A Reoccuring Dream

[Emancipation 2]

So I have had this reoccurring dream for about 13 years now. The background is in real life my father dropped dead when I was 17. He was playing rec hockey and dropped dead from a heart virus. No one in our family got to say goodbye. At the time there was serious issues with he & my mothers relationship - they had not physically separated, but he was involved in an affair - and was caught - and my brothers & I were not speaking to him. Then one night he left for the evening and never returned. I was there for the funeral, saw him being buried, the only thing I didn't do as part of the process was see his body in the hospital. He was in perfect health at the time (to our knowledge) and his death was absolutely out of the blue.

Fast forward to my dream. In my dream I dream that he is still out there alive, that he chose to leave our home and lives, and led us all to believe he was dead. He saunters back into our lives like nothing happened and I am stunned and angry and scared about it all. I wake up feeling very anxious confused and unsettled. It happens probably once or twice a year now but in the beginning it was happening almost nightly.

What I'm wondering is - is this normal for people who loose loved ones suddenly - or is it more to do with the betrayal of his affair at the time? And is there something to stop these dreams from happening? When i wake up even though I realize it's a dream I am unsettled for most of the day.

Anyway, looked high and low on the internet and can't find dreams that match the one I have.. Anyone have any thoughts?

[Krikit 1,166]

Hi E. It sounds like you never had the opportunity to resolve the issues your father created. You see his actions as a betrayal and his passing in the midst of this adds to the frustration. It greatly impacted you so you continue to dream. I've heard it's a good idea to rewrite the ending to a dream so that you can have closure. If you could have a specific interaction with your father when this dream occurs, how would you like it to play out? Write those thoughts down and see if the next dream (if there is one) changes at all.

I am sorry that you lost your father during a crisis in your lives. I am sure that he did not anticipate the impact his choices would have on his family. I am also sure he would not have wished this feeling of abandonment and betrayal to continue to play out in your life. I hope you can find some closure. (((hugs)))

[almaty 19]

Hi E. It sounds like you never had the opportunity to resolve the issues your father created. You see his actions as a betrayal and his passing in the midst of this adds to the frustration. It greatly impacted you so you continue to dream. I've heard it's a good idea to rewrite the ending to a dream so that you can have closure. If you could have a specific interaction with your father when this dream occurs, how would you like it to play out? Write those thoughts down and see if the next dream (if there is one) changes at all.

I am sorry that you lost your father during a crisis in your lives. I am sure that he did not anticipate the impact his choices would have on his family. I am also sure he would not have wished this feeling of abandonment and betrayal to continue to play out in your life. I hope you can find some closure. (((hugs)))

excellent analyst sister!!!

[Fandango 1,440]

Hi, E...I would say that seeing a therapist might be a good idea. Good luck!

[Emancipation 2]

Hi E. It sounds like you never had the opportunity to resolve the issues your father created. You see his actions as a betrayal and his passing in the midst of this adds to the frustration. It greatly impacted you so you continue to dream. I've heard it's a good idea to rewrite the ending to a dream so that you can have closure. If you could have a specific interaction with your father when this dream occurs, how would you like it to play out? Write those thoughts down and see if the next dream (if there is one) changes at all.

I am sorry that you lost your father during a crisis in your lives. I am sure that he did not anticipate the impact his choices would have on his family. I am also sure he would not have wished this feeling of abandonment and betrayal to continue to play out in your life. I hope you can find some closure. (((hugs)))

Awe Krikit... thanks for that.. It is an interesting thought.. because in the beginning the dreams were much darker, more frightening, and now they are just mostly about the abandonment.. some of the issues have sorted themselves out in my mind's eye I presume.

I really don't know how I'd want the dream to end... as nothing would ever give me back the past 13 years. But I probably would have to take some time to really formulate my thoughts as to how that would make me feel (the betrayal and the frustration of him just being out of the picture).. Thanks for some good ideas!!

I did do about 1 year of counseling after his death during a period of depression and grief. I've also been back to the graveside to "have it out with him".. It is a strange thing to still be dealing with this stuff so far after his death..