Kajikit

I guess this is the most appropriate place to put this... we moved last year and I was trying to update the address on my Florida non-driver ID card (I've never had an actual licence to drive a vehicle) and they won't let me do it online because I was still a conditional resident when I got it eight years ago. They gave me a 10-year card, but they must have put something in the file because the website said no, you have to go to an office.

Does anyone know what documents I have to take with me to prove that I got citizenship in 2012 and they can give me a regular ID card now? Ditto for my social security card - since I've never worked in the US, we never bothered to update that either and it still says 'valid for work with DHS permission'.

Rawas, I hope you didn't give them a penny. It was a SCAM. The IRS does not give anybody a one hour deadline to pay up and make their taxes go away - they send official letters... but there are people who like to try to panic you into giving them money for nothing. Telling you that it had nothing to do with your husband and that you had to keep it secret and deal with it RIGHT NOW is a dead giveaway.

I had a phone call the other day from somebody saying they could 'help me with my credit card interest rate'. It was very early in the morning and they flustered me, so I handed the phone over to my husband and he took five seconds to recognise it as a potential scam and hang up. If I'd been asleep enough to fall for it, next thing they would have been harvesting my credit card information so they could steal my money....

Chase were very rude to me after we got married and we tried to open a bank account in my name... they said sure they could help me but then insisted that they wouldn't do a damned thing until I had a green card in my hand to show them and the printed letters that Immigration issues you weren't good enough proof of my identity/legalness (and why didn't we have bills in my name and no my passport was worthless because it wasn't American.) It was horribly upsetting and my husband thought they were going to call the cops on me because I got so upset! (if they weren't going to help they should have just said so over the phone...) We went down the street to BOA and they opened an account on the spot... but this was ten years ago. I have no clue what their policies are nowadays. (btw, making me a joint account holder with my husband, who'd HAD a Chase account for years, didn't require anything more than my SSN and our marriage license and he accomplished it in minutes... but they still refused to give me an account in my own name.)

I've never actually been north of Orlando... so excuse my ignorance. I like it where we are... I'm not particularly keen on Orlando either - way overcrowded and not enough roads to get where you need to go - but our relatives live there. I've never been to the theme parks in my life, though I wish somebody would take me 'one day' just so I could see what all the fuss was about...

I don't actually know where Panama City is but I believe it's south of Miami? I wouldn't want to live that far south - too much traffic and too many people... we were in Fort Lauderdale for ten years and liked it but it was rather expensive and prices kept going up, so we moved to Stuart last year and LOVE it. It's a lot quieter, housing is a lot cheaper, and there's a ton less traffic congestion, but it's still close enough to Palm Beach to be able to reach 'civilisation' easily. Plus they're still building up here so the big box stores are coming, we just have to be patient... (another reason to live a littler further north is hurricanes - if you're in the Keys you have to evacuate entirely too often!) And another plus about living a little further north is you can be in Orlando in under three hours (helps when you have family there...)

Most US water is perfectly safe to drink straight from the tap... but it also has very high mineral contents that make it taste disgusting... a britta pitcher or a fridge with a built in water filter is invaluable. Just make sure that if you have an icemaker it uses filtered water to make the ice - my bils doesn't and the ice ruins drinks because Florida water is HORRID. Ours is pre-filtered and it makes lovely tasteless ice and water.

There are plenty of health nuts in America... America pretty much INVENTED the 'health food industry', as well as the fast-food/junk food industries... and farmer's markets/'eating local'/eating 'natural' are the flavours of the year. You can eat anywhere on the spectrum you feel like if you can afford it...

And if you can't... well, it probably took me three years or so to get used to 'Eating American'. There is a ton of sugar/salt/fat/flavourings in almost everything you eat. It wasn't what I was used to at all (especially the bread... ugh) After a decade, I can't remember what 'home' was like. But I LOVE Trader Joes... much better quality food at great prices.

Was she like this before the car accident and head injury? Or did they change her... traumatic brain injury is a terrible thing and it can totally change a persons personality and it is largely outside her control. But if she was like this before the accident, get a divorce. And no, she can't take your greencard away from you... it's yours.

I don't drive... our old apartment was in walking distance of everything including a bus stop... I didn't realise how lucky I was until we moved - the only place I can walk to from here is the church... luckily my husband drives a lot for work, and I can go with him if I want, just to sit in the car and keep him company while he's driving around, then I can shop if his appointment is in a shopping center, or else I just sit in the car and read my book until he's done. If I didn't go with him at least once a week I think I'd go barmy from the isolation!

If you have no wheels, no public transport, nothing in walking distance, and your spouse works unfavourable hours for taking you places, all you can do is get yourself some wheels as soon as humanly possible. Even a bicycle might make your horizons larger, and you don't need a license for it. If you're church-going types, see if you can hook into the community life at the closest church to your home. There might be programs you can volunteer for, and if you're lucky there might be somebody willing to come pick you up and take you there. Most volunteer positions in the US automatically assume that you have your own transport... If you're desperate you could take a taxi, but they get expensive fast.

The dealer takes care of it... that's one of the reasons you pay extra, so you don't have the hassle.

Don't know about Africa... to me as an Australian, a 'large' age gap depends on the age of the people involved... if you're over 30, then it's more than 10 years. If you're in high school, more than 2 years is 'large' and may not even be legal (you really have to wonder what a 19 or 20yo sees in a 15yo girl!) If you're in your 20s, then 5 years is enough to make a big difference... (ie 20 + 25 is noticeable but unremarkable, 20 + 30 is large).

You're the USC? You can use whatever form of safety net you're eligible for for you and the baby - it's your FIANCE who can't...

Thanks for the well-wishes... we went to dinner and a movie - for us that's a 'big' date night! John says we'll do something fancy early in the new year...

I didn't have a ring until I told my fiance he HAD to get me one... then I wore it... it was a concrete little something to show the doubting Thomases that yes, I really WAS engaged to a real person. For a few years after we were married I wore my wedding and engagment rings whenever I left the house but I'm really not a 'ring' person and they didn't fit me very well after that so I put them away in a drawer.

If you're voluntarily leaving the country, you're surrendering your greencard, not 'losing it' (which implies having it taken away). You can always apply again, but you go back to the beginning of the line and have to do all the bureaucracy all over again. If it was me, I wouldn't want to leave before I had citizenship since I'd come that far through the process already... but that was my personal choice. You're free to surrender your greencard and reapply later.

Sounds like it's a matter for the police... make a report and they can take it from there. They can't just take somebody's word that someone else is a conman, but they can investigate for themselves.

It doesn't matter what size you are, clothes are EASY to find in the US. So are ordinary everyday household items like your baking magazines and baking supplies. Bring your favourites but don't think you 'have to' take anything in particular because they really will be easy to replace.

The things I really wish I'd brought with me were larger sentimental items that were left behind because of size/weight and my miniscule mailing budget of four or five 'flat rate' mailing boxes. I couldn't fit them into my three suitcases so I left them behind. I was going to go back and get them later, but I never did, and ten years later I still long for my paintings and my beautiful handmade quilt (that mama persuaded me to give to her because she wanted to keep it!) And my photographs... I scanned a bunch of them to save weight and thought I had EVERYTHING covered digitally but somehow I only ended up with a partial selection (I seem to remember a disk or so went bad). I still wish I had the (long gone) originals of my baby pictures etc.

How charming... I thought their job was just to make sure that nobody was lying and/or a criminal. How do they decide who's 'undesirable'? Ugh... glad I'm done with them years ago! Doubt they'd have wanted me if they knew I was going to be disabled after we were married...

You really don't need to save EVERYTHING, just representative samples... I think I sent in a copy of our church directory and our giving statements for the last two years, a newsletter or two addressed to both of us, our bank accounts, and our lease, and that was about it. We didn't HAVE any travel documentation to show because we never went anywhere!

You filed in California so I assume you live somewhere in the state. Moving from Australia to California really isn't a dramatic change - the biggest challenge is leaving behind family/friends... unless you live someplace that's hip deep in snow (THAT'S a culture shock for an Aussie!) the environment is remarkably similar in both countries. I moved to Florida and had to get used to the lack of mountains/hills and the lack of familiar seasons, but luckily not snow. There's also not many Australians IN the US, so if you hear a familiar accent, you are almost startled because it's been so long... Oh, and I often DESPERATELY miss really good authentic Asian food (or even a reasonable facsimile thereof) but if you're in California there's at least a fighting chance of finding it, especially if you can ever get to San Francisco. China Town felt right like home...

It's not a choice I had to make. Australia changed their law a good thirty years ago and you can hold as many citizenships as you like... if I had to choose between them, I don't know... I'll probably never see Australia again short of catastrophic emergency, and my passport expired nearly five years ago.

I know nothing about the finer points of law in terms of your question - but once you have a social security number it's yours for life. They do not 'expire' and they are not conditional on US residence once you have one... if you ever have dealings with the US again, you have a valid SSN to give them. Bank accounts don't expire either, unless you decide to tell the bank to close them. So both of those things are still perfectly valid, the only thing that's changed is your address...

Since they sent you a form with questions on the back of it and the first says 'are you a US citizen' send the form back to them marked NO and that should be it... if you don't hear anything THEN you can show up at court with your greencard, but most likely you won't have to. Jurors are selected randomly, and they don't have any way of knowing for sure whether you're a citizen unless you tell them...

Does he have any MEDICAL reasons not to work? That includes depression and/or anxiety... being long-term unemployed is very demoralising and depression/anxiety can become a serious problem. Or does he just not want to bother, or think that he's got you to look after him so he shouldn't need to? And especially - is he really just sitting in front of his computer all day expecting you to wait on him hand and foot? Or is he pulling his weight around the house and doing the work that you can't because you are out earning the $$.

I don't work. I haven't worked in many years... but my husband knew this going in. At times we've had arguments because things would be 'easier' if I was able to bring in a second income, but I'm not physically able to do so. Having seen me collapse my health attempting to work my way up to being able to do a 'real' job, my husband eventually agreed that work is just not for me. I don't have extravagant tastes and I don't go around spending money we don't have because I know we can't afford it. There are many things I'd love to have/do, but I know that we can't realistically afford them, so I put my self-interest aside and sacrificed them rather than making my husband feel bad by demanding them. I look after the house and him and our cats and make sure my hobbies are not financially-intensive.

If your husband seems to be just lazy, you need to have a SERIOUS talk about expectations... if he's not going to bring in a salary, what is he going to do to take some of the workload off you so you have more energy/time for actual paying work? You can't be expected to do everything while he sits around and does nothing...