Is it bad that I want to change my maid of honor?

[DeadPoolX 9]

What??? I was serious.....

liz thinks you are a chopf##k...per rumor

Hey! I'm the chopf##k here and don't you forget it!

[L_n_O 3]

=)

[L_n_O 3]

Bridesmaid #2 says the issue is between my ex-MOH and me.. not her..

she feels bad but it doesn't concern her.

so I guess that's good.

[Mephys 2]

Liz I just read that whole thread...

She was definitely a girl that tries to control you, trying to make you feel guilty about it and she sounds to me like all she cares about is her own little self. She was probably more pissed that day because she had to shave and didn't want to. And then she tries to make you feel bad just because she can't stand that she will have to tell her other "friends" that she failed on something, AKA keeping the bridesmaid title. Little prom queen #######.

So im my opinion, you did the right thing. A person that you have fun with isn't always a friend. Just someone that you have fun with. Doesn't mean they care about you when it doesn't go their way. A true friend will support you.

So don't worry about her. And it's prolly better that she doesn't go to your wedding party, because she would probably ruin it by telling everyone how mean you are

[Amby 490]

if you have a sister or something I'd tell her that your sister has really had her feelings hurt that you didn't choose her to be your maid of honor and that you're sorry but you'd like to make her the maid of honor instead

[L_n_O 3]

if you have a sister or something I'd tell her that your sister has really had her feelings hurt that you didn't choose her to be your maid of honor and that you're sorry but you'd like to make her the maid of honor instead

Only child

[*JG* 2]

I had a girl do this to me one time. We were BFF and then all of a sudden, she hooks up again with some old friend and I'm left in the dust. WTH was I supposed to do with the forest green hoopy dress?????? We aren't friends anymore.

[L_n_O 3]

we hadn't bought any dresses yet though.. and she was being flakey and making me feel like ####### all the time

[Empress of Groovy 373]

Liz, it's good that you made the decision and told Jen when you did. Her reaction--telling you how tacky it is, reminding you that there's no way she'd agree to be your MOH if you changed your mind, etc.--was clearly emotional. From what you said, she invested almost nothing, certainly not much time, in your wedding preparations thus far. I know I'm going to sound sort of like an old fogey, but being selected to be someone's maid/matron of honor is supposed to be--an honor. And with this honor is responsibility and time commitment, like being there for the bride and not making her feel like #######. You don't need to further justify your decision. You realized that you made a mistake in selecting this person, and you gently let her know this before she really did much. I think that you handled a tough situation as well as you could have.

Edited October 15, 2007 by AOS despair

[Chica Yeyé 41]

Babeeee.... even if you don't take my offer of being the matron of honour (your loss you little b...); you should go with someone who will be there for you. How about Ol's sisters? Or someone special to both of you? Just thinking options sweetie pie. It's YOUR wedding!!!!!

[gwenneh 7]

Liz, it's good that you made the decision and told Jen when you did. Her reaction--telling you how tacky it is, reminding you that there's no way she'd agree to be your MOH if you changed your mind, etc.--was clearly emotional. From what you said, she invested almost nothing, certainly not much time, in your wedding preparations thus far. I know I'm going to sound sort of like an old fogey, but being selected to be someone's maid/matron of honor is supposed to be--an honor. And with this honor is responsibility and time commitment, like being there for the bride and not making her feel like #######. You don't need to further justify your decision. You realized that you made a mistake in selecting this person, and you gently let her know this before she really did much. I think that you handled a tough situation as well as you could have.

Could not have put it any better than this, hun!

And my 2p worth - you're going through immigration, a tough enough time as it is - the LAST thing you need is someone who isn't really supporting you by your side!

[L_n_O 3]

Liz, it's good that you made the decision and told Jen when you did. Her reaction--telling you how tacky it is, reminding you that there's no way she'd agree to be your MOH if you changed your mind, etc.--was clearly emotional. From what you said, she invested almost nothing, certainly not much time, in your wedding preparations thus far. I know I'm going to sound sort of like an old fogey, but being selected to be someone's maid/matron of honor is supposed to be--an honor. And with this honor is responsibility and time commitment, like being there for the bride and not making her feel like #######. You don't need to further justify your decision. You realized that you made a mistake in selecting this person, and you gently let her know this before she really did much. I think that you handled a tough situation as well as you could have.

That was the nicest comment ever.. thanks so much!

I think it'll take some time.. and I've been taking out a little bit of my stress on my fiance.. (which I'm going to try to stop as of right now) but I think in time I'll feel better about this whole thing..

I know it was right.. just getting my heart there is taking a little longer.

Babeeee.... even if you don't take my offer of being the matron of honour (your loss you little b...); you should go with someone who will be there for you. How about Ol's sisters? Or someone special to both of you? Just thinking options sweetie pie. It's YOUR wedding!!!!!

Len, you can be my e-maid of honor..

Edited October 15, 2007 by liz_legend 'n Ol

[L_n_O 3]

And my 2p worth - you're going through immigration, a tough enough time as it is - the LAST thing you need is someone who isn't really supporting you by your side!

You're right! she wasn't even remotely excited when I got the interview date!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

Sounds like you're better off without the former MOH. Good luck and happy trails to you!

[Empress of Groovy 373]

I think it'll take some time.. and I've been taking out a little bit of my stress on my fiance.. (which I'm going to try to stop as of right now) but I think in time I'll feel better about this whole thing..

I know it was right.. just getting my heart there is taking a little longer.

Cut yourself some slack! Geez, I remember how stressed out I was about my nutty friend who couldn't be bothered to get a babysitter with three months' notice, and that's a far cry from a maid of honor situation (I had no bridesmaids, and my only sister was the MOH). I know it's easy for people to tell you not to worry about it, that you're better off without Jen at your wedding and perhaps even in your life, etc. And that's a reasonable position given what you've told us about her, or at least regarding her attitude toward MOH duties. That said, at one point you thought enough of her to ask her to be your maid of honor, so there must be something about her that you like--otherwise you wouldn't be so stressed about all this! You'll feel better when the dust settles in one way or another.

In case you're curious about what happened with my crazy friend, shortly after we'd exchanged several e-mails about the no-kids-please policy (which was actually more of a numbers issue than anything--the drunken revelry aspect of it was secondary), I received her reply card with a big, emphatic, black magic marker X next to the "can't make it" line. No additional note, no best wishes, no "sorry we can't make it but we'll be thinking of you" stuff. I don't know why I was stunned. I'd gone to great effort in trying to be diplomatic, and in the end, all I could say was that I was sorry that she and her husband couldn't make it. A full year later, I received an e-mail from her out of the blue. She apologized for not getting us a gift and admitted that she took the no-kid policy really personally (which was clear!). She knew that she wasn't the only parent coming--in fact, all my other friends with kids were delighted to make babysitting arrangements and have a night out to themselves--but she still felt that we were being militant, unaccommodating kid-haters. We are now communicating politely but have no plans to get together anytime soon. Which is fine with me, to tell you the truth.

Oops--I feel like I'm turning this into a forum to tell my own lame story!