“I was worried about vampires. Worse yet, we got gay cowboys!!”

[mrswooten4ever 0]

A case of truth being stranger than fiction LOL Adele

*The following is useless commentary. A road story. A glimpse behind

the scenes, so to speak. It is admittedly long, but a quirky enough of

an experience that I felt compelled to document it. Furthermore, for

the record, it is intended to be sarcastically humorous and

tongue-in-cheek. Read or delete. **

Pictures to prove it? Hell yea:

http://www.mtownband.com/photos/Caliente/index.htm

Journal Entry April 5, 2006

From Dusk Till Dawn

Misadventures in DeQueen Arkansas

“I was worried about vampires. Worse yet, we got gay cowboys!!”

DeQueen Arkansas? Yea, me too. The first time I ever heard the name

was about 2 o’clock in the afternoon on my way to play a gig there last

Saturday night. It’s a pretty good jaunt south of Little Rock. You can

damn near throw a stone and hit Texas. We arrived at our motel, dropped

the girl’s off to do whatever it is that it seems to take girl’s the

bulk of an afternoon to do and then we headed back out to find the club.

To say it was one of those “… go to this tree and take a left, then

turn right at the first cow, then cross the creek…” type of scenarios

would be an understatement. Highway went to two lane went to one lane went

to gravel…. we kept driving and driving and all I could see were fields

and cattle. I kept thinking to myself we’re going to have to literally

blindfold the girls to get them to play out here.

We finally spotted the club sitting smack dab in the middle of a

muddy pasture. It was this big warehouse/garage style building. The type

of place they might repair tractors or put brakes on buses. A big sign

painted on the front read CALIENTE!! I must admit the Christmas lights

(alternating red & white) strung around the top of the building added a

festive touch. There were a couple of scraggly looking stray dogs

flanking the front door. I turned to Thomas and said, “Dude, I dunno, but I

think those might actually be coyotes.” It was honestly too wet and

nowhere near windy enough to see tumbleweeds blowing by, but the whole

scene was like something out of one of those old Clint Eastwood Spaghetti

Westerns. The next thing I noticed was that all of the signs on the

property were written (not printed, mind you) in Spanish. My Spanish is

not all that great, but most of them were pretty self explanatory; “No

Parking” “Beer and Shots Here” “Men’s Room”, etc. However, the sign

posted on the front door caught my attention, so I asked the bar back to

translate it for me. In broken English, he says,”Eeet says …Our Security

Guards Carry Pepper Spray-You Have Been Warned!” The knot in my stomach

got a little bigger.

I kept thinking about that scene in my all time favorite comedy

“The Three Amigos” when said Amigos come waltzing into that cantina in

Mexico. I imagine the bar is chock-full of intimidating Hispanic men

sporting sombreros and brandishing their pistolas and then the “band” comes

sauntering into the place. In all my years of playing music, we’ve

never had to actually put up the chicken wire fence, but… then a worse

scenario entered my mind! I started thinking about Quentin Tarantino’s

thriller “From Dusk Till Dawn.” For those of you who don’t know, the

general synopsis of the movie is these two badass criminals hijack a family

and their motor home to help them escape the law by crossing over the

border into Mexico, which they do successfully. They enter this bar that

pretty much fits the same description as the one I just mentioned to

celebrate and have a few drinks. Clock strikes twelve. They lock the

doors. And the clientele all turn into ###### vampires! I wasn’t the

slightest bit thrilled about the prospect of my life ending in DeQueen, AR

by a goddamn pack of bloodthirsty vampires. Worse yet, probably right

about the time I have to sing something like, “…it’s getting’ hot in

herrre… so take off all ….Agggghhhh….. VAMPIRES!!!”

I digress. Coincidentally, believe it or not, we end up at a Taco

Bell for dinner. Yea… Runs from the Border. We’re all eating and I’m

telling everyone about my “From Dusk Till Dawn” vampire theory. No one

seems to think I’m the least bit amusing, even when I throw in the

occasional Bart Simpson “Ay, Caramba!” to lighten the mood. So, I shut the

hell up and ate my dismal last supper, two mexi-melts and a burrito

supreme. Again - Ay, Caramba!

We finally arrived and upon entering the club the first thing I

noticed was that there wasn’t a single Hispanic bandito in the entire

place. But. There were cowboys! Cowboys! I’m talking Wrangler jeans,

bright-orange and red button down shirts, Stetson hats, etc. And they were

boot-scootin’ and two steppin.’ I walked past the dance floor and

couldn’t help but stare. I’ve never actually seen real live two step action

like this before. Promenade left - Promenade right. I sat on the edge of

the stage and stared wide-eyed while the DJ played country song after

country song. Again, I scratched my head at the prospect of us

“city-slickers” getting up on this huge stage and opening with the Black Eyed

Peas “…Pump It…louder… Pump It… louder…” to a room full of red-blooded

country hicks. Thomas, it’s still not too late to put the chicken wire

up?!

The time finally came. The lights dimmed and we played. And what

happened? They loved it! They really did! They clapped and applauded.

They sent shots up to the stage. They complimented the band over and over

again. My favorite, and I quote, “You are the best folks they’ve had in

here.” They danced and sang along. They clapped again. My worries were

unwarranted. I spent all this unnecessary time nervously fretting

about…the clock struck twelve.

I glanced down at the end of the bar and noticed these two rough

looking cowboys staring each other down. I nudged Thomas, “Here it

comes…looks like we’re finally going to see our first expected bar fight of

the night. Those two at the end of the bar are about to fight!” Well, no

sooner did I get those words out of my mouth when the one cowboy leaned

forward another inch and kissed the other cowboy. On the lips. Not just

kissing, but tongue down the throat sucking face. Thomas and I stood

there motionless with our jaws wide-open! “I was worried about vampires!

Worse yet, we got gay cowboys!” This was “Brokeback Mountain” in real

life! Move ‘em on, head ‘em up, head ‘em up, move ‘em out, Move ‘em on,

head ‘em out Rawhide!

I digress. It was only a matter of time before we would have to

actually interact with the boys, so I proceeded with caution, trying to

quietly sneek by them to get outside and help guide Thomas while he was

backing the trailor up to the front door so we could load-out and get

the hell out of Dodge, pardon the pun. That’s when I felt the cold stare

from the cowboys. Some whistles followed by snickering and giggling.

The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I turned and saw a cowboy

wearing a T-shirt with the slogan “I Love Me” boldy emblazoned across the

front of it. He pointed directly at me and said, “What you got in the

trailor? If there aint a horse in that trailor, you’re going home with

me!” The cowboys all laughed. I got nervous. Thomas poked his head out the

window and yelled, “Rawleigh…looks like you better find a horse…QUICK!”

To which I loudly replied, “Yea… or a saddle!!”

Well, so long as we have some time to kill. I think I’ll have a beer

We don’t have no beer. Just tequilla.

What’s tequilla?

Ummmm…. It’s like beer!

Is it fattening?

Fattening?

Forget it! If it’s like beer, we’ll have some. Three tequilas!!!

-

excerpt from “The Three Amigos”

Disclaimer: In this day and age of pathetic supersensitive political

correctness, let me be clear. The preceding usless commentary was just

that: useless commentary. Meant for pure entertainment purposes. It was

meant to be sarcastically humorous and tongue-in-cheek. The author has

none… I repeat none, zip-zero-zilch, no prejudices whatsoever toward

anyone from the state of Arkansas, Hispanics, Cowboys, Banditos, Vampires,

Whites, Blacks, Greens, Blues, Homosexuals, Heterosexuals, Transexuals,

Djs who only play country music, scraggly stray dogs, coyotes, etc.

etc.

[almaty 19]

good story

[moondancer627 0]

LOL Dusk to Dawn meets Brokeback Mountain.....

Moondancer