BKKflyer

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?

Why did it even reach to this point before knowing who he really is, study the peeps you are around before making big decisions like this, sorry it had to go this way though.

I just cant believe the excuses and justifications. I'm the USC married to my Nigerian husband and we've been living together for nearly 5 years here in Ghana. I go back and forth from the States to Ghana at least 3 times a year, staying no less than 3 months at a time in Ghana. I did plenty of research before ever stepping foot here and even now in year 5, I still experience culture shock. A day doesn't go by that I don't look around and wonder where the heck am I again? At times I'm grouchy from being homesick, I'm clingy to my husband because he's all I have here, I'm discouraged at the lack of things I'm able to do here without being a Ghanaian citizen, etc. So just imagine what this guy, whose been in the States all of two weeks is going through. If there is real love that brought you two together, then you should be figuring out how to overcome his issues and make your relationship work. If his brother can afford a ticket for him to come to CA, maybe the brother should buy a ticket and come visit the two of you and try to help him adjust to life in the States. At this point I'm just angered that the time it took someone to process your petition and for someone to interview your husband, could've been time used on a petition that belonged to two people who really know what they want.

The OP is mostly at fault here. She has 3 kids, works hard at a job, so she should have her ####### together more than she does right now. With all that life experience, she has been incredibly naive in thinking that no matter how many times you tell someone what life is like coming from a third world country, they can't truly grasp everything until they get here. Why would she only spend 8 days on a "vacation" with him before deciding to get married?
I feel bad for him...it might be a scam, it might not be a scam. Either way, the USC is at fault for not having enough street smarts, especially when she has 3 kids that she needs to look out for.
Unless she gets married, there is absolutely no recourse for the fiance because he has to be married to apply to VAWA and even if he marries another US citizen, he won't be able to adjust while staying here because he entered on a K1. Sadly...he has no path for legal immigration while staying here. Anyone suggesting she should get married to get him a legal stay is advocating against VJ's TOS.

I guess your opinion is formed from being the USC and I am thinking how I felt as an immigrant. You can be told repeatedly what something is like but it's different when you actually experience it.
No it's not an 'adjust to life in the USA' problem. It's an adjust to 'the reality of living with a person you barely know' and the OP is the one who has backed out of the engagement. So far the beneficiary has done nothing wrong - apart from reacting a little bit clingy and homesick when reality hits, and has a different work ethic than the OP - hardly a crime. Yes, he hasn't met the OP's expectations but it seems as though she ignored all the warning signs that this guy was not on the same page as her.
He was here less than 2 weeks before he was told it was over. They've both been a little reckless in this situation but I feel very sorry for the finace.

Wow, I really feel for this immigrant. Telling a person daily what to expect with life in the US is VERY different than actually living it. There IS an adjustment period. Op, you say your fiance took no time to educate himself or research life in the US, the culture, the laws, whatever. So, instead of telling the man who moved across the world for you that it's time to research things together (now having the distinct advantage of BEING in the US), you choose to throw it away in a matter of days. Well, maybe it's a good thing after all. Marriage, even when in the best of circumstances, takes work. Just based on what you have said, it doesn't sound like you are interested in doing any of that work or working WITH your fiance to iron out the differences. There is a certain amount of culture shock I am sure he is going through. Helping your fiance to immigrate to the US doesn't mean instant success. It isn't like you can just add water and poof you have the perfect relationship. If you are unwilling in your very busy life to see the man you were so in love with is struggling, then, PLEASE at LEAST help him to research legal ways to immigrate here if he wants. The K1 is no longer an option if you decide not to marry him. He will have to go back to his country first. And PLEASE do the RIGHT thing and get him an open ended ticket back home. Because he does not fit into your mold of a perfect partner, shouldn't mean that you put him in a position to be stuck here either.

You are expecting an awful lot from your fiance in a very short space of time. Culture shock can be very real and no amount of research can really prepare you for how you will feel.
I'd visited the US over 20 times by the time I moved over to be with my husband, I'm from the UK which is very similar to the US and I'd stayed with my husband for nearly 3 months at one point in the US. However my first year in the US as an immigrant was very hard, it was a difficult adjustment and I was terribly homesick at times. It took me nearly 4 years to feel at home here.
It sounds like both of you made assumptions and had expectations which are different from reality.

Wow!! I wish it was that easy for everyone to get a visa by just doing some research online and one trip. Just amazing

I suppose you have the right to change your mind but in all fairness you explaining daily life and responsibilities to him made no difference because he has no reference point. He was never married, does not have kids, has never moved away from home. Ofcourse he is going to be clingy he is homesick, have some consideration. How would you feel if you had to leave your whole life children included and start anew in a foreign country. Okay he may not have children but he had an entire family, it is normal to feel the way he does. You did research? Then why entertain the brother about signing paperwork? If you were so thorough you would know you are not responsible. Obviously you did not prepare yourself realistictly to what he would experience. Now that he is in your face, then he becomes and inconvenience? I feel bad for him but as many have stated he has 90 days to marry or go back to Morocco. I would also take the opportunity to visit family, heck after this outcome I would need the moral support as well. What he does after he leaves your home I suppose is between him and USCIS, I recommend he goes home before the 90 days. All you have to do is report that the marriage did not happen and I am sure they will ask for his location so have the address handy.
Shaking my head poor guy....

Furthermore, when you bring someone to the States on a K1, you're telling USCIS that you are willing, ready and able to marry this person. That you are sure beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is the person you have every intention of marrying. So who is the fraud when you back out two weeks after his arrival??? K1's are not supposed to be used to bring someone to the States, to get to know them better and then decide if they are marrying material. I'm sure spending 90 days abroad getting to know someone is more expensive than staying in your own country (as she said, she had to pay for everything) but a K1 is not supposed to be a ticket awarded for a discounted means of being together trying to know if you're compatible or not. This is all nonsense and crazy how so many people are failing to see the real victim here.

That list is far from black and white. All someone has to do is go tell immigration that they're fiancé or spouse put them out of the house ...get a few friends to make statements, say the fiancé or spouse is not willing to adjust status, etc and boom ..VAWA case! the USC has no say in anything, they cant even dispute the allegations. I feel like the guy has some rights in this case. What has he done ? It's only been two weeks that he's been in the States, how do you even make any decision that it's not going to work that quickly. What expectations did she have for him since he's been here, that she feels he is not worth marrying now? My God, the guy is probably still in culture shock and now he's being kicked to the curb?. And sadly, look how many of us are here waiting and praying for our significant others to join us and this petition and interview was a wasted time that could've been spent on another case!

Why is it a scam when it was HER idea to stop the marriage, not his? If he was scamming don't you think he would have just left once he set foot on US soil? The couple spent literally 8 days together in real life before she shipped him over here. They didn't know each other, and when he moved here she realized they are not compatible. Tell me where the scam is? Has anyone thought about the beneficiary and how he gave up his life to move here? Show some compassion for the poor guy. She told him to hit road, of course he is going to want to go to his closest relative. What would you do if you were in a foreign country, knowing not one person and had this thrown at you?

I'm not sure why you think that the guy will be a danger to her. That's for her to figure out at the first place. Why you spent $$$ and time visiting him and his family and decided to not marry him later on??? What happened? Why you change your mind? Think abt him leaving his family and life behind for you, because you have promised him "AMERICA" then suddenly you let him down. Take a second to put yourself in his shoes. That's being mean, and as human being we are not supposed to treat each other like that. At least, give the guy an opportunity to have some legal document before letting him go, so he can get a job and a chance to meet someone else and start a new life.
Anyway,I might not have the best answer, but i think you are not playing fair. Maybe there are facts that we are missing and the other side of the story that he will not be able to tell us, therefore my judgement will be biased. And beside, i don't know your age, but this remind me my teenage years, where we were stupid and picky, and egoist, and narcissistic and Hitlerstic ( made up) and ,,,,,,, .
Good luck with your life by destroying other people's.

Why why WHY do you continue to think every single new immigrant is part of some scam? Seriously you need to stop! It was her decision to stop the marriage, not him. He gave up everything he knows to come here, and the OP never said a word about any type of abuse on either side. To the OP: you met him once for 8 days, even you said it was like a vacation. Did you think real life was going to be a vacation? The poor guy gave up everything he knows and loves to come here, I'm sure a lot of it is culture shock, being in different surroundings. You have no financial responsibility for him, and he has no legal basis to stay. You say you aren't stupid, but tell me what's smart about bringing someone you met for 8 days to live with you and your small daughters? There needs to be better guidelines for issuing k1 visas, there should be a minimum amount of face to face time required before K1 visas are issued. Casablanca consulate has no rhyme or reason, they deny married couples who have been together years, yet they seem to give out k1 visas like tic tacs.

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?

It's funny to me that everyone else in this thread is saying things like "don't let him come back to your house" when the OP is clearly at fault here (if her description of the situation is accurate). She brings this guy over and decides in a week and a half that they are not alike? And you are more worried about her?