Faithful2012

Thanks reese,
True words spoken, at some point you have to take a stand for what's right, no matter how scary it seems. God will always support the right decision!.
Thanks for the encouragement!

HELLOOOO VJ,
This post is made for those who have gotten to know me over the years, since 2007 to be exact. For those who have followed my story since I married my nigerian husband back in 2007. Those who read of the indiscretions and the hard times, and watched me forgive him since he stated he would not make that mistake again and promised transparency in the marriage from here on. Well thing got better for a while but within time, things began to go back to what got us in the mess we were in from the start of the affair. In all fairness, I did NOT catch him red handed again, however I am no fool at 41 years old. You know what Ladies, he could not meet up to the requirements of being a loving, honest, trustworthy, responsible husband. Someone posted something recently about lacking affection, lacking concern, being secretive about his life outside of the home. Yes, those were all the things that he continued to struggle with even after we decided to give it another go round. He said he loved me when I asked and promised not to leave, which he never did. That's the part that baffled me, this man did not want to act like a husband but yet he refused to leave the home. He got his 10 yr greencard some time ago so that wasn't the issue. To this day, I honestly feel that he felt it was acceptable to have a loving wife at home but OK to behave like a single man. It's almost like he wanted th best of both worlds. Well...... I'm sorry ladies, I deserve better. You see, I didn't come from a home where love was lacking. My mother gave me unconditional love day and night. So when I began to see how lonely I felt inside, how miserable I had become and how my childen must have felt watching their so called step Dad come in and out whenever he wanted without a word spoken, how he would be unaccounted for several hours, I knew I had to step up and set a fine example if not for me for my lovely children. They accepted this man into the home based on their trusting my decision and the fact that he called them regularly when in africa and promised to teach them soccer, prepare nigerian dishes, hangout and just be a good friend to them. Instead, he lied, cheated and was very disrspectful in his behavior toward me. What kind of message would I be sending to my son and daughters. To my son, is this how a man should treat hs wife? NO. To my daughters, Is this how a man should treat you? NO. So for all these reasons I asked him to leave and I will tell you this man did NOT leave without a fight. I had to call in the troops, literally, the troops meaning my brothers. I'm not sure why he wanted to remain here when he was NOT loving me or the kids the way he had promised in Nigeria. So to the question asked by someone, do they change when they get here? For me, my answer is YES. What he did not realize is that when he met me he met his match. Like I said before I was well loved as a child, so I know when it's time to call it quits. I was also taught that a woman is supposed to be respected, loved, cherised and handled with care. I am thankful to finally have the wisdom to know the difference between REAL love and an illusion. So while we have been separated for 4 months, I have not filed for divorce yet but plan to next year. He sent me a text the other day and said he was sorry for being a jerk and he doesn't know why he has such a hard time being honest and get this... he said I will always be special. He then asked if he could have another chance and come home, I I said "No". Always remember, if they hurt you once, shame on them, if it happens again and you take them back, shame on you. He needs to get out on his own and face his demons head on. Some men have to learn a hard lesson in order to grow. I sleep like a baby at nigt now. The world has been lifted from my delicate shoulders and my eyes have dried from all the tears shedded throught the years. The shock is over and I now know, it was a HUGE chance I took for love. It was emotional the first month, but it is getting easier by the day. I know what I'm worth and what i deserve, it may have taken me 41 years to figure this out but i won't settle for less than I deserve. I am a good woman with a lot to offer the right person. Unfortunately, he is not that man, right now anyway.

You speak words of wisdom that have only come from loving yourself first and knowing your worth. And for that alone you are truly blessed. You are a wonderful mother for what you are showing them and teaching them, that noone is more important than them. What love is and what it is not. So many people stay in bad situations hoping that the other person changes, or if they do more, or do better they will change. Well guess what, you can hope, but you can't make a person change no matter what you do. And yes sometimes people have to hit rock bottom before they change and some hit rock bottom and still never do. You are a strong women and whatever the future holds for you, you and your children will be fine!

Hello Gowon. I am so sorry. I like that fighting spirit they can not win or stop I good.
Now do you think given your age difference, you both Nigerian if they maybe think you are already married? This seems to come up a lot.
I don't mean by the age difference as a point of denial but I have noticed a pattern with not just Lagos but many embassies and it seems when it comes to us older mature folk K1 they seem to not take us so seriously.
Well just thoughts. I know without specifics that u may or maynot find out its hard to say.
Again I am very sorry. Stay strong. And God bless you both.

Very good points Gowon and funny as well when you talked about okada and so forth.....

Alot of good points made here....but at the stage you are at in the visa journey and for you to write this means something....not necessarily something bad. but its something that you should evaluate. Its so hard to say or judge....so on that note....I strongly advise you to listen to your Intuition. Only you know the real intentions and you only will find out the real intentions.....Good luck and God bless.....(Praying it's nothing)

That seems alot/abit rude. She asked a question. I feel she was looking for some comfort and not opposition. We cannot judge those we do not know. She needs friends right now and not of "Add Lib" She is capable of seeing her own light. Don't add Insult to Injury. I seen Good Comments and Bad Comments. I really think we should refrain from negitive thoughts that WILL get Stuck There in her mind. Proof of what.. ? Pre-Judging because he's Nigerian. I'm not God and neither are you. She is looking for encouragement right now. What is wrong with some of you people. She is intelligent on her own but everyone needs alittle help and this is where she asked. If you think your Life never had a problem and never asked for help I would call you a Liar. Life is never perfect, just ask Adam and Eve.

I am assuming he is still in Nigeria?
Nigeria is a tough place to exist in, just getting up in the morning (after battling the night with Mosquitos), taking that shower (where is the water coming from, did he have to pull it from the well), getting to work or school or church (on the back of okada or even if he owns a car the cursed traffic is enough to drive one bonkers). So us as USC, well me, I take a step back sometimes when I'm dealing with my Fiancee. It's easy for me to sit back in my comfortabel environment sometimes and not watch my conduct with my Fiancee until I catch myself. For example, I've been on her to get copies of her school transcripts and I get pissed off at times. But when I realize that it's not like here where you can just saunter to the school and they'll give you a print out right away, then I chill out.
I am not making any excuse for him or his perceived conduct but I just want you to also realize that it's not just you that is apprehensive, he is about to leave everything and everyone he knows, his comfort zone to come to the US to be with you.
One thing for me as a person, I am not comfortable with you discussing him with your Ex, I am of the opinion that conversations with your Ex should be solely about the Kids that you have together. Does he know that you talk to your Ex in other than Kids relationship?
There's nothing wrong with being needy or seeking reassurance from your SO but is he on board with that in your relationship? Did you Guys talk about acceptables and unacceptables?
Weight is a big issue and it's generally not a good thing health wise (I'm overweight myself and working on it but what I do not do is BS myself that it's okay), is he okay with your weight? If he is then regardless of what his Sister says it shouldn't matter. He's not going to attack his Sister back in front of you like you probably want but if he is anything like I know most Nigerians I am certain that she and her had a good tete a tete.
Are his intentions true? About immigrations? I don't know since I don't know him. The benefits and opportunities that is available to even the most average American here in America draws folks from other countries (not just Nigeria) to consider things that they may not necessarily want to do (marrying older people, marrying outside of their faith, marrying without possibility of producing offsprings, etc). They may hide it for a while but it usually rears up typically after the GC is in hand. Does yours have the same potential? Only you know and I hope that you've done the due diligence necessary. Love, falling madly in love, etc on FaceBook IMHO is generally a disaster in the making, in my own personal opinion and of course there are always exceptions to the rule.
One more thing, do not shy away from your SO, follow your heart and don't play games. If you need to call him, do so. If you need to hear his voice, call him. Remember that he is going to be like your conjoined twin for at least the first 3 months (maybe less) when he arrives here. You two better be on the same wavelength mostly so that you and your kids have a stress free home life. He can't work, drive, etc, won't know where stuff is, and is going to be like potty training a newborn.
Good luck to you Guys. You've reached a milestone in your Visa Journey that most would envy, I know I do.

Word ! Not only do I say I wasn't approved but I wear it like a badge on my signature. Halloween is over and it's time to take the mask off.
Denial does not define me nor embarrass me. Time to grow up and either say nothing or tell the truth.
Pretending makes one look foolish, not being honest.
People need to look beyond themselves and help others with their step by step experience.

Congratulations and Good luck on the rest if your journey....but wow that was Quick...

Plan for at least 5 months regardless of which service center you are at. If you keep some distant focus, it will keep your expectations from letting you down. I was an April filer at VSC. When I filed, VSC was on top approving many here at around 4-4.5 months consistently. I went ahead and focused on the 5 months because that was the "average" at the time. I just got approved yesterday due to the continuous lag that began just shortly after I filed. Fortunately, I didn't get too down emotionally until this week because I psyched myself for the previous months. It helps. Be optimistic yet realistic. These two service centers do wax and wane so who knows what tomorrow brings?

The NVC is only a mail stop for K1 cases, all the NVC does with K1 files is assign a case number and send it to the appropriate Embassy or Consulate. Sending the NVC additional evidence would be an exercise in futility because the file would very likely gone by the time they received the evidence.

The only issue I see, and why I did not forward any additional documents to NVC, is that I-129F petitions do not stay there for any length of name, if everything is going well.
Good luck.
You should read this.

I am soo Geeked!! I checked the board and all three K-1 visas and one cr-1 were approved ...Yess Nigeria is on fire!! Wow it gives me sooo much hope .. Ya'll I'm soooo anxious for our interview... Yes, I will poor some libations tonight!! Congrats to all the couples on your vitories!!! :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:
Chi

Thank you jesus...one visit and short face time and approved in lagos...red flags gone...thank you Lord, You are ever faithful.

I just want to use this forum to inform and encourage those with upcoming interview, just starting this race, that God will see you through. My Fiance had his interview at 7AM today, and he has been approved. He got to the embassy at 6AM, i didn't hear from him until 2PM(his time) He picks up his Visa next week. No lawyers, just Jesus!!! Thanks to all that read my post, answered my questions, for those that went through it and were willing to share so that novice like me could learn, Thank you. For those with upcoming date, May God Grant you favor, as long as you are in it for the right reasons, God will meet you at the point of your need. I will post a review, as soon as he his calm enough to give me the "gist." in the mean time, he said they didn't even ask for phone records, the actually gave him back the pictures i sent at the 1st stage. I mailed over 10Ib worth of data. Fedex was over $300. this has been a journey. Thank you all

...well my train hasn't even left the station yet...we are just on the NOA1 landing strip...but hey I will catch you all soon enough...but I am right here rooting you all on...excited for all of you and reading your trips/flight fares and interview dates (or those forth coming) keeps me excited...right now I will settle for being the little engine that could...(I think I can I think I can I think I can!)...blessings!

With so many October interviews issued, the time has come to schedule flights to and from Nigeria. If you've already scheduled your flight, please post who you are flying with, what airport you will be flying from, how you plan to fly back (with your spouse or separate from your spouse) and your Point of Entry (POE).
GOD BLESS AND MERCY JOURNEY'S TO US ALL!

Confidence confidence..... If he knows you very well, he needs to prove to them that he is in love with you by what and how he answers his questions. Again, It's not all about getting the right answer,....feelings, emotions, he has to show it all..... Goodluck

without being judgemental and risk my butt to be banned from the topic all i can say is get ready for a longgggggggggggggg and annoying process. if your new relationship works out without colateral damage it would be a miracle from heavens. and please don't use the vawa word people. he'll get ideas

Prepare yourself for a long,long but LONG battle with Immigration, add to this lots of money to spend with lawyers. Are you ready to spend time, effort and money with someone that just a few months ago was in LOVE with other guy and suddenly had a change of heart?.

My thoughts exactly

I agree with the above; it's the cleanest and surest method.
She could stay with her husband and get the GC and then divorce and marry you but when it comes time to ROC and get her 10 year GC; the timelines will look fishy and a visa fraud decision could be rendered.
She could divorce her husband and then try to AOS on her own. If she is not sent back and is given the GC, then you two could get married and then a similar ROC attempt be made.
I will also refrain from commenting on why you would be engaging conversation that leads to "love" with a newly married woman?!!

She can only get a green card through her husband who filed the K-1 for her.
It would be fraud for her to get a green card at this point as she no longer has a bona fide marriage.
She needs to get a divorce.
She needs to return home.
You need to file for a K-1 fiancée visa.
There is no way for her to become legal by staying and marrying you. She can only become legal through her K-1 petitioner husband.

Congratulations.......so happy for you.......