Yardies, at home and a farrin' (Part 4)

[Captain Ewok 1,857]

Hey guys I am restarting your great thread as it got too big and slowed down the server some.

Link to the old thread:

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=22717

[brownnskinn 0]

OK that didn't work.

Edited April 5, 2007 by Denden

[brownnskinn 0]

OK that didn't work.

In "bringing family members to the USA"

Isn't this crazy, now there's drama for you

[Trinilad 0]

OK that didn't work.

In "bringing family members to the USA"

Isn't this crazy, now there's drama for you

Now that we have expelled all that energy in a pissing match let us just calm down and realize that when you post on this site, you are posting to people with very diverse personalities. We are not a cheering team, waving pom poms and encouraging everyone on despite whatever opinions they may have. We are all supportive of people who embark on this journey, but at the end of the day we all have strong opinions about one thing or another and we will sometimes express them. I am not going to hit back tat for tat with the young lady who thinks that I have no children so I do not understand her need to take care of her child. After all I am Caribbean born, with two children. Came here as a fiance years ago and now an American citizen bringing a fiance here. So I guess I really do not know. As a Caribbean man, I felt offended by what she proposes as an option for a Jamaican bro. But again that is my opinion and I did not expres it in a nasty or offensive way. I try my best to say little as possible on here because sometimes you get the feeling that a lot of people looking for support no matter how outrageous they sound. But when stuff is cruddy, I am going to break my silence and say so.

I will continue to read, and I will continue to post. But for those who come on here hoping that they are going to be applauded and cheered and encouraged no matter what they say or do, I am not sure that you are in the right forum. As i stated before Caribbean men are a proud people and just because we sometimes come from countries where the standard of living may not be on par with the US, that does not say that we are any less passionate about who we are. Sometimes the views expressed on here by some make us appear as substandard people and I just chalk it up to ignorance and leave it at that. So I am going to chalk this one up to ignorance again and just move on. Cause at the end of the day, we know who we are deep down inside and if the truth hurts, then so be it. Just do not ask me to shut up cause you cannot stand the pain.

[LovinJA 0]

OK that didn't work.

In "bringing family members to the USA"

Isn't this crazy, now there's drama for you

Now that we have expelled all that energy in a pissing match let us just calm down and realize that when you post on this site, you are posting to people with very diverse personalities. We are not a cheering team, waving pom poms and encouraging everyone on despite whatever opinions they may have. We are all supportive of people who embark on this journey, but at the end of the day we all have strong opinions about one thing or another and we will sometimes express them. I am not going to hit back tat for tat with the young lady who thinks that I have no children so I do not understand her need to take care of her child. After all I am Caribbean born, with two children. Came here as a fiance years ago and now an American citizen bringing a fiance here. So I guess I really do not know. As a Caribbean man, I felt offended by what she proposes as an option for a Jamaican bro. But again that is my opinion and I did not expres it in a nasty or offensive way. I try my best to say little as possible on here because sometimes you get the feeling that a lot of people looking for support no matter how outrageous they sound. But when stuff is cruddy, I am going to break my silence and say so.

I will continue to read, and I will continue to post. But for those who come on here hoping that they are going to be applauded and cheered and encouraged no matter what they say or do, I am not sure that you are in the right forum. As i stated before Caribbean men are a proud people and just because we sometimes come from countries where the standard of living may not be on par with the US, that does not say that we are any less passionate about who we are. Sometimes the views expressed on here by some make us appear as substandard people and I just chalk it up to ignorance and leave it at that. So I am going to chalk this one up to ignorance again and just move on. Cause at the end of the day, we know who we are deep down inside and if the truth hurts, then so be it. Just do not ask me to shut up cause you cannot stand the pain.

I am in love with a Jamaican man because he is proud and passionate. I completely understand the man that I am marrying.... and I love the life that my finance lives in Jamaica and we have plans to move there once my daughter is out of school, so I don't knock the standard of living at all, and would never consider anyone from there substandard.... again, assuming.... the thing I cannot stand.

I have learned a valuable lesson in these posts.... I came here to get information, and encourage others in this journey along the way, and share my story in hopes that it would assist others. I did not come here to be judged by people that don't know me or my situation.... and have others fears, shortcomings, and insecurities from their experiences imposed on me. So maybe I should have just kept it surface, discussing the technical stuff. Whatever the case, I wish everyone well. But, I am getting enough BS from the people I love, don't need it from strangers I really don't give a damn about...

[Sonshyne 2]

OK that didn't work.

In "bringing family members to the USA"

Isn't this crazy, now there's drama for you

I went and read that thread. I hope that isn't real If it is, that is some SERIOUS DRAMA!!!

[nannygirl82 0]

Trinlad...i agree with you....this forum is not only to encourage others but also advice(and sometimes the truth hurts) as well as experience of going through this process....lets just be honest BUT most of the ppl on here just happend to be married to JAMAICAN MEN....so umm duh most of the complaints, talks are about Jamaican men....it also just so happens that a lot of the ladies on here me included happen to be going through the same things with our husbands....there is almost a time line as to when they will say something or do something....so you if you don't like the so called generalizations....you know what get over it...because it is what is happening in our lives and we come to this forum to vent and see if it happend to anyone else and how they delt with it....

to the newbies that feel we are judging you...please.....you post your stuff we give our advice as people who have gone through it and know what could possibly happen....

[Yaads 0]

I have shown some of these posts to my husband and his response: "Now you know why I did not marry an American woman." Drama! Drama! Drama!

I am sorry if I have offended some of you but I am a fiercely proud Jamaican and I DO NOT like some of the negative insinuations and false generalizations!

Glad to see there isn't any negative insinuations or false generalizations coming from your end

I have to agree with nannygirl (and others)...for the most part we are all married to JA men and going through the same adjustment and visa process. Will everyones experience be exactly like everyone elses??? No but there is definitely a HUGE similarity between many members on this thread. Like luvtravlin said there is TONS of couple that haven't made it through the adjustment phase and their JA man went back to JA or left them but stayed in the country. There are also many couples that are still going strong even through all the bumps of life and adjustment. They say the best offense is a good defense. So here on this thread you are getting the whole spectrum...the good, bad and the ugly. If it doesn't fit what you went through *kindly* share with the rest of us how it went for *you* without having to critizise or diminish someone elses thoughts, feelings, or take on the situation.

This thread used to be one big family where people came to encourage and support one another no matter how different the opinions. It is alright to not agree but please at least be respectful. Some of you out to prove how ignorant and stereotypical the rest of us are did nothing more than to prove how disrespectful and mean you can be...sad

[Shemmy 4]

Dang, we almost broke the server again

Good morning VJ family.

[*JG* 2]

Every relationship is different and goes through different processes. And every MAN is different, Jamaican or not. I do agree with what someone said above, that sometimes it seems they tend to go through the exact same things. Maybe it is a cultural thing....I don't know. I don't think comparing what has happened to someone personally should be considered stereotyping.

What I do want to say is tha I don't think anyone should jump on anyone else when they make a statement you don't like. If someone is going through a particularly difficult situation, I try to listen to them and support them, even if I don't completely agree with how they are handling the situation. While my own marriage is wonderful and I can't complain, I have been through a few rough relationships to this point. I see similarities in what some others have said on here. Had I read their stories sooner, perhaps I could've saved myself some heartache. It would be far more beneficial to take from this site what you need, whether it be congratulations, support, advice, whatever and leave behind constructive comments. Tearing apart each other is not beneficial to anyone. I've been on one other web site, in particular, where you pertty much palpate the hate. What's the point?

That being said, I don't think you have to censor yourself. Like the one person said, we are not a cheering squad. We do not have to agree with everyone and everything. But, a little tact goes a long way. Say your comments in a less hateful manner and you will still get your points across.

[Minfay 0]

Go ahead -- hate me -- I don't care!!! When I met Roy (three years ago) --

I wish this forum would have existed.

I wish there was a place where people were being honest about what was going on in their relationships.

I wish I could have asked someone all the questions (and concerns) that I had.

I wish someone would have been there to help me understand what was about to happen in my life.

I wish that I had suggestions and real experiences from people who had gone through this before me.

I wish, I wish, I wish.......

Here's the thing -- you ask a question. You get an answer. WE are not here to knock you down. WE are here to supply you with as much information and personal experiences that you can handle. Obviously some people can't handle it. Yes WE do get very passionate about our views and sometimes what we type doesn't translate properly. Me personally, I know some of my posts make me sound like a raving B^%$&. That is furthest from what I am.....

I cannot change how some people feel. I just wish that the "newbies" knew ALL the women who used to frequent this forum -- who WE have not heard from in MONTHS -- SOME YEARS.....why? Their relationships don't exist anymore. Those are the "tales" you all really need to hear. If you heard what happened to them -- maybe you would understand WHY we try to give you honest answers -- whether you are prepared to hear them or not.

Yes, this is a Jamaican forum so we are talking about Jamaican men (for the most part, men). Sorry if you feel we "Jamaican Bash" but what good would it do anybody if we came on here and talked about all our shi^^% experiences with American men?!?!?

Everyone has their own experiences. I hope this forum can continue to host these types of conversations. If we can help just one person -- that will be one less person who is "in the wind."

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Yay, recieved TWO copies of packet 3 today!!!

Just scheduled my medical for next Tuesday!! :dance: :dance:

[darlene 0]

Yay, recieved TWO copies of packet 3 today!!!

Just scheduled my medical for next Tuesday!! :dance: :dance:

You are lucky. Some people don't even receive one copy. Good luck.

[Minfay 0]

Yay, recieved TWO copies of packet 3 today!!! Just scheduled my medical for next Tuesday!! :dance: :dance:

Two copies? That's great!! Congrats!!

[JaEnglishGirl 34]

Now to the topic at hand.

I for one don't care if a woman says 'My Jamaican husband is a dog'.

However, I take EXTREME issue with her saying 'Any Jamaican man you bring up is going to be a dog'

Because that is no longer PERSONAL experience, but a BLANKET statement!!

So while I will bite my lip when I hear some generalizations being made in what I believe is ignorance, I will not sit idly by and watch my Jamaican kings being lumped together because of someone's bad experiences.....

Of course I expect women to tell both the good and the bad, hopefully sharing will help someone else in a similar situation. I think it is of paramount importance that the 'seedy' side is shown, the horror stories.

But what needs to be remembered is that the bad in your relationship is not a trend, not a given, but a PERSONAL experience.

I derieve no pleasure from 'jumping' on people or proving they are stereotypical. All I demand is that you treat every situation as a personal experience, not a blueprint on 'What Happens When You Marry A Jamaican'....

Many of the women here are living with their families buying into the stereotype of a 'black Jamaican man' and are vocal in their outrage. Yet many here are creating their very own pet stereotype while critizing the actions of others....

I will always try to support, to educate, to help, to provide any insight I can to help people here.

But I will not sit and watch ANYONE tear Jamaicans to shreds.