berber_wife

Personally, I think if you have only been together for a year and a half (give or take some months) and you are already having "horrible fights," then maybe it isn't the right relationship for you. Long-distance is hard (oh is it ever!) but so is kids, job stress, health problems, figuring out elder care for parents and oh yeah, moving your entire life to a different country. If your relationship isn't strong now, how will it withstand all those tests that inevitably occur within a marriage over the course of the next 50 years?

I'm sorry you are going through this, but I'm glad you shared your story because it's an important one.

I think people (especially in high-fraud consulates) get caught up in determining whether there is fraud and convincing family, friends and immigration that their partner doesn't not have fraudulent intentions-and they don't focus as much on determining compatibility.

And for the record, incompatibility isn't always a cultural thing. Sometimes it's a personality thing. There's plenty of emotionally absent guys in this country too.

I feel like a broken record on this subject, but you should slow down. Marriage isn't just a means to an end to get the visa-at least it shouldn't be. I know it's hard finally being with him, facing the prospect of another long separation and just wanting to get this arduous visa process underway. But you've spent barely any time with him.

What about your kids? Have they gotten to know him at all? Is there any way you all can try and meet up in a third country so they can meet him prior to him coming here? What about your ex? Could he cause problems for you if he feels you are springing a new marriage on the kids?

Have you discussed whether you want kids of your own? If so, how does he feel about fertility treatments and adoption? Does he expect you to convert is Islam? Have you talked about how you feel about a bi-religious household? If you have kids together, how will they be raised? Is he a casual Muslim or will marrying him mean major lifestyle changes for you and your kids? Even if he's casual now, how will you handle it if he becomes more devout in the future?

You said he's 24 y/o. Has he ever lived on his own? Does he know how to cook, clean and take care of himself? Does he know how to manage money? Has he had any romantic relationships before? How are his "relationship skills" ie communication and compromise? How does he feel about becoming a stepfather?

What's the process for getting married in Egypt? Have you researched it at all? Do you even have enough time? I know in Morocco it takes longer than two weeks, involves running around to multiple ministries, and involves tons of paperwork.

What if you don't get the visa? Will you move there, move to a third country, divorce, continue a long-distance relationship or just keep trying till you get it?

The questions I just asked? That's just the tip of the iceberg. You've been married and divorced. You know that marriage is hard, even between two people of the same nationality (assuming your ex is a USC). It's even harder when you throw in cultural differences, immigration, stepparenting relationships, moving halfway around the world and a sizable age gap. Best to be as prepared as possible before you tie the knot.

Younes' brother just got engaged. They are having the engagement party tonight. I want to send a present but I don't know what. Does anyone with better knowledge of the traditions and customs have ideas for what is a good engagement present for a young Moroccan couple?

I would also advise you to not get too ahead of yourself on this visit in regards to marriage and visas (although save all the evidence of your trip!) Try to mentally take yourself out of that mindframe. You've only spent two weeks together in person. Your focus right now should be getting to know him and making sure you are compatible as life partners.

We've known each other for two years. We're looking to get married about a year from now, which will make it three years total.

I believe in dating for a long time before marriage, plus we are planning on doing a CR-1 so we want to make sure we have all our ducks in a row so we can send off the petition right after we marry.

It's difficult but not impossible for a young man from a Muslim country to get a visitor's visa. My boyfriend got one, even with tenuous proof of ties to Morocco. This is what I think helped in his case:

-He had a lot of money put away in savings (something like $40,000)

-He had traveled to Europe several times and never overstayed visas there

-He is very confident and not intimidated by authority figures

-He got his visa before me met me (obviously that ship has sailed for you)

I think that being in Med School would be pretty decent proof of ties. Have you traveled internationally at all? If you have and followed all the visa rules, that's a very good thing. But if you've never been outside of Pakistan, I don't think you have a chance. In that case, maybe you could try for a visitor visa to Europe, meet your girlfriend there, see if you like each other in person, and apply for a visitor's visa to the US once you've built up some travel history.

No cats, but dog barf was one of the major things that made me realize I wanted to marry Y. When he was visiting and we were staying with my parents, their dog developed kidney disease and would throw up twice a day. Whenever it happened, he would jump up like his a@@ was on fire and beat everyone else to the cleanup. I would think to myself, "THIS is the guy I want to marry!"

Hopefully, this will apply to future kids.

So yeah. Willingness to clean up barf=true love.

I've been eating out a lot for work lately, so I've been eating like cr@p. Today I went to the Farmer's Market and loaded up on fresh veggies. So tonight will be curry with lentils, sweet potato and squash. Yummy and the leftovers will last me for several days.

It's such a huge part of building intimacy, you know? I mean it's what marriage is-being there for your partner through the good times and the bad and being there for them emotionally even if you can't actually do anything substantial to help them.

And your worries about worrying him when there's nothing he can do about it-well that's going to happen when he's in the states with you too. Job stress, family stress, health stress-it's not like he'd be able to magically take all those problems away if he were with you everyday. All a partner can do in many of those situation is playing the support role and that applies no matter how close or how far away he is.

You're a team now and I'm sure he wants to hear everything, both the good and the bad.

Hugs to you. Long-distance relationships are hard!

Awesome news! Happy for you!

The "racists tweeters" are so ignorant I can't even get riled up over them.

People who think that Indian-AMERICANS are Arab Muslims (Sidenote: only 15% of Muslims are Arab) just because they have darker skin and come from "one of those countries over there" have such a dearth of understanding of, you know, the entire world, that all I can do it laugh and feel sorry for them.

And Penny Lane, you must not be from Milwaukee.

Culture, surprisingly, has not presented any real challenges thus far.

I attribute that to him having traveled extensively in Western countries before he met me and me having had lived in the developing world for two years (although not his country). Thus we instinctively get where the other person is coming from.

We've only known each other for two years though, and we're not yet married, don't have combined finances and don't have children. We want children in the future and I do worry about cultural issues popping up then-in fact I think its inevitable that it will happen. I just hope that we will continue to be strong enough to get through it.

Because lost kittens are SO RELEVANT to the campaign.

Especially since the mayor wouldn't have been making the call anyway.

When can politicians start talking about real issues again?

Anti-women is anti-women, no matter what her nationality is.

Despite the anti-women stuff going on here, this could be a very interesting topic. Why complicate your life by choosing a foreigner instead of an American? Why take all the risks associated with marrying a foreigner? What makes it worth it?

There are so many reasons...

-He's one of the kindest and most empathetic people I've ever met. He'll change tires for strangers and buy homeless people food. He cried when my parent's dog got sick because he couldn't stand seeing my mom so sad. He tried to coax a big, scary snake out of the road because he was afraid it would get run over.

-He is incredibly open-minded. He came to the US for a 2 and a half month visit and I was worried about him getting homesick, not liking the food, weather, etc. He was up for anything and everything. He ate all sorts of new food and loved it. My family and I are huge football fans and he made a real attempt to learn the game. And he got along with EVERYONE. Family, friends, strangers, even my difficult, Alzheimer's-addled Grandma, even my super-duper Christian friend, even the ladies at the bar we hung out at when we road-tripped across the country and stopped in deeply conservative rural Tennessee ("Don't you dare let him get away," one of the ladies told me).

-In the same vein, he doesn't just believe everything he hears. He follows the news closely, reads a lot, and talks to many different people with many different backgrounds and perspectives. He makes a point to be well-educated and well-informed.

-Whether we are physically together or an ocean apart, he is the most supportive partner I could've asked for. A few weeks ago, I was complaining about not being able to get Microsoft Office on my Apple and he spent at least an hour searching online for advice. If he knows I have to get up early, he'll call me right before my alarm goes off so I can wake up to his voice instead of my alarm.

-He's a straight shooter. If something in our relationship is bothering him, he'll tell me right away and we'll talk it out. No yelling, no passive-aggressive cr@p, no mind games. I always know where I stand with him.

-He speaks eight languages with relative fluency. Now that's just hot!

There's more but this is long and gushy enough...

At least he was un-pardoned (de-pardoned?) after King Mohammed realized he needed to cover his @ss the gravity of Galvan's crimes.

The whole story is just so incredibly bizarre

This is a bit more directed towards Moroccan husbands, since they come from a country where many people speak 3-4 languages fluently, but I would be eager to hear the experience of anyone.

Has speaking multiple languages helped your husbands at all in the job market? When the time comes, I'm hoping that Younes' command of French, Arabic and most importantly, Spanish, will help give him a boost-it's the one thing that really sets him aside from American competition. But maybe I'm just being overly optimistic.

Yeah, I saw something about that. But it shouldn't make any difference. A child rapist is a child rapist.

I hope at least the ordinary Spanish citizens are well-informed enough about this POS that they make sure he NEVER goes near another child again...

We're going to be transiting about 1000 international students at work during the month of August. That's going to be REAL fun with this going on.

Outrage in Morocco after Spanish paedophile gets royal pardon

Moroccans are outraged by the royal pardon of a Spanish man convicted of sexually assaulting children in 2010, the Hespress news website reported on Thursday.

He was pardoned by King Mohammad VI on the 14th anniversary of his enthronement on Wednesday, after serving only two out of his 30-year sentence.

A protest against the pardon is scheduled to take place in front of parliament in Rabat on Friday.

The convict, identified as Daniel Fino Galvan was found guilty of sexually assaulting 11 children in the city of Kenitra, where he lived.

Galvan was accused of luring children between the ages of three and 15 into his house, where he would sexually assault them and film the crime.

Police reportedly seized a digital camera and a laptop when he was arrested in Nov. 2010.

The Moroccan Association for the Fight against Paedophilia said in 2012 that Daniel’s last victim was a two-year-old girl.