DandT14

I had to smile when I read that. Her mom came to visit and help with the baby, and that makes her a nanny? I'm calling my mom right now to tell her that when she stayed with me for a couple weeks after I had my first baby, she was really being a nanny. I can imagine the look on her face now...
Actually I'm not doing that. She might demand payment.

Sometimes it seems like there's a contest to see who can yell "fraud" first.
I don't see why this is so unbelievable. It's easy to plan on coming to visit for a couple months, without ever considering staying. Then, when it's time to go, it's so hard that you realize you'd rather stay. Why is this difficult to believe? A two week visit is different than a two month visit. After two months, you can get "settled". Seems reasonable to me...
And, getting up during the night to change a diaper or feed a baby is hardly being a "nanny." If she swept the floor while she was there, does that make her a housekeeper? Are you seriously suggesting that any grandparent who enters the country to see a new grandchild, and during that stay occasionally cares for the baby, has committed a crime?

Jeans and a half-nice shirt work just fine. I would just say makes sure they're "nice" jeans, not holy or dirty or whatever. Shirts can vary, but again go "nice", not a t-shirt with a picture of a marijuana plant on it or something like that. (And yes, people have done it.)
I'm looking for someone who knows that they are going to an interview, knows what kind of job they're interviewing for, but doesn't go overboard. Basically, you go a little nicer than the clothes you would actually plan on wearing to the job.

Something doesn't sound right here at all...
What kinds of jobs is he applying for? At my work, we use fingerprints for criminal background checks. We have the capability to check background with ID and SSN, but we don't do it for employees, only customers (long story).
We are absolutely not allowed to take copies of anyone's social security card or ID until AFTER a job offer has been made. We make the offer contingent on the person passing all required checks. (Drug test, health screen, background.)
Also, when you give your employer your SSN for the purposes of verifying your legal right to work in the US, it's in conjunction with an I-9. The I-9 is very specific about what types of documents can be used to verify the information. It's illegal for them to ask for any more than is required.
If you want to know if someone is working on your husband's SSN, call the social security office. If the employer is reporting it as required, social security should have that information. The only problem is that the information can be a bit delayed, so it might take a couple quarters to show up.

Something doesn't sound right here at all...
What kinds of jobs is he applying for? At my work, we use fingerprints for criminal background checks. We have the capability to check background with ID and SSN, but we don't do it for employees, only customers (long story).
We are absolutely not allowed to take copies of anyone's social security card or ID until AFTER a job offer has been made. We make the offer contingent on the person passing all required checks. (Drug test, health screen, background.)
Also, when you give your employer your SSN for the purposes of verifying your legal right to work in the US, it's in conjunction with an I-9. The I-9 is very specific about what types of documents can be used to verify the information. It's illegal for them to ask for any more than is required.
If you want to know if someone is working on your husband's SSN, call the social security office. If the employer is reporting it as required, social security should have that information. The only problem is that the information can be a bit delayed, so it might take a couple quarters to show up.

Hi Saylin,
I'm sorry for what you've been going through. You were one of the first people who talked to me here and I've always seen you being kind and helpful to other people.
I hope everything works out for you the way you want. I can't resist giving my opinions on a couple things though.
I never fight for anyone. Not friends, not men, not anyone. I don't compete for people's love. Anyone who would put me in a position of needing to compete for them is not someone I want in my life. Saying "fight for him" sounds romantic, but you really shouldn't have to fight for someone who loves you.
Facebook, and other online communities, are very tempting to someone who's confused about their feelings. Marriage is a huge adjustment, it's stressful, and there was a girl there offering stress-free fun, looking all perfect, free of marriage-related annoyances. I'm not saying what he did was ok, but it might be understandable, particularly if there was no in-person follow through. I hope that's all it was for him, and now he's gotten out of his system and realized she's not what he wants. It also sounds like he has an easier time connecting to people at a distance (i.e. online) than in person. He might be struggling with that. Then again, he might just not be ready for marriage. You'll have to watch and see.
Lastly, I want to say that you shouldn't feel bad about "snooping" on his facebook. I believe everyone has a right to privacy, but you had good cause to go looking. You needed information and you got it.
Those are my opinions, I hope it all works out. You seem like a good person who's genuinely in love. And there are few things more painful than being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Good luck.

Maybe it's irrelevant and I'm just being nosy, but what would cause ICE to come to your house and take you in to custody? There are countless illegal immigrants in this country, how did you get noticed?

Maybe it's irrelevant and I'm just being nosy, but what would cause ICE to come to your house and take you in to custody? There are countless illegal immigrants in this country, how did you get noticed?

I usually assume when someone says "I have a friend who..." that they are really talking about themselves. But, maybe I'm too cynical.

Hi Saylin,
I'm sorry for what you've been going through. You were one of the first people who talked to me here and I've always seen you being kind and helpful to other people.
I hope everything works out for you the way you want. I can't resist giving my opinions on a couple things though.
I never fight for anyone. Not friends, not men, not anyone. I don't compete for people's love. Anyone who would put me in a position of needing to compete for them is not someone I want in my life. Saying "fight for him" sounds romantic, but you really shouldn't have to fight for someone who loves you.
Facebook, and other online communities, are very tempting to someone who's confused about their feelings. Marriage is a huge adjustment, it's stressful, and there was a girl there offering stress-free fun, looking all perfect, free of marriage-related annoyances. I'm not saying what he did was ok, but it might be understandable, particularly if there was no in-person follow through. I hope that's all it was for him, and now he's gotten out of his system and realized she's not what he wants. It also sounds like he has an easier time connecting to people at a distance (i.e. online) than in person. He might be struggling with that. Then again, he might just not be ready for marriage. You'll have to watch and see.
Lastly, I want to say that you shouldn't feel bad about "snooping" on his facebook. I believe everyone has a right to privacy, but you had good cause to go looking. You needed information and you got it.
Those are my opinions, I hope it all works out. You seem like a good person who's genuinely in love. And there are few things more painful than being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Good luck.

Hi Saylin,
I'm sorry for what you've been going through. You were one of the first people who talked to me here and I've always seen you being kind and helpful to other people.
I hope everything works out for you the way you want. I can't resist giving my opinions on a couple things though.
I never fight for anyone. Not friends, not men, not anyone. I don't compete for people's love. Anyone who would put me in a position of needing to compete for them is not someone I want in my life. Saying "fight for him" sounds romantic, but you really shouldn't have to fight for someone who loves you.
Facebook, and other online communities, are very tempting to someone who's confused about their feelings. Marriage is a huge adjustment, it's stressful, and there was a girl there offering stress-free fun, looking all perfect, free of marriage-related annoyances. I'm not saying what he did was ok, but it might be understandable, particularly if there was no in-person follow through. I hope that's all it was for him, and now he's gotten out of his system and realized she's not what he wants. It also sounds like he has an easier time connecting to people at a distance (i.e. online) than in person. He might be struggling with that. Then again, he might just not be ready for marriage. You'll have to watch and see.
Lastly, I want to say that you shouldn't feel bad about "snooping" on his facebook. I believe everyone has a right to privacy, but you had good cause to go looking. You needed information and you got it.
Those are my opinions, I hope it all works out. You seem like a good person who's genuinely in love. And there are few things more painful than being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Good luck.

Hi Saylin,
I'm sorry for what you've been going through. You were one of the first people who talked to me here and I've always seen you being kind and helpful to other people.
I hope everything works out for you the way you want. I can't resist giving my opinions on a couple things though.
I never fight for anyone. Not friends, not men, not anyone. I don't compete for people's love. Anyone who would put me in a position of needing to compete for them is not someone I want in my life. Saying "fight for him" sounds romantic, but you really shouldn't have to fight for someone who loves you.
Facebook, and other online communities, are very tempting to someone who's confused about their feelings. Marriage is a huge adjustment, it's stressful, and there was a girl there offering stress-free fun, looking all perfect, free of marriage-related annoyances. I'm not saying what he did was ok, but it might be understandable, particularly if there was no in-person follow through. I hope that's all it was for him, and now he's gotten out of his system and realized she's not what he wants. It also sounds like he has an easier time connecting to people at a distance (i.e. online) than in person. He might be struggling with that. Then again, he might just not be ready for marriage. You'll have to watch and see.
Lastly, I want to say that you shouldn't feel bad about "snooping" on his facebook. I believe everyone has a right to privacy, but you had good cause to go looking. You needed information and you got it.
Those are my opinions, I hope it all works out. You seem like a good person who's genuinely in love. And there are few things more painful than being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Good luck.

Hi Saylin,
I'm sorry for what you've been going through. You were one of the first people who talked to me here and I've always seen you being kind and helpful to other people.
I hope everything works out for you the way you want. I can't resist giving my opinions on a couple things though.
I never fight for anyone. Not friends, not men, not anyone. I don't compete for people's love. Anyone who would put me in a position of needing to compete for them is not someone I want in my life. Saying "fight for him" sounds romantic, but you really shouldn't have to fight for someone who loves you.
Facebook, and other online communities, are very tempting to someone who's confused about their feelings. Marriage is a huge adjustment, it's stressful, and there was a girl there offering stress-free fun, looking all perfect, free of marriage-related annoyances. I'm not saying what he did was ok, but it might be understandable, particularly if there was no in-person follow through. I hope that's all it was for him, and now he's gotten out of his system and realized she's not what he wants. It also sounds like he has an easier time connecting to people at a distance (i.e. online) than in person. He might be struggling with that. Then again, he might just not be ready for marriage. You'll have to watch and see.
Lastly, I want to say that you shouldn't feel bad about "snooping" on his facebook. I believe everyone has a right to privacy, but you had good cause to go looking. You needed information and you got it.
Those are my opinions, I hope it all works out. You seem like a good person who's genuinely in love. And there are few things more painful than being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Good luck.

Hi Saylin,
I'm sorry for what you've been going through. You were one of the first people who talked to me here and I've always seen you being kind and helpful to other people.
I hope everything works out for you the way you want. I can't resist giving my opinions on a couple things though.
I never fight for anyone. Not friends, not men, not anyone. I don't compete for people's love. Anyone who would put me in a position of needing to compete for them is not someone I want in my life. Saying "fight for him" sounds romantic, but you really shouldn't have to fight for someone who loves you.
Facebook, and other online communities, are very tempting to someone who's confused about their feelings. Marriage is a huge adjustment, it's stressful, and there was a girl there offering stress-free fun, looking all perfect, free of marriage-related annoyances. I'm not saying what he did was ok, but it might be understandable, particularly if there was no in-person follow through. I hope that's all it was for him, and now he's gotten out of his system and realized she's not what he wants. It also sounds like he has an easier time connecting to people at a distance (i.e. online) than in person. He might be struggling with that. Then again, he might just not be ready for marriage. You'll have to watch and see.
Lastly, I want to say that you shouldn't feel bad about "snooping" on his facebook. I believe everyone has a right to privacy, but you had good cause to go looking. You needed information and you got it.
Those are my opinions, I hope it all works out. You seem like a good person who's genuinely in love. And there are few things more painful than being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Good luck.

Kitten, I think the problem is that it sounds as though you're saying "what you want to do is technically illegal, but (wink, wink) here's what say to make it appear legal." And people on this site get really bothered by that.
(Just my opinion.)

Now my curiosity is piqued...