I gotta say Thanks to you all

[Henia 11]

I have not followed your story much, but as I said the last few posts I am truly sorry you are going throu this Dee. No women deserves this. Esp when children are in involved.

I, personally would attend the AOS (if you filed already) and tell them the whole story. Saving him from ever filing again or tricking them into thinking YOU abused him.

What Gladitor said is total nonsense. your husband clearly crossed the line. Abuse is not an Islamic tradition. In fact, Islam does not condone abuse to women and children. It is forbidden. But unfortunately there will always be men out there "picking and choosing" a host of Quranic verses and Prophetic sayings to suit their chauvinistic madness. MENA husbands still (sometimes) they are still in MENA and try exercises complete and rigid authority over his wife and family. Women are not expected to unconditionally obey their husbands. The voices of women are not "awrah" viz, prohibited to be heard. They do not have to be fatalistically patient with physical and psychological abuse. And something little off topic, but still I find totally funny nafaqa (or material support) is nowadays a favour delivered by the husbands and not considered a duty at all.

Many men cannot adjust, since life in the US is so different then life in their own home country. They do not get their way and after a time abuse can occur. The Qur'an exhorts the husband to treat his wife kindly and not overlook her POSITIVE ASPECTS. And all agruements should be dealt within 3 hours. But obviously the situation is way beyond.

In the light of these God-given rights of a woman, one isto unconditionally separate from an abusive husband – whether the abuse is physical or psychological (and note how rarely "modern" people mention psychological abuse). In your case the services of a third party – a "thiqa" or trustworthy person should be enlisted to monitor the behaviour of your husband. Have you talked to an imam? Has he tried to speak with your husband or have another brother speak with him? As I am not sure what the current living arrangement is ... but him living there just angry is not healthy for anyone. The final decision with regard to reconciliation however remains with the wife. Even thou, personally if he hits then there should be none.

Ironically ( and little off topic, but) the role of men as husbands were seenwith far greater clarity in the time of the Pr. Mohammed (saw) then now.Their roles as leaders of the family were seen in the light of an agent holding an "office". The role of the agent would be deemed incommensurate with the demands of the "office" if he failed to fulfill its duties, responsibilities, and conditions

I would also expose him to all the masjid, if he attends and his family. Surely they will *not* side with you... buuuut at least they will hear the "other" side instead labeling you a putan or judging you without hearing your side.

You are very brave, patient and strong sister. If it were me, the least he would be out in the street with nothing but his drawers and some shoes. I would not even put it past myself to do a Lorena on him! I truly from my heart pray for you sister.

Edited August 11, 2007 by Henia

[aj1 1]

Dee you are making the right decision there is no way that this situation is good for you to be in or your children. I have kids to and if i were in your situation i would do the same thing. I will keep you in my prayers and just know that god will help you to get through this you deserve much better than this and in the end you will be blessed with much better. Take Care of yourself, and your kids

AJ1

[~PalmTreeGurl~ 154]

I miss u on here and yahoo Dee... I hope you are being safe and taking care... Im praying for you. -Tam

[m&n 0]

I could NOT believe your posts........this is just TOO MUCH...........you have been SOOOO patient and you had good intentions of trying to work things out but it is OBVIOUS that he didn't want to be cooperative......for whatever reason.......

And that "friend".........OMG........that is just TOO evil........

I am hoping that you & the little ones are safe and that you can begin to heal & get your home back into being the peaceful sanctuary that you'd like it to be.

Hugs

[caybee 21]

I'm very sorry it worked out this way.

You are handling this so well, and I admire you for it. Please stay safe and check in when you can.

[The_dip_sticks 0]

Has any one heard from Dee or taked to her? Is she ok? How is she doing? =0(

[RAKASA 0]

Has any one heard from Dee or taked to her? Is she ok? How is she doing? =0(

she's not online away from work (unless she can check in from a family computer). hopefully someone will hear something before monday - if not, i'm sure we'll hear on monday. i know doodle keeps in contact w/ her offline.

[amal 4]

I do hope we hear something soon. I'm so worried about her and the kids. Wherever they are, I hope they're safe and able to relax a bit.

[doodlebug 3]

Has any one heard from Dee or taked to her? Is she ok? How is she doing? =0(

she's not online away from work (unless she can check in from a family computer). hopefully someone will hear something before monday - if not, i'm sure we'll hear on monday. i know doodle keeps in contact w/ her offline.

She hasn't returned my text messages so I'm hoping she is just busy with the kids wherever she is.

[The_dip_sticks 0]

oh no im a bit worried now. I hope shes ok.

[The_dip_sticks 0]

oh no im a bit worried now. I hope shes ok.

[sereia 0]

wow, dee, i can't believe it! i hope you check in soon and are doing okay! i agree with all the advice given ...*hug*

[deadbird 2]

oh no im a bit worried now. I hope shes ok.

me too.

[amal 4]

I keep checkin' and no dee news yet. I just hope they're ok.

[doodlebug 3]

She's ok for now. CAlled me about an hour or so ago. She's staying with the kids with family. Keep her in your prayers though. She needs to stay strong.