Advice Before She Arrives

[golfnut63 0]

I wanted to offer some advice to others since my wife has been here a little over a year now, this may or may apply to all but hope it helps some.

1. They need to learn English a much as possible before arriving. Use the time waiting to arrive to take formal classes. My wife can speak English but is not fluent. She regrets not taking her English lasses more seriously and using the time to do learn. This is important for many reasons because after then newness and excitment of moving to America wears off the reality of life moves in and your spouse will want to fit in and become part of normal life. Also, if they plan to attend college there will be TOFEL to test their level of English, it must be more than conversational to get in to college. English is also important if they plan to work anytime in the future.

2. Driving...if your future spouse does not drive then have them take local driving lessons before they arrive. If you think teaching a 15 year old is difficult try teaching someone who does not speak perfect English and most likely did not grow up as a passenger as you did. My wife took driving lessons before she arrived and I know it has saved our marriage and possibly our and other lives. I cannot imagine how this would have been had she never been behind the wheel. Another great reason to learn perfect English as well, the driving test is in English, the driving evaluator expects her to speak and understand English.

3. Academic evaluation. We had to have her documents professionally translated and also had a company evaluate her degree to an America equivelancy for her to enter school. She has a medical degree but it is difficult to get a medical license without extensive re-training. So she is going to change medical fields in order to work in America.

4. When we applied for AOS we also applied for Advance Parole (ability to leave/re-enter US without Green Card). At the time we applied for the AOS we were planning to go on a cruise for Christmas, since that was March we thought she would have a green Card by then but went ahead and spent the $170 just in case, well the Green Card did not happen and thankfully we had the AP. It would also be helpful if she had a family emergency we would have the AP in hand.

5. We use a lot of phone cards for her to call home at any time. I think this helps her deal with the family separation and major change. She never experienced depression that I could tell but I think it is because she is in her 30's and lived away from home for 6 years when she went to school. We are in the process of getting her mother to visit late this summer if we can get her a tourist visit. One thing that has help as well is we have Direct TV Russian channels so she still has a link to her culture and can hear her language daily. We also rent Russian movies through the Internet and go to an international market that sells Russian food and Baltica beer.

I will try to add more later but hope this helps.

[akdiver 3]

They need to learn English a much as possible before arriving. Use the time waiting to arrive to take formal classes. My wife can speak English but is not fluent....This is important for many reasons because after then newness and excitment of moving to America wears off the reality of life moves in and your spouse will want to fit in and become part of normal life.

No argument there. Knowing English is helpful. If you live in California, Spanish may be more helpful though. Just an observation from my various travels there.

Also, if they plan to attend college there will be TOFEL to test their level of English, it must be more than conversational to get in to college. English is also important if they plan to work anytime in the future.

This is not always a requirement. My wife was able to enroll in two classes (Financial Markets and Institutions, and Public Speaking) as a non-degree-seeking student, without taking the TOEFL. When she was in the process of applying to her master's program, the program director said she didn't need to take the TOEFL, as it was obvious she knew English just from talking to her. Bottom line advice is, find out if it is really necessary for your particular situation BEFORE spending the time and money taking the test.

Driving...if your future spouse does not drive then have them take local driving lessons before they arrive. If you think teaching a 15 year old is difficult try teaching someone who does not speak perfect English and most likely did not grow up as a passenger as you did. My wife took driving lessons before she arrived and I know it has saved our marriage and possibly our and other lives. I cannot imagine how this would have been had she never been behind the wheel.

I disagree entirely. This is a case of individual preference, aptitude and personal needs. My wife, without prior experience, took the "knowledge test" (in English), passed it on the first try, and got her learner's permit within about two weeks of her arrival. After driving for two weeks, she went back for the road test, passed it on her first try, and had her license within about a month of her arrival. It's all about patience, time, and effort. Teaching your sweetie to drive can be a rewarding, bonding experience, or it can be pure hell. Whether or not your sweetie needs lessons before she comes is an individual situation.

Another great reason to learn perfect English as well, the driving test is in English, the driving evaluator expects her to speak and understand English.

Not everywhere. Some places let you take it in different languages, although Russian is probably not generally available. Again, if she seeks Spanish, she could be in good shape. (:

Academic evaluation. We had to have her documents professionally translated and also had a company evaluate her degree to an America equivelancy for her to enter school. She has a medical degree but it is difficult to get a medical license without extensive re-training. So she is going to change medical fields in order to work in America.

A piece of advice here. If your sweetie intends to go to school somewhere, find out what THEIR requirements are. In our situation, the local university had a list of "approved" places to get credentials evaluated. If we had tried to work ahead and got them evaluated by someone off the list, it would have been a waste of money. FWIW, the place we used was Educational Credential Evaluators Inc. (ECE), which was on our university's approved list. They required original transcripts, by my wife was allowed to provide her own translation of those transcripts. We sent ECE the originals (sealed) plus the translations and got a course by course evaluation, as well as a credential evaluation. The university also wanted original transcripts, sealed, but they did not have to be translated - the ECE evaluation served that purpose. Note that a university typically wants transcripts sent directly to them, rather than delivered sealed by the student. Do your homework here and save yourself a lot of time. In any case, my advice is to get at least three copies of official transcripts sent directly to you (one you can open, two you can leave sealed and use for some future purpose), plus however many additional ones you need for universities and credential evaluators.

When we applied for AOS we also applied for Advance Parole (ability to leave/re-enter US without Green Card). At the time we applied for the AOS we were planning to go on a cruise for Christmas, since that was March we thought she would have a green Card by then but went ahead and spent the $170 just in case, well the Green Card did not happen and thankfully we had the AP. It would also be helpful if she had a family emergency we would have the AP in hand.

It's basically insurance. In our case, it took about 2 months to get the AP approved, and 4 months for the PR card approved. We could have done without the AP in retrospect, but we had no way to know in advance. It could have taken a year to get the PR card for all we knew. The AP is useful if you think there is a possible need for an emergency trip to Russia - but you might consider skipping it. I would not advise skipping on the EAD though (which the original poster curiously did not mention at all). The money you pay for that will be quickly earned back within a short time of her actually working.

We use a lot of phone cards for her to call home at any time. I think this helps her deal with the family separation and major change. She never experienced depression that I could tell but I think it is because she is in her 30's and lived away from home for 6 years when she went to school.

We used to use phone cards - then we moved on to Skype. it's a lot cheaper than even the best phone cards we found, and it works very well.

We are in the process of getting her mother to visit late this summer if we can get her a tourist visit.

Shouldn't be a problem. My wife's parents got tourist visas, easy as pie. Good luck (:

One thing that has help as well is we have Direct TV Russian channels so she still has a link to her culture and can hear her language daily. We also rent Russian movies through the Internet and go to an international market that sells Russian food and Baltica beer.

No Russian TV here, but she quickly hooked up with some local Russian women who are now her good friends, which really helps a lot. She also visits the Russian food store to buy some nasty stuff that I can't even watch her eat, let alone eat myself. (:

There is a lot the OP left out. I've covered it in a previous post, but I dunno if that thread is still around or not. One issue is boredom being home alone all day, and another is learning English. Both can be solved by volunteering. My wife volunteered at the local library. They put her right to work in the gift shop. It gave her a chance to get out, gave her something to do, and gave her a chance to practice English. It also gave her a good reference when she got her EAD and started applying for jobs.

Good luck to all!

Cheers!

AKDiver

[akdiver 3]

I've covered it in a previous post, but I dunno if that thread is still around or not.

I guess it is. Here is the "one year report" I wrote up some time ago. It makes for a useful checklist of things to do, or things to plan on doing when your sweetie arrives. There is some discussion on credential evaluation later on in the thread and some other useful stuff for you guys. Also useful, a thread with some info about changing name on Russian passport, for those who may be interested.

• http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=30844&st=0
  
• http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=33463
  

Cheers!

AKDiver

[timelena 0]

2. Driving...if your future spouse does not drive then have them take local driving lessons before they arrive. If you think teaching a 15 year old is difficult try teaching someone who does not speak perfect English and most likely did not grow up as a passenger as you did. My wife took driving lessons before she arrived and I know it has saved our marriage and possibly our and other lives. I cannot imagine how this would have been had she never been behind the wheel. Another great reason to learn perfect English as well, the driving test is in English, the driving evaluator expects her to speak and understand English.

At local driving lessons they will teach her how to drive with a stick shift, and she will have to drive a car that most probably has no airbags. This does not help saving lives!

[russ 1]

At local driving lessons they will teach her how to drive with a stick shift, and she will have to drive a car that most probably has no airbags. This does not help saving lives!

My car is a stick shift, so this isn't necessarily a bad skill to learn. Not too hard to drive an automatic once you can drive manual.

My first 2 cars didn't have airbags, and I'm still alive.

[timelena 0]

My car is a stick shift, so this isn't necessarily a bad skill to learn. Not too hard to drive an automatic once you can drive manual.

My first 2 cars didn't have airbags, and I'm still alive.

I don't mean it's a bad skill to learn, but for those of us who are not "natural" drivers, manual is worse than automatic.

I need to hold the steering wheel with both hands all the time. It is safer this way... And I am happy that my first and only car is automatic and has airbags. I am not sure I would be able to drive a manual, and I am not sure it would be wise if my husband allowed me to drive a car like that. After all, he wants me to be safe a healthy, and does not want our insurance to go up!

[Neonred 3,454]

Last year my wife's 18 year old daughter came from Russia to visit us for the summer. She had been learning how to drive over there and I thought I would give her a chance to try my car. I took her to a quiet part of town and pulled over and asked her if she wanted to try driving. She was excited about the chance and took me up on the offer. She jumped into the driver's seat and prepared to start, looked over all the controls and paused for a moment, and then gave me the sad news that she didn't know how to drive an automatic.

[slim 1,514]

That is too funny!

Elena learned to drive in a Japanese car... a REAL Japanese car, like one with the steering wheel on the right. The shift pattern was also reversed, so coming here, she had to "relearn" how to operate a vehicle.

The whole "defensive driving" thing is a new concept entirely, as is the speed limit and yellow lines, medians, etc.

[russ 1]

My car is a stick shift, so this isn't necessarily a bad skill to learn. Not too hard to drive an automatic once you can drive manual.

My first 2 cars didn't have airbags, and I'm still alive.

I don't mean it's a bad skill to learn, but for those of us who are not "natural" drivers, manual is worse than automatic.

I need to hold the steering wheel with both hands all the time. It is safer this way... And I am happy that my first and only car is automatic and has airbags. I am not sure I would be able to drive a manual, and I am not sure it would be wise if my husband allowed me to drive a car like that. After all, he wants me to be safe a healthy, and does not want our insurance to go up!

My parents learned to drive with a stick shift (that's all there was). My car is a stick, and has 8 airbags. Most cars made in the last 15 years should have airbags as well (even in Russia, all imports from the west should). This is now a large percentage of the cars in Russia. My wife's car is 16 years old and has airbags. It is an automatic (which she does appreciate).

If learning to drive in Russia isn't feasible, at least being prepared is. Most states have driver handbooks available in PDF now. Try to study it carefully. Memorizing it will making getting a learners permit trivial. (It is best to do this within 30 days of arriving). All you need is the arrival/departure record with at least 60 days remaining on your authorized stay. I would try to do it the day after arriving here. Otherwise, you will be waiting AT LEAST until getting the NOA from AOS.

Here in Florida, if you can get a learner's permit within 30 days, it will be good for 2 years. If you can get a license within those 30 days too, it will also be good for 2 years. This is ambitious, but also very possible. My wife wishes she had tried harder then. (She just passed her driving test on Friday.)

[Chuckles 0]

Interesting... Anyway... Some helpful links for those Russians learning to drive in the USA. These manuals may not be from your state, but can really help basic understanding anyway. Even if your wife is a "perfect English reader", seeing it in their native language helps.

http://www.dmv.ca.gov/pubs/foreign_hdbk/dl600R.pdf

http://www.dot.state.ia.us/mvd/ods/studyguides/russian.pdf

http://www.oregon.gov/ODOT/DMV/driverid/testknow.shtml

[akdiver 3]

I dunno why the focus in this thread is on driving. It's not that hard. Hell, my sweetie got her car driver's license in all of maybe six weeks after arrival, and got a MOTORCYCLE license within a year of her arrival. Passed the knowledge and driving tests on the first try (for each of them). She had driven a car only very, very rarely in Kazan. You just need to spend a little time with your sweetie, exercise some patience, and gentle teaching techniques.

I'd be more concerned with the boredom/culture/language/work/friends and logistics (marriage, SSN, EAD, name change, opening accounts, etc.) aspects of things if I were the "the new guys" - the driving part is a piece of cake.

Cheers!

AKDiver

Edited April 10, 2007 by akdiver

[Chuckles 0]

My wife is not bored and has lots of friends, so right now alot of my focus is on driving. I'm tired of being the chauffer!!

[Turboguy 6]

The first time I visited my fiancee we went riding go carts. She had never driven anything before. She was unable to go 40 feet without needing to have a crew pull her out of the stacks of tires that defined the course for the first 10 minutes. Finally after that she was able to get around the track going about 3 miles an hour while I and everyone else was flying past her.

One of my first projects will be teaching her to drive but I have to say I am scared to death about the prospect of it.

[Satellite 1]

the driving part is a piece of cake.

Perhaps if you live in some rural part of the country. Try driving in San Francisco with little or no experience. I have 10 years of experience and it still scares me when I encounter some situations in the city.

I'm tired of being the chauffeur!!

I agree and my wife also got her license very quickly when we lived out in a rural part of California with my parents in the first 90 days of her arrival. She hardly drives once we got to San Francisco. I have stick shift car which is no problem when on flat land, small city, and wide streets (central valley), but try parallel parking on a steep slope with streets wide enough for a horse to pass by!

[akdiver 3]

Perhaps if you live in some rural part of the country. Try driving in San Francisco with little or no experience. I have 10 years of experience and it still scares me when I encounter some situations in the city.

Oh, I have a question - is firearms training part of the standard driver's education courses down there?

but try parallel parking on a steep slope with streets wide enough for a horse to pass by!

Get a motorcycle. I drove mine around SF, it's a lot easier than driving a cage around (: