Courtney_Eddie

I'm going to add my 2 cents, since everyone else is.
It's kind of hard for me to comprehend how you can be arguing all of the time and why she's being like this. Other people have mentioned that she could have a fella on the side, but for the sake not imagining the worst, we'll rule that out for now. You know, all of us are really learning the hard way "good things come to those who wait." I mean, whenever I get to see my fiance, I'm on top of the world. Our fiance's should make us feel like...like...everything is right in the world. Couples have their arguments, of course, but this just seems like too much. When you get to see each other, you should want to spend every waking moment together, since time on a visit is limited. It seems like she doesn't want that. Ask yourself, why this woman? What does she have that you can't find elsewhere. That you can't find in your own country? Having a fiance in a foreign country isn't ideal for any of us, so there must be something. I mean, your wife is going to be your life partner. Husband and wife, partners in crime, taking on the world by storm How can you do that when you're arguing every second. If your having these problems so early in the game, how are you going to get through anything else that comes along? It's great that you want to try to mend things, but sometimes they can't be fixed. Catch her at a time when she's calm and sit her down and ask her "why do you want to marry me?" and see what she says. I agree with everyone else who's saying "just pack up and go home" but no one knows your relationship better than you two. Someone already said before that you're answering your own questions. I think you know what the right answer is.

You need to get a hobby.
Creating drinking songs helps to pass the time...

I'm going to add my 2 cents, since everyone else is.
It's kind of hard for me to comprehend how you can be arguing all of the time and why she's being like this. Other people have mentioned that she could have a fella on the side, but for the sake not imagining the worst, we'll rule that out for now. You know, all of us are really learning the hard way "good things come to those who wait." I mean, whenever I get to see my fiance, I'm on top of the world. Our fiance's should make us feel like...like...everything is right in the world. Couples have their arguments, of course, but this just seems like too much. When you get to see each other, you should want to spend every waking moment together, since time on a visit is limited. It seems like she doesn't want that. Ask yourself, why this woman? What does she have that you can't find elsewhere. That you can't find in your own country? Having a fiance in a foreign country isn't ideal for any of us, so there must be something. I mean, your wife is going to be your life partner. Husband and wife, partners in crime, taking on the world by storm How can you do that when you're arguing every second. If your having these problems so early in the game, how are you going to get through anything else that comes along? It's great that you want to try to mend things, but sometimes they can't be fixed. Catch her at a time when she's calm and sit her down and ask her "why do you want to marry me?" and see what she says. I agree with everyone else who's saying "just pack up and go home" but no one knows your relationship better than you two. Someone already said before that you're answering your own questions. I think you know what the right answer is.

Private

I'm going to add my 2 cents, since everyone else is.
It's kind of hard for me to comprehend how you can be arguing all of the time and why she's being like this. Other people have mentioned that she could have a fella on the side, but for the sake not imagining the worst, we'll rule that out for now. You know, all of us are really learning the hard way "good things come to those who wait." I mean, whenever I get to see my fiance, I'm on top of the world. Our fiance's should make us feel like...like...everything is right in the world. Couples have their arguments, of course, but this just seems like too much. When you get to see each other, you should want to spend every waking moment together, since time on a visit is limited. It seems like she doesn't want that. Ask yourself, why this woman? What does she have that you can't find elsewhere. That you can't find in your own country? Having a fiance in a foreign country isn't ideal for any of us, so there must be something. I mean, your wife is going to be your life partner. Husband and wife, partners in crime, taking on the world by storm How can you do that when you're arguing every second. If your having these problems so early in the game, how are you going to get through anything else that comes along? It's great that you want to try to mend things, but sometimes they can't be fixed. Catch her at a time when she's calm and sit her down and ask her "why do you want to marry me?" and see what she says. I agree with everyone else who's saying "just pack up and go home" but no one knows your relationship better than you two. Someone already said before that you're answering your own questions. I think you know what the right answer is.

Let me see if I understand your rational. You have invested lots of time, love, and money in this relationship and you don't want that wasted. If this was a sports car and you drove it joyfully for a year then the next year the transmission went out, you cracked the block, and then your car was stolen by a drug smuggler and when the police had returned it to you, it was ripped apart because of getting the bad things out, and it was in horrible condition and not drivable, would you say, "I enjoyed the car and now its time is past and it won't benefit me to spend another minute, dollar, or emotion on it and move on" or "Oh noooooo....I LOVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEDDDD this car and MUST HAVE IT!!!!" ?
What would it take for you to treat someone the way she has treated you? If you did that to anyone, would that relationship be salvageable?
How mature are you? You want her to change but it seems to me that you are the one that needs to change. Holding on tight to something dead doesn't bring it back to life.
What exactly do you want from her? Really. Make a list of what she needs to do, say, and give to make this work. (You don't have to actually give it to her. Is she capable of that? If she doesn't respond to you now, what do you really expect to happen later on, if you do manage to work this occasion out?

If she wanted and appreciated you then you would never have to chase her... She would be available to you always. Give up and go home. Take all your papers with you.

I just went through this process. The key is not getting an RFE for something you did wrong. We were approved 2 days ago with no RFE's. The process is frustrating but when you get approved look back at it like I am now, you will likely agree that it is done properly in many ways.
I watched the boards. I saw many couples break up between 1 and 4 months in. The fact is that many couples rush into this process and are truly not solid in their relationships. If this process was done any faster, many more couples would get married and have to get unmarried. Our approval took 5 months, 20 days. Our NOA2 was approved just after 4 months. We went through Vermont. I think they did a good job. I grew up in this great country and not everybody should be allowed in.
If you can't make it through 5 or 6 months, you'll never make a lifetime of marriage.

Paul, this really needs to be said, so no offense intended. At age 34, you better MAN-UP! This is like the 3rd or 4th thread you've started about the same issue.
Yeah, you need to "man-up" to one of the women in your life. Doesn't matter which one as long as you stand up and make it known that what you want is important also,
you'll be respected more in the long run.
No disrespect to your mother or your family, at age 34 you have no obligation to make her/them happy with the decisions you make about your future.
Your mother is your mother and since you can not marry her, she'll get over your decision as to who you decide to marry, she can not live your life vicariously.
You can not please everyone, someone will be pissed at any decision you make, but just make a decision. At your age, your happiness should be the priority,
not trying to please others.
I mean Paul, what is more important to you, not being disowned or having a life with Haidee? It is unfortunate your back is in a corner now with an ultimatum
from your mother, the only way out of the corner is with a decision. You can prolong it, but you must make a decision.
Good luck!

I was twenty and my husband twenty-one when we get married. I was struggling to make rent, food, and utilities and supporting him while working at WalMart as a cashier.
We would have gone into debt to have anything other than the bare bones wedding.
Five years later, we have two new cars, a house, and are finally planning to spend a few weeks in Europe as a belated honeymoon. All without that nasty wedding debt looming over us.

Some people believe that a wedding should be a modest affair - to highlight the commitment that is being made, not the amount of money spent to show-off. Weddings used to be more low-key, but now we have so much pressure with a whole industry telling us to coordinate the stationary with ribbons around the chair, and a whole television show about spending more money than you have for a ballroom gown. Women used to buy a practical wedding dress that they could wear again at other occasions.
My friend's grandmother eloped and got married in a small town somewhere in the southwest while they were driving around. That marriage lasted 50+ years and that couple was the foundation of a whole family for generations. She used to tell my friend about marriage, "It doesn't matter how it starts, it matters what you do with it."
What other people have done might not work for you, but you shouldn't belittle their precious memories and call it shameful or skanky: that attitude is atrocious. If you are going to be in an international marriage, you will have to learn to be more considerate of other people's opinions.

My husband and I were married in fifteen minutes by a justice of the peace. This in NO WAY mean I do not value marriage, or that I do not value my husband. My relationship and my marriage holds just as much value as someone who spent tens of thousands of dollars on their ceremony. Your viewpoint is outdated and offensive.
Once again, outdated and offensive. A divorce is shameful? An unplanned pregnancy is shameful? No. These are common life events that happen. Judging someone on these facts is ridiculous. Who are YOU to say what's acceptable for other people? Live your life, mind your business, and get off your high horse.
How is it an insult? Why are your preferences about marriage ceremonies the way it has to be for every couple? I don't like weddings and I never wanted one. Had nothing to do with my visa. I didn't care about where it was, I cared about who I was there with. I can't believe how offensive you're being in this post with your attempts to put down all the couples who didn't do things your way.
For some people, just getting married to the person they love is special enough.