UK_Fan

I don't think that Mrs. Brock was trying to say that it's OK, when a women gets treated like that over a green card. I think she was trying to say that some men think that if they "saved" a woman from one of "poor" countries, they have a right to treat her in any way they want or "send her back" if they don't like something. It's not OK, when a woman left her job, her family and friends to be with her man and maybe just adjusted to the new way of life. But it happens sometimes, unfortunately.

first of all.. just wanted to say that i'm from Magadan i love seeing that people know that my little town actually "exists" lol
anyways.. all i wanted to say is that it irks me that some men SPECIFICALLY go on a hunt for an international wife.. this is really what this whole topic has been about for me.. they couldn't find anyone around, so they go and look for a wife in another country. there is nothing wrong with it, i don't guess, to each their own, but marriage as a business transaction is just mind-boggling to me.
i feel awful criticizing people for their choices, but look how many cases are out there when a poor little woman from a thrird world country comes here and it turns out that her husband is holding the green card over her head and treating her like a slave.. far more then there should be. frankly, i think that it is one of the main reasons American men go out of country to find a wife.
and men are not the only ones that are doing it, sometimes women are at fault and end up using unsuspecting americans.. of course there are 2 sides to a coin.
and listen, if they met online on their own or whatever, that's a different story, but i'm specifically talking about the ones that pay agencies to find them a wife and in most cases, they don't even communicate without a chaperone. to me, it's demeaning to a marriage, because had i been one of those mail-orded brides, i would always know that my husband paid someone money for me and that would just be awful.

first of all.. just wanted to say that i'm from Magadan i love seeing that people know that my little town actually "exists" lol
anyways.. all i wanted to say is that it irks me that some men SPECIFICALLY go on a hunt for an international wife.. this is really what this whole topic has been about for me.. they couldn't find anyone around, so they go and look for a wife in another country. there is nothing wrong with it, i don't guess, to each their own, but marriage as a business transaction is just mind-boggling to me.
i feel awful criticizing people for their choices, but look how many cases are out there when a poor little woman from a thrird world country comes here and it turns out that her husband is holding the green card over her head and treating her like a slave.. far more then there should be. frankly, i think that it is one of the main reasons American men go out of country to find a wife.
and men are not the only ones that are doing it, sometimes women are at fault and end up using unsuspecting americans.. of course there are 2 sides to a coin.
and listen, if they met online on their own or whatever, that's a different story, but i'm specifically talking about the ones that pay agencies to find them a wife and in most cases, they don't even communicate without a chaperone. to me, it's demeaning to a marriage, because had i been one of those mail-orded brides, i would always know that my husband paid someone money for me and that would just be awful.

I don't think it would be the first time a relevelation like that "oopsie" happened on VJ

this made me think...
when i was little and watched american movies, i've always thought that each and every American lives in a house just like in "Home Alone".. i thought that everyone is rich and has nice 2 story houses and cars. They never showed the "other" side of American life. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that i was disspaointed when i saw, say, trailer parks, but it was kind of a shock to me. When i first arrived here almost 7 years ago, never did i think that there was a "poverty line" and people lived below it.
Naive of me, no question about it, but a lot of Russians don't realize that not everything is oh, so peachy here, if you want nice houses and cars, you have to work and work hard for it. Of course, I live in a little state that is on the "poor" side, but still, by Russian standards, people make more money on welfare here then my mom working full time as a piano teacher back in Russia. The thing is though, that like you said, Gary, the cost of living is so much higher here, that after paying all the bills and buying groceries, you are barely left with any spending money.. and this is where most americans go in debt by dipping into their credit accounts. Then, of course, the whole deal with debts starts and blah blah.
Anyways, to wrap this up, until you live this life yourself, there is no way you can know for sure what you need to gear yourself up to when moving here (i'm talking about those mail-order brides that are after the "american dream"). And in some cases, they don't get lucky and come here and have everything ready for them.. Then, they either have to get their butt in gear and start making money, or start complaining to their husbands about getting their hopes up for nothing.

Saw that episode like a year or two back, boy it was just sad. The guy who was engaged to his Russian woman... he didn't seem to trust her, was all worried and freaking out when she took a long time to meet him at the airport; I kept thinking, "Why did this guy file for her if he obviously thinks she still might be scamming him?". They seemed to care about each other though, so that's good.
The second guy, having no game whatsoever, was a humiliation to American men, and the woman he met... were they serious? There's so many more beautiful and hot Russian women around (yes, I am shallow, shoot me, but it takes more than blue eyes to be hot.) And he seemed to go there because there was just no way he could've scored in the US. Not to mention the general awkwardness of that entire date; it was painful to watch.
I also found it weird they only presented couples in which the woman spoke little to no English. How is it possible to have a relationship with someone you can barely speak to? If they wanted to portray this "mail order bride" thing as about love, and not about an easy way of getting a woman, that made it fail... because people who want relationships want to be able to communicate with their partners, at the very basic level, for practicality's sake.
I expected them to show a normal, happy relationship, in which both people had chemistry and so on. But those couples, it all seemed force and somewhat paranoid in some ways. I thought it would make this seem less as "ugly fat guy buys hot(er), younger female in exchange for the 'American Dream'", and more "Yeah, you can meet love online, and it's okay, and no one's buying anything, and so on and so forth", especially coming from National Geographic, but I was mostly disappointed.
I saw another show on one of the women channels... think it was called The Secret Lives of Women, and they had this episode on mail order brides, and I found that one much more accurate, honest in the hardships and benefits of marrying a foreigner, and it showed both women who had just met their future husbands or had just arrived in the US, and Russian women who'd been in the US for years. If they still air that I think you'd all enjoy it too.

These statements are true. Alla was a bit astounded by the amount I told her that I made every month. And when she arrived and the first payday came she wanted to "see the money" So I go online and show her the bank account..."see, right here, direct deposit."
Then she wants to know "How do we get this money?" Well I have mailed the checks for the house, the electric bill, gas bill, the insurance, the internet yada yada and we have $300 left we cango to Bed, Bath & Beyond and buy some stuff for the bedroom... "$300?" "So we really do not make $5000 per month?" And of course this was after paying for her plane tickets, etc. It took a while for her to understand it. In Ukraine she was paid by Western Union, CASH, in Euros. $2000 per month meant somone counted $2000 CASH into her hand and she "spent it" It took a long time and doing the bills together each week to understand and yes, now she says "we are poor"

Slim, you need to define "jackpot" for me to judge your anecdotal views. But, anyway, I don't think there is a clear correlation between money and marital success...excluding scams and ridiculously short courtships for guys with more money than good sense.
Sometimes the issue is the woman is too successful or happy with her life back in Russia...so when they come here and have to work at the Sears Vacuum Department, and/or live in some boring town, they want out. My wife was used to calling the shots and being independent of men. She had a big business with quite a few employees. She comes here and works at the PX for $8.00 an hour or helps some old lady for $12.00 an hour.
I have a friend who lives in Portland Oregon. He brings his successful Russian accountant wife over. She can't get a job and hates Portland. She went back to Russia for 6 months. Their future is not clear. I think disappointment and homesickness are big problems...more than money.
My truth is this whole deal with Russians is complicated. No one answer...but a matrix of issues. The younger the husband the better...to have a good job (versus a fixed income) and the physical and emotional energy to deal with the equivalent of a 14 year-old girl. I ran out of energy from all that she required of me. The money thing was a factor but not key.

My young blond Russian hottie wife only cost me $99 on EM!
I selected her out of an online catalog.
God's truth>

Some tips if you are trying to quickly build up a good credit score:

Always pay off your balance in full each month. That way the APR is irrelevant too. Make your payments on time. Don't use more than 40% of your credit limit. Get more than one line of credit. Along with the low limit Capital One card, gas cards are often easy to obtain by new immigrants with little or no credit. Get yourself added as an authorized user to your spouse's card (if they have good credit, you can piggy back on that).

Felt the need to comment, it's only fair you see the other side of the story too, first of all yes it's good to save money, you never know when you can get sick or something happens and you need it, from my experience soo far american people live on credit, they never save. Second, you going around the house in a tshirt during winter is not acceptable, put a coat on and turn down the heating, yoru bill should not be more then 100, I imagine where you are is never more less then 15 C, at this temperature here in Ro we hardly turn on the heating. You are 47, in my country paying a mortgage at this age is considered you are a looser, you did not do anything with your life, in communist countries or ex communist countries all people own a place, no matter how small it is, 4X4 room, they call it home and it's theirs, google and see in what countries people rent more, here everyone owns, in USA probably only 50 % own a house.... I guess she wants to change this by better budgeting your money and what it goes on. Next, she is a mature woman, in my country you won't see people over 40 in clubs and bars, they party at home with friends and family. Next, she does not want to meet people from her country, so what I don't want that either, some tend to be bad and have hidden reasons for wanting to meet you, better to make american friends, people from communist countries tend to be mean, selfish, jalous, she is better without them. You are 47, I assume your mom is 70 or close to it, who wants to stay with a mother in law that is 70 years old? She married you not your mother, are you a mama's boy? it's different when you go to friends, that's protecting her territory, she wants to be with you then because she loves you and she is concerned you might meet someone there, at your mom's house you are not going to meet anyone. She spends money on make up and eye creams, I have news for you, she is 41, she wants to look good for you or you might pick up a K1 20 years younger then you. She is right, you don't understand her at all, it's like you haven't been married before and for sure you don't love her if you are ready to divorce her for such stupid things, help her get a job, get out of the house, meet colleagues, go on holidays together not with friends, in her country people with debts don't go on holidays, they work to pay the debt, she loved you very much trust me if at 41 she married a man with no house, no big bank account and she is not interested in spending your money on expensive holidays, jewlery and a private bank account in her country...eye cream are you serious, really? Really? What is next she asked you money for a pair of pantyhose as well? WOW you better divorce her then for sure...You should be happy you got such a responsible woman, she respects you, she does not cheat on you, she takes care of you, you are 50 and still a party boy you were not ready to settle down...question, do you spend money on your car? Do you spend money on your drinks in the club? 100 each time? She gives 50 on an eye cream that lasts for 6 months....you are the problem here, not her, if you really love her this can easily be solved...good luck

There is no rule that states that a foreign student's tuition cannot be paid by a sponsor, foreign or American - but personally I would make sure your friend is 100% clear on the terms of this very generous gift from this other family. Why would they sponsor her studies? What is in it for them? Tuition in the US, especially for foreign students, is very expensive even in the most in-expensive schools, not to mention living expenses, books, transportation and insurance. It sounds a bit odd to me that this other family, who she has not worked for and would not work for, is willing to pay thousands, probably tens of thousands of dollars, for her expenses.
In any case, let's say this is really the situation. To qualify for a student visa she has to first be accepted to a university in the US and get an I-20 form. Though it is possible to convert from a J1 visa to an F1 visa in the US, there is no way she could do it without overstaying her current J1 visa given that it is expiring in about a month. The whole process from beginning to apply to a school to getting the actual visa takes months. Once her J1 expires and her grace period runs out (which is probably 30 or 60 days), she will fall out of status. The best thing for her to do is to leave the US before that happens and apply for the student visa from her home country, through the US consulate. If she overstays this J1 visa and tries to switch from that to an F1, it is highly unlikely she would be issued another non-immigrant visa after overstaying a previous one.

you are absolutely right, but there are different circumstances and a lot of people, after living here for a long time, don't want to go back, because simply, US had became their home.. an illegal one, but still..
it's not that easy to just pick up and leave and go back to a gloomy reality. in some cases, living here illegally beats living back home.. so don't judge the OP when you don't know her story.
it's true that she has no other options but to marry a citizen, but some people aren't lucky to find a person to fall in love with.. i, personally, wouldn't do it just for the papers, but to each their own..

Speaking of sneaky behavior being universal and Russian women never giving up.
Does th OP's wife know that he is looking at sites for Russian brides? How many wives would be accepting of this behavior?
Dwiddle-dee & dwindle-dum indeed. Is his wife interchangeable with his ex? His wife should be concern if he still has to guess if he made the right choice.
It's easy to make judgment about how desperate these older women are when they use old pictures. What does it say about the man who marry one if them, believes she's "dwiddle-dee or dwiddle-dum," an is still cruising for more of these women.
I also wonder which pictures men like this send to the women on these sites.
It takes two people to make these relationship work. A man who uses one of these sites to get a bride and continue to look at them after he gets marry should probably not be so judgmental about the women on them.

I'm glad to hear it's doing good now. And tell your husband the only Russians that might not be so nice are the old Soviet loving babushkas, but they warm up as soon as you give them a smile and say "privet"...well some anyways. Also be careful if your husband goes to the store alone...some of the women there have a habit of preying on poor ol unsuspecting American men.

10 days is cutting it close to the bone. I sent my wife the paper work a few months in advance and I know that after we went to the ZAGS office to sign some paperwork, we had to get some more paperwork translated and there was a few waiting days for it to be prepared.
As far as a reception...if you plan on having it in Minsk, I know a great resteraunt that rents for cheap. "Paris Corner" near Victory Square. Otherwise go for a private residence and plan on buying a ####### load of vodka...they drink it like fish over there during those things. Her family can do the food, and you can have a wedding cake made up at any bakery. And bribe money. It always pays to grease the people you need something from and need it fast. US dollars are appreciated there...skip the rubles.

no I'm not kidding u, the thing is that if it came to getting something for the house, they would both be involved.. if dad didn't like something, then mom wouldn't do it... and in our culture its normal... and I know, u will probably say that my mom has no spine, but it's simply ain't so.. they've been married for over 23 years and it obviously worked.. they r a team and many families in our culture r that way... u never lived our way, u wouldn't understand

no I'm not kidding u, the thing is that if it came to getting something for the house, they would both be involved.. if dad didn't like something, then mom wouldn't do it... and in our culture its normal... and I know, u will probably say that my mom has no spine, but it's simply ain't so.. they've been married for over 23 years and it obviously worked.. they r a team and many families in our culture r that way... u never lived our way, u wouldn't understand

no I'm not kidding u, the thing is that if it came to getting something for the house, they would both be involved.. if dad didn't like something, then mom wouldn't do it... and in our culture its normal... and I know, u will probably say that my mom has no spine, but it's simply ain't so.. they've been married for over 23 years and it obviously worked.. they r a team and many families in our culture r that way... u never lived our way, u wouldn't understand

a boss? that's not an average Ukrainian woman, but specifically your wife! in our culture, a man is always the boss and a head of the house, a woman, however, is the neck, that turns the head (it a famous Russian saying), so as for your wife, being "demanding" should not be explained by her being Ukrainian, but rather it, being her personality.
u are right about RUB women being very goal-oriented, but there are different ways of going about it, making your husband jump out of his skin and cater to your demands is certainly not one of them...
how do i know all of this you might ask? besides being born and raised in Russia, my mom is a full-blooded Ukrainian woman, and as i watched her all these years, she is the furthest from what you described "a Ukrainian woman" to be.
as for the OP, im afraid she wasn't fully aware of what she was getting herself into... in some cases living together for a long time is not enough to figure out each other.. i don't know her case, but i'm willing to bet money that there wasn't much courtship. all she can do is talk to her husband and figure it out or suck it up and hope for the best.

something is not right there.. there is no way (and i consulted with a lawyer) that his friend got a work authorization out of nowhere... something is fishy there. According to what my lawyer said when i first consulted with her, an overstay only has 2 options.. either return home or marry a US citizen.. the only other time the lawyer can get you out of this mess is if you had been picked up by immigration and detained and are under deportation proceedings.. and then and only then lawyers will charge you up to 10 grand and get you out of it...
but as far as i know, an illegal can't just come to a lawyer and ask him for the help with some kind of authorization.

your local office. Make sure to write "not applicable" where nothing applies