3CHI

This post has long been on my mind and my fiancee confirmed it this morning that I must write it. He is an amazingly patient man and he knows that I have spent the last year dissecting his life and family; I have a man who sees it as a compliment!
This post comes from a woman (US Citizen) and man (Nigerian) and my thoughts and opinions only. The feelings of love can cloud allot of decisions and in this process you must be very careful that you look for the right signs and you ask all the right questions from the very beginning. Allow me to be blunt with you and in hopes that you will use your intuition and also this post as a way to gauge your relationship.
1. Only you can gauge the relationship, it is very important that you do not ask for advise from neither Nigerians or Americans. They will never truly understand your situation and only cause chaotic friction of your mindset. Your intuition needs to be free from the opinions of others!
2. Your Nigerian partner must be totally committed to you. He must be willing to explain his culture, family, relationship views, religion, finances and his communication style.
Examples; a. Phone Calls - does he have multiple SIMS so he can take your call at all times?
b. Family - do you have a diary of all his immediate and non immediate family. Keeping a journal of family, birth dates, etc
c. Culture - food, music, family traditions
d. Relationship views - who is your partner in his family. Is he the oldest son? How is helping his family? What is expected of him?
e. Religion - this the most major part of the relationship in my opinion and you must speak of it and find similarities and a common ground.
f. Finances - this must be spoke of from the beginning and before you decide to do any proceeding of moving forward with the process. He must know your financial situation and understand your struggles and dreams. He also needs to know that you must co-join your income once he arrives in the US. Also, what is your budget and his family needs to know the timeline.
I chose to stay in Nigeria because of my own need to ensure my future. I sacrificed shutting down a major part of my business to do so. It was the best decision of my life. I knew my future husband was a great communicator and a prayerful man, but it wasn't until I was in his environment did I see everything I had kept good records about. I kept records of everything and I found that everything my love said to me was truthful. I would have never been able to do that if I had not asked questions and made my own stance known from inception.
1. I asked him of all of his family and friends, ages and all female women. I asked him his habits and all of his outside activities. I did it not to control him, but to be able to help me understand and respect him. I came from a point of love and a man who really loves you will always discuss things with you to help you understand him.
2. I gave him my financial budget and explained to him our financial situation and discussed the budget for his family. Since, he is a 1st born and he has brother and sisters that depend on him, I explained to him the strict budget. I also, because I was in Nigeria, I was able to see how he explained in detail the finances with me. I was able to watch him to give me his own run down of what was spent. I kept my eyes open and never reacted but asked questions when things didn't add up. It is important that you never lose your temper and that you keep your eyes open.
3. Merging of our children and/or families. I explained in great detail my perspective of my family and how it was important that I was not cut off from my family, but that I will always take his side first! (Respect is important)
4. Church - It is important that you consider finding an African church, this will be important to him. I have agreed and encouraged him that we would drive the 2 hours + to a Winners Chapel at least once a month if not more and we would find a multi-cultured church.
5. Cooking/Cleaning - we discussed roles in detail. This is very important because most African men do not help their wives. I was fortunate to not have to discuss this much.
Red Flags (I have heard stories and I can guarantee that you need to watch out if you see any of these signs)
1. Domestic violence - it is "normal" for many men to hit their wives in NIgeria. You must discuss with him and discuss his family upbringing. A true Man of God will never hit his wife
2. Phone Calls - it is not "normal" if you call him on the phone and his phone is out of service for major parts of the time. Our phones worked in many areas, it is important for you to ask him to buy other SIMS - there is GLO, Airtel and MTN - of these networks is going to work. Having all 3 phone numbers will keep you sane.
3. Friends - it is important you know who are his friends and that you know and are introduced to everyone. If he is not willing to introduce you or tries to keep you a secret. RED FLAG.
4. Money - if he doesn't speak to you about money and if you send him money and he can't and won't account in detail on his own what he has spent. RED FLAG.
5. Family - it is important you know who his family is and that they give you clear evidence of all family members, ask lots of questions and keep good notes. For example, if they bring up an Auntie Sola, then you must know who this Auntie is and ask if they are just a friend of the family called Auntie or if they are indeed a blood relative.
Nigeria is known for corruption and do not be fooled. I do not write this to worry you or to make you afraid. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT.. that you take your time, get to know them, spend a lot of FACE to FACE time. It will save you allot of heartache. I chose to stay in Nigeria throughout the process and not everyone can be as fortunate. Yet, you can spend alot of time getting to know them on the phone and the net. Go into this relationship with allot of prayer, it is easy to get caught up IN LOVE and not see the details. This is your future and being married to a Nigerian will require a lot from you. It is more than just falling in love, Actions go a long way with a Nigerian. Ideas: Watching YOUTUBE videos on how to cook his favorite meal will go a long way. BE willing to stand your ground without being disrespectful is an ART you must MASTER!
I have truly spent hours and hours fighting for what is right and true through actions and NOT WORDS. My mind is full of complete adoration for my future husband because I see things that others might notice. I have trained my eyes/ears to do the work, so when my heart followed, I was able to enjoy the journey and love! He has said on many occasions, that he has never been loved like this! I am praying for your journey and I have committed to this group, to help you and listen to you. I will however, never get involved in your relationship. Take your time and quit pushing...........if it takes 2 years, it is worth every moment!

From my experience. I was told I would receive an email when I called the phone number on the document given after the interview when we were approved. We noticed on the CEAC website https://ceac.state.gov/CEACStatTracker/Status.aspx. That our status became issued. We waited 3 business days then went to the DHL that we choose when we set up the interview. The visa was there. Our issue date was 4/25, which was 7 business days after our interview. We could have picked up our visa on 4/28; but did not know all this and picked it up on 5/3.
I hope this helps!

This post has long been on my mind and my fiancee confirmed it this morning that I must write it. He is an amazingly patient man and he knows that I have spent the last year dissecting his life and family; I have a man who sees it as a compliment!
This post comes from a woman (US Citizen) and man (Nigerian) and my thoughts and opinions only. The feelings of love can cloud allot of decisions and in this process you must be very careful that you look for the right signs and you ask all the right questions from the very beginning. Allow me to be blunt with you and in hopes that you will use your intuition and also this post as a way to gauge your relationship.
1. Only you can gauge the relationship, it is very important that you do not ask for advise from neither Nigerians or Americans. They will never truly understand your situation and only cause chaotic friction of your mindset. Your intuition needs to be free from the opinions of others!
2. Your Nigerian partner must be totally committed to you. He must be willing to explain his culture, family, relationship views, religion, finances and his communication style.
Examples; a. Phone Calls - does he have multiple SIMS so he can take your call at all times?
b. Family - do you have a diary of all his immediate and non immediate family. Keeping a journal of family, birth dates, etc
c. Culture - food, music, family traditions
d. Relationship views - who is your partner in his family. Is he the oldest son? How is helping his family? What is expected of him?
e. Religion - this the most major part of the relationship in my opinion and you must speak of it and find similarities and a common ground.
f. Finances - this must be spoke of from the beginning and before you decide to do any proceeding of moving forward with the process. He must know your financial situation and understand your struggles and dreams. He also needs to know that you must co-join your income once he arrives in the US. Also, what is your budget and his family needs to know the timeline.
I chose to stay in Nigeria because of my own need to ensure my future. I sacrificed shutting down a major part of my business to do so. It was the best decision of my life. I knew my future husband was a great communicator and a prayerful man, but it wasn't until I was in his environment did I see everything I had kept good records about. I kept records of everything and I found that everything my love said to me was truthful. I would have never been able to do that if I had not asked questions and made my own stance known from inception.
1. I asked him of all of his family and friends, ages and all female women. I asked him his habits and all of his outside activities. I did it not to control him, but to be able to help me understand and respect him. I came from a point of love and a man who really loves you will always discuss things with you to help you understand him.
2. I gave him my financial budget and explained to him our financial situation and discussed the budget for his family. Since, he is a 1st born and he has brother and sisters that depend on him, I explained to him the strict budget. I also, because I was in Nigeria, I was able to see how he explained in detail the finances with me. I was able to watch him to give me his own run down of what was spent. I kept my eyes open and never reacted but asked questions when things didn't add up. It is important that you never lose your temper and that you keep your eyes open.
3. Merging of our children and/or families. I explained in great detail my perspective of my family and how it was important that I was not cut off from my family, but that I will always take his side first! (Respect is important)
4. Church - It is important that you consider finding an African church, this will be important to him. I have agreed and encouraged him that we would drive the 2 hours + to a Winners Chapel at least once a month if not more and we would find a multi-cultured church.
5. Cooking/Cleaning - we discussed roles in detail. This is very important because most African men do not help their wives. I was fortunate to not have to discuss this much.
Red Flags (I have heard stories and I can guarantee that you need to watch out if you see any of these signs)
1. Domestic violence - it is "normal" for many men to hit their wives in NIgeria. You must discuss with him and discuss his family upbringing. A true Man of God will never hit his wife
2. Phone Calls - it is not "normal" if you call him on the phone and his phone is out of service for major parts of the time. Our phones worked in many areas, it is important for you to ask him to buy other SIMS - there is GLO, Airtel and MTN - of these networks is going to work. Having all 3 phone numbers will keep you sane.
3. Friends - it is important you know who are his friends and that you know and are introduced to everyone. If he is not willing to introduce you or tries to keep you a secret. RED FLAG.
4. Money - if he doesn't speak to you about money and if you send him money and he can't and won't account in detail on his own what he has spent. RED FLAG.
5. Family - it is important you know who his family is and that they give you clear evidence of all family members, ask lots of questions and keep good notes. For example, if they bring up an Auntie Sola, then you must know who this Auntie is and ask if they are just a friend of the family called Auntie or if they are indeed a blood relative.
Nigeria is known for corruption and do not be fooled. I do not write this to worry you or to make you afraid. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT.. that you take your time, get to know them, spend a lot of FACE to FACE time. It will save you allot of heartache. I chose to stay in Nigeria throughout the process and not everyone can be as fortunate. Yet, you can spend alot of time getting to know them on the phone and the net. Go into this relationship with allot of prayer, it is easy to get caught up IN LOVE and not see the details. This is your future and being married to a Nigerian will require a lot from you. It is more than just falling in love, Actions go a long way with a Nigerian. Ideas: Watching YOUTUBE videos on how to cook his favorite meal will go a long way. BE willing to stand your ground without being disrespectful is an ART you must MASTER!
I have truly spent hours and hours fighting for what is right and true through actions and NOT WORDS. My mind is full of complete adoration for my future husband because I see things that others might notice. I have trained my eyes/ears to do the work, so when my heart followed, I was able to enjoy the journey and love! He has said on many occasions, that he has never been loved like this! I am praying for your journey and I have committed to this group, to help you and listen to you. I will however, never get involved in your relationship. Take your time and quit pushing...........if it takes 2 years, it is worth every moment!

I am so excited for you. Your process is coming along nicely.
How did your fiancee fill out the DS-160 without paying the $265.00 fee @ GT BANK? This is the steps I did.. in order.
Email - lagosiv@state.gov if you havent already done so to receive an email explaining everything listed below.
Your fiance will do the following:
1. Go to GTB Bank and pay the Fee $265.00 (You will need this receipt # when you fill out your DS-160 online)
2. Fill out the DS-160 Form online @ https://ceac.state.gov/GenNIV/Default.aspx
3. Go do your Medical @ Children's Place or QLIFE (I went to QLIFE and did not need any email or letter, I just told them that I was a K1 category - - took 5 business days)
4. Get your police report done at Algabon (This can usually be done same day)
5. Schedule your Interview @ http://www.ustraveldocs.com. (I finished the above in 5 days and was able to schedule the appt within a week)
6. Compile your affidavit of support, and any/all documents listed on the email.
So happy for you! A few more weeks and you will have your VISA in hand by the GRACE of ALMIGHTY GOD!

This post has long been on my mind and my fiancee confirmed it this morning that I must write it. He is an amazingly patient man and he knows that I have spent the last year dissecting his life and family; I have a man who sees it as a compliment!
This post comes from a woman (US Citizen) and man (Nigerian) and my thoughts and opinions only. The feelings of love can cloud allot of decisions and in this process you must be very careful that you look for the right signs and you ask all the right questions from the very beginning. Allow me to be blunt with you and in hopes that you will use your intuition and also this post as a way to gauge your relationship.
1. Only you can gauge the relationship, it is very important that you do not ask for advise from neither Nigerians or Americans. They will never truly understand your situation and only cause chaotic friction of your mindset. Your intuition needs to be free from the opinions of others!
2. Your Nigerian partner must be totally committed to you. He must be willing to explain his culture, family, relationship views, religion, finances and his communication style.
Examples; a. Phone Calls - does he have multiple SIMS so he can take your call at all times?
b. Family - do you have a diary of all his immediate and non immediate family. Keeping a journal of family, birth dates, etc
c. Culture - food, music, family traditions
d. Relationship views - who is your partner in his family. Is he the oldest son? How is helping his family? What is expected of him?
e. Religion - this the most major part of the relationship in my opinion and you must speak of it and find similarities and a common ground.
f. Finances - this must be spoke of from the beginning and before you decide to do any proceeding of moving forward with the process. He must know your financial situation and understand your struggles and dreams. He also needs to know that you must co-join your income once he arrives in the US. Also, what is your budget and his family needs to know the timeline.
I chose to stay in Nigeria because of my own need to ensure my future. I sacrificed shutting down a major part of my business to do so. It was the best decision of my life. I knew my future husband was a great communicator and a prayerful man, but it wasn't until I was in his environment did I see everything I had kept good records about. I kept records of everything and I found that everything my love said to me was truthful. I would have never been able to do that if I had not asked questions and made my own stance known from inception.
1. I asked him of all of his family and friends, ages and all female women. I asked him his habits and all of his outside activities. I did it not to control him, but to be able to help me understand and respect him. I came from a point of love and a man who really loves you will always discuss things with you to help you understand him.
2. I gave him my financial budget and explained to him our financial situation and discussed the budget for his family. Since, he is a 1st born and he has brother and sisters that depend on him, I explained to him the strict budget. I also, because I was in Nigeria, I was able to see how he explained in detail the finances with me. I was able to watch him to give me his own run down of what was spent. I kept my eyes open and never reacted but asked questions when things didn't add up. It is important that you never lose your temper and that you keep your eyes open.
3. Merging of our children and/or families. I explained in great detail my perspective of my family and how it was important that I was not cut off from my family, but that I will always take his side first! (Respect is important)
4. Church - It is important that you consider finding an African church, this will be important to him. I have agreed and encouraged him that we would drive the 2 hours + to a Winners Chapel at least once a month if not more and we would find a multi-cultured church.
5. Cooking/Cleaning - we discussed roles in detail. This is very important because most African men do not help their wives. I was fortunate to not have to discuss this much.
Red Flags (I have heard stories and I can guarantee that you need to watch out if you see any of these signs)
1. Domestic violence - it is "normal" for many men to hit their wives in NIgeria. You must discuss with him and discuss his family upbringing. A true Man of God will never hit his wife
2. Phone Calls - it is not "normal" if you call him on the phone and his phone is out of service for major parts of the time. Our phones worked in many areas, it is important for you to ask him to buy other SIMS - there is GLO, Airtel and MTN - of these networks is going to work. Having all 3 phone numbers will keep you sane.
3. Friends - it is important you know who are his friends and that you know and are introduced to everyone. If he is not willing to introduce you or tries to keep you a secret. RED FLAG.
4. Money - if he doesn't speak to you about money and if you send him money and he can't and won't account in detail on his own what he has spent. RED FLAG.
5. Family - it is important you know who his family is and that they give you clear evidence of all family members, ask lots of questions and keep good notes. For example, if they bring up an Auntie Sola, then you must know who this Auntie is and ask if they are just a friend of the family called Auntie or if they are indeed a blood relative.
Nigeria is known for corruption and do not be fooled. I do not write this to worry you or to make you afraid. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT.. that you take your time, get to know them, spend a lot of FACE to FACE time. It will save you allot of heartache. I chose to stay in Nigeria throughout the process and not everyone can be as fortunate. Yet, you can spend alot of time getting to know them on the phone and the net. Go into this relationship with allot of prayer, it is easy to get caught up IN LOVE and not see the details. This is your future and being married to a Nigerian will require a lot from you. It is more than just falling in love, Actions go a long way with a Nigerian. Ideas: Watching YOUTUBE videos on how to cook his favorite meal will go a long way. BE willing to stand your ground without being disrespectful is an ART you must MASTER!
I have truly spent hours and hours fighting for what is right and true through actions and NOT WORDS. My mind is full of complete adoration for my future husband because I see things that others might notice. I have trained my eyes/ears to do the work, so when my heart followed, I was able to enjoy the journey and love! He has said on many occasions, that he has never been loved like this! I am praying for your journey and I have committed to this group, to help you and listen to you. I will however, never get involved in your relationship. Take your time and quit pushing...........if it takes 2 years, it is worth every moment!

It has been successful! I wrote this post because I spent lots and lots of time getting to know him! If was angry at me, he never let on. This is a man who knows I work 12 -15 hours a day now and he helps me around the house and I have no problem making sure he has his native soup and "swallow". It is about sacrifice and if neither of us want to look at each others sacrifices.. then we literally blind or really really selfish.
Tips of an American .. through marriage now an AFRICAN!
Spend time cooking from You Tube videos: Egusi, Vegetable or Stew before he gets here. (do not make him eat American! come on now!) A clear budget on finances and being able to communicate about it. If you can master the talk of money and food... and don't be surprised if you have to teach him how to hug and kiss! My husband had really worked hard at learning me. But, I am also considered an IRON LADY.. and that I guess is easier for him to handle (or so he says). Most men wont do well if you are a DRAMA QUEEN.

I am excited for you! I hope the very best for you!
My hubby too is home and today he is mowing our 2 acre lawn with a push mower and wont let anyone help him! He is sooo cute! I am going to reward him with stew and rice! Being married to a strong, hardworking and protective Nigerian is blissful!!

In my own case, I stayed in Nigeria for over 5 months. I came in November and filed the petition in December and we had our interview in April. If you have the means or he does to allow yourself some time in Nigeria, it will be very favorable. I have heard that Nigeria embassy likes to see alot of "face time". In the interview, they asked my then fiancee 5 times in different ways, if I was in Nigeria. May your journey be everything you desire!

This post has long been on my mind and my fiancee confirmed it this morning that I must write it. He is an amazingly patient man and he knows that I have spent the last year dissecting his life and family; I have a man who sees it as a compliment!
This post comes from a woman (US Citizen) and man (Nigerian) and my thoughts and opinions only. The feelings of love can cloud allot of decisions and in this process you must be very careful that you look for the right signs and you ask all the right questions from the very beginning. Allow me to be blunt with you and in hopes that you will use your intuition and also this post as a way to gauge your relationship.
1. Only you can gauge the relationship, it is very important that you do not ask for advise from neither Nigerians or Americans. They will never truly understand your situation and only cause chaotic friction of your mindset. Your intuition needs to be free from the opinions of others!
2. Your Nigerian partner must be totally committed to you. He must be willing to explain his culture, family, relationship views, religion, finances and his communication style.
Examples; a. Phone Calls - does he have multiple SIMS so he can take your call at all times?
b. Family - do you have a diary of all his immediate and non immediate family. Keeping a journal of family, birth dates, etc
c. Culture - food, music, family traditions
d. Relationship views - who is your partner in his family. Is he the oldest son? How is helping his family? What is expected of him?
e. Religion - this the most major part of the relationship in my opinion and you must speak of it and find similarities and a common ground.
f. Finances - this must be spoke of from the beginning and before you decide to do any proceeding of moving forward with the process. He must know your financial situation and understand your struggles and dreams. He also needs to know that you must co-join your income once he arrives in the US. Also, what is your budget and his family needs to know the timeline.
I chose to stay in Nigeria because of my own need to ensure my future. I sacrificed shutting down a major part of my business to do so. It was the best decision of my life. I knew my future husband was a great communicator and a prayerful man, but it wasn't until I was in his environment did I see everything I had kept good records about. I kept records of everything and I found that everything my love said to me was truthful. I would have never been able to do that if I had not asked questions and made my own stance known from inception.
1. I asked him of all of his family and friends, ages and all female women. I asked him his habits and all of his outside activities. I did it not to control him, but to be able to help me understand and respect him. I came from a point of love and a man who really loves you will always discuss things with you to help you understand him.
2. I gave him my financial budget and explained to him our financial situation and discussed the budget for his family. Since, he is a 1st born and he has brother and sisters that depend on him, I explained to him the strict budget. I also, because I was in Nigeria, I was able to see how he explained in detail the finances with me. I was able to watch him to give me his own run down of what was spent. I kept my eyes open and never reacted but asked questions when things didn't add up. It is important that you never lose your temper and that you keep your eyes open.
3. Merging of our children and/or families. I explained in great detail my perspective of my family and how it was important that I was not cut off from my family, but that I will always take his side first! (Respect is important)
4. Church - It is important that you consider finding an African church, this will be important to him. I have agreed and encouraged him that we would drive the 2 hours + to a Winners Chapel at least once a month if not more and we would find a multi-cultured church.
5. Cooking/Cleaning - we discussed roles in detail. This is very important because most African men do not help their wives. I was fortunate to not have to discuss this much.
Red Flags (I have heard stories and I can guarantee that you need to watch out if you see any of these signs)
1. Domestic violence - it is "normal" for many men to hit their wives in NIgeria. You must discuss with him and discuss his family upbringing. A true Man of God will never hit his wife
2. Phone Calls - it is not "normal" if you call him on the phone and his phone is out of service for major parts of the time. Our phones worked in many areas, it is important for you to ask him to buy other SIMS - there is GLO, Airtel and MTN - of these networks is going to work. Having all 3 phone numbers will keep you sane.
3. Friends - it is important you know who are his friends and that you know and are introduced to everyone. If he is not willing to introduce you or tries to keep you a secret. RED FLAG.
4. Money - if he doesn't speak to you about money and if you send him money and he can't and won't account in detail on his own what he has spent. RED FLAG.
5. Family - it is important you know who his family is and that they give you clear evidence of all family members, ask lots of questions and keep good notes. For example, if they bring up an Auntie Sola, then you must know who this Auntie is and ask if they are just a friend of the family called Auntie or if they are indeed a blood relative.
Nigeria is known for corruption and do not be fooled. I do not write this to worry you or to make you afraid. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT.. that you take your time, get to know them, spend a lot of FACE to FACE time. It will save you allot of heartache. I chose to stay in Nigeria throughout the process and not everyone can be as fortunate. Yet, you can spend alot of time getting to know them on the phone and the net. Go into this relationship with allot of prayer, it is easy to get caught up IN LOVE and not see the details. This is your future and being married to a Nigerian will require a lot from you. It is more than just falling in love, Actions go a long way with a Nigerian. Ideas: Watching YOUTUBE videos on how to cook his favorite meal will go a long way. BE willing to stand your ground without being disrespectful is an ART you must MASTER!
I have truly spent hours and hours fighting for what is right and true through actions and NOT WORDS. My mind is full of complete adoration for my future husband because I see things that others might notice. I have trained my eyes/ears to do the work, so when my heart followed, I was able to enjoy the journey and love! He has said on many occasions, that he has never been loved like this! I am praying for your journey and I have committed to this group, to help you and listen to you. I will however, never get involved in your relationship. Take your time and quit pushing...........if it takes 2 years, it is worth every moment!

This post has long been on my mind and my fiancee confirmed it this morning that I must write it. He is an amazingly patient man and he knows that I have spent the last year dissecting his life and family; I have a man who sees it as a compliment!
This post comes from a woman (US Citizen) and man (Nigerian) and my thoughts and opinions only. The feelings of love can cloud allot of decisions and in this process you must be very careful that you look for the right signs and you ask all the right questions from the very beginning. Allow me to be blunt with you and in hopes that you will use your intuition and also this post as a way to gauge your relationship.
1. Only you can gauge the relationship, it is very important that you do not ask for advise from neither Nigerians or Americans. They will never truly understand your situation and only cause chaotic friction of your mindset. Your intuition needs to be free from the opinions of others!
2. Your Nigerian partner must be totally committed to you. He must be willing to explain his culture, family, relationship views, religion, finances and his communication style.
Examples; a. Phone Calls - does he have multiple SIMS so he can take your call at all times?
b. Family - do you have a diary of all his immediate and non immediate family. Keeping a journal of family, birth dates, etc
c. Culture - food, music, family traditions
d. Relationship views - who is your partner in his family. Is he the oldest son? How is helping his family? What is expected of him?
e. Religion - this the most major part of the relationship in my opinion and you must speak of it and find similarities and a common ground.
f. Finances - this must be spoke of from the beginning and before you decide to do any proceeding of moving forward with the process. He must know your financial situation and understand your struggles and dreams. He also needs to know that you must co-join your income once he arrives in the US. Also, what is your budget and his family needs to know the timeline.
I chose to stay in Nigeria because of my own need to ensure my future. I sacrificed shutting down a major part of my business to do so. It was the best decision of my life. I knew my future husband was a great communicator and a prayerful man, but it wasn't until I was in his environment did I see everything I had kept good records about. I kept records of everything and I found that everything my love said to me was truthful. I would have never been able to do that if I had not asked questions and made my own stance known from inception.
1. I asked him of all of his family and friends, ages and all female women. I asked him his habits and all of his outside activities. I did it not to control him, but to be able to help me understand and respect him. I came from a point of love and a man who really loves you will always discuss things with you to help you understand him.
2. I gave him my financial budget and explained to him our financial situation and discussed the budget for his family. Since, he is a 1st born and he has brother and sisters that depend on him, I explained to him the strict budget. I also, because I was in Nigeria, I was able to see how he explained in detail the finances with me. I was able to watch him to give me his own run down of what was spent. I kept my eyes open and never reacted but asked questions when things didn't add up. It is important that you never lose your temper and that you keep your eyes open.
3. Merging of our children and/or families. I explained in great detail my perspective of my family and how it was important that I was not cut off from my family, but that I will always take his side first! (Respect is important)
4. Church - It is important that you consider finding an African church, this will be important to him. I have agreed and encouraged him that we would drive the 2 hours + to a Winners Chapel at least once a month if not more and we would find a multi-cultured church.
5. Cooking/Cleaning - we discussed roles in detail. This is very important because most African men do not help their wives. I was fortunate to not have to discuss this much.
Red Flags (I have heard stories and I can guarantee that you need to watch out if you see any of these signs)
1. Domestic violence - it is "normal" for many men to hit their wives in NIgeria. You must discuss with him and discuss his family upbringing. A true Man of God will never hit his wife
2. Phone Calls - it is not "normal" if you call him on the phone and his phone is out of service for major parts of the time. Our phones worked in many areas, it is important for you to ask him to buy other SIMS - there is GLO, Airtel and MTN - of these networks is going to work. Having all 3 phone numbers will keep you sane.
3. Friends - it is important you know who are his friends and that you know and are introduced to everyone. If he is not willing to introduce you or tries to keep you a secret. RED FLAG.
4. Money - if he doesn't speak to you about money and if you send him money and he can't and won't account in detail on his own what he has spent. RED FLAG.
5. Family - it is important you know who his family is and that they give you clear evidence of all family members, ask lots of questions and keep good notes. For example, if they bring up an Auntie Sola, then you must know who this Auntie is and ask if they are just a friend of the family called Auntie or if they are indeed a blood relative.
Nigeria is known for corruption and do not be fooled. I do not write this to worry you or to make you afraid. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT.. that you take your time, get to know them, spend a lot of FACE to FACE time. It will save you allot of heartache. I chose to stay in Nigeria throughout the process and not everyone can be as fortunate. Yet, you can spend alot of time getting to know them on the phone and the net. Go into this relationship with allot of prayer, it is easy to get caught up IN LOVE and not see the details. This is your future and being married to a Nigerian will require a lot from you. It is more than just falling in love, Actions go a long way with a Nigerian. Ideas: Watching YOUTUBE videos on how to cook his favorite meal will go a long way. BE willing to stand your ground without being disrespectful is an ART you must MASTER!
I have truly spent hours and hours fighting for what is right and true through actions and NOT WORDS. My mind is full of complete adoration for my future husband because I see things that others might notice. I have trained my eyes/ears to do the work, so when my heart followed, I was able to enjoy the journey and love! He has said on many occasions, that he has never been loved like this! I am praying for your journey and I have committed to this group, to help you and listen to you. I will however, never get involved in your relationship. Take your time and quit pushing...........if it takes 2 years, it is worth every moment!

Do not bother yourself it is not true. Our process took 5 months total. Also, if you go to the time lines for K1 Visa, you will see it varies..... Stay connected to VJ and Stay in prayer......