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As Noura pointed out a divorce in Morocco is not that difficult to get, but there can be extenuating circumstances not related to the law at all. Divorce might be expensive to get IF he he needs to pay the money contracted in the marriage contract. Families can make getting the divorce difficult, but the law makes it doable.

I think the first job for any immigrant is often a difficult task. Job applictions and interviews can be so differnt from the home country, but any first job is going to do wonders for adjustment and building selft esteem. Then it becomes easier to find a job more to their liking.

I wonder sometimes if it isn't harder or those with college degrees or specific training because they are so over qualified for entry level jobs and its difficult to start over in a new country at the bottom. Not having a college degree might actually be an advantage because he has so many directions he can ow go without worrying about putting to use that degree in teh field where so much time has been invested.

We have joint accounts too and I also handle all the finances. I opened one account specially for us when he arrived and this is truely our joint account for the household etc. but I am always transferig money inand out fo the accounts as I save and pay bills.

Joint accounts are one way to show entanglement of assest for immigration purposes, but it is not necessary. it all depends on the couple's situation. It's also always a good idea to keep a personal account especially if you have a significant amount of money or assets prior to the marriage.

Now I am more curious about this progressive Islam Noura spoke about. So there is a form of Islam that is progressive and doesn't accept some of these things and not all Muslims have to? What does it mean to you? They studied it with scholars and have a better understanding?

Try starting with this website http://www.progressivemuslims.org/

or this one http://www.mpvusa.org/

Thank you MBP - very valuable info

you're welcome. There also both have yahoo groups if anyone is interested.

I was just wonering what happens when Tarik gets here? As much as I'd love to just stay with him every minute of every day with him I know we have to get things done. For religious reasons, we need to get married within days of him arriving. Islamically and Legally how should I go about that? Any advice?

We didn't want a courthouse ceremony nor had time to plan a wedding, so we went applied for a marriage license and made arrangment at the mosque to be married. They signed out license and also gave us a Islamic Marriage certificate (that was useful when we registered our marriage with the Moroccan consulate here in the US). We took the signed license back to the county clerk to have it registered and they gave us the marriage certificate while we waited.

Social Security is not likely to have him in the system for about 10 days or so after arrival, so anytime after that you can apply for the card. (he's on a K-1 right?)

Speaking of corrupted muslim countries..... why do you suppose they are so corrupted today? Because of American influence..... they see our movies and TV shows and want to follow the American dream of being as trashy as you can possibly be n'autho billah!

But with all this, Islam is bad because it allows more than one wife! Pfft! Whatever.

I will agree totally that the US and the West in general have played a hand in the corruption of many Muslim countries, but they have been committing immoral acts long before there was a United States. who do you blame for that?

Allah says in the Quran that a man can lightly hit his wife if she's unruly and he's tried everything else to bring her to the correct way and failed but even that "hitting" has to be lightly and with something no bigger than a siwak if you know what that is.... it doesn't hurt! And then it can only be done if it would actually help her to realize what she's doing is bad.... if not he'd be better to just divorce her and leave her to her evil ways. The prophet sal allahu alayhi wa salaam discouraged men from hitting their wives many times. I can assure you that my ex-non-muslim-husband had absolutely nothing preventing him from beating me regularly.... and when he beat me it was a true "beating" and not a little slap on the wrist.

Depends on how you interept the Arabic. Many English translations have used the word beat, some do not. My understanding of the Arabic is that it means neither beat nor hit.

Now I am more curious about this progressive Islam Noura spoke about. So there is a form of Islam that is progressive and doesn't accept some of these things and not all Muslims have to? What does it mean to you? They studied it with scholars and have a better understanding?

Try starting with this website http://www.progressivemuslims.org/

or this one http://www.mpvusa.org/

Hope you have a good Sunday all! It's my Friday right now, and Ammar's family has their interviews for the tourist visas early at the embassy Monday morning... Sunday night for us!

Visa interviews for family need mojo support too! Good luck to your family! It would be wonderful to see them I'm sure!

Sunday moring already?

As for the multiple wives, that is actually banned in some muslim countries.

Itis possible to read the Quran and understand it to mean that it is so impossible to do correctly that it by default becomes not correct to do. Like Noura, its a more progrerssive interpretation, but quite legitimate- as least as legitimate as more traditional understandings. Only God knows.

I didn't say it was against Islam. I said it is banned in some muslim countries. I said it is difficult to do, but not impossible. I was trying to explain it shouldn't be some kind of luxery for a man. It was meant to help women under certain circumstances. Do you have different ideas on that?

I wasn't trying to correct you. I thought you put your ideas (which are held my many muslims) quite nicely. I know from some scholarship reading that by reading the verses completely, it can be interpreted to be not allowed in Islam by default of its difficult for mankind to live by these standards. It's a much mroe rogressive view and a minority view.

okay, I see what you are saying. Yes, you are right.

I'm glad you did because that was some pretty pitiful typing on my part. I am having a hard reading it

As for the multiple wives, that is actually banned in some muslim countries.

Itis possible to read the Quran and understand it to mean that it is so impossible to do correctly that it by default becomes not correct to do. Like Noura, its a more progrerssive interpretation, but quite legitimate- as least as legitimate as more traditional understandings. Only God knows.

I didn't say it was against Islam. I said it is banned in some muslim countries. I said it is difficult to do, but not impossible. I was trying to explain it shouldn't be some kind of luxery for a man. It was meant to help women under certain circumstances. Do you have different ideas on that?

I wasn't trying to correct you. I thought you put your ideas (which are held my many muslims) quite nicely. I know from some scholarship reading that by reading the verses completely, it can be interpreted to be not allowed in Islam by default of its difficult for mankind to live by these standards. It's a much mroe rogressive view and a minority view.

ETA: oops I see because I quoted part of your thread. sorry for the confusion!

As for the multiple wives, that is actually banned in some muslim countries.

Itis possible to read the Quran and understand it to mean that it is so impossible to do correctly that it by default becomes not correct to do. Like Noura, its a more progrerssive interpretation, but quite legitimate- as least as legitimate as more traditional understandings. Only God knows.

This is just how I felt this morning! Thanks dorothy!

In other news - I'm making MANSAF b/c Amal taught me how and my hubby loved it!!! I hope it comes out ok, although I wasn't measuring and got a little over zealous on the pepper & turmeric and accidentally dumped a whole bunch in! I hope it didn't ruin it. We'll see in a while.

Are you using the dried yogurt?

Amal? do you? What is it called jameed?

I was just abouot to say WHERE are all the cats???? but then I got to post 98

Good morning all!

are eggrolls easy to make? I wish I knew how to make them! I could probably be eating them a few times a week! I need to also know how to chop up parsley really good for tabouleh... everytime I try it seems like im going to add 1/4 finger to the dish

relatively easy, though your first few batch will likely look a little wonky. it takes practice to learn to fold them correctly with just the right amount of filling. BUT no matter how they look, they will be much healthier than what you get when you eat out.

Well, if you're not a cheesecake fan....

I don't know, I must have some real food, but I don't remember. All I remember is the key lime cheesecake.

Okay I admit I am not a cheesecake fan (oh the horror I know ) I like NY style PLAIN PLAIN PLAIN and then I want to share the slice with someone

Well, I don't like ANY kind of cheesecake, so I think I'm much more of a heretic than you

Whew! Glad to have someone to share the ire from the cheesecake lovers!

Happy Friday, all!

Cheesecake Factory for lunch today, I think I'll spend the morning perusing the menu.

I love, love, love the Cheesecake Factory. The orange chicken is rockin' - yummmmmmmmm!

Oh man, someone's gonna have to roll me out of here.

I have never understood the love for the cheesecake factory. What am I missing? and what did you eat for lunch?

Well, if you're not a cheesecake fan....

I don't know, I must have some real food, but I don't remember. All I remember is the key lime cheesecake.

Okay I admit I am not a cheesecake fan (oh the horror I know ) I like NY style PLAIN PLAIN PLAIN and then I want to share the slice with someone

Happy Friday, all!

Cheesecake Factory for lunch today, I think I'll spend the morning perusing the menu.

I have never understood the love for the cheesecake factory. What am I missing? and what did you eat for lunch?

happy Friday everyone!

I've bought lots of domestic tickets for friends or family over the years and have never had a problem. If he has the e-ticket in hand, there shouldn;t be a problem. Maybe call jet blue and get a supervisor in the phone of the agent doesn;t understand?

Hi Everybody,

Thanks so much for your supportive and insightful comments... i've been checking back in now and again, but just now got some time to write.

Yes, i tried to prepare myself as best as i could for his adjustment, but i guess i totally took for granted my own adjustment... we shared a space before, but it was different in Morocco, i guess because the stakes were different. i am having a lot of anxiety now i think because the thought of being financially responsible for someone else is really stressful for me. Sure, i thought i was prepared for the challenge, and i tried to organize my finances accordingly, but now that reality has set in, it feels very overwhelming...

and then of course, i hate being a person who worries about money!

On a happier note, Habibi is doing really well, despite the craziness of adjusting and the craziness of his wife . He's learning the NYC subway system, which is no small feat as Patti can probably tell you...! He's signed up for English classes next week, and he's started to take walks by himself in the neighborhood to clear his head, so i think those are all very good things, no?

Lastly, we made a no smoking in the house rule, and it seems to be holding...

Anyway, thanks so much for the ideas... i'm going back to work tomorrow, so i'll probably be posting again... this time with "separation anxiety" issues.

hz

I know I am a little late jumping in here, but we really shouldnt take the bickering too much to heart sometimes. It is not always a sign things are not going well. it could just be a sign of how you are communicating. And never underestimate how difficult the adjustment is for USC too. It really does take a great deal of patience on both sides.

The most humid cities in the US (average humidity annually)

It does keep your skin natually moisturized

1. Quillayute, Washington

2. Olympia, Washington

3. Port Arthur, Texas

4. Lake Charles, Louisiana

5. Apalachicola, Florida

6. Gainesville, Florida

7. Corpus Christi, Texas

8. Eugene, Oregon

9. New Orleans, Louisiana

10. Houston, Texas

And these are the most uncomfortable cities (humity combined with summer heat) We make both lists!

1. Phoenix, Arizona

2. Corpus Christi, Texas

3. San Antonio, Texas

4. Dallas, Texas

5. West Palm Beach, Florida

6. Miami, Florida

7. Waco, Texas

8. Houston, Texas

9. Montgomery, Alabama

10. New Orleans, Louisiana

Thanks for your support.

I appreciate it and really, I don't feel offended by anyone here. I put it out there and I just getting people's honest opinions.

Please try to take care of yourself and not let anything stress you now given your medical condition. The most important thing is you and your baby. The one thing I am happy for is that his mother appreciates you and stands in your corner. That is gift when you marry into another culture since I have heard of many marriages having a lot of stress when the in-laws don't like the foreign wife.

My husband may be a little stuck in his ways...but he's good and he loves me.

It was only the subject of cultural differences and adjustment.

Also, like some others have said here....Differences can even be based on how your spouses family behaves/operates.

Sorry to chime in late on this. Months ago I posted a thread on culture shock that had a lot of good information. Just good the term and you will see so much of this is the normal stages of adjusting in a new environment. It' also good for the imigrant to read these articles because they are not always aware of why they are feeling what they are feeling.

Good luck!

You could always do what vegertarians do and combine your grains and veggies to make a complete protien. Very low fat, lower in calories and very filling. Or just add a bit of yogurt to dress your fruits or veggies. Bulgarian yogurt is very low in sugar and makes a great substitute for creme fraiche or sour cream!