Setting up the household before she arrives

[groovlstk 0]

It's so funny to read all that - it looks like a lot of you guys are married to very traditional homemaker-type women I thought they were all extinct nowadays.

It's easy to say such things based on a few comments, but the reality is much more complex. My wife, for instance, was one of the top designers at the largest furniture store in Europe, she's just beginning to look for work here now that her AOS is complete and I'm sure she'll have a great career. Her interest in redecorating our home was, naturally, more than a Suzy Homemaker project.

I actually do more cooking than my wife does as I enjoy it and I'm better at it (just don't tell her, please), and we both pitch in at cleaning. I never was attracted to homemaker-type women (although I don't begrudge those who are, as there are men and women who want such roles in life and if it makes them happy, who am I to judge?).

The thing is, when she tells casual friends some of the things she feels strongly about (having children, the importance of family, her loathing of gender-neutral clothing that she sees many American women wearing, etc.), they immediately assume she's some docile scullery maid who waits for me at home each evening with a pair of slippers and martini in each hand. Man, if only they knew the real story... It's vexing but ultimately kind of funny. Anyway, this is a discussion for another topic, sorry for running off on a tangent...

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

Personally, I'd WAIT and let HER pickout what SHE wants when she gets there. The shopping experience will be a new adventure for her (and you) in itself!

[mox 298]

I guess what I'm really looking to know, is what *needs* to be in the home when she first comes home. Like a tea kettle and (black) tea, etc. It's all fine and dandy to take her shopping for furniture or makeup or whatever, but obviously she's going to want to relax for a bit and catch her breath before heading out.

[Kazan' Tiger 1]

If you're talking basics: a chaynik (Automatic water boiler), black or green tea, some dark bread, cheese, butter, oil, sour cream, mayonnaise, wine, Russian vodka, candy, potatoes, flour for blini, whole milk, etc. Those are standards we ALWAYS had in our flat in Russia.

I guess what I'm really looking to know, is what *needs* to be in the home when she first comes home. Like a tea kettle and (black) tea, etc. It's all fine and dandy to take her shopping for furniture or makeup or whatever, but obviously she's going to want to relax for a bit and catch her breath before heading out.

[slim 1,514]

I'm sure one of the first things we'll do is head out to let her pick out all new stuff.

That should get you guys started on a good note.

Some things you should have for her before she arrives have been listed. Russian type foods and of course, tea is a necessity. Other stuff you may or may not have is extra towels, pillows, maybe even a toothbrush in case she lost hers or something. Also, something comfy for her to lounge around and sleep in would probably be just what she would like after a long flight and a day or two of travel. (Think like a girl for a minute..... warm shower with "girly" soap and shampoo, maybe a big ol' loofah or a back washer thingy, some scented candles, bath oils, etc.... and spray some of that smelly stuff too. Your bathroom can't smell too good!)

Your bachelor pad sounds a lot like mine (used to) so step back, think like a girl for a minute, and anything ugly or smelly should be discarded. Have a nice comfy throw blanket or a new house robe (soft and pink doesn't hurt) sitting next to the flowers and chocolates (and champagne!) and enjoy celebrating your reunion.

HAVE FUN!!! Good luck!

For a complete list of things you'll need later - things like a garlic press, gloves for cleaning, eye make-up remover, better pillows, etc., we'll all have to chip in and make a list. As they said in Top Gun, "the list is long, but distinguished."

Edited: Almost forgot... buy some of the pink razors and some of that pink shaving gel. It's unlikely she passed through the airports with some razors in her carry-on bags, so have some waiting for her so she can complete the transformation from travel zombie into "fresh woman!" (Buy the smallest pack of razors and the travel size of gel. It won't be the right kind anyway, but it will hold her over until you introduce her to your local supermarket or pharmacy.)

Edited October 6, 2007 by slim

[visceral image 0]

I have been think of other ways to make the house nice for her. I think I will install one of those removable showers that you can hand hold. All the showers I saw in Russia had them connected to the main faucet.

I will get one that is long enough to use while taking a bath or a shower. Also good for giving the dog a bath.

[Turboguy 6]

She will like that John. My fiancee specifically asked for one. I thought about just running the garden hose in through the window but since I had one of those laying around I just installed it a few weeks ago.

[calamitka 0]

Sorry guys for pitching in on this male discussion but in my humble east woman opinion B)

*buying Russian vodka for welcome while you live in Monterey CA is a crime

*cleaning, cleaning, cleaning ALWAYS good advice

*no pink razors, gels etc. she will think that some other woman bought it (agree with ticking time bomb) or it might be not for her skin type – allergic, dry, extra dry, mixed, whatever really long list

This above are details, she will redo many things her way. I know is not you are asking for in your thread but more important will come later – her being in the adaptation process. I don’t know your lady English level but always taking some classes might help her if not with language maybe with finding some friends.

Encourage her to do driving license as soon as possible, her own will be valid probably for 3 months. (in TN I don’t know about CA).

I don’t know you either but often helps known your lady background – learn Russia history.

[Nancy2015 2]

I have been think of other ways to make the house nice for her. I think I will install one of those removable showers that you can hand hold. All the showers I saw in Russia had them connected to the main faucet.

I will get one that is long enough to use while taking a bath or a shower. Also good for giving the dog a bath.

We just installed one in our bathroom... it took us two years to realize how convenient it is!

Moxcamel, you live in Monterey - I can bet anything your fiancee is gonna love it. It's hard not to. The Aquarium is just awesome, and the Cannery Row... I gotta go there soon, been a while But it's also very far from... pretty much everything. If your fiancee is into the big city life it may take a little while for her to adjust.

Like a tea kettle and (black) tea, etc

Tea kettle is definitely important. My husband had never owned one before he met me. He still boils his water in the microwave and calls my kettle "that funky thing". I don't get it - to me a kettle is a must.

A lot depends on individual tastes too - no one knows your fiancee as well as you do, so there's only so much we can recommend. I'm trying to think what I would wanna see if I was moving into my boyfriend's place... Well, my own computer (if she's not bringing one with her), a bath robe, a hair dryer, a kettle... everything's already been mentioned.

The good news (for her) is that my selection of dishes, cookware, and furniture are modern bachelor, which is to say the furniture is from the curbside and dishes are from Goodwill, so I'm sure one of the first things we'll do is head out to let her pick out all new stuff.

We used to have the same selection for quite a while It's not that long ago that we started to make more or less decent money, so now we're eventually buying new stuff - and we're both having a blast with it. Your fiancee will definitely enjoy shopping for furniture and cookware - it's always a lot of fun.

[mox 298]

Sorry guys for pitching in on this male discussion but in my humble east woman opinion B)

*buying Russian vodka for welcome while you live in Monterey CA is a crime

LOL! How true. She's actually very fond of white wine, and of course you can't swing a cat in this part of California without hitting a vineyard so if I can't earn points on the wine then I'm doomed anyway.

*cleaning, cleaning, cleaning ALWAYS good advice

This is where I shine the least, so it'll be a professional maid service a couple days before she arrives for me. A man's gotta know his limitations.

*no pink razors, gels etc. she will think that some other woman bought it (agree with ticking time bomb) or it might be not for her skin type – allergic, dry, extra dry, mixed, whatever really long list

Well the "other woman" that will be helping me out will be my daughter, so I don't think that'll be a problem.

This above are details, she will redo many things her way. I know is not you are asking for in your thread but more important will come later – her being in the adaptation process. I don’t know your lady English level but always taking some classes might help her if not with language maybe with finding some friends.

Encourage her to do driving license as soon as possible, her own will be valid probably for 3 months. (in TN I don’t know about CA).

I don’t know you either but often helps known your lady background – learn Russia history.

Her English needs improvement, and she's taking lessons right now. But I plan to get her into an ESL class too. As for driving, I just hope she doesn't make her own lanes like they do back home.

Dang, these are all some really good suggestions. Nice to have the benefit of the experiences of those of you who have gone before me.

[mox 298]

Moxcamel, you live in Monterey - I can bet anything your fiancee is gonna love it. It's hard not to. The Aquarium is just awesome, and the Cannery Row... I gotta go there soon, been a while But it's also very far from... pretty much everything. If your fiancee is into the big city life it may take a little while for her to adjust.

The great thing about Monterey is that we're close enough to the larger cities (Salinas, Santa Cruz, San Jose, San Francisco) that it doesn't feel all that remote, and yet we're far enough away that it still has a small town feel to it. And she's a farm girl, so anything larger than your average village is big to her.

A lot depends on individual tastes too - no one knows your fiancee as well as you do, so there's only so much we can recommend. I'm trying to think what I would wanna see if I was moving into my boyfriend's place... Well, my own computer (if she's not bringing one with her), a bath robe, a hair dryer, a kettle... everything's already been mentioned.

Yeah, I'll have to coordinate with her when the time comes to get a better idea of what she'll need. Obviously there's a limit to what she can take on an airplane. Gotta be tough to decide what goes in your 2 pieces of luggage to start a new life with.

[Turboguy 6]

I have to agree the pink razor could do more harm than good.

If she brings her own hair drier or curling iron you will need to rewire your house for 220 and Russian plugs so it would be easier to just have one waiting for her. I would suggest leaving it in the box and getting a good quality one.

[calamitka 0]

… almost forget important but delicate issue of money.

If she has some savings then great, if not give her some money just for her disposition, she will be dependant upon you (without job for next few months) and believe me she might feel embarrassed asking you to buy her everything e.g. tampons.

Also start looking for ESL programs just now (deadlines for applications)

I recommend university programs vs. community college no matter if more expensive you can deduct it from your taxes if you fill them jointly. Books – I’m buying on Amazon or eBay for half price.

Good luck to you guys. I cross my fingers for you and your beautiful fiancée.

[Turboguy 6]

A lot of areas have free ESL classes in the hopes of making them more productive, able to hold a job and than of course pay taxes. Here it is the branch of Penn State University. Free is not deductable on your income tax but still a good deal.

[rentvent 0]

Dang, I wish I had read this topic two weeks ago before my sweetie arrived.

Things I didn't think about and bought in the first couple days:

Bath robe with hood

Ironing board (she wouldn't unpack her suitcase until she could iron everything)

Clothes hangers with slots on the tops ( to hang dresses, etc)

Things I had thought of beforehand:

Laundry basket

Her own E-mail and ICQ account

Mobile phone