Confession for an inherently anxious girl.

[Sherry Nguyen 5]

Just a rant haha.

 

I am revising most of my forms for sending AOS and petition package. My army husband is the petitioner. And yes I am international student, like many of you here. I am also doing a PhD and is about to be in my 3rd year soon. For some reason, the past one year was exhausting for me given that I have to juggle the responsibilities of family life and full-time PhD students (research, publication, grant). I thought I almost reached the point of going crazy. I suffered from depression and decided to reach out for help. Since then,  I have frequently met with my therapists to track my progress in hope of moving forwards I guess. 
 

Some days, I just cried a lot and some other days, I just slept a lot. There were days I felt so guilty of making my depression known to husband and mom. I questioned whether I should “make my sufferings known” because I am not alone in this immigration journey. It’s very clear that other international students and foreign military spouses are going through the same AOS process and their will soon be filled with uncertainties. I wonder if I can voice my concern, having known that I am not even at my worst. My experience is nothing unique at all, so why should mom and hubby even care about ?— that’s what I had thought.

 

Also, I have aggravated my situation by getting myself into a sort of unnecessary internal conflict. On one side, I admired other PhD graduates who have successfully self-petitioned themselves through either NIW or EB1/2. I thought isn’t that fantastic because you earn your gc through your talents and academic contributions to the States. One the other side, I must admit the spousal route to green card or family based marriage green card is almost (not to say ) the fastest way to obtain the green card, on the basis that our relationship is bonafide. These two ideas are not mutually exclusive; however, I just have so many personal experiences encountering people who either got married to USC/LPR for immigration benefits or who engaged/supported sham marriage. Sadly, from my own personal experiences this group of people consist of of predominantly women. Although my husband, family, and I know my intent to file for gc is rooted in good-faith marriage intent , which is differently from those women. I do have evidence attesting to my bonafide marriage. Still, I kept getting worried about how others may view our marriage as green-card transaction that is void of love and goodwill. Indeed, I sometimes heard my acquaintances making jokes about “getting married for a green card.” It makes me feel uncomfortable and mentally disturbing as I thought of love highly than just means of harvesting immigration or material benefits. I hate when my family acquaintances looked down on women who got married to USC/LPR and thought that they “were dependent” on us spouse for only immigration benefits. They have never tried to think outside of the box or tried to probe into those women’s stories to fully understand there are more  to discuss about a marriage rather than just green card.

 

 

Overall, I decided to talk to my husband about all the rants content I wrote here. Thankfully, I have a super supportive and understanding husband who always stay beside me. Also thanks to the fact that my professors are understanding of my situation and allow me to do most of the research and academic stuffs remotely. Still, the intense back n forth travel between my husband’s state and my state was horrible, although I was so happy to meet my husband. Long story short, I guess I have been patient enough to wait until summer and file AOS. It’s just a crazy semester and I could not find a better time (other than summer) to file AOS.

 

Btw, if any of you are in Ft Hood, Texas let’s meet up and have a chat if you guys feel comfortable!! I am stuck at home nowadays haha.

[TBoneTX 43,133]

Thread is moved from Off Topic to General Immigration Discussion.

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Your feelings and experiences are more typical than you realize.

9 hours ago, Sherry Nguyen said:

I suffered from depression and decided to reach out for help.

Excellent!  Keep it up, along as many avenues as it takes to feel supported.

9 hours ago, Sherry Nguyen said:

I wonder if I can voice my concern, having known that I am not even at my worst.

Absolutely, and "not at your worst" is the appropriate time.

9 hours ago, Sherry Nguyen said:

I kept getting worried about how others may view our marriage as green-card transaction that is void of love and goodwill. Indeed, I sometimes heard my acquaintances making jokes about “getting married for a green card.” It makes me feel uncomfortable and mentally disturbing

(1)  So what?  Their opinions of you (or of others) are not your concern.

(2)  A little gentle education of the more reasonable ones is appropriate, at your discretion.

9 hours ago, Sherry Nguyen said:

Thankfully, I have a super supportive and understanding husband who always stay beside me. Also thanks to the fact that my professors are understanding of my situation and allow me to do most of the research and academic stuffs remotely.

This is wonderful and a blessing.  Lean on it.

9 hours ago, Sherry Nguyen said:

Ft Hood, Texas

The best news is that you're not a dang Yankee, like those who live in (ugh) north Texas!