Does she have the right to be upset???What should I do?

[kramervskramer 0]

Hi, I have a problem but before I will tell you about it, I will give a little history. My fiancee and I had talked to each other sinced 2005. She has a very amazing personality and she's very beautiful. No doubt I am so attracted and inlove with her. Before I met her, I've been dating someone else and I was still seeing this person while I was talking to her. When I finally met my fiancee last October 2007 after more than 2 years of waiting, I knew she's the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I have never been married before and I have been a bachelor for a while. Right after I met my fiance, our relationship became stronger. There is more commitment to it. She's always far from me. When I realized that seeing this other girl that I used to dated before is no longer doable because I am already inlove with my fiancee, I told this girl I already have a girlfriend and that I can not proceed going out with her. I seldom go out with her though. I told my fiancee about her last September of last year and she asked if I've met her right after we've fianally meet in person. I told her I did and I admit it and I still talked to her on the phone because I felt bad that I left her and that she's in love with me and she's feeling depressed of that fact. I told my fiance that the reason why I still to her on the phone is because I feel guilty that she's feeling depressed and because she still awe me money. My fiancee asked if I would meet her again, I said NO. It wasn't really hard to talk to her than I thought it would. So we settle this issue out and we've been doing great. Now, we are getting married next month. I got engaged to my fiancee this month. We are living together now she's is just the most wonderful person in the world. I am always at work, when she moved in, I bought a new computer for her because I have important financial and work documents on my old computer. The other day, she started asking me about the girl I used to date. She was really good in holding her temper I must say. She was shaking when she was talking ang asking me question but her tone of voice is like she always talk to me. The nicest way. She said she went in to my computer because she was looking for that one picture that she sent me a long time ago. There, she found my bunch of picture with this girl I used to date. I went to Vegas with out friends and that girl last December after Christmas and I did not tell her about it because she would get upset and she's way too far from me and that it would be hard to talk about it. I admit everything. I said yes we went to vegas and we were with a bunch of friends. Our friends called me that she was suicidal that is why I went to VEgas with them. I slept on the couch when were there and we were with friends and ever since I met her in person I have not made out wit this girl anymore at all though I admit I have met her still but I never had sexual relationship with her even before I met my fiancee. I am not attacted to this girl, she fat (I know this is shallow) but she's very nice. I just dump her and ignore her feeling just because she is fat and not attractive. She's very upset about the fact that I did lied to her. Now, she's always depress. She talks to me and she's always nice but she's just becoming depress. Whenever I asked her what's going on, she would tell me that it what upset her.

She told me, she's upset because it is not how she knew me. I felt really bad about it. She felt upset that I lied to her. She felt upset because when she was far from me, she always calls me if she goes out with anyone or friends and she would ask my permission. Now she said, she can't accept any of it. She changed her mind about me talking to this girl on the phone. It was okay with her before because I told I only wanted to help her forget about me and that she owed me money. She used to be okay with it now its no longer acceptable to her. I told her I would really feel guilty about the idea that I am hurting this person by not talking to her and of course that money. She made her point about me hurting her. It is hard for me. I told her, how about if I would tell her each time I talk to her on the phone, what we talked about and how long we talked about because I am not really worried about anything. My intention is not to make this person feel really bad. My fiancee is my Life she knew that. I am deeply inlove with her. I just wish I can make it clear to her that I dont love this person and even if we're not together I would never marry her because besides that fact that I am not inlove with her, Iam not attracted with her. My fiance is always depress and she said she would want to go home and she was crying when she told me this and she hugged me. I knew how much she loves me and we both want spend the rest of our lives together. I told her there is no reason for her to be upset. I love no one else but her and I've waited for a long time for her. I'm a bachelor for a very long time and pretty much has accomplished a lot of things in life but I didn't get married before because I want to be married with someone that I am really inlove with and with someone I would want to have kids alone. I have been matched by my friends with these pretty girls but none of 'em have what my fiancee's personality have and she's pretty.

I need advice. I dont know what to do to make her happy like she was before.

[beans 7]

She has every right to be mad at you. You have betrayed her trust again and again. Nothing but time will maker her happy like she was before...enough said.

[JillA 2]

She has every right to be mad at you. You have betrayed her trust again and again. Nothing but time will maker her happy like she was before...enough said.

Exactly right. Once the trust is gone, it's over. My ex did the same thing to me, got together with his ex behind my back, I found out. Gave him a 2nd chance (STUPIDLY) and I ended up dumping his pathetic azz, the trust never came back. She has every right to be pi$$ed as hell at you. Lies don't make for a good relationship. By the way. I don't think saying "she's fat" has anything to do with this story and is incredibly rude.

Edited April 27, 2009 by JillA

[Misty1979 0]

Of course she has the right to be angry. You lied to her repeatedly and took off to Vegas with another woman while conveniently burying that piece of info from your future wife. Lying or hiding anything about your involvement with another woman from your future wife is a big no-no. Carrying on a relationship with this woman while you're about to walk down the aisle with another one is even worse.

Shame on you. I hope your fiance finds someone who will treat her better.

[beans 7]

She has every right to be mad at you. You have betrayed her trust again and again. Nothing but time will maker her happy like she was before...enough said.

Exactly right. Once the trust is gone, it's over. My ex did the same thing to me, got together with his ex behind my back, I found out. Gave him a 2nd chance (STUPIDLY) and I ended up dumping his pathetic azz, the trust never came back. She has every right to be pi$$ed as hell at you. Lies don't make for a good relationship. By the way. I don't think saying "she's fat" has anything to do with this story and is incredibly rude.

Agreed. I remember reading that but once I saw the end question I forgot everything above and all I could ask is "Are you serious?"

[The_Dude 1,142]

Wow, pictures of your ex on your comp. I'm on the denser side of the male spectrum and even I know to delete those..... or post em on ebaumsworld if they are juicy enough

Seriously, you messed up from the beginning. You were hedging your bets and didn't really commit to either one until you met your wife. But she forgave you for that one. You should have cut off all contact at that point, and no you absolutely should not have gone to Vegas knowing she'd be there.

[JillA 2]

Of course she has the right to be angry. You lied to her repeatedly and took off to Vegas with another woman while conveniently burying that piece of info from your future wife. Lying or hiding anything about your involvement with another woman from your future wife is a big no-no. Carrying on a relationship with this woman while you're about to walk down the aisle with another one is even worse.

Shame on you. I hope your fiance finds someone who will treat her better.

[kramervskramer 0]

She has every right to be mad at you. You have betrayed her trust again and again. Nothing but time will maker her happy like she was before...enough said.

I went out with this person in vegas because I felt I need to. She was suicidal. I dont love her I concern that I am the reason why she is like this.

[Krikit 1,163]

Paragraphs are your friend.

[JillA 2]

Paragraphs are your friend.

[kramervskramer 0]

Of course she has the right to be angry. You lied to her repeatedly and took off to Vegas with another woman while conveniently burying that piece of info from your future wife. Lying or hiding anything about your involvement with another woman from your future wife is a big no-no. Carrying on a relationship with this woman while you're about to walk down the aisle with another one is even worse.

Shame on you. I hope your fiance finds someone who will treat her better.

The only lie that I made there is when I told her I am not going to meet her anymore. I didn't want to, I just needed to be with them and her. I didn't so anything stupid even making out with this girl!

Of course she has the right to be angry. You lied to her repeatedly and took off to Vegas with another woman while conveniently burying that piece of info from your future wife. Lying or hiding anything about your involvement with another woman from your future wife is a big no-no. Carrying on a relationship with this woman while you're about to walk down the aisle with another one is even worse.

Shame on you. I hope your fiance finds someone who will treat her better.

I no longer have a relationship with this woman! She knew I already have a girlfriend because I told her. I knew this woman for 10 years, she's been a good friend too and she's a nice person. I am not just inlove with her.

[Sprailenes 47]

You're so full of excuses dumb ####.

She was suicidal so you decided to go to vegas???

I hope she finds someone better or at least marries you and gets SUPER fat!

[kramervskramer 0]

Wow, pictures of your ex on your comp. I'm on the denser side of the male spectrum and even I know to delete those..... or post em on ebaumsworld if they are juicy enough

Seriously, you messed up from the beginning. You were hedging your bets and didn't really commit to either one until you met your wife. But she forgave you for that one. You should have cut off all contact at that point, and no you absolutely should not have gone to Vegas knowing she'd be there.

There's nothing wrong with the pictures. Its not like how you thought it is. It was like a friendly pciture. I couldn't cut my communication with this person just yet because she owes me money and she's not completely paid yet and that I feel guilty that I caused her depression and I thought it wouldn't be a problem to my fiancee because she knew I love her no one else. I stated why there was a need for me to go to Vegas.

[T_and_A 3]

lol... your experience is almost my expereince, in almost all ways. In this situation, i was in your fiance's shoes...

You can't really expect your fiance to always understand you. As for my case, I knew as well about third party, I knew that my then fiance-now husband also loves me the same way that you feel for your fiance and I love him so much too. That's the only reason why i stayed. But to tell you honestly, from my experience, there are times that jealousy can eat up on your fiance's feelings, there's just no reassuring on that whatever you say. There were times that since there are two of us at the same time, he would tell me about the other girl, hoping and wanting to let me know and be open to me, but oh boy, it hurts so much... I just tried to listen. Honestly, I didn't know how i survived that. I just tell myself after we get over this, I can only be a stronger person.

There are times I think about a lot of things that are unfair for me, given that situation but I since I love him, I felt sorry that if i decide to leave the relationship, that he will be stuck there with the other girl, and Personally i didn't think my guilt can allow that. Third party can also use emotional blackmail from you. In my case, There's no telling what your fiance will do, as for my case, I told myself that I will just wait for him to tell me if he wants me to leave, that way i won't have any regrets and guilty feeling as it was his choice... I waited until he finally decided that it's over with him and the other girl and that's why it worked out for us... now we are married.

In your case my friend, it will be up to you as the man, and i think as the offending party to decide and finally end it with the other one you used to date. You can't be sailing in two boats. If it worked before, it will not work forever. If it's the money that you are concerned with, you can just give it up, its just money... and I'm sure you can just get it back with hard work. But the scars you are making on your fiance's heart will stay forever and would be harder to replace. I can't tell if your fiance will do what I have done for our relationship, or will be strong enough as well to endure that emotional torture.

[jundp 191]

Lies of omission are still lies.

But I'm very VERY confused by your post. So you live with your fiancee now, presumably you've applied for and been granted a K1 visa and she has moved to America? From where? How long was this process? During this time you saw a woman you had dated before you met your fiancee?

It seems as though you may have lied (by omission at least) to both women and if your friends knew you were engaged and going through immigration why would they want you to be involved with other women?

Something is a little fishy...