Girl from Celebes

A man who loves cats is always good in my book.

It must be hurts at some point. The sizes are so...unbelievable giant.

I had always fall for men who love cats like I do. Maybe that's my weakness, lol.

Batman is the ONLY DC character Marvin will allow to enter his life. Lol

Sorry, just got in from riding the bike from her job. Good exercise!
Ok, I see she answered, but here's my take on it. I'm more laid back in diplomatic when it comes to most things. Janelle would be more of the Alpha in terms of being proactive and not taking in bullshit. But I attribute that to her upbringing. Being a woman is a challenge within itself. The fact that she's sweet, loving, nurturing and completely behind me 100% is nothing short of a miracle.
I think Janelle is more Storm than anything else. She has the regality, tenacity, strength of heart, and the ability to handle anything thrown at her with a sense of ease that makes me jealous.
I'd be like Spiderman, as evident by my comments here that get under certain members skin.
BTW I HATE DC, except for Batman, he's cool.

Well, like Marv, Mr U is a sweetheart. He respects my intelligence and my opinions, but he doesn't agree with me on everything. He calls me out my BS. We are accountable to each other. We have very similar tastes in music and film (except he looooves him some Michael Bey films, which I cannot get behind). Above everything else, we communicate well. Neither of us is just going to sit on a problem and hope it somehow works itself out -- this goes for problems in our lives as individuals and as a couple (more of the former than the latter, because... we communicate well, virtuous circle and all that). We give compliments and expressions of love freely to each other. We make plans and talk about our dreams. We share our worries and neuroses. We're sickeningly head over heels about each other after five years. We're "that couple" -- the couple that people make barf gestures over because we're so bananas about each other.
Also he is an amazing cook, dresses well, plays guitar in a punk band, loves my cat and is as cute as a middle-aged button can be.

Great! Sounds equal partnership.
Who has more alpha personality? Marvin or Janelle?

I want to go with a cross between batman and daredevil.
Janelle needs you! Hahahahahaha however, Bruce Wayne is arrogant during the day. Daredevil is a lawyer, helping people in need by day, fighting crime by night. Smart and street savy.
Marv just left my job for lunch, he'll respond to you once he returns. Once I see his response we can tell you what we'd do together with those powers.
For sure, number 1 would be to help people

Aww, so sweet! .
For Janelle:
If Marvin were superhero, which superhero would you like him to be?
For Marvin:
If Jannelle were superhero, which superhero would you like her to be?
And if you were teamed up together, what is most important you both wanted to do?
Lol, sorry, I can't resist. This thread makes me exciting,

HeHehehehehehehehehehehe Marvin is not te typical American man. He cooks! Breakfast in bed. Dreamy..... many American men don't understand how far these niceties can get them in their relationships.
I have a dominant personality, however, Marvin is still the man of course. We wouldn't chose the word alpha, but he has learned and is continuously learning to cool my feistiness. And he's so sweet it makes me go from 10 to 0 in no time.

Excellent question!
I've been cooking more since my mom left and taught me some dishes we have come to crave intensively.
Other days she cooks when I have school or I had a rough day.

Great! Sounds equal partnership.
Who has more alpha personality? Marvin or Janelle?

I actually started suspicious after both of you using pictures when together, I was like," are they.....?" And Marvin started calling Janelle as "my wife" and I think," oh they both are cute together".
Who does cook more, Marvin or Janelle?

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Don't mention it. Say hello to her from me. I bet she's now busy planning all these vacations. Let me know if you needed further information about these places.

I also went to Wakatobi Islands, part of Southeast Sulawesi though it's not from my area - I came from South Sulawesi-. Those islands were also beautiful and worth of money. My husband did not have a chance to see more Indonesia. He only went to Jakarta, where I lived for the last few years before moved to the US.
His belly danced when he tried to eat bubur ayam in the morning. Since then, I never let him try street food again. I think the standard is higher in SG because he never had belly dance's problem while we visiting there and sometimes we tried street food for an alternative.
I brought him to eat Padang food and Sulawesi food at restaurants located in Central Jakarta and he loved those food. His taste has changed a lot since we got married, I cooked a lot of spicy food and he is now does feel weird eating without any spices at all.
I know what you mean by," bule prices", lol. That's why I was always the one who did research, find a better places to go, cheaper flights, etc. The only thing he involved was paying the prices. It makes me mad that they do that to Westeners, thinking money just grow from trees.
You can visit Tana Toraja without going to see "dead people walking" because I don't think it's a friendly attraction for kids. Raja Ampat - I have never been there before - is also a great spot for vacation according to my friends who already visited there.

Two of the most common themes in the threads on here are - how to survive a long distance relationship with a long time apart, and how to survive the first few months in the USA. So my experience is that if you prepare and plan for your arrival or your fiance's arrival it can keep you so busy (assuming you are also living your usual life - work, eating, sleeping, talking to other human beings) that you find the time apart not so daunting. Plus you actually feel like you are doing something that you have control over, unlike USCIS and their weird processing times.


So this is a list for both petitioner and beneficiary and how you split preparation like this depends on your unique coupleness and your individual strengths and preferences - ie sometimes one partner is super organised and proactive - sometimes that's the USC, sometimes it's not. There may be other considerations like language issues, finances, etc etc. But I bet there's something in the lists below for everyone....


Before Arrival:

1. Prepare 'all the immigration stuff' - I'm not going to list it on here because it's all over the site in the guides, in the forums, in the wiki. But while you have all this waiting time get to know this stuff INSIDE OUT. At least one of you should know what to expect and do at every stage of the process so there are no horrible surprises. Read, research, Google it, double check it here and on the official USCIS, State Dept websites. Tell your other half everything you learn.


2. Prepare the non-immigration stuff:



Make a Budget Make a Budget Make a Budget

So important I said it three times.

- Discuss goals, needs, wants and realistic expectations

- Work out how much you will need, double it and then work out how to pay for everything and whether you can BOTH save like crazy, do extra shifts, get a second job while waiting for the visa to process so that you will be able to cover all the needs and wants.

- Remember needs and wants are not the same thing and you have to work with your own circumstance so all the below will not apply.


Budget for these first few months (both of you)

You will definitely need money for (K1s):

- wedding
- AOS process
- health insurance, costs while health insurance is being sorted out
- being out of work for three months, or more (or stay at home options for those who want this - this includes what access the non-working partner will have to funds and a budget for their needs)

You might want:

- job hunting costs
- home renovation projects
- second car, computer, phone and plan
- re-buying all the stuff which you forgot or couldn't bring with you
- fun stuff together - exploring the new area
- study costs - possible language courses etc
- driving costs - test taking, lessons, extra insurance


Do you need something else to do to fill your time? How about researching and getting info and resources for all the following this the new immigrant might need:



Services:
- doctor
- dentist
- optometrist
- other medical specialists
- hairdresser
- beauty/spa services
- vet for those bringing pets
- schools for those bringing kids
- gym / health club
- church


Tech/Communications:
- cell phone/plan
- computer
- home country TV service

Driving/Transport
- DMV manual
- Your state requirements
- Driving school
- Other transport options

Study/Work
- find courses, places to study
- work out requirements and if prep can start before moving
- work networking, research, resume prep, business cards?

Getting to know the area
- maps (digital and or the paper sort)
- books about the area

A Taste of Home
- food shops
- restaurants
- meetup groups
- how to access TV from home


My suggestion is define a place - a box, a drawer, a shelf, a folder on your computer - and start gathering all this info. A welcome box if you will for your new fiancee/wife. It will make the first few months smoother.


After Arrival:


1. Talk about goals, plan and how you want to structure your time. Do you both want to ease into the new situation with a vacation at the start. Work with your new arrival's personality type. Are they happy with a good book, Netflix and access to the Internet to fill in the alone time? Will they need more hand-holding. If yes, how are you going to arrange it?

Things you can do if you are in a new home, in a new country:


- relax and rest
That immigration journey was pretty grueling wasn't it, plus a huge international flight, all that packing and emotional goodbyes. Maybe a week chilling and catching up on sleep

- spend time together alone
After all that time and anguish apart - plan some quality time together. Not just trips to the SS office or DMV.

- house/home projects
If you've budgeted for this it can be a great way to feel at home - decorate and organise as a couple finally. I spent over three hours a day for the first two months decluttering all the old junk (ie. my husband's stuff) in the house.

- explore
walk, drive, cycle, shop, museums, art galleries, - if you think your partner would not enjoy this alone, try to organize some vacation from work, or draft a team of helpers - friends, family etc
If the USC works in a city or town and you can't drive yet, go into the town/city with them once or twice a week - hang out in the library, or coffee shop, take a laptop, or go shopping, meet them for lunch, read a book in the park. Get out of the house.

- meet wider family and friends
Plan parties and visits and fun things to do to introduce your partner into your wider world and community. My mother-in-law took me out in the car every week for the first few months and it was a fun bonding experience.

- driving
Whether it's practice, lessons, studying the guide getting the licence sorted etc

- finding work
Even if you can't actually work yet there's hours of stuff you can do to prepare before the EAD/Greencard comes. Update your resume, update all online options like LinkedIn etc, get business cards printed, go to networking events, organize informational interviews at the types of places you'd like to work, see if you can shadow someone at a company you'd like to work. Find out if you need to acquire more skills etc

- study
Learn something new - either useful or fun. Use local community resources or do an online course.

- volunteer

- hobbies
Music, art, creating/making, gardening, reading, writing, blogging, sports, play poker online - I don't know whatever thrills you. When was the last time you had enforced leisure time - try to enjoy it.


I'm sure other people have loads more ideas.......

You are actually made me laugh. You were saying just because I'm from Sulawesi it means it wouldn't umbrella me discuss about Aceh, yet you were saying that are you fine to discuss about it? Sounds hypocrite to me. I did not say any discussion. You have changed my words again. I said, discussion about Aceh. Have you really read my reply?
I'm comfortable talking about anything including radical Islam. I don't really need to convince you about that. Any other senior members on VJ know my stand against radicals and terrorists. I don't need you join the board to believe me.

You highlight a critical point, many people in the US seem unable to distinguish between the people living in countries where there is repression versus the people who at are oppressive in power. In the absolutist, authoritarian view of some in the west people who oppress others in the name of Islam and those who cling to the faith of their fathers ate one in the same

Not all Aceh people are bad. I went there as a journalist after Tsunami hit the area in 2004. "Cleaning out" such like a genocide-like word. I went there without a hijab and no one cut my head or throwing a stone to me. There are a lot of misinformation all around about Aceh. Have you been there, by the way? There were a lot of white people went there helped after the tsunami, and they were not afraid of such things.

Not all Aceh people are bad. I went there as a journalist after Tsunami hit the area in 2004. "Cleaning out" such like a genocide-like word. I went there without a hijab and no one cut my head or throwing a stone to me. There are a lot of misinformation all around about Aceh. Have you been there, by the way? There were a lot of white people went there helped after the tsunami, and they were not afraid of such things.

The NVC does not approve anything. You are mistaken that your son was approved for anything by the NVC.
A grandchild can not be a derivative beneficiary. You can be a derivative beneficiary, but not your child.
The US Embassy is correct.
Come to the US with your immigrant visa. Get your green card. Establish ties to the US with a bank account, state ID, and file US tax returns. Petition for your child. Get a 2 years Re-Entry Permit. Go back home to care for your child. Return to the US within the 2 years of your Re-Entry Permit. Get another Re-Entry Permit if you need to. When your child gets an immigration visa, return to the US with the child.

How about offering a solution instead of being mean?
Your post is worthless and hurtful.

Contact a lawyer, FBI maybe: he could be a future terrorist especially if he is going back to Pakistan and the purpose of being naturalize would be to enter the US police academy. Who knows! Get a divorce, contact Immigration department to report the forged signature and all you said. I doubt he would be a good US citizen if he doesn't believe nor respect the US constitution. Pack your bags so he can't find you.

I would have left a long time ago. I wouldn't have allowed it to get that far. And if I had, I would just tell him to leave. Keep the house, and tell him to leave if that's what he wants. Hurt. Cry. Get a job. Move on. You CANNOT change anyone but yourself. Pick yourself up, say "lesson learned" and move on. Living in the past will never get you towards the future. You have a child. You need to think about THEIR future now.

I would divorce, move on and get him for child support and not waste one more minute on him. That's it.
If it were me I would have done the above 3 years ago.
You need counseling if you were a victim of domestic violence so you can learn ways to empower yourself and move
forward into a new way of life.
IF his citizenship would be revoked then YOU would be responsible for him, do you realize that ?
IF he would be deported YOUR CHILD would not get support.
Do yourself a favor and move forward to a brighter future which does not depend on his status.
Let it go.

Here's a shocking statistic... 80% of all available job vacancies are NOT advertised online. I spent days and weeks applied for dozens of jobs online when I got my green card with zero response or success. Like you, I wanted office/front desk reception/admin work. In the end I went very old school. I got the addresses and contact names for all attorney firms, schools, hospitals, medical clinics, vet clinics and mailed my resume with a cover letter to EVERY single company introducing myself and outlining the work opportunities I was seeking. It was a little expensive ($35 in postage stamps), but 2 weeks later it paid off - I had 3 job offers. One for a full time receptionist at a vet clinic, one as a receptionist at a chiropractic, and one as an administrator in a HR department. Sometimes going old school pays off.