MeAlone

15 minutes ago, iwir said:

Heal yourself, OP and don't forget to lock your key

come to America, dear, I see you are in K1 visa process and learn a little more about life here if you love your fiance, visiting is not living.

Do not judge America and our people when you didn't live our life and don't have a clue what are you talking about.

Just now, iwir said:

Heal yourself, OP and don't forget to lock your key

Lol, all healed, that's why I am writing here. 

Why are you angry? Are you a fast divorced foreigner? 

5 minutes ago, iwir said:

With this kind of attitude, you're not attractive to someone who is looking for a healthy relationship. Immigration involved or not, you seem to be still licking your wound and looking for some kind of closure.

 

Someone ask the success rate of international marriage. The statistics wouldn't be too different from the local one. Those who are successful are those who have finished with themselves. People who have happy and satisfying relationship are those who are already happy and satisfied with their lives whether they're dating/married or single. If they're still single, they are ready and eager to share their happiness with the same kind of people and don't need them to complete them.

 

A man who is not successful with their love life, travel or look for some women abroad thinking they can fill up what they're missing here in their home country. They wear some persona that they're successful and respectable esp with dollar they can buy and get more than they can in their home country. What kind of woman is he attracting and this is all foreigner's fault? He's also responsible with the situation he's creating. It's like a drug that keeps your high you don't want to stop. I have some money and I can give you some and even a better life in the US if you're docile, submissive, sexually willing and good at cleaning up. For those who never travel the world, the reality you tell her is the only reality she knows. Once "foreigner" finds out it's not like what she expects, the disaster is inevitable. They don't have healthy relationship to begin with because both expect each other to complete them.

 

It's the same with a woman who just got divorced or her husband passed away and afraid to get into dating scene again. She questions herself if she's still attractive enough. She needs a reassurance. And she thinks men from abroad fit the bills because local men are too lazy, less exotic, stupid etc (add yourself). So what kind of "foreigner" she will attract? The drama won't be too different from those men who are looking for GF from abroad.

 

Someone here said about the similar culture and upbringing. I'd say it only covers the surface. Me and my fiance come from different culture but we respect each other and don't want each other to  change just to conform. My mom is a classic Asian tiger mom who would give me a hard time if I didn't get an A for my exam. His parents are classic american middle class who doted on their only child. We are totally different but have the same values about life in general.

 

If OP were a man and asked me to date him, I'd say go and lick your wound first. Love yourself first and hopefully I'd be still here when you come back. If he asked me to move to the US, I'd say why do you want me to leave behind everything I have here? Is it because you think I live in a hole and my home country sucks?

 

If he said he wanted to move here, I'd say sure. Have you learned about immigration law in Indonesia? Move here if that's what you want. But don't do it for me. I don't want you to blame everything on me if you can't adjust or find a job here. I, a foreigner, will stay away from this kind of person, USC or not, because I'm too busy enjoying my drama free life.

 

Not my case, i didn't look to marry and I do not look now, perfectly well by myself, I don't need any reassurance, men like me, any place I go, men talk to me. It happened I got interested in a very interesting personality and then he had half a year convincing me to have a relationship.

You are wrong talking about everybody like we all are desperate to get a wife or a husband. Some are desperate and some are not, some like foreigners or can't get local dates, some have local opportunities and don't need to go abroad, yet it happens the strong attraction to one particular person, then it doesn't matter local or not. American men are wonderful, I was married to one, maybe some men have troubles to find a woman locally but I guess for American women it's easy.

What is hard to find is the real your person, your half and it doesn't depend of a country.

OP never asked her man to date her, we met as friends and it was an interesting friendship for the 1st 6 months and then the foreigner asked to be more and ask to marry me and asked for visa. Nobody thinks about your country bad, most of us think about the person, doesn't matter a country. But yes, I noticed some foreigners even hate America, it's OK, we don't care, love it or leave it.

12 minutes ago, Ksenia_O said:

What visa has been used for the  child  to enter US?

K2

Amazing, reading myself, how still I blame myself he didn't get at least his documents because I didn't give him more space and I didn't do more for him, when this bad "A" did it all wrong by himself and for himself.

and, guys, I am not traumatized or anything but finally after 1 year he left, I can talk about it. The saddest thing is trying to understand why? How did it happen if I did everything well? I even knew the marriage could fail anytime, specially with the person from another country, different culture. But it looks like all my best wishes and effort not only to keep the marriage but at least to get the green card, to let him stay here, all done well by me but it came out ending bad.

That's why I think it would be much better to rent an appt. and to give him a prepaid phone, I would go home if he is so angry about something, he won't need to hide his chats and phone talking, more space, more calm maybe.

frankly I feel bad about the possibility to call the police on him when he was abusive, I didn't know then about the child is not his, just I was surprised she was much older than her passport say. I didn't have any evidence before he left either and calling about a domestic violence, I felt how? I just brought him here and I would send him to jail? I couldn't.

1 minute ago, gc@gc said:

 

have you ever called 911 for help?

No, I did not. I was seeing him so disturbed and not well every day, I was really thinking it's hard for him to adapt, it was for me when I came to America, so I was giving him space and time. I didn't know his real worries were about his women (3 as I was told later, 2 with his 1 child each and the 3rd one giving birth the same days we married), he was very stressed out, I was trying to be supportive thinking it's maybe not how he did imagine, but it was the mother of the fake child he brought to my house accusing him of kidnapping.

By the way, bringing a fake child it's an Immigration Fraud too and a felony.

4 minutes ago, gc@gc said:

 

what would it happen if you marry an american guy, and ended in similar way,  would you say:" one man is more than enough for me, i am not going to get married again " or something like that

No, no difference, American or foreigner, I didn't plan to marry becoming a widow and do not plan now. After the bad experience I just go to my original plan, don't want to marry again.

2 minutes ago, genghiz said:

I've read most of your posts in this thread and I can't seem to understand what your're trying to get at? This sounds like a marriage fraud, not an immigration fraud based on marriage (since you mentioned he did not even follow through his AOS and went back to his country). This is an immigration forum, not a marriage forum, so to speak. I don't think you're on the right forum. 

He stated clearly IN WRITING he married me for papers only. It is an IMMIGRATION FRAUD.

And it's also a Marriage Fraud, that's why I got the Annulment.

24 minutes ago, trudi said:

There are far more threads about abuse/fraud/divorce than happy stories from those who have completed the process and have their spouse with them.  

 

I have have read this whole thread and in all honesty I haven’t seen anyone being bullied, told they’re dumb or an abusive American. 

 

This is is a forum full of people who either have brought their loved ones from abroad or are in the process of doing so, you can’t expect this demographic to be unemotional, rational or unbiased when you are repeatedly suggesting that all non US citizens should be suspected of immigration fraud, lying & cheating - based on your 1 experience you are writing off a whole world of people.

 

i was widowed, it had nothing to do with my current relationship, marriage or immigration.

 

It is possible that despite your strenuous denial your experience has left you bitter and judgmental against anyone not born in the US. I hope that time and distance from the events allow to view things from a more even perspective.

 

I wish you peace and happiness 

Never said that. All I said we all are different and we all can learn.

I am not bitter at all and not judgmental and for your information, I am a former immigrant myself, not born in US, came here as an adult. All I am talking about is the possibility of fraud for to get a green card from us, American citizens. No need to attack me, you do NOT know me.

1 minute ago, issea said:

I know you are traumatized during this fraud marriage and I could imagine how heartbreaking I would be if I were at your position, even though I cannot truly fully feel for what you have been through. In my world of justice, this man should be punished the way harder than just getting his marriage annulled. But in reality this is all what you can do to get rid of him. As you said that it is just a bad luck finding him a scammer after all scrutinies, I hope you could still have faith in future relationship not just as you swore not trust anyone anymore. Move on and make friends in real life. I honestly don't believe romance behind the screen (if you feel in that way it's just fulfilled with your imagination). You have to know each other in real life before getting intimate. 

I knew him for 2 years, more than 1 year and half before bringing him on visa, I traveled 5 times, no red flags, I lived in his house, met his friend and family, all well until he got here. It was not a 5 min online love.

7 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Probably not that many people on here who are wondering how many children there SO has.

Lol, probably. I guess I need to see it as a very interesting adventure of my life.

But many complain it was Fraud. My story is based on a real Fraud, it's legally named in my State for annulment.

It would be interesting to see more about all kind of fraud many people mention in VJ

Ha, the lucky people who have a good marriage criticize the unlucky ones. It is LIFE, it's not our fault or you are better than unlucky ones. It could happen to you too, it still can happen when you become a widow or widower like me, then maybe you remember reading this topic and say, aha, I stop it here, I see where is going on my next marriage.

I wish more people share their fraud stories, many are afraid to write about it in this forum because to 1 story come 20 accusers saying it is your fault, you are dumb, you didn't see the red flags, you are cookoo crazy abusive American yourself.

But if we are afraid of bullies, who could learn at least a little from our mistakes and see the red flags sooner???

Please, if you have a story to share, do it, it could help others.

Ah, and i am not bitter, I don't regret meeting an interesting man, I don't regret my time and spent money, it was an adventure, it is life. Somebody pity me saying I will find love again or wishing me luck. Thank you but I am lucky he left, I am very lucky the judge gave me the Annulment, my kids are grown up, my life is nice. I didn't plan to marry my ex and I don't plan to marry again unless again a very interesting man cross my path and convince me. Foreign man? I don't think so, many good ones and bad once are just around the corner, my ex happened to convince me only because as a recent widow I wasn't going out at all and missing being married.

I hope my experience opens the eyes to others how could be hidden and lied about his/her having children, he denied his own children when filling up his visa application, I asked several times saying we need to add all your children if you have them, it's for children future, tell me if you have more children, I don't mind, all are welcome. Denying his own children what made me feel he is not worth it.

3 minutes ago, issea said:

That was really misfortune for you. This guy your ex is such a scum if you allow me to say so. 

I don't have a better suggestion on how to deal with your relationship with the other one in a generic way. It is alway case by case situation subjective to many circumstances, like culture, education, religion etc. For example, in traditional Chinese culture, one has to meet each other's parents and other significant relatives before entering a serious relationship, knowing each other's background from every aspect. 

Yes, i think all was adding, a widow, then meeting all well, accepting a single father, bad luck he is a scammer and scammers are very smart playing games. This marriage was annuled, once I saw what he was doing, I decided to do the right thing, to get the annulment or divorce and move on, to protect myself from more lies. My marriage Annulment is based on Fraud with the written evidence about him saying he married me for papers only, his family saying the child he brought to US is not his, him not telling me before our wedding he has more children, not only one, this all is a ground for Annulment in my State and I was granted it.

2 minutes ago, Marcelina said:

I have also noticed a pattern. Not only with USC/foreigner couples but also back in my country. Some people seems to have very poor luck with relationships, constantly falling for a wrong person who treat them with no respect at all. Don’t you think that some type of personalities are just an easier target for manipulative people?

 

Make it easier to pull a visa scam or just any kind of scam in general 😩

Yes, mostly people have a sense of what they need in a partner, so abusers see who is a potential victim and victims are attracted to a potential abuser. But I had a great marriage for many years, became a widow, probably my abuser saw a widow, they know the widow is in a grieving weak stage but it's temporary.

48 minutes ago, Texas stylist said:

I own a hair salon for 20 years and I can tell you 99% of the horror stories were with American men and women. And I can write a book alone and retire on the things I have heard. Marriage is a gamble and if it wasn’t we wouldn’t have divorce rate hire than 70% in this country. You can’t blame that on the K1 visa 

Totally agree!

2 minutes ago, N-o-l-a said:

 

Kind of sounds like you have your own issues to work out with a therapist before entering the dating world again.  We have to be whole and have self-respect before we can find healthy relationships. 

Lol, I know now you will diagnose me online. Please, put attention to your own psychological issues. Why do you assume so fast about the person you do NOT KNOW AT ALL.

9 minutes ago, MariekeH said:

 

So next time you would not take your fiancé into your home, and you would put cameras in the place you'd be renting? Sounds like a great way to start married life...

 

I think it's better to stick to your other idea to never bring a foreign fiancé to the US again.

 

From what you have shared, there were so many red flags that you should have picked up on. There seems to have been a complete lack of common sense. And I believe common sense is all that a US citizen and his/her foreign spouse need to have a successful marriage (besides love, of course).

Don't accuse me about what I would do because it did NOT happen, just reflection on this matter.

Don't accuse me about red flags, no red flags before he came and even before he married me, then red flags and abuse I was thinking I can deal with them and it's the immigration adjustment but I was already watching trying to understand what's going on and why he left so fast, then his family and his women told me some information about his way to live.

I am NOT asking for your support or anybody's support here. I am writing for all good and honest Americans who went through similar situation or who are aware about fraud and wish to be prepared when they decide to go the visa marriage way. So keep your sick weird imagination about me being a bad abusive American to yourself. I am a former immigrant myself.

31 minutes ago, Boiler said:

VAWA?

He tried, he was acting like somebody was giving him the advice to go VAWA, he tried to upset me for nothing, was pushing me, throwing to floor once, very angry and scary, I was scared of him, he was smiling asking me to call the police on him. I am a very calm person, slow, not reacting and also I was thinking he is not adapting easy, I didn't know he was mad his woman was denied visa and she was threatening him with police and kidnapping her child. But I never called the police on him thinking I didn't bring him to send him to jail, I need to help him, he is depressed new immigrant, not easy to adapt, I was staying away giving him all the space he needed and he was teaching the baby to beat me, to close the door on me.

After he left, I had calls on his phone I bought for him on my AT&T account, best iphone, ipad I am still paying for them. I was lucky he left.

20 minutes ago, RLA said:

So, in other words, you'd attempt to control your partner's whereabouts and social interactions.  You are aware that this is one of the signs of an abusive relationship? 

No. I am not obligated to give him a car, specially because he is not allowed to drive on his license. My insurance doesn't allow that. Once he gets his American drivers license, he can drive, he also can buy his own car, not using mine illegally to transport people and not saying it to me, he knew that, I informed him about insurance rules, also Uber use of my car it's abusing my trust and not informing my insurance doing it behind my back. I am a very open person and I always informed him about any legal things here, even legal right he could use against me. Not a problem. The problem is he started to abuse me more and more.

What social interactions are you talking about? From the day 1 I gave my house key and car keys, please, go to your church, meet your people, community, gym, I add him to my car account, have money, no need to ask me for a drink or hamburger or gas, gym. I am not a controlling person at all, I never spy, check pockets or phone, mail, nothing, I don't sneak, I was working on my computer and the baby all day on me. Now I regret i didn't put more attention about what he was doing. When he left, I saw his phone records in my bill, he was scamming people, women from my house and he had many friends originally from his country here in the states. I was lucky he left.

4 minutes ago, issea said:

I am sorry for your bad experience. Reading through your story with this sneaky bad immoral etc. The guy, a father of many children, he doesn't sound smart to me, for you lost your two years intentions and money, what he gained in turns though? If GC was his main purpose for your marriage, why and how comes he abandoned in almost 99.99...% way? A legal issue? what was that that rushed him to flee? 

he brought the fake child, not his, it is a human trafficking. The mother of his child was threatening him to go to the police and to the US embassy. It was his woman he paid her tourist visa behind my back with my credit card, I didn't know about it, he realized it is better to go and take the child back because the mother was tourist visa denied and was accusing him of her child kidnapping. In America human trafficking is jail. The child came on the passport as his, 2 years old but the real child he brought to my house was over 4 years old, not matching the passport photo well either. He never wanted to get a Social Security number or AOS for the child. Now I know why. After he left, his women and his family showed up chatting, asking me to take him back, many things I didn't know.

I was saved by the bell. That's why I advise better don't add your partner to your phone account, your bank and don't bring him/her home, better spend more on prepaid phone and rent and be safe.

11 minutes ago, Texas stylist said:

This topic is very interesting but I’m going to give you some perspective. My friend married an American born man. Dated for 5 years and was married for 10. The man had a whole other life with another woman and kids. Had a home across country with this woman and because his job had him travel he got away with it for 10 years until he was in an accident in the city with his other family and they contacted his wife. When everything came out he tried to take everything from my friend and swore he would rather give it to lawyers than her since she wanted to divorce him. They have 5 kids and he has 4 kids with the other woman. She had know this man from college so I’m saying this to say to label a liar and a cheat just on foreign men or women is wrong. There are bad people that do bad things everywhere. Just my 2 cents! 

Exactly! It happens everywhere. The thing with  foreigners is some Americans get addicted to the type of opposite sex with the specific country and do it again and again, specially American men see they can have a pretty young woman maybe with strong family values. And some realize it's too expensive to spend so much time waiting for visa, time and money expensive and if it fails the 1st time, we don't want to try again and again because of a very expensive dating and visas, more easy to go locally to Starbucks and meet.