CNN Calls Dr. Fauci's Wild Pitch '100% Accurate, Completely On Target'

[Ban Hammer 14,275]

 

WASHINGTON, D.C.—CNN is reporting that the ceremonial first pitch to open up the 2020 season at Nationals Park, which was thrown wildly off the mark by none other than Dr. Anthony Fauci, was 100% accurate, completely on target, and a "real strike."

 

"It's time to play ball!" announced CNN's Don Lemon. "Dr. Anthony Fauci, who has always been right, while a certain sitting U.S. President has always been wrong and off target his entire presidency, threw a real strike to start the 2020 Major League Baseball season today."

 

more at https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-calls-dr-faucis-wild-pitch-100-accurate-completely-on-target

 

 

[Ban Hammer 14,275]

Orioles Sign Dr. Fauci To Improve Bullpen

 

 

BALTIMORE, MD—After witnessing Dr. Fauci throw a pitch approximately 50 feet outside the strike zone Thursday, the Baltimore Orioles scrambled to sign the "nation's doctor" in order to improve their bullpen.

 

"We could really use more of this kind of accuracy," said one pitching coach as he reviewed footage of Dr. Fauci hurling the ball "just a bit outside." "Fauci's the kind of guy you want to sign to a long-term, multi-million-dollar contract, since he'll be such a good influence on the other pitchers in our lineup. He can coach the younger guys and help them get their pitches under control, maybe even within a few dozen yards of the plate, given some time and practice."

more at https://babylonbee.com/news/orioles-sign-dr-fauci-to-improve-bullpen