know his side of the story. And I don't know if this applies to him. But most "mama's boys" find it quite difficult to move to another country. Since his mother isn't a fan of yours, I see mothers like this who do not want to lose control of the hold they've have over their son(s). Very sad if you ask me. Odds are he probably wants to be with you here. That's what's causing him to flip-flop on his decisions.

    Yes, his mom does control.... and I feel everytime he visits her home he comes back to me with a different story and flip flops on his decision. All of this hurts me because it make me doubt him :crying: even though he swears he wants to be with me.

    Well, I am glad my story is not the first on vj... hope they had happy endings.

    Thanks for your response. All the Best!

    Is he ready for marriage?

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    Hi Friends

    I come to you because we are all going through the same process and I wondered if any of you have ever been scared.

    I love my fiance (obviously) and I have never felt this happy to be with someone ever! I am 100% sure I want to be with him forever but I am not entirely sure if this is what he wants. He says he does, he says he loves me...etc BUT... he goes back and forth on things (decisions) and that scares me. For example we had always had conversations of him being the one who moved (to USA) and back in March (on one of his visits with his mom) he admits to me that he was going to try to convince me to be the one to move. I was shocked because we had weighed our options and decided he would move therefore I was a bit confused. Well, because of this (and my thoughts of perhaps he was not entirely ready since he wanted to "convince" me) I postponed sending the visa papers. Well, he convinced me he was ready and I believed him and on his visit in May we sent the papers in. Since then we have had conversations of a him being in USA in Novermber (fingers crossed) and we would spend our first Christmas together. Without his family or mine. Well, today he tells me he wants to stay in Germany to spend a traditional Christmas with his family. I was shocked and confused and hurt because we already had this conversation and basically his thoughts say to me he is not ready to commit to this move to the US. I tell him if he plans of spending Christmas without me and he says I should go to Germany... I told him I dont have much vacation from work, I can not spend Christmas at his moms (she is not a big fan of me since I am the reason he is moving) and we had already decided on our plans.

    He also asked me today how we would raise our kids the German way or American (mostly he meant in America or in Germany). I once told him that we did not know what could happen in the future but we might perhaps one day move to Germany (i like the quality of life there) but for now it is best we have no family involved in our business as newlyweds (ie my furture mother in law). He also told me today his dad asked him if he we should have a pre-nuptual agreement. I am thinking first you are having thoughts of moving back to Germany without even landing in America and Second are we already thinking of devorce and division of assets.

    Basically, I wonered if any of my vj friends have had the same issue... who moves and when? Seems to me like everyone here cant wait to be reunited with their fiancee and I wonered if I was waiting alone. I wonder if he is in denial about wanting to move to the US. Germany seems like an awesome place to live and I wonder if I am enough for him to change his entire life for, since he keeps going back on his word. I know he is scared about all the new changes in his life and i understand this.

    You might be thinking I should talk to him directly and I have but his answer is to change his mind again and go back to the initial plan.

    I just dont want someone to move to America who is not 100% sure. I do believe that sometimes loving someone means having to let them go :crying:

    Sorry this is so long and please if you have had the same fears please share.

    soch

    Waiting for a NOA2 from VSC for your I-129F?

    in K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress Reports

    Posted

    And the waiting continues!!!!!!!!!! each day is getting longer and longer!!! I have my fiance in Colombia getting all the police records and all the stuff she could do in the mean time together...as for me, just checking the USCIS site hourly to see if I even get a touch..i havent had one since May 30th!! :crying: .....Please VCS....pick up the pace for us!!!! Could it really be that they moved petitions from the other centers to Vermont and that is the cause for the delays...if so , does that mean that a petition coming from another center with let's say a date two weeks before mine, gets put in front of mine!!! :angry: .... :crying: ...My baby is pregnant and it's my first child...i want to be next to her through the pregnancy!!! She is only one month but that month seemed to fly by!!!!!!!!!

    Byron-Leidy... will they ask for the police report in packet 3 and medical exam..etc? And is it ok to begin working on this before our petition is approved? I would like my fiancee to begin working on his paperwork but not sure when and what they will ask for or how recent the paperwork should be.

    Waiting for a NOA2 from VSC for your I-129F?

    in K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress Reports

    Posted

    Yeah, i guess the hole punches have done nothing for me... but honestly one does what one can!

    OK!! It has been a while (july 27) since bszoom42 has posted his new list... but I checked and 4 couples on the K1 list have already been approved so that moves us up 4 slots... :yes:

    The following couples were approved:

    Andrii & Majel - NOA2 - 7/31

    Jorge & Lindsey - NOA2 - 7/24

    H & S - NOA2 - 7/31

    T & Jae - NOA2 - 7/31

    LOTS of couples were approved yesterday! Hope today is a good day!

    Waiting for a NOA2 from VSC for your I-129F?

    in K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress Reports

    Posted

    I've heard rumors that if a petition packet is put together in a very organized manner, professionally laid out complete with top-page hole punches, etc that it can possibly be approved on first inspection. Meaning a very quick decision. Its been a couple of years since I read this somewhere on this site. It makes sense that they would approve a "pretty" package that meets all requirements quickly, but I'm not sure about it. USCIS claims that they process petitions in the order they are received. But I think we all know this is not 100% accurate. Nevertheless I went through some extra trouble to make our package a breeze to look through. I think someone from the Discovery channel should do a documentary on the USCIS. Probably only interesting for us though. hmm...

    :ot:

    There has to be some logical reason for random petitions that are approved so quickly.

    I also read the same thing... about the top hole punch. And yes I went through the extra trouble. My fiance and I actually joked about how I can do this as a profession bacause it was so organized. Who needs a lawyer, we thought. Well, the extra trouble has not made things go quicker for us. :crying:

    Waiting for a NOA2 from VSC for your I-129F?

    in K-1 Fiance(e) Visa Case Filing and Progress Reports

    Posted

    i just wanted to chime in with some timeline research that ive been doing, concerning last year's processing times

    ive been doing research on those people who applied last year, around the same time of year as us...here are the results that i have found for VSC 2006:

    Average time between NOA1 and NOA2

    April NOA1: 70 days

    May NOA1: 80 days

    June NOA1: 61 days

    July NOA1: 48 days

    August NOA1: 30 days

    I think, that it is safe to say that the end is near...i think that this means sometime in august is when they are going to really pick it up again...for people like me, my NOA1 was on July 10th...if i go by this data, my wait should be somewhere around 48 days, BUT i narrowed my research, and found the following for VSC 2006:

    Average time between NOA1 and NOA2

    July 5-15 NOA1: 65 days

    July 10-15: 55 days

    so basically it should be about two months for me...we shall see...in essence, we must remember that this trend is normal...although we have seen some crappy weeks the past couple of weeks, with virtually no turn over rate...the vsc will be back in action soon enough, i have faith in it =)

    hang in guys, and im sorry to say, that the may filers are probably seeing the worst of it...i think there will probably be a huge slew of approvals in 2-3 weeks or so, and itll probably include june filers as well

    I REALLY HOPE YOU ARE RIGHT! THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR RESEARCH!

×
×
  • Create New...