Happy new punch in the stomach Year

[John J 10]

That's it the final blow (another punch in the stomach), after six years of psychological and physical abuse from my USC wife I'm packing my bags to go home, I'm not prepared to spend another year with her. I have no money to get home and no where to go when I do get home. I thinking of bumming down in a homeless shelter until I beg/work enough money (sell my camera) to get the mega bus to New York City and do the same until I get a flight home and then do the same until I get back on my feet. Before I came to the states I was already to buy a house, had 2 credit cards and store cards with $10,000 in the bank, financially and emotionally ready to fall in love and marry.

I have 2 small children I would love to take with me and although I have been Mom to them for the past 4 years I don't see that happening, even if I stayed and did a VAWA. I don't trust my wife caring for them her two sons left to live with her parents when they were 10 and 12.

I do not have a green card and have not done AOS.

I'm seeking positive advice of other options I may have or what I could do in the future when I get home.

[JohnR! 5,495]

John, if you are set on going home, file and get a divorce before doing so, just to make sure you can keep visitation rights and continue to be a part in your kids' lives.

Consider contacting your consulate in the US and asking for repatriation assistance. Many countries do so and it might be a better alternative than to roughing it up in NYC.

If you have considered staying in the US and pursuing residence, consider speaking to an immigration lawyer, who can give you advice as to whether you qualify to apply under VAWA.

On a positive note, that you have decided to to something to stop the abuse is already an indicative that this year promises to be somewhat better than last.

Good luck whatever your decision.

[Sandra G. 5,016]

if you don't trust your wife caring for your children, how do you plan to go back home and leave them behind?.

I can understand your ordeal, but I can't accept you are thinking about you and not in your children, leave her , go to a shelter for victims of domestic violence, file Vawa and fight for your children. We have here in visa journey many examples, look Panama Guy member of the thread Vawa part 4, he posted his story several times, just a few months ago after having his Vawa approved, the Judge granted him custody of his daughter(2 years old). We are our choices, take some time to think with clarity. If you decide to leave now the chance for you to see your children again probably is small or even nonexistent, can you live with this choice?.

You don't have to endure abuse, and you don't have to go home either .You have a good chance to stay legally in this Country, and be able to see your children growing up.Join the thread vawa part 4.

[John J 10]

if you don't trust your wife caring for your children, how do you plan to go back home and leave them behind?.

I can understand your ordeal, but I can't accept you are thinking about you and not in your children, leave her , go to a shelter for victims of domestic violence, file Vawa and fight for your children. We have here in visa journey many examples, look Panama Guy member of the thread Vawa part 4, he posted his story several times, just a few months ago after having his Vawa approved, the Judge granted him custody of his daughter(2 years old). We are our choices, take some time to think with clarity. If you decide to leave now the chance for you to see your children again probably is small or even nonexistent, can you live with this choice?.

You don't have to endure abuse, and you don't have to go home either .You have a good chance to stay legally in this Country, and be able to see your children growing up.Join the thread vawa part 4.

Its hard to think clearly when I have a brain fog due to the stress. The last time I tried to get in a shelter they said they had no room, the police took me to an homeless center which was basically full of crack heads etc and I had to sleep on the floor, there's no way I'd take children in there.

What goes through my mind is if I rock the boat too much my kids maybe taken into care and fostered off and I'll never see them again. When I have talked to domestic violence phone councilors line in the past one of the first things they ask is "do you think your children will be safe if you leave".

Its hard to predict what will happen when I leave. My wife has bad problems with money she has an addiction to food and likes to spend a lot on fast foods. We are 2 months behind on rent the landlord has threatened to evict us. If I ask my wife why she hasn't paid the rent she gets irate and says she has too many bills to pay and I should get a job to help. Basically she has the money to pay but she spends it on her not so secret fast food addiction.

The electricity is in my name and that is in debt too. I have tried to reason with her that if the rent and electricity is not up to date where is the money going. She refuses to tell me how the money is being spent. She earns more than enough to pay the bills earning $500 week.

I think when I leave she will call her ex and he will move in with her and pay the bills with his paycheck he gets over a $1,000 a week. I don't know what else she would do. The problem with that is she once knocked his tooth out and he slapped her in the face, the police came and put him in jail for 2 weeks, so he may not move in with her, if he does it wouldn't last long before the police were called and when she was living with him in the past she finished in hospital after trying to commit suicide. When his sister moved in with him she hung herself in the bathroom.

Honestly its like an American Horror Story. My worst fears are that I leave and she kills herself or even takes the kids with her

[Darnell 8,478]

Before you jump on the bus, I suggest you file a police report and file a divorce petition.

Keep in mind, there's another path, with VAWA, that can keep you in the USA, give you some status and a work permit.

I can't possibly imagine living in the USA without a greencard, it's been mondo rough for you.

Still, if walking away is the thing to do, you have choices on how you walk, keep that in mind since you have children.

---

If I were in your shoes, I'd be talking with the psychiatric sherrif's office immediately, asking for an onsite evaluation. If they find things off with her, she'll be taken away for a longer evaluation. Once she's out of the house, I'd be cleaning it from top to bottom, then filing VAWA and divorce paperwork, with a restraining order on her. That'd keep me in the house, and the kids with me.

Good Luck, which ever path you choose.

[SingleDad2usc 71]

John F: yours are life and death issues. A current glance at topics on this "Effects" forum of VJ's: boy, are these people twisted, or what are these people as human beings...USC/LPR or spouses, they seem to live for endless dealings with Federal Authorities just to hurt human lives. I, like sandranj, can't stress enough that family's well-being, on US soil, is not federal issue. There is local/state bureaucracy, with its budget. There are local judges and support groups who help. Yes, you have an immigration pickle to solve - and you need an immigration attorney for that. To get pro-bono attorney, you have to go via local system. You have to prove everyone you come in contact with that you are:

1. Psychologically and medically capable and stable

2. Humanistic

3. Organized

You have miraculous advantage over most immigrants: your English is fluent. You can't suffer from miscommunication, misunderstanding, and your intentions will not be mis-construed. Run with it, not from it

If you ever need help dealing with services, just PM me. Temporary removal of children into state care doesn't need to be a negative event. It can be a life-saver. For best results: you need to be pro-active, you need to fully co-operate, you need to be a forth-right advocate for your children and yourself - if you truly are the only capable parent of the two. Anything less is murderous, as your own story above tells this forum. So why don't you tell that to authorities who have budget to insure children's well-being; and if they fail to act to your satisfaction, then a state Judge in family court will order them to do so. You are an adult, so act like one - unless you think you'd inevitably fail...In that case, see about who WOULD take care of these children. But believe me: as a man, you can do it. Tough issues are made for a man, and a man is made to handle tough issues with open heart, broad smile and (Aristotle Onnassis would add) NEVER LOSE YOUR SUNTAN! Piece

[SingleDad2usc 71]

JohnF, you won't succeed with concurrent I-360 and I-485 to get the EAD (after 30-90 days) without attorney's help. Male VAWA with no proof of physical abuse is not a do-it-yourself job.

To get a pro-bono attorney in NYC, you have to go to Family Justice Center (350 Jay St). It will take you a month to get the first appointment. You must do it; but in the meantime, you must take care of your children's safety. Again, if you truly believe in yourself as a parent (and as a single parent), then you should ask for ACS help. They'll arrange temporary care, while you're working out your immigration/job issues. You will not lose touch: if you fully co-operate, you'll have unlimited un-supervised visits. Your children will love you even more if you get everything done for them. You can't handle successful VAWA petition and continue relationship with your wife, and let her be responsible for your children