Ugly_American

Sorry. Please disregard

Sorry if this is posted elsewhere. Long time user of the site and I searched. A little bit freaking out tbh. Do I resubmit a new DS160 now with interview in less than 30 days?
 

Thx

1 hour ago, Boiler said:

Something else as I think I was coming off too hard about married GF's in PI, you will come across cases elsewhere where there is divorce, but the potential immigrant has criminal or immigration issues which means they can not come to the US ever, time or money irrelevant.

 

For example you may see 9C, which is a 5 year ban and they you can submit a waiver. I guess I see this in a similar category and something to consider before you go further.

Thanks. This won’t apply, but good to know 

18 minutes ago, geowrian said:

Yup, PH's laws don't do much / nearly enough to protect women and children.

At the same time, the law is fairly consistent - the mother maintains sole custody in many cases.

By guess is that second part contributes to the the first - it's hard to keep men involved in the child's life and their well being when the mother often has final say on having any sort of relationship (or at least has significant hurdles/barriers to doing so).

That's certainly not the only issue, but I do think it is one contributing factor.

I see your point, but it’s not really fair: The men don’t get to live in the house with the kids while the women do. But in return the women also get to bear all the childcare and financial obligations. 

35 minutes ago, Boiler said:

We go back to an earlier point, if you are looking there are lots of options without complicating issues.

Message received from earlier point and now this: Go find a different girl, one who is single or unmarried. 

5 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Not sure most divorced US Males would agree with you.

I’m one. Is completely opting out of child support here and starting a new family an option? 

If so, my lawyer owes me an explanation. 

20 minutes ago, Boiler said:

So my assumption was not wrong.

 

As an aside that trend is common in most places, certainly the US.

Probably correct. However in PI marriage is a fish trap from which only the men can ‘cleanly’ escape to create limitless new families. At least marriage in the US equally traps both fish, holding both equally accountable — for the most part — certainly to a much higher degree. 

It is what it is. If laws cannot be enforced, then the government has larger problems than divorce and enforcement of child support. 

1 hour ago, Hank_ said:

never married the father .. mother has sole custody.

 

Married & annulled  .. different story, with a depends attached.

Granted. Does anyone not interpret these laws as a major cluster-f?  My ex has six siblings living in PI.  Most have kids and none are married. Good going, Catholic Church. Well done. Perhaps the laws will change soon because this generation isn’t stupid and they ain’t entering into no holy unions. Why would they???

3 hours ago, aaron2020 said:

Annulment in the PI is the ONLY WAY to settle this.   The sooner you get started on this, the sooner she will be able to marry.

 

 

 

 

I’m tending to agree here. And yes I’ve been through the entire K-1 process and of course knew “there’s no such thing as divorce in the Philippines.”

Still I’m interested in exploring all the options and this post has probably run its course in trying to think outside the box. I’ve no doubt that in some situations Guam is a viable solution. In my case perhaps not. 

There apears no magic pixie dust one can sprinkle to bring reason and order to the chaos caused by the existing laws. 

Existing laws aren’t bad for young, single pinays seeking relationships with foreigners. In fact they narrow the field and remove competition from older more mature pinays who are married or have kids. 

The real tragedy is the high rate of fatherless homes and kids growing up with no support from dad. The negative aspects of this can’t be underestimated. 

My own own personal situation is only important to two people and I see that. I just wish leaders of the Philippines would reconsider the real effects of these laws, which produce opposite of the intended effect. Instead of promoting a society where men remain faithful, they’ve produced a polygamous society the likes of which even traditional Mormon men would envy. At least Mormon men would be ostracized for not taking care of their multiple wives and children. 

8 minutes ago, payxibka said:

I think you need to educate yourself on child custody laws in the PI.   

Agreed. I need to educate myself on everything. This post is dipping my toe into the murky waters of divorce in the PI. I’m not even yet swimming. But with everyone’s help I’m getting a better grasp of possible strategies. 

14 minutes ago, Chris Duffy said:

Does she have a court order for him to pay child support in Philippines? I have never heard of a guy paying for child support there.

 

Many guys in Philippines just have a second family due to the fact they can't get or don't want to pay the large fee for annulment in Philippines. Rather common for a man to be married and then go off and take another "wife/Girlfriend" and have a new family and abandon the first legal wife.  

No. There is no court order for the husband to pay child support. I was speculating on how civilized countries care for their children.

I already previously voiced my frustration about how little protection there is for the women and children of the Philippines with regards to husbands vacating their responsibilities. In fact the father of my girlfriend abandoned her mother (to whom he is still married) and he has children with three other girlfriends.

I love the Philippines and its people, but I hate the laws which don’t fairly protect the women and children. And those same laws create weak, irresponsible men. And then those kids grow up without good male roles models. It’s such a terrible system there and REALLY drags down the already poor economy. 

52 minutes ago, payxibka said:

Not everyone 

2 minutes ago, Chris Duffy said:

Gaum is the answer if she can get approved for a US Tourist Visa

I like the Guam plan, provided these two requirements 1). She obtains a tourist visa (not easy) and 2). She works with an attorney who can draft a document and witness the husbands signing of this agreement which the husband agrees to the divorce and custody arrangement (full custody for her). The husband of course needs to be located first. His motivation is avoiding back payments of child support and any future expenses and marital freedom.   

The Guam strategy could work but it’s just an extra dice to roll in this unlucky game. 

2 minutes ago, payxibka said:

You are not a component of any Visa decision.   The alien gets it on their own accord.

 

Child is under 8, no custody issues.   Mom prevails 

Thanks on both counts. I was wondering if I had anything to do with the tourist visa application. Makes sense that I don’t. Nevertheless I bet that’s there somewhere in my file. 

18 minutes ago, Boiler said:

Cheapest and quickest option would seem to find a fiance without these issues.

Very savvy observation. I’ll do you one better. The cheapest and quickest option is to spend the rest of my life beating off to internet porn. Sadly, I found a woman I love who would be a terrific life partner. But on the bright side VisaJourney is a great resource for folks like me to obtain (mostly) good advice. 

4 minutes ago, Hank_ said:

Ya .. OP mentioned he doesn't want to spend that many $$$ .. or the years an annulment takes   

 

Without the annulment process I don't think  anything is going to happen

 

 

Thanks for all the comments. I think this will have to be a multi-pronged attack. I feel like MacArthur planning an attack. Pursuing multiple strategies simultaneously is probably the way to go. And to be clear I don’t intend to shirk any laws although I am interested in any legal shortcuts. Spending $10k on an annulment is probably one prong of this attack. Obtaining a signed agreement from the husband whereby he agrees to the divorce and loss of custody while gaining an agreement not to be held financially responsible for past or future child support is another prong. Such a document may be acceptable to the Philippines in combination with a legal divorce in Guam or elsewhere. 

So yes, I don’t want to spend $10-20k on all these tangential strategies, but there’s no guarantee any of this will even work. It’s honestly sad thinking about all the obstacles which doubtless ruin many relationship hopes. 

As for the B-1 visa... I once had a Thai girlfriend who, on her own successfully obtained a B-1 visa, spent two months with me in the US then returned. If that is a worthy precedent, then perhaps the US would factor in my past responsibility and obtaining a similar visa will be possible. The B-1 isn’t necessarily part of any long term plan, but establishing a good standing with regards to visas can’t hurt. 

3 hours ago, aaron2020 said:

From your link:  "A Guam divorce may be a quick and inexpensive alternative for couples who are in agreement to the terms of the divorce and who do not wish to spend the time or money to obtain a divorce in the area they normally reside or travel back to their home State." 

 

Hubby is missing so there is no way for him to agree to the terms of the divorce.  

Quickie Guam divorce would only work for a couple that has an agreement to the terms of the divorce.  This means, both have to participate.  A missing party is not going to work.  

I agree with your assessment. At this point Guam appears the best (quickest/cheapest) solution provided 1) the father has supplied some sort of legal document signifying agreement to the divorce and custody arrangement, and 2) She is able to obtain a visa to visit Guam for a couple weeks. 

Outside of this I don’t think any option exists other than a very lengthy and costly legal case within the Philippines. 

It’s ironic how laws which were created to support families only appear to weaken that structure, because many men simply move out of the house and abandon multiple wives and girlfriends, leaving them the full burden of raising the kids. And pity the wives who are left entangled in a costly legal limbo from which escape is nearly impossible. In fact, when starting a family, you’re much better off not getting married there when considering the advatages and disadvantages. Some day these laws will surely change. They’re profoundly unfair to the women and children of the Philippines while also enabling men to be weak and irresponsible. At least if divorce were possible, custody arrangements and child support would be established to hold the roaming men accountable in each child-bearing relationship. 

39 minutes ago, Jorgedig said:

@aaron2020 and @SusieQQQ also seem to have a lot of knowledge in general, maybe they have something to contribute to your thread.

 

Best of luck btw.

Thanks. 

I found an article/website about Guam. This may or may not still be viable, but it seems like a few weeks in Guam might work, provided there was some sort of documented agreement between both spouses about custody of the child and other affairs:

http://guamdivorce.us/

4 minutes ago, Ben&Zian said:

 

It was another user who said about the residency requirements but, when she entered the US, IF... IF she got a tourist visa, they may only allow here 2-3 weeks so... might not be  I tagged couple other knowledgeable members who also know about Philippines so they may be able to give you some good answer.

 

Oh, and forgot.. @Greenbaum definitely is knowledgeable about processes in the Philippines also, between those three you should get some good info.

Awesome! Thanks. This site rocks. 

I’m not interested in skirting laws or jeopardizing her citizenship. In fact she’d be a great citizen because if there’s anything we need here it’s dedicated teachers, but I really want to avoid a protracted legal process. I’m willing to fly her anywhere. I’m in a good position to attack this hurdle in the best means possible, i just don’t know what that is. 

1 minute ago, Ben&Zian said:

Definitely dig deeper because I've never heard of that, but, perhaps it could be.

 I looked up residence requirements for divorce in nearby Nevada:

”At least one of the parties in a Nevada divorcemust have resided in Nevada for a minimum of six-weeks before filing a divorce. The Court requires proof of your residencyin the form of an Affidavit of Resident Witness.”

in theory she could live six weeks in Nevada and then get divorced. However I don’t know if a tourist visa can last that long. Surely someone on this site must have successfully navigated these waters before. 

21 minutes ago, Ben&Zian said:

she would have to ultimately got her document from the Philippines showing she is officially divorced

I’ve heard that the USCIS honors stateside divorces. I obviously need to dig deeper. I really hope i can find a better solution than spending $25k on a Filipino lawyer and waiting 4 years for legal proceedings. 

6 minutes ago, databit said:

Consider hiring a private detective in the PH to find the husband.

Why? Would this be beneficial? If anything might he not try blocking the divorce for some reason?

I’ve used this site in the past for successfully marrying my now ex-wife. Everything is fine and both she and I are doing fine with a lovely son with whom we share costody here in the US. Honestly, she’s very smart, a great mother, and a hard working nurse. I have no complaints. 

Now I’m back here for advice again, and yes, another Filipina. What can I say? I have a love of the culture there. This time however, it’s a bit more complicated. 

My current girlfriend was married 8 years ago and has a 6 year old boy. Three years ago her husband abandoned her and the boy and hasn’t been heard from since. The biggest problem is that divorce is difficult in the Philippines. 

My questions are:

1). What is the quickest and least expensive way to obtain a divorce? My girlfriend is a 38 year old certified school teacher with 17 years experience working at this profession. She has supported her family from a young age. Her English is very good and having successfully gone through the K-1 process with my ex I’m confident that my girlfriend can obtain a tourist visa. My thought is that she could come visit me in the US and obtain a divorce here. Then she could return to the Philippines and I could either travel there and marry her or simply apply for a K-1. This seems the quickest and simplest way to deal with the divorce issue. I’ve read stories of people spending $10k-$40k on legal fees while trying to obtain an annulment in the Philippines. And also it may require 1-4 years.  I don’t have the money or patience for that. Flying her here on a tourist visa sounds so much better. Has anyone here done this?

2). Once divorced (assuming we did it in the US) would it be better to marry her here right after the divorce and then have her return to the Philippines to properly file an  IR-1 / CR-1 Visa or would it be better to send her back as my fiancé and file for a K-1? I read the pluses and minuses section of this web site. I think the  IR-1 / CR-1 Visa is less expensive and in theory if we married she could fly to the Philippines after married and return somewhat soon. This seems almost better because she would be here with me during the processing (right?), however a K-1 fiance visa would get processed faster. 

Thanks for any advice or insight. my most important concern isn’t the cost of the varying USCIS forms, but mostly that she be able to live here with me sooner than later. 

Thanks!

Been there. Do everything possible to make a clean, uncostly break. There's nothing worth saving. 

Why? People cheat for any number of reasons. Why do you assume that he, the victim, must have done something wrong? Some people just don't care, and cheat; some people discover they do not wish to be monogamous, and don't have the guts/tools/framework for asking their partner if they would be willing to open up the relationship, so just cheat instead; some people come from a country and a background where it was impossible for them to be their fully-actuated sexual selves, and when given the freedom without consequence, go wild and shtup everything in sight; etc.

What would be the point in going to counseling? She's the one who would need to ask for his forgiveness, and ask to go to counseling, instead she seems to have opened a mobile open-legs sandwich shop at any number of locations.

Get real, and quit making excuses for the wrong-doer here. He has every right to be pissed off, and there's no reason their relationship over their child has to be any more than coolly civil, nor, IMO, should it be.

I've tried to get her to counseling. There's nothing more I could have done and I went way out on a limb trying to get her to realize how important this is. Frankly I cannot understand her at all because I cant understand anyone that selfish. Her goal is to find a very wealthy man so that she never has to work. That's what she wants and so she doesn't even need a job for that.

I can tell you that at this very moment she is working a second shift but only after asking me to care for our son during the time she was supposed to be caring for him. Why is she working a double shift? Because she's trying to save up for an attorney retainer....on my time.

I think i mentioned it, but yesterday she had me watch our son during her time so that she could see a doctor, but the doctor was actually a family law attorney. She is the most selfish person I have ever met.

Just now on Facebook she made a post thanking everyone for support and understanding her situation. It was so hard for me not to post something like, "yes we all feel bad about how you abandoned your husband and son to secretly meet a stranger, then how you met another guy, and another guy. And how you placed one of these guys as a beneficiary on your life insurance, and how you're so in tune with your own pain but never seem to consider how all of this was brought on by you."

All i can do is bite my tongue now, but in time i will be informing folks of that facts of "her situation"

Completely disagree on most points here. Sure, tell her family and screw her any way you can, but I wouldn't try to get her fired. Dude, you can get custody and get child support from her. The more she makes, the more money you can get from her to take care of/put into savings for your kid's future.

Because i don't care about her money or getting alimony. I want her to really feel what its like to struggle. I want her to realize what a huge mistake she made. My son will be well taken care of regardless of her income.