I could be freaking myself out...

[DreamNHope 9]

You're comparing the worse case scenario. You have the mentality of an ignorant vietnamese OG. If you're marrying someone that had 10 family members who has nothing then yeah, they will be more likely to use you. But who does that? Why would you marry someone that has no job, no education? This isn't the 90s. Family first, if you are educated you would know and she would know this. You're not marrying the whole family. Plus it's not bad to send a couple bucks here and there to her family, after all you did marry someone's daughter. But if you're poor and can't afford it, then you just can't. You act like if she's a USC she's going back to live in VN. You kidding me? Grow up.

Good luck with your paperwork (that new Single Status Requirement Document that you've been asking in this VN forum lately). That's just a "small" and easy obstacle at the beginning of your VN journey.

I know you would never believe any of my advice here. So jump in the pool and test out the sharks. There's nothing better than a personal life experience!

Do wish you get out in the end unhurt and still have a dime or two in your pocket.

[aaron2020 11,651]

You are in the best position to protect yourself.

I would worry less about this being a "mafia girl" and more about whether she is scamming for a green card. You are more likely to get scammed for a green card than meeting a mafia girl.

Your girlfriend may be on the up and up. She will want to know when her family can immigrate if she marries you. Eventually, she will want to send money to her family. This is all perfectly normal. My brother's wife from Vietnam behaved this way.

If there is a guy who hangs around, then you may want to question to see if he is her boyfriend who is looking to get to the US after she gets her green card and divorces you.

Be aware of your surroundings and the people she introduces you to. They could all be honest, but have peculiar Vietnamese traits like asking you about your income (totally normal for Vietnamese to ask strangers about their income). If there are things that make you want to run, then follow your instincts.

I have known lots of Vietnamese who truly love their US spouses. I also have known a handful who married just for the green card.

P.S. I have a Vietnamese relative who married a US citizen for a green card. Their courtship was the first 3 years of their marriage. He cheated while waiting for the K-1. She stuck it out in the marriage for the green card. Somehow they worked it out and have been married for 7 years. They even have a kid. She has her US citizenship now and they are still together.

[sparth 1]

You act like after divorce in the states you don't pay child support if you have kids or the mom trying to squeeze money out of you. And by marrying someone in Vietnam, even after divorce you are still entitled to support her family. Seriously? People marry aboard hundred of thousands every year. Of course not all marriage go through but the number is far less than the divorce rate in the states. If you marry a nice educated girl or guy then you have a better chance of having a family. If you can find someone better than do it. You can't find love, they come to you. Keep it or leave it is your responsibility. You have to straighten it out to her and let her know. You're not putting her family above yours. So get that OG mentality out if your head and stop with the vietnamese bad rep.

[sparth 1]

I agreed. He must have a terrible relationship and was naive and now someone cleaned out his pocket. You don't need to marry abroad to do that. Bad stories happens but give the kid hope and maybe one day someone will actually marry you for who you are. Don't be so bitter about it and drag everyone down with you. They deserve better

[sparth 1]

Also all I did was emailed the us embassy in Saigon and request the pdf and they sent it to me. So if anyone needs it let me know and I'll forward it to you. But if you're getting married there, just pay someone, about $500 which is less than you pay over in the states and you get your interview the same day without having to wait 10 days and then another 33 days for the result. I had to pay 600 over here and now I have to pay extra to get it ASAP. That's not including fedex shipping. Lucky enough, my smart fiancé met people during her trip to Saigon to get the paperwork and the couple ahead of her has family that does it so he's helping her out. This is another example why you always help out others and you get yours in time of needs. Unlike someone always and moan and bring people down with them

[aaron2020 11,651]

Incomplete statement. When marrying someone in the US, after the marriage, you two just live your lives happily forever (hopefully). And then after the divorce, if any, just pay up the associated cost of the procedure, then move on.

But if you're married to a Vnese, one of the following (possible more or all of the above for some people) things will HAPPEN:

1) You'll be married to her ENTIRE family, meaning once she gets here, expect to continue supporting her family (sending money to support them indefinitely). She will come back to VN more often than your bank account would like to (and you don't have a saying in that either. Either go along with her plan to keep her happy or else (see the second sentence of this reply)

2) After she's become a USC, expect to continue to deal with the USCIS because she will start to file petition to sponsor her family to come here (don't forget if she can't come back to see them, some of them will come over here to see her. Expect room and boarding and short term health insurance for those relatives)

3) In the unfortunate event you get divorced, expect to travel to VN to see your children (if you two have any together). She will bring them back to VN and use them as leverage to squeeze money outta you!

So it's NOT as cut and dry as you think!

Welcome to the game. BE PREPARED TO PAY dearly!

Agree with 1 & 2 somewhat. Disagree with 3 completely.

1) Many immigrants send money to their home countries for their poor relatives. This is not news. Of course, she wants to visit her family. She will be homesick. This will create conflict. I disagree about "going along with her plan to keep her happy or else." Many of my Vietnamese relatives in the US realize that it is a huge economic burden on the family to make frequent trips. There is a reasonable amount of financial help for her family and funds for her to visit every few years.

2) How many immigrants here do you think is not applying or wanting to apply for more relatives? This is not news either.

It's perfectly normal for immigrants to send money home, to want to visit as often as they can to see family, and to plan to petition for more relatives. NONE OF THIS IS A RED FLAG FOR THE RELATIONSHIP.

3) Why would he have to travel to Vietnam to see his children? You do understand that it's international parental kidnapping if she takes the children out of the country without his permission right? Vietnam will send the children back and her in handcuffs. THERE IS NO WAY SHE CAN TAKE HIS CHILDREN TO VIETNAM WITHOUT HIS PERMISSION.

[sparth 1]

Anyways back to the OP. Why did you plan on staying only for a week? It's a waste of time and money fir only a week. I'd rebook the ticket and pay the fees and stay as long as you can. One week is not enough if you ask me. Think of it as a long vacation. Don't worry about too much. You will start to share and be comfortable after the first maybe 2 weeks.

[aaron2020 11,651]

Anyways back to the OP. Why did you plan on staying only for a week? It's a waste of time and money fir only a week. I'd rebook the ticket and pay the fees and stay as long as you can. One week is not enough if you ask me. Think of it as a long vacation. Don't worry about too much. You will start to share and be comfortable after the first maybe 2 weeks.

For you, a week may not be enough, but that is not true for everyone.

Maybe, all he can afford is a week due to work commitment, family commitment, etc.

Wouldn't it be better to go over there to meet face-to-face so he can file for the K-1 visa now versus rebooking the ticket for a much later time? Which is quicker for her to get here - go meet to file the K-1 now or just wait?

You don't know the OP's personal situation well enough to tell him that it's a waste of his time and his money. He doesn't seem to think it's a waste of his time and money to go for a week.

Edited December 13, 2013 by aaron2020

[sparth 1]

I know filling the K1 visa is faster than the CR1 but is it worth it to meet someone and then 6 months later she comes here and then have 3 months to marry? That's about 9 months total to know someone, isnt' that jumping the gun? If you spend 1500-1800 on a ticket itself to go for one week, i don't think it's worth it for various reasons.

[aaron2020 11,651]

I know filling the K1 visa is faster than the CR1 but is it worth it to meet someone and then 6 months later she comes here and then have 3 months to marry? That's about 9 months total to know someone, isnt' that jumping the gun? If you spend 1500-1800 on a ticket itself to go for one week, i don't think it's worth it for various reasons.

He cannot file for anything until he at least see her face-to-face.

You do realize that many people only meet once, then file successfully for the K-1, right?

Furthermore, he is not asking about a CR1. How is he going to marry her without meeting face-to-face???????

I don't think 9 months is jumping the gun. Time moves regardless of when they meet and the time frame does not change for the K-1 process. Also, the OP did not ask if his plan is "jumping the gun." He hasn't even file anything. All he wants to do is meet her face-to-face. You pointing out the K-1 is faster than the CR-1 is jumping the gun. For heaven sake, they haven't even met.

For you it's not worth it. You are not the rest of the world. A week may be enough for many people.

All he wants to do is go meet her. Do you think he should continue the relationship on line for 6 months before he goes? What's the difference?

For the OP, maybe a week now is better than 2 weeks a year from now. You don't know and neither do I.

Edited December 13, 2013 by aaron2020

[sparth 1]

I was only asking him why he's going for only 1 week and I, in my opinion said it's not worth it. I didn't ask YOU to respond for him. He didn't say anything about the K1 Visa, not sure why you brought it up. If you think he's planning for a K1 visa and that's the reason he's meeting her for only 1 week then it is jumping the gun in to marriage.

[Tighfield 3]

He cannot file for anything until he at least see her face-to-face.

You do realize that many people only meet once, then file successfully for the K-1, right?

Furthermore, he is not asking about a CR1. How is he going to marry her without meeting face-to-face???????

I don't think 9 months is jumping the gun. Time moves regardless of when they meet and the time frame does not change for the K-1 process. Also, the OP did not ask if his plan is "jumping the gun." He hasn't even file anything. All he wants to do is meet her face-to-face. You pointing out the K-1 is faster than the CR-1 is jumping the gun. For heaven sake, they haven't even met.

For you it's not worth it. You are not the rest of the world. A week may be enough for many people.

All he wants to do is go meet her. Do you think he should continue the relationship on line for 6 months before he goes? What's the difference?

For the OP, maybe a week now is better than 2 weeks a year from now. You don't know and neither do I.

Thanks, Aaron. This thread was really only about meeting face to face. Thank you for understanding that. When I first made this post, I had concerns. I had read an article about a backpacker who traveled to Vietnam and was treated poorly because he would not spend a lot of money. Bar girls would try to overcharge him and many people who work street carts would turn him away. Another article came from stickmanweekly.com. Most of those are stories from Thailand, but there are a few stories from Vietnam. An Aussie man gets involved with a Vietnamese girl and she turns out to be a mafia girl. Very crazy story. But after the positive feedback I have gotten and communicating with some trusted friends, I took a step back and realized that I was indeed freaking myself out. This is my first time flying and first time overseas. A lot of new experiences are going to happen. So instead of focusing on the bad, I am going to enjoy myself and my time with my girlfriend.

I was only asking him why he's going for only 1 week and I, in my opinion said it's not worth it. I didn't ask YOU to respond for him. He didn't say anything about the K1 Visa, not sure why you brought it up. If you think he's planning for a K1 visa and that's the reason he's meeting her for only 1 week then it is jumping the gun in to marriage.

My buddy is going with me and he only wishes to stay a week. My original plan was to stay 2 1/2 to 3 weeks. One week is just fine because then I can go again later in the year. I do not have the luxury to go for as long as I want. At the moment, I only get 2 weeks paid vacation at work. I cannot afford to take an unpaid vacation. I have a daughter to take of. But thanks Sparth for warding off DreamNHope. Kudos.

As far as what I am doing and why, I don't wish to share it. There is either someone who belongs to this site that has revealed information to people who do not need to know or something else. I will only provide information as it happens and of course, share my trips to Vietnam. But that's it. Sorry guys.

[sparth 1]

I hope your friend doesn't ####### block you . Gl and have fun.

[clairegie 265]

Dont freak your freak. Have a safe trip!

[Tighfield 3]

I hope your friend doesn't ####### block you . Gl and have fun.

He has no interest in Asian girls. He only is going for the experience and support.

Dont freak your freak. Have a safe trip!

Thanks! ^^